I have been observing comments on Nairaland males and females for sometime. The women are either broke shaming the men or the men are slut shaming the women and always complaining about Nigerian women being parasites. If it's not that, they keep insisting that the women should submit to their authority. I have decided to add my two cents to the issue.

As the topic says: "marry within your class". It sounds shallow and elitist. I would not argue against that but one has to face the reality of Nigerian society. We live in a society where the income gap between the rich and poor is at astronomical levels. The middle class, which used to account for a significant percentage of the Nigerian population from the 60s to the late 80s, has been in significant decline no thanks to the likes of IBB. Right up to the 90s, it was very common to find kids of all classes attending Government schools such as King's College, Queens' College, Vivian Fowler and the likes. The same thing with primary schools. Kids from various backgrounds interacted, formed bonds and in many cases, married each other forming the upper middle class. Rich kids and poor kids formed the upper middle class. All was good.

Then came the 90s and 00s. The economy crashed, the Naira lost it's value and the cost of living quadrupled resulting to economic hardship for a lot of people. The rich retreated to their estates and sent their kids to private schools while the middle class and poor couldn't keep up thereby resulting to a huge gulf in class.

How does this relate to the topic? Well, due to the gulf in class, a lot of people (especially women) see marriage as a poverty alleviation scheme. The rich do not want their kids to bring "liabilities" to their lives. When you are considering marriage in this part of the world, one has to factor the fact that when you marry someone you marry their family. If the family is dirt poor, they will see you as their source of livelihood. If they are rich, you could feel very intimidated with their lifestyle.

A lot of guys on this forum have this mindset that women, regardless of their wealth, should submit to them for cultural and religious reasons. I ask: do you expect a woman who grew up in Banana Island or VGC to leave with you in Mushin, Ipaja or Agege ? I ask: do you expect an ajebutter who grew up with nannies, washing machines and microwaves to physically wash your cloths and serve you food while kneeling down Even the women who are high earners/self-made, do you expect such women who go to exclusive events and hang out with big boys to call you "daddy", "my king"? This isn't about putting women in a pedestal but acknowledging the differences in lifestyle and mindset.

Same goes to women. Do you expect a guy who worked hard for his own money to marry you because you are pretty and can cook ? Or a guy from a privileged background like Paddy Adenuga or Yusuf Buhari to sweep you off your feet regardless of your background? You must be joking.

Abeg, Nigeria is a very stressful country. With the financial pressure that men face and the increasing level of domestic violence and misorgyny towards women, people need to be very careful about who they want to marry. Men that want total submission should go for women who will not pose a threat to their manhood and women should cut their cloth according to their size.

Have you ever seen a rich man and his wife quarrel?

Their quarrels are close to cheating, investment mistakes, choices for the kids, vacation or not.


Have you ever seen a middle-class family or poor family quarrel?

If not cheating, kneeling down to cook food or standing up, calling me daddy or mummy, finances, money for house rent, financial contribution, or wasting of food in the house, and others too numerous to mention.


Even if I want to quarrel with my wife, I want it to be at the back of a limousine. You won't have time to know if she greets you in the morning or not.

BiafranBushBoy:
Have you ever seen a rich man and his wife quarrel?

Their quarrels are close to cheating, investment mistakes, choices for the kids, vacation or not.


Have you ever seen a middle-class family or poor family quarrel?

If not cheating, kneeling down to cook food or standing up, calling me daddy or mummy, finances, money for house rent, financial contribution, or wasting of food in the house, and others too numerous to mention.

Even if I want to quarrel with my wife, I want it to be at the back of a limousine. You won't have time to know if she greets you in the morning or not.

What you said is 100% true.

There's this guy Cyriacus Izuekwe that covers funny crime stories for PM News. All his news come from the low-income areas of Lagos. You'll never find stupid stories like that in the rich areas.

Ikpeazukerosene:


What you said is 100% true.

There's this guy Cyriacus Izuekwe that covers funny crime stories for PM News. All his news come from the low-income areas of Lagos. You'll never find stupid stories like that in the rich areas.

.

BiafranBushBoy:
Have you ever seen a rich man and his wife quarrel?

Their quarrels are close to cheating, investment mistakes, choices for the kids, vacation or not.


Have you ever seen a middle-class family or poor family quarrel?

If not cheating, kneeling down to cook food or standing up, calling me daddy or mummy, finances, money for house rent, financial contribution, or wasting of food in the house, and others too numerous to mention.


