Stumbled on this while scrolling through my tumblr feed.

What do you guys think is going through the authors mind.



Intricately flawed, fractionally designed, my life till now has been a surprisingly ambivalent exhibition of the bad, the less bad and the ugly. I've scaled past them, and you'd think that now I'd be stronger, more resilient and purpose built to take on life as it is - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right - well, wrong.

While I do appear stronger, and even as I project an aura of dogedness, ambition and I dare say intelligence to my now many admirers, deep down within me I've never felt emptier.
Nestled within the soul of my being is a dark and twisted vacuum that's slowly but assuredly tearing through my sanity. It's like a contained inferno, too tame to light me up in ashes, yet raging well enough to weather down the foundations of my psyche. I'm left an empty carcass with all surface definitions of excellence but without the substance and mettle to validate that excellence.

The problem is quite simple - I'm not happy - but it's cause continues to wander off the limits of my current understanding. I would say I have a deep rooted psychological problem. It's the most reasonable guess, and every other day evidence arise to validate this hypothesis. But then again, why would I just have a psychological problem that muffles my thinking and sauners me towards suicide every other time I pause to assess my life.
It drains me mentally and recently I've found myself unable to cope with many of life's rather 'standard' emotional challenges.

I've lost the ability to react proportionally and most importantly, reasonably to emotional and mental stress. As a survival mechanism I'm drawn towards solitude and/or potentially unhealthy relationships in which I (not others) remain the grand purveyor of all things unhealthy.

For me life has lost its sauce (read; flavor). It's a bland tasting concoction of unpleasantries (masked as pleasantries) that pose the question "why bother." it's worse because I've been privileged to experience the avalanche of flavors that is life - when it's lived to the fullest. It's awesome and I miss that!

That said, I've always found a way to answer the 'why bother' question everytime it pops up. With every passing day, however, my answers have become unmistakably less convincing. I'm still convinced today, but there's no assurance I'd be convinced tomorrow and that by itself is sickening! I want to end this all.