Graxie:
Why are you engaging a minor as househelp? Why. Both you and your wife, you are horrible.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. He sends her to school and buys her Christmas clothes with no evidence of beating. It is legal!

SEGLIZ:

see bird of same feather claiming saint.
with that your yeye advice up there, the same way you were in support of in-laws frustrating women in there matrimonial home in another thread. watching you in HD var.

I wonder o. The guy has been farting through his mouth for sometime. I wish he keeps his lousy advice to himself.

TonyeBarcanista:

No wonder they say most Nigerians doesn't have good cognitive reasoning

Yes you are right, you belong to the park.

Very simple... firstly send your claimed maid or house help out first but in moral way, send your niece out too in moral way.. that is giving tangible reason.. then let your wife take care of you and the 2 children's.. make sure you didn't stop providing money... she will one day regret deeply and miss those people terribly

TonyeBarcanista:

I am sure you saw the apostrophe symbol in the "woman"? Or is it that you don't know what it means?

2. A 15 year old is a teenager, an adolescent and not a child. And 15 year old get pregnant in case you don't know. Also do know that at age 15 some people are already done with secondary school, including some of my siblings.

3. Being a relative of madam is one reason the wife may be suspicious. It would have been different if she was his own relative.

Like I said earlier, a 15 year old is not a CHILD! Yes, OP may not be having affair with her but Madam isn't comfortable with her around anymore. Get the message!

I am a guy but I understand madam's angle!

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child defines child as "a human being below the age of 18 years unless under the law applicable to the child, majority is attained earlier". This is ratified by 192 of 194 member countries. .. Stop giving advice, you are terrible at it.

You should really be cautious henceforth... Take the girl back to her parents, please. Meanwhile, while she's still in your house, be careful around her so that your wife doesn't go further in her dirty thoughts. Some women are terrible

lexxwiz:
Bros! I don't know how long you've been married for but I'll still advice you anyways..

1st. I really don't understand why a supposedly man of the house can't handle this lil issue, you go dey tell people your marital issues well well. Stop it! Be a man, control your household.

2. The money you gave to your wife, did she tell you at any point that it's not enough for everyone? Cause you be like 2 loafs of bread and 5fisn miracle man.

3. Go back to number one and handle your problems. Give her some more money to buy her clothes.

Lastly; do not in any circumstance but those clothes yourself. Apologize to your wife make peace reign. I've been married for 4years and bet you, my state of mind is worth more than any marital quarrel.

Ps: see as people don dey insult your wife anyhow.. shouldn't you be protecting her at all cost? Dude give your wife some more money to buy clothes for herself and house help. See where you go from badguy you dey report give the whole world. Please shift.

na u go shift 4giving such a rubbish advice,so u shud always support ur mum even if she slaps ur mother?u b mumu man

This evening when I returned home, she didnt save any foods for me so I didnt bother to ask her too since she was still angry ( frowned face ), I went to the kitchen i prepared noodles. By the times the kids went to sleep, I asked If I can have a chat with her quietly , she has made it clear that theres nothing to chat about since I have put the girl as my priorities and I don't love her anymore , I should go to my new wife have a chat with her, she is referring to our house help and she gave me back the money that I should shop for my new wife myself. Well I have tried convincing her that she and the kids will always be my first priorities but it doesn't mean that we should treat other people bad. She didnt seems interested, she says that she left the room for my new wife , she left the room and she went to sleep in our children room. I was not expecting her to go this far . It's really sad how she doesn't want us to settle the matter in peace

TonyeBarcanista:

Na wa o. The way you people insult people's spouses on Nairaland as if they are some street hustlers

How did you know she wasn't a former street hustler? Na retired Oloshos dey suspect their husbanda for infidelity pass.

Lol. And that is the end of the marriage for me. I can't stand people like that. I'm sorry but you married a bad human being.
quote author=Unique357 post=85072102]In brief, I am a male married with 2 children, my daughter is 8 and son is 5. I also have my niece 11 and a house help 15 staying with us.

