I have seen quite a lot of interesting topics here on nairaland this fresh year that we just spent 48 days out of 365 days. I can confess that they are all quite interesting and educative.

I will love to share little light on the issue of responsibilities in family or relationship as regards NIGERIA . Please, let your understanding of the message have a NIGERIA scope, because I understand that a lot of us are wise now and we are already moving away from traditions and cultures.

When it comes to responsibilities between couples, intending couples and other relationships that involves man and woman, the man must understand that every financial part of it is for him. There is no where in Nigeria culture or tradition where woman takes care of the financial part no matter how buoyant she is at the time of the need.
Every man must have this understanding before they involve in any relationship in order to save them of heartbreak or disappointment from their partners because without such understanding, a man will be disappointed and get paralysed when he discovered millions in his partner account or purse when they are in need of just 100k and the woman did not bring out the money.
Men needs to understand that our women are not wired to spend from their own income, but they can buy heaven with someone else money (I am not criticising women here, I was only saying fact)

HOW TO HANDLE FINANCE WITH WOMAN
Firstly, you have to agree with the above fact.
There are practical ways to cheat woman without fight or argument and it is not making her feel like it is her responsibility. Never show her that you feel that it is her responsibility to partake in whatever you guys intend to finance. The best way is to tell her that you do not have or you are not capable of doing it alone at the moment and you will need her assistance. Let her feel that she is assisting you and not that it is her responsibility. The two of you will need to evaluate the need and agree on the sharing ratio; how much you expect from her as per support (not her duty).
You must make it clear as early as possible because it will take sometimes for her to adjust her believe system to the new reality(e.g wedding plans, you need to start discussing that immediately you agreed to marry each other n not when it is almost few weeks).

Men, we do not have to criticise our women in this regards, it is how they are been wired, either by upbringing or environmental factors. We only need to ask for wisdom to handle the reality.

Secondly, our men should not be seeing themselves as CEO who sits and watch their staffs doing all. We have to start assisting in domestic activities and also allow their opinions in all affairs ( not a must to apply opinion)

Women!!!!! Please, let us start reducing the believes and start seeing the responsibilities as a joint task.

Happy homes and relationships

Placating us, abi?

adexpa:

There is no where in Nigeria culture or tradition where woman takes care of the financial part no matter how buoyant she is at the time of the need.

Women do take on quite a lot of financial responsibility actually.

In the old days it was the woman who ensured there was food on the table while we were waiting for father's yams to grow. It was the woman who made palm oil to sell from the few trees on the farm. It was the woman who sold the eyins and the akuros. It was the womsn who collected the fire wood too. And it was the woman you likely went crying to when you could not get any money from your pa.

But because she does not boast about it, you are here belittling the contribution of the woman to a family as if you did not see mother contributing in your home!

I forgive you!

As long as the woman always remembers her place, I don't believe any man will have a problem taking a larger share of the financial responsibilities.

The issue usually comes when she is mostly dependent on you and still insists on having things go her way.

How that logic works in their heads is what the universe does not understand.

And one mumu was busy asking his girl to pay for her wedding and cooking, wat a shameless man, his argument was dat d girl earn close to 200k.. Even if she earn a million its d man responsibility to do everything d girl only hv option to or not to support

kestolove95:
And one mumu was busy asking his girl to pay for her wedding and cooking, wat a shameless man, his argument was dat d girl earn close to 200k.. Even if she earn a million its d man responsibility to do everything d girl only hv option to or not to support

That's Islam view which is divine view.

The guy is talking from civilized point of view. Civilization has turned people into Lower animals

A woman who has money more than the husband can only stay good if she's not spoiled by her stupid friends
Last last... Una go divorce each other

NeoWanZaeed:


That's Islam view which is divine view.

The guy is talking from civilized point of view. Civilization has turned people into Lower animals

park

NeoWanZaeed:


That's Islam view which is divine view.

[b]The guy is talking from civilized point of view. [/b]Civilization has turned people into Lower animals

The man that want 50/50 marriage because of civilisation who will later tell us his whole family have right to leave in his home forgotten the woman contributions in the home upkeep.

olasaad:


The man that want 50/50 marriage because of civilisation who will later tell us his whole family have right to leave in his home forgotten the woman contributions in the home upkeep.

