Apologies for the typos and stuff, I've been dating this girl for a year and some months now and she is literally everything I want and need in a woman. she is a queen, she understands me, cares about me, and I love her so much that I can literally do anything for her, I'm typing this with a heavy heart. last Sunday she graduated from a catering school, her father died when she was little, her mom and two brothers and her have had rough years. She also have had it rough to with life but she is so kind, name any good quality in s woman she has it, she is perfect. I've dated some girls but this one is God sent, an angel.

The problem now is like three men are seriously coming for her hand in marriage. She's been crying and telling me about it and what am I saying? at the moment I dont have money to marry her but I know that this is the one for me, everything flows together with us. we understand each other perfectly, honestly tears keeps dropping from my eyes each time the thought of losing her comes to mind. Some say Nigerian girls are this and that and knows nothing about true love but brothers I swear with my life true love exists.
I'm a graduate, I also knows my way around techs, blogs, fixing computers, laptops, designing building plan and whatnot, I used to be a DJ and music producer while in school. I studied building technology and can design and build too but one has to get his stripes before anyone can give you millions to build for him/her, I haven't gotten a contract of mine but rather work with someone or under someone but the construction business is not a steady one, I'm also into stainless rails, wrought iron rails and gate procurement and installations. I saved up some money since I graduated and since we started dating I've been taking care if her in anyway I can, she doesn't ask me for stuff two times and same with her.
I was saving up to start up another business by the side, something that yields income everyday like transportation, maybe buy a Camry so that I can be rendering uber and taxify services to folks or the minibus but this 2019 lots of problems especially my father's health cost me so much money, I almost lost my father last month thanks to hospital tests, surgery and meds we were able to keep him alive and he's currently on STC30 (he also had partial stroke)which 15 satchets of it costs about 25k.

Honestly she's the best, she will look at me and know if in worried or anything is wrong with me even when i try to pretend by laughing or making jokes so she wouldnt be worried about me but she will look into my eyes and ask me what is wrong and( she just called me right now while I'm typing this) whenever shes feeling bad or facing any issues I can feel it and I'll call her or whenever I want to pick my phone and call her or missing her so much and about to call her as I'm reaching for my phone to call her my phone will start ringing and its her number calling and her character is the best any woman can posses. I'll do anything to make her happy and she does too, the say no one is perfect but honestly she is.

On her graduation day I didn't have much money on me and when they're show casing their works the students are being appreciated by spraying money on them. I'm broke after the father's surgery, hospital bills and medication. She will do anything to make me happy, that's a little tip of the iceberg and she gives me lots of respect and I reciprocate because she my everything. She's been there when I had some money and took care of her and showed her how much I love her, she's been there when I was broke AF and supported in her own ways until I recouped and she has only disrespected me once and apologized so much for it and I also played a part in the disrespect somehow. Yes we've had misunderstanding few times and least we could stay off and ignore each other was a day and few hours, its easy for us to forgive each other and forget everything and move on, learn from our mistake and it never repeats again.

Meeehn I know its messed up for a guy to cry, I'm not crying but I can't just stop these freaking tears from rolling down my eyes, honestly true love really exists, there are very good girls out there. Her people are on her case, pushing her to marry one of the men that are coming for her hand and the pressure is too much on her, when she visits me she cries while telling me everything and nothing hurts me more than anything like to see her sad let alone crying. Brothers make una try your best and pray your plans work out so you won't have to be in situations like this or have family problems and dont have money to take care of it. Sometimes we make plans but unforseen circumstances can mess things up like crazy. She told me she doesn't want none of the suitors and only wants me and I want her too.

she's hard working, down to earth and everything and right now I know it sounds stupidd that I'm thinking of promising her marriage but its not about the fear of losing her or something but deep down inside me I've always known that she's the one and I want to marry her. Making babies can be done later when I must setup financial security and stuff, I'm also thinking of both of us travelling in the future because honestly I dont want to raise my kids in naija. I know it seems like a lot but I'm committed and focused to working towards this by utilization of time, opportunity and every skills I have. I'm trying to reach out to anyone for jobs and stuff because finance plays a major role.