On Monday I gave my wife Christmas shopping money to get foodstuffs, hers and children clothing including our house help.

Yesterday my wife went shopping, she bought clothes for herself, our children and nothing for the house help. She claimed that the girl doesn’t need any clothes for Christmas as long we feed and send her to school, the rest is her parents' duties. The girl in question is my wife's relative from the same village. This girl is so nice to our children, she is like a second mother to them despite her being just 15, I have never had any problem with her.

I was mad at her that I told her, if she cannot treat another woman's child well then she doesn’t deserve to be a mother, yes I did said some harsh words to her because of anger. She accused me of sleeping with the little girl which I told her she is mad and she couldn’t stop crying the whole night. This morning she didn’t make my breakfast and refused greeting me back.

Please house let me know if I overreacted [/quote]

Unique357:
This evening when I returned home, she didnt save any foods for me so I didnt bother to ask her too since she was still angry ( frowned face ), I went to the kitchen i prepared noodles. By the times the kids went to sleep, I asked If I can have a chat with her quietly , she has made it clear that theres nothing to chat about since I have put the girl as my priorities and I don't love her anymore , I should go to my new wife have a chat with her, she is referring to our house help and she gave me back the money that I should shop for my new wife myself. Well I have tried convincing her that she and the kids will always be my first priorities but it doesn't mean that we should treat other people bad. She didnt seems interested, she says that she left the room for my new wife , she left the room and she went to sleep in our children room. I was not expecting her to go this far . It's really sad how she doesn't want us to settle the matter in peace

Ignore and stop begging her she is trying to manipulate you. I hope you let her mother knows about what is going on. As far as your intentions are pure GOD is with you

Unique357:
This evening when I returned home, she didnt save any foods for me so I didnt bother to ask her too since she was still angry ( frowned face ), I went to the kitchen i prepared noodles. By the times the kids went to sleep, I asked If I can have a chat with her quietly , she has made it clear that theres nothing to chat about since I have put the girl as my priorities and I don't love her anymore , I should go to my new wife have a chat with her, she is referring to our house help and she gave me back the money that I should shop for my new wife myself. Well I have tried convincing her that she and the kids will always be my first priorities but it doesn't mean that we should treat other people bad. She didnt seems interested, she says that she left the room for my new wife , she left the room and she went to sleep in our children room. I was not expecting her to go this far . It's really sad how she doesn't want us to settle the matter in peace

You are acting like a sissy...pls be a man and ler her realize her wicked attitude. Get her out of that room and make it clear she must respect your opinion as regards this matter. How could she treat people underneath her with total disdain and still play victim.

Nonsense.

Such a woman that would act this way under my roof has never been born. I won't let her even enter the room until we are done talking...else, she excuse herself from my house.

Arrant nonsense.

My brother many peoples comments here shows some are not married or lack little wisdom ,[1] your wife was wrong and wicked for doing that she might also likely hate and frustrate the little girls effort in the house i will advice you return the girl back to her parents and assist the little girl if you can and mind you,you are also not safe in the hands of such wife so be careful as a man also so that madam will not be over jealous one day and add small thing in your tea........its well just sometimes it baffles me to see some caring ladies after marriage turning to monster as a wife may GOD help ur home bro

TonyeBarcanista:

How did you conclude that the wife ks wicked? Let us watch what we say towards people's spouses.

I am very sure that the wife acted the way did because of the discomfort she feels with a second "woman" enjoying the attention and niceties of her husband.

Honestly, I can NEVER fault her! I have seen first hand where lovely and nice househelp got pregnant for oga and he was asked to marry her as second wife - which he did!

Guy, from stuffs I've read you wrote on NL here, you're too good to say all these.
Suspect oga cos he offered money to buy an househelp Christmas gift?
Oga, if she was a salary earning staff, doesnt she deserve even a gift?
So you're saying cos someone's boss is of different gender they dont deserve a gift?
So, what's wrong in giving a child who doesnt belong to you same life as yours talk more an househelps who practically slaves for you?
Oga, I will rather my wife slap me than do this, she knows the roof of the house will go off.
My 3 priority xter in a wife is love GOD & me and be good to all around(eschew wickedness)

You didn’t over react at all.. you did what every normal man will do

This is sad, and it pains me much that someone can exhibit cruelty to a child comfortably without flinching.