Even if I want to quarrel with my wife, I want it to be at the back of a limousine. You won't have time to know if she greets you in the morning or not.

Kneeling down to cook food or standing up!

the most important part of this write up

women should cut their cloth according to their size.

A lot of guys on this forum have this mindset that women, regardless of their wealth, should submit to them for cultural and religious reasons.


you have to stay clear of culture and religion, so as not to feel stupid

I don't care if atheists refuse to submit


women in culture and religion should have no problem doing that, the best advice I can give you is denounce,so you won't be bound by any rules

gforce5:
I have been observing comments on Nairaland males and females for sometime. The women are either broke shaming the men or the men are slut shaming the women and always complaining about Nigerian women being parasites. If it's not that, they keep insisting that the women should submit to their authority. I have decided to add my two cents to the issue.

As the topic says: "marry within your class". It sounds shallow and elitist. I would not argue against that but one has to face the reality of Nigerian society. We live in a society where the income gap between the rich and poor is at astronomical levels. The middle class, which used to account for a significant percentage of the Nigerian population from the 60s to the late 80s, has been in significant decline no thanks to the likes of IBB. Right up to the 90s, it was very common to find kids of all classes attending Government schools such as King's College, Queens' College, Vivian Fowler and the likes. The same thing with primary schools. Kids from various backgrounds interacted, formed bonds and in many cases, married each other forming the upper middle class. Rich kids and poor kids formed the upper middle class. All was good.

Then came the 90s and 00s. The economy crashed, the Naira lost it's value and the cost of living quadrupled resulting to economic hardship for a lot of people. The rich retreated to their estates and sent their kids to private schools while the middle class and poor couldn't keep up thereby resulting to a huge gulf in class.

How does this relate to the topic? Well, due to the gulf in class, a lot of people (especially women) see marriage as a poverty alleviation scheme. The rich do not want their kids to bring "liabilities" to their lives. When you are considering marriage in this part of the world, one has to factor the fact that when you marry someone you marry their family. If the family is dirt poor, they will see you as their source of livelihood. If they are rich, you could feel very intimidated with their lifestyle.

A lot of guys on this forum have this mindset that women, regardless of their wealth, should submit to them for cultural and religious reasons. I ask: do you expect a woman who grew up in Banana Island or VGC to leave with you in Mushin, Ipaja or Agege ? I ask: do you expect an ajebutter who grew up with nannies, washing machines and microwaves to physically wash your cloths and serve you food while kneeling down Even the women who are high earners/self-made, do you expect such women who go to exclusive events and hang out with big boys to call you "daddy", "my king"? This isn't about putting women in a pedestal but acknowledging the differences in lifestyle and mindset.

Same goes to women. Do you expect a guy who worked hard for his own money to marry you because you are pretty and can cook ? Or a guy from a privileged background like Paddy Adenuga or Yusuf Buhari to sweep you off your feet regardless of your background? You must be joking.

Abeg, Nigeria is a very stressful country. With the financial pressure that men face and the increasing level of domestic violence and misorgyny towards women, people need to be very careful about who they want to marry. Men that want total submission should go for women who will not pose a threat to their manhood and women should cut their cloth according to their size.

You were making sense until you said women should cut their cloth according to their size, forgetting that women are hypergamous in nature and will always want to marry men that are better than their fathers. please ladies,go for men above your class.

funmisticqueen:
You were making sense until you said women should cut their cloth according to their size, forgetting that women are hypergamous in nature and will always want to marry men that are better than their fathers. please ladies,go for men above your class.

Don't mind that one.

funmisticqueen:
You were making sense until you said women should cut their cloth according to their size, forgetting that women are hypergamous in nature and will always want to marry men that are better than their fathers. please ladies,go for men above your class.

and what if a woman belongs to the upper class?
who will she marry?

the social class is closely linked to aspects such as language, manners, lifestyle and values
it's not only about money
so yes, marrying someone with a similar background may have many advantages and enhance compatibility
who wants to teach their significant other how to behave and how to talk?
on the other hand, some people's posh behavior may come off as awkward or even arrogant in some circles

BiafranBushBoy:
Have you ever seen a rich man and his wife quarrel?

Their quarrels are close to cheating, investment mistakes, choices for the kids, vacation or not.


Have you ever seen a middle-class family or poor family quarrel?

If not cheating, kneeling down to cook food or standing up, calling me daddy or mummy, finances, money for house rent, financial contribution, or wasting of food in the house, and others too numerous to mention.


