Good evening all. I need your honest opinion on this .

My elder sister was put in a family way 16 years ago. The guy responsible, his family rejected the pregnancy Infront of my family .

We took her in, cared for her and she gave birth to a lovable baby girl . Dam, she is so pretty and was well loved.

She grew to become my pet . I loved her with all my heart. Infact we all loved her .

My elder sister is married . She has told her daughter that her present husband is her father when she start asking questions.

She is done with her secondary school and currently running a fashion design program . I planned on sending her to the Uni once she is done with her program .

Just got on phone with my sister now and she is telling me that , the dude that got her pregnant family has been disturbing her to allow them access to the girl . That they are ready to train her to any level .

And she is considering telling her daughter the truth about her birth .

Can you imagine the nonsense. I have warned her not to do that not to talk of giving them access and I am currently furious right now . After 16 years of loving this girl, someone is now claiming father .

Please how do I handle this .

Meet with the irresponsible dad and discuss as men that you are... Things happen and all can be resolved amicably

You should be very happy for her that she's gonna reunite with her father. That's the best love you can give to her.


God even forgives us our sins, then we unite with him again and he welcomes us.

Just let them have her, you need not be furious. You have done your good part by being there for her. Seal your goodness with good ending and not the other way round.



You cannot deprive her of her real father!!!


*FACT*

Issues like this dey complex, you can't stop the father from knowing his daughter but it should end there. He gave up the right to her the day he denied her

3

Biafrareform:
Good evening all. I need your honest opinion on this .

My elder sister was put in a family way 16 years ago. The guy responsible, his family rejected the pregnancy Infront of my family .

We took her in, cared for her and she gave birth to a lovable baby girl . Dam, she is so pretty and was well loved .
She grew to become my pet . I loved her with all my heart. Infact we all loved her .

My elder sister is married . She has told her daughter that her present husband is her father when she start asking questions.
She is done with her secondary school and currently running a fashion design program . I planned on sending her to the Uni once she is done with her program .

Just got on phone with my sister now and she is telling me that , the dude that got her pregnant family has been disturbing her to allow them access to the girl . That they are ready to train her to any level .

And she is considering telling her daughter the truth about her birth .

Can you imagine the nonsense. I have warned her not to do that not to talk of giving them access and I am currently furious right now . After 16 years of loving this girl, someone is now claiming father .

Please how do I handle this .

In as much as we think the deed was bad, there is still no reason to justify the fact that the young girl must know her real dad for future sake. It's kinda hard to forgive, I understand. However, who are we to question the circumstances behind all that happened and so far the mother is ready to the needful, my dear brother, let the reunion be possible though with some stringent clause.

The clause would be determined by the young girl. She's of age to decide where she wants to live. All these should be done within the welfare setting so as to have legal backing. The real father would pay all he can afford as upkeep, settle school fee and also visit as agreed by both parties.With this, everyone will be at peace especially your sister.

What happened was that you failed to take the necessary steps when the young girl was neglected. You guys should have gone to court for the new husband to adopt legally which would have given the man full custody and since you didn't do that, let the real father take over and settle everyone.

All the best.

He abandoned the little girl when she was in the womb, never cared for her when she was growing up...


He now appears from nowhere and started claiming the girl he abandoned just because he has seen that she is nearing to be married just so that he can eat the bride price. (thats wickedness)


If I am in your family I would make sure that he pays every dime we spent on her head, right from her birth.

Exactly the same thing happened with my younger sister which I shared a bit on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/5284768/she-pregnant-twins-honestly-dont#79985006

The truth is, you have no right to deny the kid a relationship with her biological father no matter what must have transpired.

nanaman:
3

In as much as we think the deed was bad, there is still no reason to justify the fact that the young girl must know her real dad for future sake. It's kinda hard to forgive, I understand. However, who are we to question the circumstances behind all that happened and so far the mother is ready to the needful, my dear brother, let the reunion be possible though with some stringent clause.

The clause would be determined by the young girl. She's of age to decide where she wants to live. All these should be done within the welfare setting so as to have legal backing. The real father would pay all he can afford as upkeep, settle school fee and also visit as agreed by both parties.With this, everyone will be at peace especially your sister.

What happened was that you failed to take the necessary steps when the young girl was neglected. You guys should have gone to court for the new husband to adopt legally which would have given the man full custody and since you didn't do that, let the real father take over and settle everyone.

All the best.

.

So you mean someone can get a girl he didn't pay preide price on pregnant, reject it, then come around after many years to claim custody of the baby and the court will grant him the custody .

On which basis will such judgement be made?.