How much is the cloth bikonu? sometimes, it is not even about the price, but for symbolism. The girl won't even know if her Christmas cloth is Okrika, but will live to remember that she got her own new clothes as well, just like the other kids. Excluding her from the gift of the season has a blow on her esteem, she will think she is not good enough, because, by nature, kids derive their esteem from their guardians.

The girl will grow to remember every treatment your wife did to her, though she may be powerless now, the future is hers. There is a neighbor I hate so much, and it was because of how he treated me while growing up, lying to my dad about things I did not do, so he could punish me. He still didn't understand why I hated him with passion, and probably he has naively forgotten or thought I forgot how he treated me when I was still younger than 9 years old, but I remember every detail. Children are like this, they will remember in years to come, and that will influence how they treat you.

Also, if my partner does this to anyone, I won't see her in the same way again, my feelings will just die off, and it will ring sharply in my head what may befall me if I become less financially buoyant. Sorry to say, your wife is cruel. Some things are a dealbreaker, and this is one of them.

Unique357:
This evening when I returned home, she didnt save any foods for me so I didnt bother to ask her too since she was still angry ( frowned face ), I went to the kitchen i prepared noodles. By the times the kids went to sleep, I asked If I can have a chat with her quietly , she has made it clear that theres nothing to chat about since I have put the girl as my priorities and I don't love her anymore , I should go to my new wife have a chat with her, she is referring to our house help and she gave me back the money that I should shop for my new wife myself. Well I have tried convincing her that she and the kids will always be my first priorities but it doesn't mean that we should treat other people bad. She didnt seems interested, she says that she left the room for my new wife , she left the room and she went to sleep in our children room. I was not expecting her to go this far . It's really sad how she doesn't want us to settle the matter in peace

There is more to this story, seriously. I am married and I know. Please check your wife's friends, who are those she is communicating with? I see you are very weak in asserting your idea, please send that girl home. Today the house might have been very tensed and the girl will be at the receiving end. Send that girl home, whatever problems you are having with your wife shouldn't be at the detriment of a minor house help. Instead of buying her clothes, use sending home as her Christmas gift. If you wife can starve you throughout today just because you challenged her concerning her bad behavior, you can imagine what she will do to that girl. The funny thing is that you appear helpless, please don't call your mom Inlaw for advice, just give the instruction that you don't need the girl.

Unique357:
This evening when I returned home, she didnt save any foods for me so I didnt bother to ask her too since she was still angry ( frowned face ), I went to the kitchen i prepared noodles. By the times the kids went to sleep, I asked If I can have a chat with her quietly , she has made it clear that theres nothing to chat about since I have put the girl as my priorities and I don't love her anymore , I should go to my new wife have a chat with her, she is referring to our house help and she gave me back the money that I should shop for my new wife myself. Well I have tried convincing her that she and the kids will always be my first priorities but it doesn't mean that we should treat other people bad. She didnt seems interested, she says that she left the room for my new wife , she left the room and she went to sleep in our children room. I was not expecting her to go this far . It's really sad how she doesn't want us to settle the matter in peace

Hi Op,
I understand how you feel right now, but you have to be strong and ensure that you maintain those principles.
Act as if nothing happened, treat everyone right and she will come to her senses soon. Also start planning for a plan B, which is if push comes to shove and to preserve your marriage, you might have to arrange for the little girl to go back to her parents to avoid stories that touch.

Your priority for now are those two lovely kids of yours.