NB: I know some guys must have been in my situation I want to know how they handled it, what they think and which way is best to handle the situation. please you can drop your advice and insight on this. Those whose been there and done that, what did they wish they would have done better? what will they do if the have the power to turn the hands of time?

I hate to see men saying all these thrash cos of women. The time spent in writing this epistles would have been used to watch YouTube videos on how to be a freelancer and free yourself from poverty.

3 guys are coming for her hand in marriage, and you believe she’s not dating any of them
I pray God should give you sense before this year runs out.

How old is she? That might give us an idea of how much time before the pressure starts to get to her

your story is long and some details are unnecessary.. the only advice i would give you
1. Only GOD can help you..give the kind of overwhelming favor that wld answer ur prayers. Living faith church is starting in January 2020, i advise u join them and pray ur heart out. God will hear u and u will come to share ur good news here in 2020
Please dont be depressed in the meantime and DONT LET HER PRESSURE U. if she cannot wait, let her gooooooo..MAKACHUKWU, DONT KILL URSELF

GogetterMD:
How old is she? That might give us an idea of how much time before the pressure starts to get to her

She's 26

Gosh!!

What's wrong with you? Behaving like an 18 year old.

Who told you that you can't live without her and she's the best thing to happen to you? Negodu the epistle you wrote because of woman.

If u don't have money to marry her, free her na.

You are just being worried about nothing.

The most important issue (your finances) is staring u at the face and you are crying over a lady. See, let me just tell you basic reality, you don't really need a woman to love you, what you need is for her to respect you.

That means when she sees you, she sees someone who can defend her morally, financially, be her guide tru wisdom. Has your ego ever been inflated just by a woman telling you she loves you?

Wake up man.

SoftMatters:
She's 26

Then with all the epistle that you've said above, she isn't going anywhere, at least for now. But quit worrying about if another man would have her or not and go hustle for yourself to make it, or else eventually someone else would have her.

Are you guys intimate?

Wtf is this bro?

The problem now is like three men are seriously coming for her hand in marriage.

Stop disturbing yourself please. None of the three will marry her. In this age and time, strange men do not come for a girl's hand in marriage. We are not in 16th century.

In the current dispensation, men ask for a relationship first before courtship and marriage.

If 3 men are discussing and demanding marriage from your woman, it simply means your woman is dating all three men.

I hope you won't kill yourself on top this matter.

GogetterMD:

Then with all the epistle that you've said above, she isn't going anywhere, at least for now. But quit worrying about if another man would have her or not and go hustle for yourself to make it, or else eventually someone else would have her.

Are you guys intimate?

Yes we are

Test of true love. Only a woman knows the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Encourage her to make her best possible decision. Never attempt to tip this delicate scale to your favour.

Be confident and own the shit you are presently. You are in the sewer already.

She either ride with you in this sewer or follow the guaranteed good life been offered. Do not judge her based on whatever option she settles with.

Take heart in advance.

Acidosis:
Wtf is this bro?




Stop disturbing yourself please. None of the three will marry her. In this age and time, strange men do not come for a girl's hand in marriage. We are not in 16th century.

In the current dispensation, men ask for a relationship first before courtship and marriage.

If 3 men are discussing and demanding marriage from your woman, it simply means your woman is dating all three men.

I hope you won't kill yourself on top this matter.

not same time, she decline one last year I didn't believe the first until the last three guys. They were four total and the last three she has declined one already remaining two and she told me when these situations came up. The one on her trail is one that her school proprietor's husband's brother, the woman recommended her to the man. she told me all these asking for my response.

Chubhie:
Test of true love. Only a woman knows the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Encourage her to make her best possible decision. Never attempt to tip this delicate scale to your favour.

Be confident and own the shit you are presently. You are in the sewer already.

She either ride with you in this sewer or follow the guaranteed good life been offered. Do not judge her based on whatever option she settles with.

Take heart in advance.

She said she's willing to wait for me but she's scared that I might drop her that all she needs is for me to promise her I won't disappoint her that she's willing to ride with me through whatever comes and bro honestly she has been my ride or die chick. All my friends that knows her tells me never to lose that girl that they haven't seen a girl with such character. Not just one but like 7 guys have said this and its from after they must have spent time with us or talked with her during all these time we have been dating. Three said she's the one that if I lose her that I will regret it because they haven't seen such a lady and they thought she's pretending to be a good girl and all that most girls do but when they got to know her they realized its her character and she really loves me. Wella, she's been through a lot with me, good, bad, ugly, rain, sun and all. She stood by me.