Family living with man or woman isn't the problem.

The problem is do they(man) have the financial capacity of housing them

This is where all the problems actually starts from

adexpa:
I have seen quite a lot of interesting topics here on nairaland this fresh year that we just spent 48 days out of 365 days. I can confess that they are all quite interesting and educative.

I will love to share little light on the issue of responsibilities in family or relationship as regards NIGERIA . Please, let your understanding of the message have a NIGERIA scope, because I understand that a lot of us are wise now and we are already moving away from traditions and cultures.

When it comes to responsibilities between couples, intending couples and other relationships that involves man and woman, the man must understand that every financial part of it is for him. There is no where in Nigeria culture or tradition where woman takes care of the financial part no matter how buoyant she is at the time of the need.
Every man must have this understanding before they involve in any relationship in order to save them of heartbreak or disappointment from their partners because without such understanding, a man will be disappointed and get paralysed when he discovered millions in his partner account or purse when they are in need of just 100k and the woman did not bring out the money.
Men needs to understand that our women are not wired to spend from their own income, but they can buy heaven with someone else money (I am not criticising women here, I was only saying fact)

HOW TO HANDLE FINANCE WITH WOMAN
Firstly, you have to agree with the above fact.
There are practical ways to cheat woman without fight or argument and it is not making her feel like it is her responsibility. Never show her that you feel that it is her responsibility to partake in whatever you guys intend to finance. The best way is to tell her that you do not have or you are not capable of doing it alone at the moment and you will need her assistance. Let her feel that she is assisting you and not that it is her responsibility. The two of you will need to evaluate the need and agree on the sharing ratio; how much you expect from her as per support (not her duty).
You must make it clear as early as possible because it will take sometimes for her to adjust her believe system to the new reality(e.g wedding plans, you need to start discussing that immediately you agreed to marry each other n not when it is almost few weeks).

Men, we do not have to criticise our women in this regards, it is how they are been wired, either by upbringing or environmental factors. We only need to ask for wisdom to handle the reality.

Secondly, our men should not be seeing themselves as CEO who sits and watch their staffs doing all. We have to start assisting in domestic activities and also allow their opinions in all affairs ( not a must to apply opinion)

Women!!!!! Please, let us start reducing the believes and start seeing the responsibilities as a joint task.

Happy homes and relationships

All these threads

The major problem we have is that Nigerians want to mix and match culture and religion which are two ends of a spectrum especially when it comes to marriage.

If you want to stick with culture, please do.
If you want to stick with religion, please do.

For instance, in Christianity, nowhere was it taught that a man is the sole provider; a man's headship is not tied to finance or not. Whether he earns more, less or not at all, he is the head.

A husband is also expected to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. That means no cheating, rudeness, bullying, selfishness, intimidation etc and all the works in a typical Nigerian marriage. His wife comes first before anyone else including their kids and they are one. He is to nourish and cherish her with everything she's got.

A wife is to submit (not slavery or subservient) to her husband and be loyal to him. His happiness and interests are paramount and she uses everything she has to make him happy in response to his love. He comes first even before the kids.

The love of a man makes a woman blossom... The woman in turn takes care of the man.

NeoWanZaeed:


Family living with man or woman isn't the problem.

The problem is do they(man) have the financial capacity of housing them

This is where all the problems actually starts from

You get it and that has been the problem which they (men) failed to address.

olasaad:


You get it and that has been the problem which they (men) failed to address.

Men who addresses it.. I meant rich men would still have problem if they don't understand their wife..

If your wife is kinda hard around your family..do your duty to them and try to control their visiting or staying..

If na man that's uncomfortable with her wife's family visiting.. he should do his duty and keep them away..


After all.. na money people want..


Most just don't see it that way.. especially Igbo..

They do really try to help siblings by letting them live with them

PrimadonnaO:
Placating us, abi?

Not at all my dear. It takes some times before a Nigeria woman adjust on financial issues at home and men must realise that to reduce misunderstanding during those times.

budaatum:


Women do take on quite a lot of financial responsibility actually.

In the old days it was the woman who ensured there was food on the table while we were waiting for father's yams to grow. It was the woman who made palm oil to sell from the few trees on the farm. It was the woman who sold the eyins and the akuros. It was the womsn who collected the fire wood too. And it was the woman you likely went crying to when you could not get any money from your pa.

