I remember one time that i bought Hugo Boss perfume and 212 Exclusive for #2,500 each from one roadside marketer in Ikeja Under Bridge.
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Perfumes that my Uncle uses and he smells so nice. I knew they should not be less than 30k or more in real shops.

The seller first walked past me with a bag of perfumes. The bag was on his left shoulder; the side i was too, maybe that too was a strategic move as it was the combined scent of the bag that drew me in, in part.
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The other part was the fact that he held the same 212 and Hugo Boss that my uncle usually hid from us.

So, i turned and called him, "Oga bring am, make i see." In Ikeja under bridge, that was the first mistake - never buy anything from anyone without a shop as the likelihood of buying fake or buying another thing is like 99.99.99% Like you could pay for Tura soap and get home to open your soap and see canoe soap inside or buy a clean phone and get home to see wood of same size inside your new phone box - that's how bad Ikeja Under bridge was.
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So i asked this man how much and he said, "#7,000 for each", adding that in normal boutiques, they cost as much as #25,000. He said i was in luck that he wanted to sell them to me for such price emphasizing that they were cheap because he bought them at the wharf where they were smuggled into the country hence the scratches and cheapness.

I couldn't agree less - indeed, i was in luck.

To further show my bargaining prowress, i pressed him further and he ended up selling both the Hugo Boss and the 212 Exclusive for #5,000.
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What a lucky chap i thought i was.
I made a USSD transfer to him and put my sweet smelling savour inside my big bag and trudged on to my bus stop.
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Problem started when i sprayed the Hugo Boss the next morning and immediately started coughing. It felt like someone emptied a sachet of dry gin on my clothes. It refused to dry off and the smell refused to go away.

And no, it didn't smell the same way my uncle's own did. I wondered how i didn't notice this when i was buying it.

I said maybe it was the Hugo Boss, let me try the 212. That one was worse. I could as well have sprayed an insecticide on myself because they were very similar in terms of smell and characteristics.

I am sure a few mosquitoes died when i sprayed the second perfume.

I shamefully disposed of the products after 2 weeks of smelling like a mosquito repellant + chronic alcoholic.

If there's one thing i have learnt in Lagos, it is never buy anything that is ridiculously cheap.

It never ends well.
(Harrison Emu)

Chai, no be small thing ooo