You're a funny guy...


I'm female and let me give it to you from my angle, if she really loves you and sees a future with you, she will stay. I had to embolden the latter part because I hope it sticks to your brain.

Ciao

Mumu thread.... Odeson!

SoftMatters:
She said she's willing to wait for me but she's scared that I might drop her that all she needs is for me to promise her I won't disappoint her that she's willing to ride with me through whatever comes and bro honestly she has been my ride or die chick. All my friends that knows her tells me never to lose that girl that they haven't seen a girl with such character. Not just one but like 7 guys have said this and its from after they must have spent time with us or talked with her during all these time we have been dating. Three said she's the one that if I lose her that I will regret it because they haven't seen such a lady and they thought she's pretending to be a good girl and all that most girls do but when they got to know her they realized its her character and she really loves me. Wella, she's been through a lot with me, good, bad, ugly, rain, sun and all. She stood by me.

Her fears are very valid. Find a way and relax those fears of her. Let her unflinching loyalty spur you into action to create the future you both desire.

What you guys already share is well rooted to stand the test of time. Never take her loyalty for granted. If ubunja had met this kinda girl, I wonder if he would've turned out differently.

SoftMatters:
not same time, she decline one last year I didn't believe the first until the last three guys. They were four total and the last three she has declined one already remaining two and she told me when these situations came up. The one on her trail is one that her school proprietor's husband's brother, the woman recommended her to the man. she told me all these asking for my response.

You both need to grow up, she knows you're still struggling but you love her, what's the use of telling you about her suitors? Will pressuring you right now translate to money in your account to marry her? Abeg free that babe if she's not ready to shut her eyes to other guys and stick with you. She's not and can never be the air you breathe and that is all you need to live.

busar:
Mumu thread.... Odeson!

For this early Mon mon na em you begin fight?. This lagos life sha....

I don’t know what to tell you.

If everything you’ve said is true, I kind of see her side of the story. The way some men like you mock women who are nearing 30 and are still unmarried can make a lady who isn’t strong willed say yes to any suitor that comes along even if she doesn’t love him.

But that being said, this is a new age and I hope she has more plans for herself than marriage.

Does she work? What are her plans for her financial future? What’s really stopping you both if you love each other from getting married?
You can have a low key wedding and live within your means while working to improve on your lot. Children can wait.

Chubhie:

Her fears are very valid. Find a way and relax those fears of her. Let her unflinching loyalty spur you into action to create the future you both desire.

What you guys already share is well rooted to stand the test of time. Never take her loyalty for granted. If ubunja had met this kinda girl, I wonder if he would've turned out differently.

Has your life gotten boring that you have to ask yourself questions about another person's life?.

CsRockefeller:
Gosh!!

What's wrong with you? Behaving like an 18 year old.

Who told you that you can't live without her and she's the best thing to happen to you? Negodu the epistle you wrote because of woman.

If u don't have money to marry her, free her na.

You are just being worried about nothing.

The most important issue (your finances) is staring u at the face and you are crying over a lady. See, let me just tell you basic reality, you don't really need a woman to love you, what you need is for her to respect you.

That means when she sees you, she sees someone who can defend her morally, financially, be her guide tru wisdom. Has your ego ever been inflated just by a woman telling you she loves you?

Wake up man.

lmfao. once a man says all that "I can't live without her" "she's from God", "She's a queen" I just roll my eyes and know its pure infatuation and obsession. True Love is very calculated and very realistic.

SoftMatters:
Apologies for the typos and stuff, I've been dating this girl for a year and some months now and she is literally everything I want and need in a woman. she is a queen, she understands me, cares about me, and I love her so much that I can literally do anything for her, I'm typing this with a heavy heart. last Sunday she graduated from a catering school, her father died when she was little, her mom and two brothers and her have had rough years. She also have had it rough to with life but she is so kind, name any good quality in s woman she has it, she is perfect. I've dated some girls but this one is God sent, an angel.