But because she does not boast about it, you are here belittling the contribution of the woman to a family as if you did not see mother contributing in your home!

I forgive you!

I accepted and I am not here to belittle women's contribution in a relationship, but our society never come to the full understanding of co-contributions at home. It takes real women to fully subscribe to that. Some women adjusted over time while some grew to see that, but majority believes it is man's duty.

bukatyne:


All these threads

The major problem we have is that Nigerians want to mix and match culture and religion which are two ends of a spectrum especially when it comes to marriage.

If you want to stick with culture, please do.
If you want to stick with religion, please do.

For instance, in Christianity, nowhere was it taught that a man is the sole provider; a man's headship is not tied to finance or not. Whether he earns more, less or not at all, he is the head.

A husband is also expected to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. That means no cheating, rudeness, bullying, selfishness, intimidation etc and all the works in a typical Nigerian marriage. His wife comes first before anyone else including their kids and they are one. He is to nourish and cherish her with everything she's got.

A wife is to submit (not slavery or subservient) to her husband and be loyal to him. His happiness and interests are paramount and she uses everything she has to make him happy in response to his love. He comes first even before the kids.

The love of a man makes a woman blossom... The woman in turn takes care of the man.

Budaatum will yet deny ferociously that the Bible doesn't endorse patriarchy to save his/her holy book blame

Michellekabod2:

Budaatum will yet deny ferociously that the Bible doesn't endorse patriarchy to save his/her holy book blame

What do you mean by patriarchy in this case?

bukatyne:


What do you mean by patriarchy in this case?

A man being the leader.





Note:I don't see a man or woman leading as oppression, if both mutually agree to it

Michellekabod2:

A man being the leader.

Note:I don't see a man or woman leading as oppression, if both mutually agree to it

The husband is the leader in the home.

This style of leadership named 'servant leaders' is leading strictly by example and doing everything for the greater good of the family.

The issue would be if a woman marries a Christian in mouth only who would seek to culture to suppress her under the guise of religion or 'submission'.

budaatum:


Women do take on quite a lot of financial responsibility actually.

In the old days it was the woman who ensured there was food on the table while we were waiting for father's yams to grow. It was the woman who made palm oil to sell from the few trees on the farm. It was the woman who sold the eyins and the akuros. It was the womsn who collected the fire wood too. And it was the woman you likely went crying to when you could not get any money from your pa.

But because she does not boast about it, you are here belittling the contribution of the woman to a family as if you did not see mother contributing in your home!

I forgive you!

You even went far into the olden days.
Today, a woman would work and contribute financially and at the same time be the sole handler of domestic chores.

bukatyne:


The husband is the leader in the home.

This style of leadership named 'servant leaders' is leading strictly by example and doing everything for the greater good of the family.

The issue would be if a woman marries a Christian in mouth only who would seek to culture to suppress her under the guise of religion or 'submission'.

To be honest I have never had issue with a man or woman leading the house,if both couple are comfy with it and mutually agree on it.
How a man and woman runs their home doesn't concern me,she can lead,he can lead,they can both lead,as long they are both happy...that's all.

The bible gave a recipe for their adherents to follow, but people like budaatum never admit his/her Bible did so.

I am an atheist and am liberal. I don't believe there should be a fixed leader of the home that all couples should emulate,but buda's Bible gave a recipe for leadership in marriage,which buda will likely deny .

budaatum:


Women do take on quite a lot of financial responsibility actually.

In the old days it was the woman who ensured there was food on the table while we were waiting for father's yams to grow. It was the woman who made palm oil to sell from the few trees on the farm. It was the woman who sold the eyins and the akuros. It was the womsn who collected the fire wood too. And it was the woman you likely went crying to when you could not get any money from your pa.

But because she does not boast about it, you are here belittling the contribution of the woman to a family as if you did not see mother contributing in your home!

I forgive you!

did our mothers contribute to their weddings?

budaatum:


Women do take on quite a lot of financial responsibility actually.

In the old days it was the woman who ensured there was food on the table while we were waiting for father's yams to grow. It was the woman who made palm oil to sell from the few trees on the farm. It was the woman who sold the eyins and the akuros. It was the womsn who collected the fire wood too. And it was the woman you likely went crying to when you could not get any money from your pa.

