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Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? - Family - Nairaland

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Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by NAJALYN: 1:43pm On Feb 01, 2011
I am just wondering if this will help since marriage is a life- long affair. Please your contributions.

1 Like

Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by ZIMDRILL(m): 1:58pm On Feb 01, 2011
are you saying forget dating/courtship and go for arranged marriage
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by NAJALYN: 2:30pm On Feb 01, 2011
@ ZIM DRILL. I mean is it important for couples to date for sometime before marriage so they can know themselves better?
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by ZIMDRILL(m): 2:38pm On Feb 01, 2011
NAJALYN:

I am just wondering if this will help since marriage is a life- long affair. Please your contributions.

yes it is

the problem is people focus on the time itself though some periods are too short
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by NAJALYN: 2:51pm On Feb 01, 2011
@ ZIM DRILL, in your opinion what is reasonable length of time for courtship/dating?
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by naijafrend: 4:50pm On Feb 01, 2011
@topic

Not necessarily, I have a friend from SE Asia who never dated and had an arranged marriage. They have a perfect family and is almost married for 2 decades. She says majority of their people have arranged marriage and surprisingly most of them are happy too.

I personally think courtship takes away that freshness from your marriage. Everything is predictable and there is nothing to look forward to when you know your partner in and out. If arranged marriages seem barbaric, it is best to keep the courtship period short.
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Plutarch: 5:34pm On Feb 01, 2011
Is it good to prepare well b4 going 4 exams?
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by zayhal(f): 8:53pm On Feb 01, 2011
Plutarch:

Is it good to prepare well b4 going 4 exams?

You can't compare marriage with exams. In the latter, everything is almost predictable and there's an answer to every question. Marriage isn't that straightforward. If it goes according to your comparison, then those who have longer courtships will have more successful marriages. But obviously, it's not always like that.
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Busybody2(f): 9:17pm On Feb 01, 2011
^^^

Gbam cool


@ topic

From the above response, we can safely conclude that the period of courtship is negligible, especially considering the fact that most marriages is not based on love these days cool
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by zayhal(f): 11:49am On Feb 02, 2011
Cases abound to justify that courtship has little to do to the success or otherwise of a marriage. I have two brothers both of whom courted for 7 and 9 years respectively. The one who courted for nine years is divorced now, the one of 7years usually have family members going to settle quarrel every now and then. I've got another family member who met his wife in February and they got married in June. Everyone complained that they were rushing things. It's been 6years into the marriage now. I still admire them and their lifestyle.

I'm not saying people shouldn't court, but it should be for a reasonable period of time and courtship shouldn't be expected to be the trial period of the marriage. It just doesn't work that way. A lot of people pretend during courtship.
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Ujujoan(f): 12:12pm On Feb 02, 2011
There's no denying the fact that courtship is important, but dwelling on the length of time is not. If both parties are open to each other then they can get married as soon as they are comfortable with each other and then learn to build a life together . . . undecided
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by NAJALYN: 1:59pm On Feb 02, 2011
I thank you all for your brilliant contributions. Response received so far, are not in favour of courtship. Lets wait for more.
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by DeeJay20: 2:24pm On Feb 02, 2011
Plutarch:

Is it good to prepare well b4 going 4 exams?

GOOD GOD DUDE!!! Thats an Original !!! Could not have said it
better myself,
grin

But i have a question,

Is the exam in question equivalent to

1 - Common Entrance

2 - WAEC

3 - JAMB

4 - 1st Degree Convocation

5 - Master Thesis



Please can you let me know what level between 1 - 5 the "Marital Exam" is
prepared for, ROFLAMO!!!
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by bidemi12(m): 2:27pm On Feb 02, 2011
naijafrend:

@topic

Not necessarily, I have a friend from SE Asia who never dated and had an arranged marriage. They have a perfect family and is almost married for 2 decades. She says majority of their people have arranged marriage and surprisingly most of them are happy too.

I personally think courtship takes away that freshness from your marriage. Everything is predictable and there is nothing to look forward to when you know your partner in and out. If arranged marriages seem barbaric, it is best to keep the courtship period short.

Your friend in SE asia is the exception to the rule. courtship before marriage is like oxygen to life
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Princek12(m): 2:30pm On Feb 02, 2011
zayhal:

Cases abound to justify that courtship has little to do to the success or otherwise of a marriage. I have two brothers both of whom courted for 7 and 9 years respectively. The one who courted for nine years is divorced now, the one of 7years usually have family members going to settle quarrel every now and then. I've got another family member who met his wife in February and they got married in June. Everyone complained that they were rushing things. It's been 6years into the marriage now. I still admire them and their lifestyle.