The problem now is like three men are seriously coming for her hand in marriage. She's been crying and telling me about it and what am I saying? at the moment I dont have money to marry her but I know that this is the one for me, everything flows together with us. we understand each other perfectly, honestly tears keeps dropping from my eyes each time the thought of losing her comes to mind. Some say Nigerian girls are this and that and knows nothing about true love but brothers I swear with my life true love exists.
I'm a graduate, I also knows my way around techs, blogs, fixing computers, laptops, designing building plan and whatnot, I used to be a DJ and music producer while in school. I studied building technology and can design and build too but one has to get his stripes before anyone can give you millions to build for him/her, I haven't gotten a contract of mine but rather work with someone or under someone but the construction business is not a steady one, I'm also into stainless rails, wrought iron rails and gate procurement and installations. I saved up some money since I graduated and since we started dating I've been taking care if her in anyway I can, she doesn't ask me for stuff two times and same with her.
I was saving up to start up another business by the side, something that yields income everyday like transportation, maybe buy a Camry so that I can be rendering uber and taxify services to folks or the minibus but this 2019 lots of problems especially my father's health cost me so much money, I almost lost my father last month thanks to hospital tests, surgery and meds we were able to keep him alive and he's currently on STC30 (he also had partial stroke)which 15 satchets of it costs about 25k.

Honestly she's the best, she will look at me and know if in worried or anything is wrong with me even when i try to pretend by laughing or making jokes so she wouldnt be worried about me but she will look into my eyes and ask me what is wrong and( she just called me right now while I'm typing this) whenever shes feeling bad or facing any issues I can feel it and I'll call her or whenever I want to pick my phone and call her or missing her so much and about to call her as I'm reaching for my phone to call her my phone will start ringing and its her number calling and her character is the best any woman can posses. I'll do anything to make her happy and she does too, the say no one is perfect but honestly she is.

On her graduation day I didn't have much money on me and when they're show casing their works the students are being appreciated by spraying money on them. I'm broke after the father's surgery, hospital bills and medication. She will do anything to make me happy, that's a little tip of the iceberg and she gives me lots of respect and I reciprocate because she my everything. She's been there when I had some money and took care of her and showed her how much I love her, she's been there when I was broke AF and supported in her own ways until I recouped and she has only disrespected me once and apologized so much for it and I also played a part in the disrespect somehow. Yes we've had misunderstanding few times and least we could stay off and ignore each other was a day and few hours, its easy for us to forgive each other and forget everything and move on, learn from our mistake and it never repeats again.

Meeehn I know its messed up for a guy to cry, I'm not crying but I can't just stop these freaking tears from rolling down my eyes, honestly true love really exists, there are very good girls out there. Her people are on her case, pushing her to marry one of the men that are coming for her hand and the pressure is too much on her, when she visits me she cries while telling me everything and nothing hurts me more than anything like to see her sad let alone crying. Brothers make una try your best and pray your plans work out so you won't have to be in situations like this or have family problems and dont have money to take care of it. Sometimes we make plans but unforseen circumstances can mess things up like crazy. She told me she doesn't want none of the suitors and only wants me and I want her too.

she's hard working, down to earth and everything and right now I know it sounds stupidd that I'm thinking of promising her marriage but its not about the fear of losing her or something but deep down inside me I've always known that she's the one and I want to marry her. Making babies can be done later when I must setup financial security and stuff, I'm also thinking of both of us travelling in the future because honestly I dont want to raise my kids in naija. I know it seems like a lot but I'm committed and focused to working towards this by utilization of time, opportunity and every skills I have. I'm trying to reach out to anyone for jobs and stuff because finance plays a major role.

NB: I know some guys must have been in my situation I want to know how they handled it, what they think and which way is best to handle the situation. please you can drop your advice and insight on this. Those whose been there and done that, what did they wish they would have done better? what will they do if the have the power to turn the hands of time?

if you can't afford to marry her let her go and let those guys able to marry her do that. She's getting on in years. Unless you wanna waste her precious time but every year she spends with you with nothing happening she's losing her beauty and sexual market value.