Even if I want to quarrel with my wife, I want it to be at the back of a limousine. You won't have time to know if she greets you in the morning or not.

desvi:


and what if a woman belongs to the upper class?
who will she marry?

She is more likely to marry within the upper class. Women marry up, marrying down tend to bring its issues as the husband tend to feel uneasy.

BiafranBushBoy:
Have you ever seen a rich man and his wife quarrel?

Their quarrels are close to cheating, investment mistakes, choices for the kids, vacation or not.


Have you ever seen a middle-class family or poor family quarrel?

If not cheating, kneeling down to cook food or standing up, calling me daddy or mummy, finances, money for house rent, financial contribution, or wasting of food in the house, and others too numerous to mention.


Even if I want to quarrel with my wife, I want it to be at the back of a limousine. You won't have time to know if she greets you in the morning or not.

I think you have a point

Pettiness tends to thrive among idle minds...

You have a point, but class as you have defined it is not limited to finance. Class could also mean culture, religion, moral beliefs, family values, and education.

A feminist should not marry a cultural or traditional partner.
An atheist should not marry a religious person.
A polygamous person should not marry a monogamous partner.


The above is what it means to marry within your class. Wealth may not change a person's religious or cultural beliefs. We have seen wives of Governors, Presidents, Vice Presidents, MOGs, Prime Ministers, Lawmakers, go on their knees to greet their partners/elders. Yet, a broke and frustrated nonentity who is grossly misinformed about feminism will find that gesture offensive.

Not everyone losses their senses, religion or culture for a few millions.

Pavore9:


She is more likely to marry within the upper class. Women marry up, marrying down tend to bring its issues as the husband tend to feel uneasy.

she can hardly marry up
that's the point

desvi:


she can hardly marry up
that's the point

Because she is already at the top.

Pavore9:


Because she is already at the top.

exactly

Acidosis:
You have a point, but class as you have defined it is not limited to finance. Class could also mean culture, religion, moral beliefs, family values, and education.

A feminist should not marry a cultural or traditional partner.
An atheist should not marry a religious person.
A polygamous person should not marry a monogamous partner.


The above is what it means to marry within your class. Wealth may not change a person's religious or cultural beliefs. We have seen wives of Governors, Presidents, Vice Presidents, MOGs, Prime Ministers, Lawmakers, go on their knees to greet their partners/elders. Yet, a broke and frustrated nonentity who is grossly misinformed about feminism will find that gesture offensive.

Not everyone losses their senses, religion or culture for a few millions.

Women are always encouraged to marry above their class while men should marry below or their class, it always works out well at the end.

funmisticqueen:
You were making sense until you said women should cut their cloth according to their size, forgetting that women are hypergamous in nature and will always want to marry men that are better than their fathers. please ladies,go for men above your class.

women should marry men better than their fathers?
Leeches don already show face
Before a woman can even think of marrying a well to do man,she has to be in that circle as well.i am glad guys are smart enough these days not to go into one destitute home in the name of picking a wife
I will never allow a brother or a friend to make that sort of mistake,never!!!

Acidosis:
You have a point, but class as you have defined it is not limited to finance. Class could also mean culture, religion, moral beliefs, family values, and education.

A feminist should not marry a cultural or traditional partner.
An atheist should not marry a religious person.
A polygamous person should not marry a monogamous partner.


The above is what it means to marry within your class. Wealth may not change a person's religious or cultural beliefs. We have seen wives of Governors, Presidents, Vice Presidents, MOGs, Prime Ministers, Lawmakers, go on their knees to greet their partners/elders. Yet, a broke and frustrated nonentity who is grossly misinformed about feminism will find that gesture offensive.

Not everyone losses their senses, religion or culture for a few millions.

Was going to type till I saw this.

People should marry within their class.

I remember someone asking me if it was a sin to go to the cinema and internally, I was like don’t marry a woman from the city, just go to the village.

desvi:
the social class is closely linked to aspects such as language, manners, lifestyle and values
it's not only about money
so yes, marrying someone with a similar background may have many advantages and enhance compatibility
who wants to teach their significant other how to behave and how to talk?
on the other hand, some people's posh behavior may come off as awkward or even arrogant in some circles

This is so true. My best post on NL in the last 5 years.

kennygee:


This is so true. My best post on NL in the last 5 years.

one for each year
thank you

funmisticqueen:
You were making sense until you said women should cut their cloth according to their size, forgetting that women are hypergamous in nature and will always want to marry men that are better than their fathers. please ladies,go for men above your class.