I'm not saying people shouldn't court, but it should be for a reasonable period of time and courtship shouldn't be expected to be the trial period of the marriage. It just doesn't work that way. A lot of people pretend during courtship.

What exactly is your point?
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by DeeJay20: 2:30pm On Feb 02, 2011
zayhal:

You can't compare marriage with exams. In the latter, everything is almost predictable and there's an answer to every question. Marriage isn't that straightforward. If it goes according to your comparison, then those who have longer courtships will have more successful marriages. But obviously, it's not always like that.

I I understand what you are saying zayhal but i think the poster
was trying to illustrate a valid metaphoric/indictive point.
The marital prep period will give you an idea of the type of
question that will show up in the "martital exam hall" lol.
You gotta have some signs and clues!!!
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by DeeJay20: 2:34pm On Feb 02, 2011
bidemi12:

Your friend in SE asia is the exception to the rule. courtship before marriage is like oxygen to life

Oxygen to life, come on now, i learning something valid today!!!

Hmmm you got to check that the pressure in the cabin is just right before
you take of from the "run-way" (Wedding) and soar to 40,000 feet!!! lol,

Better to check than to get sooo high (years into the marriage) and the
pressure in the cabin drops and you are running out of air!!! lol!
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Princek12(m): 2:35pm On Feb 02, 2011
It is funny how so many people here are trying to justify marrying someone without courting them, just because so and so did it and it worked out. Let's not disregard common sense in our reasoning. If you don't court the person whom you intend to marry, how will you be able to learn about that person's character before entering a, presumably, lifetime contract?
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Ujujoan(f): 2:37pm On Feb 02, 2011
NAJALYN:

I thank you all for your brilliant contributions. Response received so far, are not in favour of courtship. Lets wait for more.

Pleas not that nobody's entirely ruling out courtship. But then the fact that you courted is not a guarantee that your marriage will work and vice versa!

Princek12:

It is funny how so many people here are trying to justify marrying someone without courting them, just because so and so did it and it worked out. Let's not disregard common sense in our reasoning. If you don't court the person whom you intend to marry, how will you be able to learn about that person's character before entering a, presumably, lifetime contract?

Nobody's saying 'don't court' . . . and nobody's saying you MUST court! undecided
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by DeeJay20: 2:39pm On Feb 02, 2011
Ujujoan:

Pleas not that nobody's entirely ruling out courtship. But then the fact that you courted is not a guarantee that your marriage will work and vice versa!

Nobody's saying 'don't court' . . .  and nobody's saying you MUST court!  undecided

But you do agree that a couple should learn about each other before
doing an "altar job", i mean come on i got to know something about the ladyeee lol!
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Princek12(m): 2:42pm On Feb 02, 2011
Ujujoan:

Pleas not that nobody's entirely ruling out courtship. But then the fact that you courted is not a guarantee that your marriage will work and vice versa!

Nobody's saying 'don't court' . . .  and nobody's saying you MUST court!  undecided

so what are you saying?
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by DeeJay20: 2:46pm On Feb 02, 2011
Princek12:

It is funny how so many people here are trying to justify marrying someone without courting them, just because so and so did it and it worked out. Let's not disregard common sense in our reasoning. If you don't court the person whom you intend to marry, how will you be able to learn about that person's character before entering a, presumably, lifetime contract?

Dude i agree wit you, it like entering into a Business Partnership, you have to know
something about you "partner to be", you cant enter blindly,
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Ujujoan(f): 2:47pm On Feb 02, 2011
Princek12:

so what are you saying?


I saying one shouldn't let such baseless 'rules' control his or her actions!

DeeJay20:

But you do agree that a couple should learn about each other before
doing an "altar job", i mean come on i got to know something about the ladyeee lol!

I'm not saying you should marry a total stranger . . . you should so whatever you feel comfortable with. I just don't subscribe to the idea of being hung up on 'courtship' for years and years and years . . .  It's a complete waste of time!
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Princek12(m): 3:07pm On Feb 02, 2011
Ujujoan:


I saying one shouldn't let such baseless 'rules' control his or her actions!

I'm not saying you should marry a total stranger . . . you should so whatever you feel comfortable with. I just don't subscribe to the idea of being hung up on 'courtship' for years and years and years . . .  It's a complete waste of time!

Whether one should court before marriage is one issue.