Let her go. You'll get another one. Focus on women with money because two broke people getting married is such a disaster.

ubunja:

Has your life gotten boring that you have to ask yourself questions about another person's life?.

Hahahahahaha.

ubunja:
if you can't afford to marry her let her go and let those guys able to marry her do that. She's getting on in years. Unless you wanna waste her precious time but every year she spends with you with nothing happening she's losing her beauty and sexual market value.

Let her go. You'll get another one. Focus on women with money because two broke people getting married is such a disaster.

That's totally true. He shouldn't let that becloud his sense of reasoning.

She is the best for you but are you the best for her?
If you truly love her as you have stated then you should let her go, don't let her suffer in marriage.

Marriage is not all about love, as a matter of fact, love is not needed, it fades but bills will never fade, you need to let her go now that there are chances of her having a better future and stop being selfish!!!
If you can't offer her the luxury that comes with marriage then you need to let her go and stop blocking her way!!

ubunja:
lmfao. once a man says all that "I can't live without her" "she's from God", "She's a queen" I just roll my eyes and know its pure infatuation and obsession. True Love is very calculated and very realistic.

Ubunja himself, the first of his kind, protector of the realm and King of the Seven Kingdoms.

Many guys don't know that they can have up to 5 ladies, all showing a certain level of care and love. What marriage does is, it makes you chose one out of the many.

Just like if I get a job @ Microsoft, it doesn't mean that I am not good enough to work at Linux, but my commitment to Microsoft won't allow me (if it's full time).

So, that " I can't live without her" "she's the best for me" is B.S.

There are a million out there that can do what 1 can do, even better, one just has to be calculated and realistic in choosing the final one.

ubunja:

Has your life gotten boring that you have to ask yourself questions about another person's life?.

It stopped being a private affair the moment you lunched a ferocious champaign to project your fears and weakness into the young minds.

ubunja:
lmfao. once a man says all that "I can't live without her" "she's from God", "She's a queen" I just roll my eyes and know its pure infatuation and obsession. True Love is very calculated and very realistic.

Boss I respect your views and knowledge so much, I admire you a lot and have read almost all your stuff and honestly you know so much and I pick a lot from your knowledge. I know it sounds silly and stuff but what I mean is that she's a very good person, reliable (though women can't be trusted) but I can vouch for her due to the tests, trials and more she has passed successfully. Honestly I would love to hear your opinion on this. Thanks for your threads BTW, they widened my perceptions about females and their games.

I must confess your knowledge and for you to take your time and share it to guys is amazing, you're a gift to men bro.
To clarify things bro this is not infatuation nor obsession, this is love in its purest form, realistic too. Your thread helped me to sieve them when I was messing around, I've messed around and was messing around until I realized she was/is a real one. She

Chubhie:

It stopped being a private affair the moment you lunched a ferocious champaign to project your fears and weakness into the young minds.

Most of the things ubunja shares are facts, I won't deny that. It might be seen as fears by some but he's just raising some subliminal ways and so much manipulations that most females run on guys. All females use manipulation st certain points but the intentions behind the games determines if one let's it slide or not. it might be seen as fear, weakness and other negative stuff but on the other hand its very important that all guys knows and understands what ubunja is talking about so the wounldnt be a victim by bad females with bad intentions.

OP is clearly suffering from Oneitis
No woman is different from the rest and no woman is special
She will definitely marry one of her wealthier suitors,it will be her decision and there ain't nothing you can do about it
AWALT-yesterday,today and tomorrow

SoftMatters:
Most of the things ubunja shares are facts, I won't deny that. It might be seen as fears by some but he's just raising some subliminal ways and so much manipulations that most females run on guys. All females use manipulation st certain points but the intentions behind the games determines if one let's it slide or not. it might be seen as fear, weakness and other negative stuff but on the other hand its very important that all guys knows and understands what ubunja is talking about so the wounldnt be a victim by bad females with bad intentions.

Using your case as a way of example. Tell us how your girl is manipulating this.

Is your case just a glitch in ubunja teachings?

Chubhie:

It stopped being a private affair the moment you lunched a ferocious champaign to project your fears and weakness into the young minds.

don't make me laugh. What do you know about fear and weakness?