But because she does not boast about it, you are here belittling the contribution of the woman to a family as if you did not see mother contributing in your home!

I forgive you!

it depends at which end do you look at it, my point there was division of labour based physical strength etc, man hunted because of the physical strength and women would do small ploughing of vegetables etc this was before the use of physical currency.

Colonasation, Currency and urbanazation overhauled, the old ways, men were forced to work for another men, what used to be free land became someone's land no more hunting etc, money became the norm used to exchange goods and services

we should always look at what caused the changes and what changes we have currently.

Before money in the days of hunting and gathering no one wanted a woman who only wanted to be seated home, but a woman who was hard working doing those gender based responsibility of having your own home


to understand by point in the old days it was women expected duty to do vegetable gathering or farming and men expected to ho hunting or looking after cattle

so both contributed directly to the own home but based on those gender based roles

the same with building a hut, men would do the physical work to go in forest to cut the the poles for the hut, while women would go a cut the grass for the roof

now money is there and used to by goods and services, now some women want only men to contribute in bringing in that money while she seats home, nothing wrong with it if you meet a guy who makes good money that you only seat and manage the money he brings in

But to some because of economic hardships women have seen that the money hubby brings it is not enough and have woken up by doing side things to help with finances

then we have those women who are working but have this idea that it is the men's job only to look after the family, but i believe two salaries are better than one you achieve more, then on the other side we have men who believe is there duty to provide and believe that once a women start contributing they think they have failed as men to provide

so besides using the umbrella cover to say its traditional, families differ, eg lets a girl from a middle class family grow up seeing her mum working just as daddy both put their finances into the family budget, she will grown up knowing that its not a men's job but both hubby and wife to built and finance your own home.

so family background as effects on how we run our new lifes as married people

Michellekabod2:

Budaatum will yet deny ferociously that the Bible doesn't endorse patriarchy to save his/her holy book blame

Something will punish you for lying that buda wants to save a holy book! If a book tells you to put your hand inside fire, you stand their stupidly burning your hand instead of reading and understanding what you need to learn from the book.

As for smart people like buda, we just tell you not to worship a book because God is a jealous God who you [url=https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+4%3A7&version=KJV]should not tempt[/url]!

P.s. the Bible does not endorse killing nor theft, but many ignore those bits. It does endorse love your neighbours and your enemies moreso, but many ignore those bits too. You just got to wonder why.

And speak for yourself michelle!

Michellekabod2:


The bible gave a recipe for their adherents to follow, but people like budaatum never admit his/her Bible did so .

For braindead adherents to follow, you mean. You lazy person who reads one verse only and assumes that's all she wrote! You clearly ignore the bit that says, "Do not live on one verse alone but by the entire book plus the brain that is inside your head"!

Are you suggesting buda go stone adulterers and gay people because it is written "stone them" in some verse in the Bible?

rain21:


did our mothers contribute to their weddings?

"Our mothers"? I do not know about your mother, but many mothers contributed to their marriage even. My grandma contributed a lot! Grandpa had 3 wives so she had to educate her own children! And my mother did too, especially in the early days when she worked as a nurse and pa was a budding lawyer.

There's nothing like "our mothers". Everyone had their own mother and they are not all the same.

ZIMDRILL:

now money is there and used to by goods and services, now some women want only men to contribute in bringing in that money while she seats home, nothing wrong with it if you meet a guy who makes good money that you only seat and manage the money he brings in.

And it is this "seat at home" sort of woman that you advise I become? Or is this the sort of woman I should want my daughters to become? Or assuming I was a man, is this is the sort of woman I should choose to bear my children?

You do know that the man will one day replace your useless seat at home ass with a new younger move your ass model, right?

Why don't you just advise me to curse myself while your are at it!

Michellekabod2:


The bible gave a recipe for their adherents to follow, but people like budaatum never admit his/her Bible did so.

I am an atheist and am liberal.

You should try harder at being an atheist and a liberal instead of bearing false witness against buda!

budaatum:

It is unfortunate that "believe there is God" tends to come from "Religion" which you have identified as the problem, which you've further shown by stating "doesn't have to make sense to you either", which just goes to show how much of a problem it can be.