The duration of a reasonable courtship is another issue. As to that, reasonable minds could differ as to what constitutes a reasonable length of time. I say that it depends on the circumstances and should be long enough to provide both parties the opportunity to apprise each other's character. Several factors such as the proximity of the courting parties, their communication with each other, and their skill at observing people may be controlling in determining what is a reasonable time.
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by 21052011: 3:23pm On Feb 02, 2011
of course courtship before marriage is important but NOT NECESSARY
heck i courted my husband for years and i still dont know the man enough after enough years of being married grin grin grin

youve heard of the 7 years courtship and marriage breaks up after 1 year
or the arranged marriage that is heaven on earth
what does that tell you?
it means marriage needs constant work on both sides to make it work
not necessary the duration of courtship or not
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by deco2come: 3:33pm On Feb 02, 2011
naijafrend:

@topic

Not necessarily, I have a friend from SE Asia who never dated and had an arranged marriage. They have a perfect family and is almost married for 2 decades. She says majority of their people have arranged marriage and surprisingly most of them are happy too.

I personally think courtship takes away that freshness from your marriage. Everything is predictable and there is nothing to look forward to when you know your partner in and out. If arranged marriages seem barbaric, it is best to keep the courtship period short.

Courtship doesn't take away the freshness of your marriage. If dating a lady for about 5 years will take away the freshness, what will happen after 8 years of marrying a lady without dating her;Do you think the freshness will also die?

The fact is this, marriage is like a two side blade, you might get the sharper side. Dating or no dating doesn't guarantee a joyful marriage. It boils down to getting the right person.
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by tpia5: 3:49pm On Feb 02, 2011
courtship is different from dating, and yes, most times courtship is necessary.

arranged marriages also have a period of courtship, though it could be in the presence of chaperones.



Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her interest in him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage. In the western world, this concept of gender roles in courtship is changing, or has changed, in many societies.

Courtship may include the couple going out together in public, (often known as dating), for a meal, movie, dance, sports or other social activity. Courtship may also involve private activities which usually include much talking together, perhaps by telephone or by electronic means such as text messages or e-mail. There is often exchange of letters, gifts, flowers and songs.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship

sex not necessarily involved.
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by nvo5(f): 3:54pm On Feb 02, 2011
Princek12:

It is funny how so many people here are trying to justify marrying someone without courting them, just because so and so did it and it worked out. Let's not disregard common sense in our reasoning. If you don't court the person whom you intend to marry, how will you be able to learn about that person's character before entering a, presumably, lifetime contract?

I think you should ask the people of southern Indian
how it has been working for them. AS for me courtship
is not important before marriage, but you have to know
little about the person you intend to marry. Its talks more
than love to remain married.
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by naijafrend: 4:13pm On Feb 02, 2011
bidemi12:

Your friend in SE asia is the exception to the rule. courtship before marriage is like oxygen to life


I also mentioned most people in that country gets married that way.

deco2come:

Courtship doesn't take away the freshness of your marriage. If dating a lady for about 5 years will take away the freshness, what will happen after 8 years of marrying a lady without dating her;Do you think the freshness will also die?

The fact is this, marriage is like a two side blade, you might get the sharper side. Dating or no dating doesn't guarantee a joyful marriage. It boils down to getting the right person.



I never said one should never date and it is absurd to marry a total stranger. I feel the courtship period shouldn't be long enough for 2 people to get bored with each other. Say for example, a couple dates each other for 10 years ( they have wasted a gud part of their life that way) and then you get married for the sake of getting married. So whatz new ?? A change in  title from being BF and GF to husband and wife ! And say there's your anniversary/birthday coming up, you obviously know what your wife/husband is planning for you. You have a problem, you know for sure what the spouse's solution would be. You are planning a holiday, you know what the choice would be. And moreover there is also a hidden trap in courtship. You date someone for an year or two, find out the person is not compatible, leave him/her. Try another one, not compatible, try next, not compatible, by the time you find your mr/ms right you don pass tokunbo  grin  S
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by tpiah2: 4:21pm On Feb 02, 2011
courtship isnt the same thing as dating.

courtship is what you do after you've decided who you want to marry.
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by LoveKing(m): 4:45pm On Feb 02, 2011
I dont think so. Our Grandads can testify. They didnt court, but their marriage is the lastest!
Re: Is Courtship Before Marriage Important? by Ujujoan(f): 4:56pm On Feb 02, 2011
Princek12:

Whether one should court before marriage is one issue.

The duration of a reasonable courtship is another issue. As to that, reasonable minds could differ as to what constitutes a reasonable length of time. I say that it depends on the circumstances and should be long enough to provide both parties the opportunity to apprise each other's character. Several factors such as the proximity of the courting parties, their communication with each other, and their skill at observing people may be controlling in determining what is a reasonable time.

Those factors you present could confuse things. Like I said, one shouldn't get hung up on these thing . . . if you feel the need to court, go ahead and do so, if not, it's no biggie!

Of course I'm assuming you know the difference b/w courtship and dating! undecided

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