There is nothing hypergamous about women abeg. Who know like better thing? It is a human factor irrespective of either male or female.
If you put down 2 plates of food with one having a bigger chicken than the other, most people will pick the one with the bigger chicken. It's natural.
If you have the option of choosing a car out of two with same model and brand, you will pick the cleaner one .
If you are to pick a job out of 2 with the same condition, you will pick the one with bigger salary. These are natural phenomenon, abeg leave this trash of females been hypergamous as an excuse of not living within your level.
You think if guys have the option of picking ladies, they will pick liabilities and unproductive ladies? Lai lai, you must be joking if you think they will do that.

Pavore9:


She is more likely to marry within the upper class. Women marry up, marrying down tend to bring its issues as the husband tend to feel uneasy.

Funny how people thinks a man marrying down is easy also. The only difference is that men are more reasonable than most women. The are better managers when it comes to spouse picking.
Every excuses a woman sees in picking a man down are still the same excuses men will see and overlook.
Like been insecure and regularly checking his phone, liability, bringing the woman up by tushing her up despite the fact that there is a 50% chance the woman will cheat or leave him if things go south.
But when it is a ladies turn, all she will see are the negative side of the man - how he will be cheating, insecured, blah blah blah blah
Tbh women don't know what is called love, what they called love is money first, then love will come

bukatyne:


Was going to type till I saw this.

People should marry within their class.

I remember someone asking me if it was a sin to go to the cinema and internally, I was like don’t marry a woman from the city, just go to the village.

Logobenz:
women should marry men better than their fathers?
Leeches don already show face
Before a woman can even think of marrying a well to do man,she has to be in that circle as well.i am glad guys are smart enough these days not to go into one destitute home in the name of picking a wife
I will never allow a brother or a friend to make that sort of mistake,never!!!

My brother, you sef see am. Na wa for this naija love ooooo.
This is what is called CAPITALIST LOVE.
The more your money, the more the love.
Me i dey tell them abeg keep your love, i no want am. Mak we just dey like dat, you will start seeing an insecured woman because she is bringing nothing to the table than to come and preach love to scam you into marriage. They are all looking for a meal ticket and a financial savior.
You are likely going to marry within your circle.
Your environment is most likely going to produce your partner.
If you attend private schools like convenant, that is were you are likely to get your girlfriend because those are the people you are meeting mostly.
Convenant, lekki, shoprite or silverbird galleria etc if this is mostly 70% of were you go, then there is 70% chance you will marry from that circle.
If it is ilaro poly, sagamu local market, mowe-ibafo is your residential area, church - redeem mowe-ibafo branch and not lekki or banana island branch. Then am sorry, you are likely to marry from your circle

[s]

funmisticqueen:
You were making sense until you said women should cut their cloth according to their size, forgetting that women are hypergamous in nature and will always want to marry men that are better than their fathers. please ladies,go for men above your class.

[/s]

emmaodet:


Funny how people thinks a man marrying down is easy also. The only difference is that men are more reasonable than most women. The are better managers when it comes to spouse picking.
Every excuses a woman sees in picking a man down are still the same excuses men will see and overlook.
Like been insecure and regularly checking his phone, liability, bringing the woman up by tushing her up despite the fact that there is a 50% chance the woman will cheat or leave him if things go south.
But when it is a ladies turn, all she will see are the negative side of the man - how he will be cheating, insecured, blah blah blah blah
Tbh women don't know what is called love, what they called love is money first, then love will come

Our socialization expects a man who is going into marriage to have a higher earning capacity than the woman, just as our socialization have made a woman feel more comfortable marrying a man older than her.

For me I keep on saying, a woman who can't pay her bills or financially take care of a child has no business getting married because it is the same educational institutions and economy both men and women are exposed to.

It starts from the family setups where some parents raise their daughters that getting married to a financially comfortable guy, should be the game plan while there is less emphasis on their daughters' personal development.

Pavore9:


Our socialization expects a man who is going into marriage to have a higher earning capacity than the woman, just as our socialization have made a woman feel more comfortable marrying a man older than her.

For me I keep on saying, a woman who can't pay her bills or financially take care of a child has no business getting married because it is the same educational institutions and economy both men and women are exposed to.

It starts from the family setups where some parents raise their daughters that getting married to a financially comfortable guy, should be the game plan while there is less emphasis on their daughters' personal development.

You are right sha but men are now asking more now than just sex.
The awareness is becoming higher and higher by the day to marry a productive lady