Apination:
Issues like this dey complex, you can't stop the father from knowing his daughter but it should end there. He gave up the right to her the day he denied her

I looked after this baby girl from when she was born till she came of age . She is so fond of me .

Now one nigga is trying to upset her psychological mindset all in a bit to have access to her .

This is so hard to bear

Biafrareform:
.

So you mean someone can get a girl he didn't pay preide price on pregnant, reject it, then come around after many years to claim custody of the baby and the court will grant him the custody .

On which basis will such judgement be made?.

Yes. Issues like this should not be taken or decided with personal feelings.

The man was bad. YES.

Is the father of the child. YES

Did he take care of the child from birth till date. NO

Has she (the girl) being adopted by another family. NO

No where in the law states an irresponsible man should be denied paternity. Lots of things would be posed as the cause of the problem and if the mother denies, DNA would be requested and since the mother knows, truly, the real father is the new man, then, DNA is ruled out.

I already explained what your sister failed to do at the initial stage which brought her to this step.

To custody issue, I stated, the young girl is of age according to law to decide where she wants to live. The court cannot deny the real dad visit and care para-adventure she decides to stay with her mother. Wherever she decides to stay, the man is now "responsible" to law and he should not be denied his right. That's the law bro.

GuyWise101:
He abandoned the little girl when she was in the womb, never cared for her when she was growing up...


He now appears from nowhere and started claiming the girl he abandoned just because he has seen that she is nearing to be married just so that he can eat the bride price. (thats wickedness)


If I am in your family I would make sure that he pays every dime we spent on her head, right from her birth.

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Who is even talking of paying up. I don't want him near my baby girl

People are bound to do mistake,I know is very painful but don't forget is their blood just like is urs.so I suggest dialogue with them.

daddytime:
Exactly the same thing happened with my younger sister which I shared a bit on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/5284768/she-pregnant-twins-honestly-dont#79985006

The truth is, you have no right to deny the kid a relationship with her biological father no matter what must have transpired.

.

Just finished reading your story . Guy , you wicked . You are mean.

Just look at what you spewing on someone and her family

Is it what you want or what the girl want? Its really not about you!

Biafrareform:
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Who is even talking of paying up. I don't want him near my baby girl

If you are igbo. Then, not to worry.

You can allow her to know the real father, but please make sure she enter the university 1st.

She can only know him, but does not have any right over her. He can’t even take any cent on her head as bride price. Except you allow him to.

Well, the man has done his worst for rejecting the pregnancy, he left the baby and her mother for 16 years... That kind of man is a animal...even a wild animal. But i want to you to remember the fact that he is the real father..... Pls let him have access to her daughter after some years of pleading

I don't know which part of the country u are typing from, but in igbo land once the man did not pay bride price, he can't lay claim to the child. He can assist in training the child but she can't be his

Biafrareform:
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Who is even talking of paying up. I don't want him near my baby girl

Op, the time has come for you to tell your baby girl, the truth about her father.
Let her know she was rejected from birth and u accepted her and took care of her like your own. Let her mother too be present when both you and your sister is opening up to her .
And let her know, the father now wants to claim her and come back to her life.

If the communication line between u and your baby girl is good.

Talk to her like your daughter, let her remember those lovely moments both of u shared while growing up. Let her know, she can vouch for your love for her and to keep training and taking care of her till she marries but she cant vouch for a man, a stranger coming up from nowhere claiming he's her father.

And she can forgive him. But she can also choose whether to keep living with you, whom she knows inside out than to live with a stranger who wants nothing to do with her in the first place.
So she has the right to choose whom to be with. And if she wants to see her dad? Her dad can come visit her in your home. So she has to choose but she should remember the devil she knows, is better than angel showing up all of a sudden.

There are fathers fucvking their own daughters, And Mehn I don't trust the motive of the father towards the girl. He may want her as a sex slave. He doesn't have any fatherly connection towards her. So why want her at this level. I don't trust him one bit.
Only she can decide to stay with you or leave with him. But if uv been good to her, she will choose you.

Op try to open up to the girl, and let her know some twisted fathers do rape their daughters. And no one knows motive of this dad.

The guy knew he was responsible, but the family rejected it. Sh*t like this happens. Maybe, the family never believed your sister and also, the guy wasnt up to the age of raising a family, he then considered the best thing was outright denial. I may not be so sure.

To the main point. Your sister truly knows the guy is the father and the guy too knew he owns the girl. It seems the guy is now mature and ready to handle family responsibilities. He must pay for all those years of neglect, that's for sure. Forcing the girl to another man who isn't her biological father may bring serious problems in the future especially when the girl wants to marry. So denying the father access to his daughter isnt the right thing.