Graxie:
There is more to this story, seriously. I am married and I know. Please check your wife's friends, who are those she is communicating with? I see you are very weak in asserting your idea, please send that girl home. Today the house might have been very tensed and the girl will be at the receiving end. Send that girl home, whatever problems you are having with your wife shouldn't be at the detriment of a minor house help. Instead of buying her clothes, use sending home as her Christmas gift. If you wife can starve you throughout today just because you challenged her concerning her bad behavior, you can imagine what she will do to that girl. The funny thing is that you appear helpless, please don't call your mom Inlaw for advice, just give the instruction that you don't need the girl.

I think you should avoid going personal with the OP...statements such as these below are not necessary

"I see you are very weak in asserting your idea"
"The funny thing is that you appear helpless"

I agree with you on the fact that he should check his wife's friends, they could also serve as fuel for her behavior

@OP,

Your wife has been suspecting you or at least has been feeling uncomfortable seeing the girl ripening into a woman. Lots of women cannot trust themselves much less trust you. Many women sleep with work colleagues, husband's best friend, best friend's husband and gate men/Musa. But we men are too naive to suspect anything. Even 30% of all kids belong to another man outside, so women know how far.

As things stand, with accusation of you lashing the housemaid flying, it has become a toxic atmosphere at home. That girl will begin to suffer.

So return that house help to her family. Luckily she's your wife's relative. Let her go and explain why the girl is returned to her own relatives.

Morale of the story is that most women care about themselves and own kids only. In-laws or relatives not their own parents or own siblings they like/get along with are not really welcome if they can help it.

My bros, base on your narration you're are on the right path. That's woman for you. You like to treat the maid as your own daughter & which is good for the future of your children's. Please I will like to tell you something call your wife & talk to her that you don't mean what's she is thinking. Just to allow peace to reign.

Unique357:
This evening when I returned home, she didnt save any foods for me so I didnt bother to ask her too since she was still angry ( frowned face ), I went to the kitchen i prepared noodles. By the times the kids went to sleep, I asked If I can have a chat with her quietly , she has made it clear that theres nothing to chat about since I have put the girl as my priorities and I don't love her anymore , I should go to my new wife have a chat with her, she is referring to our house help and she gave me back the money that I should shop for my new wife myself. Well I have tried convincing her that she and the kids will always be my first priorities but it doesn't mean that we should treat other people bad. She didnt seems interested, she says that she left the room for my new wife , she left the room and she went to sleep in our children room. I was not expecting her to go this far . It's really sad how she doesn't want us to settle the matter in peace

OP your wife is really immature. She wants the girl gone but doesn't want to be the one who does it herself. If truly she was sure you sleep with her, she'll not keep calm like this. return the house help to her family.

Do not be surprised if some prophet or holy man/woman or friends put this thing in her head.

You may have a vindictive wife my friend.

Unique357:
This evening when I returned home, she didnt save any foods for me so I didnt bother to ask her too since she was still angry ( frowned face ), I went to the kitchen i prepared noodles. By the times the kids went to sleep, I asked If I can have a chat with her quietly , she has made it clear that theres nothing to chat about since I have put the girl as my priorities and I don't love her anymore , I should go to my new wife have a chat with her, she is referring to our house help and she gave me back the money that I should shop for my new wife myself. Well I have tried convincing her that she and the kids will always be my first priorities but it doesn't mean that we should treat other people bad. She didnt seems interested, she says that she left the room for my new wife , she left the room and she went to sleep in our children room. I was not expecting her to go this far . It's really sad how she doesn't want us to settle the matter in peace

You have a very good heart and you are a fair man. With this your attitude am afraid that the maid may not be getting the right attention and care. OP find out if the girl has enough pant and bra, confirm her sizes and please get her the right and comfortable ones. You can't underestimate what those do a young girls confidence.

You took it too far because it's the little girl that will still suffer for your reaction towards your wife. Dealing with women requires wisdom.

If I were op, I would buy a beautiful cloth for that girl and add some money, return her to her parents and ensure that no house help is coming into my house anymore.

That savagery the ungrateful wife wants, she will receive it.