Imagine being asked to believe in the existence of a thing that makes no sense to you. Won't you ask why, at least? In fact, lets try it. Believe the earth is flat. Or that nothing evolves. Let me know how that goes.

In my opinion, a god that requires stupidity and ignorance should be judged, found guilty, and taken to the bottom of the river and have its head bashed in so it stops existing, unless it wasn't that same god that put a brain in one's head hoping one would use it.

An Almighty God cannot demand such ignorance and stupidity and would most definitely require understanding or would not have bothered sending so many prophets and Jesus Christ to come teach you about God!

Things that exist are known and not merely believed like satan is said to believe and tremble.

budaatum:

When the "Lord said to Moses, “Come up to the Lord, you and Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel. You are to worship at a distance, but Moses alone is to approach the Lord; the others must not come near. And the people may not come up with him”.

buda, said, "What the fuq, Lord! Has Moses got two heads?! Is it not you who created buda also? I'm coming up too. And I'm coming near you!"

And so we all went all the way up the mountain, and the Lord gave buda the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father sent to teach all things and bring all things to remembrance.

So why would I need someone to brainwash my head, Tatime? Did that person go up the mountain behind the back of Moses, and Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel and buda to receive a different Holy Ghost?

I am calm. I do not rush things. I did not say there was stupidity in what the Bible says. And we are already reasoning and questioning one another. But if you truly think I am "just an agitator against wisdom", we can stop now.

Michellekabod2:

Budaatum will yet deny ferociously that the Bible doesn't endorse patriarchy to save his/her holy book blame

Patriarchy is not a sin. It is not a crime. Any woman that wants a man to take care of her is playing by patriarchal rules. If you detest the patriarchy and want to abolish it, no problem. Pay your own damn bills.

You either turn down the patriarchy completely or shut the eff up and submit to your man

budaatum:

And it is this "seat at home" sort of woman that you advise I become? Or is this the sort of woman I should want my daughters to become? Or assuming I was a man, is this is the sort of woman I should choose to bear my children?

You do know that the man will one day replace your useless seat at home ass with a new younger move your ass model, right?

Why don't you just advise me to curse myself while your are at it!

am suggesting anything for anyone, but am explaining, some type of women and men that, agree with a sitting home wife and men who have beliefs and salaries that allows wife to just sit home

adexpa:


I accepted and I am not here to belittle women's contribution in a relationship, but our society never come to the full understanding of co-contributions at home. It takes real women to fully subscribe to that. Some women adjusted over time while some grew to see that, but majority believes it is man's duty.

true most women fail to realise that, doing contributing financially if you are capable gives you the right to fight for that half if divorces raises whether legally in court or under tradition because you can prove if financial records are there

There lots of thread here were people talk of chasing a woman back to her parents, she goes with nothing why simply because she did not contribute financially, she was just a manager to what husband brought in

imagine you put your salaries together and you buy land and built a house 20 later you divorce and husband says its his house, she can challenge thats because has financial records to prove what put into the home

Show me a woman who was just housewife who got divorced from traditional marriage set up and was given settlement based on the years she spent in that marriage for being just a housewife? most walked away with nothing why because they know financially they did not put anything on the table and fear to challenge that they can walk away with nothing (am not in support of treating women in this way even in traditional marriage set-up)

my point is, a woman who gets married traditionally and because sit home wife, has high chances of walking away with nothing in the event of divorce, since she had not put financially anything on the table, men to claim all the property and she goes back with nothing but if she was a working money with traceable records its easy to challenge

so lets teach our daughters (who became wives one day) to be financial contributers to their marriages, two salaries achieve more than a single income.

budaatum:

Something will punish you for lying that buda wants to save a holy book! If a book tells you to put your hand inside fire, you stand their stupidly burning your hand instead of reading and understanding what you need to learn from the book.

As for smart people like buda, we just tell you not to worship a book because God is a jealous God who you [url=https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+4%3A7&version=KJV]should not tempt[/url]!

P.s. the Bible does not endorse killing nor theft, but many ignore those bits. It does endorse love your neighbours and your enemies moreso, but many ignore those bits too. You just got to wonder why.

And speak for yourself michelle!

so you have become jnr that issues treats and curses...