I just remembered, this girl in question will be severely hurt to find out that the man she thought was her dad isn't her real father. Revealing the truth to her now that she's 16yrs will make her feel bad. Whatever the case, the girl needs to be comforted and the truth revealed. Both families should apply diplomacy. My thoughts though.

The whole world knows that you have really trued on the girl up to that level but the truth is that you are not his biological father. Whether now or later , man must claim his property.
In Africa , a man owns children and he has right to claim it anytime. Forget about denial or irresponsible , he is still the real father of the girl.
Discus with him on what he needs to do . I believe he will be willing to do it

Biafrareform:
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So you mean someone can get a girl he didn't pay preide price on pregnant, reject it, then come around after many years to claim custody of the baby and the court will grant him the custody .

On which basis will such judgement be made?.

Don't allow the idiot close to that girl. I have a 9 yr old daughter that I didn't reject when my fling told me she was pregnant. I didn't shy away from my responsibility and today she is the reason I have cause to smile.


Don't allow that girl to go. Children are the most wonderful creatures ever and they bring joy even when sadness is seeping into you

You guys should have told her about her dad na

The earlier you tell her about her real father, the better. This would help her decision making process in the future, and just so you know, a 16 year old girl IS NOT A BABY

Trust me the girl would feel indifferent towards this "real" father and one thing I am 100% certain is that they will NEVER have that natural father-daughter bond (if the man is still struggling financially), even though all is forgiven. That opportunity has been completely lost.

Na your sister fu¢k up
Sometime last month,a thread about deadbeat fathers was discussed.
The fact is that you can't deny the girl the rights to see her biological dad.
What you guys should have done at the beginning was to drag the father and make sure he has at least a financial impact in her life.
Now the man wants to reap where he did not sow.

Tell your niece the truth,but make her see the biological dad as a sperm donor,after all that's what he was.Still you guys should forgive the deadbeat dad,at least for the sake of your sanity.
It's actually up to the girl to decide what she wants,she's not a kid anymore.
Most likely she'll forgive him too,but the bond can never be replaced,and she won't give him the same respect and love she'll give to the present husband

Before you allow him access to the girl, as her guardians, your family should

A) Ask her if she's ready to meet him. If yes, then proceed to B, C and D.

B) Meet with him and ask for an apology to the mother and to the girl. If he can't apologize or is shifting blame to the mother or your family, see it as a sign of irresponsibility and immaturity.

C) Ask him why he has returned now to know his motivations, esp. after the mother has done the work of raising her. This is a human being and not an item that can be discarded and later picked up when you feel like it.

D) Ask if he's back to stay in her life for the long haul or has come around temporarily. It would be traumatic for her if he later abandons her again, so observe how he responds and what he says. Of course, he may tell you what you want to hear, so apply wisdom.

Tell the girl,she's sixteen and old enough to make decision.

Are you the father of your niece? If no you have little say over the matter. The only thing you can do is give advice, it ends there. If your sister blocks her daughter from knowing her true family the child will still do so at the age of 18 or 21, whichever one is our age of legal adulthood. You have done your part. Let fate decide the rest.

ANY child has the right to know who her biologic father/family is (regardless of what happened in the past)... she is old enough to decide if she wants to have contact with her biological father's family or not, and certainly NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS

how dare you would want to continue lying to that kid about who her father is?!?!?!?

He does have a lot of say b/c 1) he has been her guardian and b/c 2) she's still underage, so it makes sense to protect her best interests and have some questions answered before proceeding.

meobizy:
Are you the father of your niece? If no you have little say over the matter. The only thing you can do is give advice, it ends there. If your sister blocks her daughter from knowing her true family the child will still do so at the age of 18 or 21, whichever one is our age of legal adulthood. You have done your part. Let fate decide the rest.

theButterfly:
He does have a lot of say b/c 1) he has been her guardian and b/c 2) she's still underage, so it makes sense to protect her best interests and have some questions answered before proceeding.

Protecting her best interests does not involve keeping the father away from her life. Like I mentioned in the first comment, if he or the mother blocks the child she'll just wait till adulthood when they have no say.

Nowhere have I said that the Father should be kept away, but that they should make some inquiries first and they have that right. The absentee father, on the other hand, really has no right over her.

meobizy:

Protecting her best interests does not involve keeping the father away from her life. Like I mentioned in the first comment, if he or the mother blocks the child she'll just wait till adulthood when they have no say.

theButterfly:
Nowhere have I said that the Father should be kept away

If you reread his original post this is what he has in mind.

but that they should make some inquiries first and they have that right.

They can do this, which is the right step. Visually they can tell if the man is capable enough to cater for her.

The absentee father, on the other hand, really has no right over her.

Being the legal father affords him more right over the OP in the child's welfare.