Your wife seems wicked, but you didn't approach the situation the right way. Scolding her isnt out of place, but you shoudnt have used those harsh words. This is a small issue. You guys can cuddle up and resolve it. All the best.

midnighter:


Hm. Nawao. Hope she doesnt see it sha

Before she starts crying again smh

Take this story with a pinch of salt sis

To avoid problem with your wife, just ask her to send the house help away as you can't stand someone being maltreated. If you decided to be buyihee things, your wife will acvuse u of sleeping with her. I know what heartless women can do. Your wife is surely heartless and u owe her no apologies.

FloraEC:

He should buy her clothes when he wants to send her home. Maybe also buy her parents something too.
But seriously there's no biggy tho

LOL, the woman is accusing the man of having an affair with the girl and you're saying buying clothes for her is no biggie? It's like you want the girl to die in the woman's hands or something.

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. He sends her to school and buys her Christmas clothes with no evidence of beating. It is legal!

no no your are wrong

its one thing at a time

she cant be house help and going to skol at the same time

if she is going to skol she would spends at least 6 hours of the day at skol and came back and do house chores right meaning something will give in there either skol work or house chores

in this scenario skol will suffer, because there is no way madam will make her relax after skol, she has to do the house chores

unless madam, what to really better the girl's life, she would do the evening chores while the girl do home work aka assignment as nigerians say, then in this scenario would we call her a house help or helping a relatives with an education ?

Africans in general we see it as helping if we take any below 18 to be a house help but in reality you are taking part in destroying that person's future because by law there are supposed to be in skol

Blindersoff:


The gains for the man in the home (head of the home) are

1) Growth emotionally and as a family unit

2) Success as a joint effort

3) Deep understanding and maturity

4) Freedom in Peace

You see you need to understand that the man has a lot of emotional, spiritual and social work to do in the home. He is the head and thus the leader. No leader is a good leader only when he enforces. A good leader should know when to lead by example. Do as i do and not do as i say.

Remember that the woman is his 2nd in command and should be able to fill in for him in the home whenever he is not around so he has to be patient and dedicated enough to deposit a lot of who he is into his bride. This way he can be assured that she would act like him, defend like him even when he is not there and can beat his chest knowing what she is capable of even when he did not witness it. The man is not getting married so he can rest. He is getting married so he can work out a new and better generation than his own. So it is all about ensuring he deposits huge nuggets of POSITIVE VALUES into everyone but largely into his wife because the Children would observe both of them and look up to them for guidance mostly in deed and not so much in words.

The satisfaction that comes from being fulfilled in what i listed above is more than having millions in the bank. That is the mark of a real man

Intelligent and wisdom combined.

Respect sir. All your contributions on this topic is full of wisdom. A very rare trait to find these days

Unique357:
This evening when I returned home, she didnt save any foods for me so I didnt bother to ask her too since she was still angry ( frowned face ), I went to the kitchen i prepared noodles. By the times the kids went to sleep, I asked If I can have a chat with her quietly , she has made it clear that theres nothing to chat about since I have put the girl as my priorities and I don't love her anymore , I should go to my new wife have a chat with her, she is referring to our house help and she gave me back the money that I should shop for my new wife myself. Well I have tried convincing her that she and the kids will always be my first priorities but it doesn't mean that we should treat other people bad. She didnt seems interested, she says that she left the room for my new wife , she left the room and she went to sleep in our children room. I was not expecting her to go this far . It's really sad how she doesn't want us to settle the matter in peace

Things are now getting out of hand and you need to deal with this issue decisively as a man. Obviously, the dress issue is just an excuse and you wife had been bottling up her feelings over the presence of the girl (maid) in the house. For it to get to the level where she is denying you your marital rights, means she is really taking it serious. You might need to call a family meeting (both sides ), since she is refusing to perform her marital duties and is refusing to discuss it privately. She needs to tell you and the families what she actually wants. If she wants the girl out, at least everyone will know her real reasons, and no one will blame you.

It is annoying for a wife to stop performing her marital duties, everytime you have a small disagreement. What happens if you too stops perfroming your own responsibilities and duties?