They say the rooms in a hotel has seen many faces, heard many silent tears, vibrated with laughter and held many secrets. Some of them are mine.

I walked into Room 504 [url]https://hotels.ng/hotel/47981-universal-hotel-enugu-enugu [/url] Universal Hotel on the 7th of May 2019 ready to take my life. I had it all planned out. I was tired and unworthy but that room had magic and I know this!

I held the pillow to my chest, willing myself to cry but the bed was soft and silky and the pillow smelled so clean it was distracting. I took one giant sniff and then another and soon, I was sniffing the bedsheet. it was intoxicating. I could not stop. Have you ever thought about a smell as more than just that? Have you ever thought about the smell of something just when you are on the brink of giving up?

I walked into the bathroom thinking to myself,
'Of what use is grooming to the dead?'
'Do I have to show up on the other side looking clean?'
Would it automatically bump me up a rung on the ladder leading to heaven's gate seeing as I would wind up at the bottom for taking my own life?

I ran my hands through the bath water. It was perfect. Gently, I slipped into the tub thinking about how easy it would be to just go under. To drown! but the water was soothing. It felt like it had seeped into all the parts that hurt. I felt like my pain was something solid that had somehow stuck to my body like a second skin and the water was taking it all away until it was done and like a parasite rejecting its host, I knew it was time to leave the tub. Who wants to die naked? Even in death, one should at least have some dignity.

There was complimentary wine sitting on the table. Who drinks wine before they die? I tried to guess the age of the wine as I was halfway through my third glass and then I tried to guess my age. I tried to remember why I was there. Why I was still alive. Just then, my phone rang. it was not supposed to ring. 'Where are you?' the voice on the other end asked. 'We need you!' it continued. then the line went dead. Low battery. The tears came then.

I think we underestimate the importance of crying. The need to purge. we all want to act strong and pretend. Suddenly, I had all the answers to all the questions I had been asking myself. I was 20 years old. I was there because everyone in my family just died in a car crash. I was there because I felt unworthy to have survived. I was there because I didn't know what to do next. I was there because I was tired and even breathing had felt so difficult. I was alive because something about that room just would not let me give up.

At some point, I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to housekeeping on the 8th. I met the guy that was supposed to find me dead and he smiled so beautifully while saying 'Hello'. like he knew. like the happiest thing that had ever happened to him was seeing me alive.

I walked out of that room a little later with fire in my soul. Ready to give life another chance.

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