A friend of my sister had such problem in the past and was advised by his mother to stock the refrigerator with his husband's favorite beer and make those things available that takes him to the beer parlour.So that evening she served the husband with well prepared sizzling  Isiewu, and decorated the table with  bottles of gulder.His husband was so excited as he started devouring the dish.Next he asked his wife who joined him at the table, so start up beer parlour jist to complement and digest the menu.But she was lost.The next day the man continued his hanging out.

So my dear in as much as i don't support his action,its not only drinks that takes him out,sometimes the company of his friends and the jist which the wife can't provide.Try to hang out with him sometimes.

chaircover:

Apart from his going out do you two get along in the home?

The reason I ask is because it could be that there are other reasons why the guy doesnt want to be round you. I know you mentioned your good physical features, but you need more than that to keep a man interested.

First point of call is to try and work out why he feels the need to drink and smoke away from the home rather than open a can of beer or whatever it is that he drinks in his own sitting room and in your company.

Yeah I solely agree with you, she might be the one chasing out.

First of all poster, where in a long distance relationship before you married this man? if not then you dissolve what you get. For one to date someone for[b] seven years[/b], you should know you husband inside out unless your husband married because you tied him down when you were pregnant. Your story is not straight at all. There must something you did that's getting on his nose. You women like to blame men for one thing or the other. Each time when there is a problem in a relationship, you women intend to say is the man fault. Please get you story straight.

Anyway inform your pastor regarding your un-straight story.

Seven years is more than a enough to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I don't believe your story.

OvieE:

First of all poster, where in a long distance relationship before you married this man? if not then you dissolve what you get. For one to date someone for[b] seven years[/b], you should know you husband[b] inside out [/b] unless your husband married because you tided him down when you were pregnant. Your story is not straight at all. There must something you did that's getting on his nose. You women like to blame men for one thing or the other. Each time when there is a problem in a relationship, you women intend to say is the man fault. Please get you story straight.

Any inform your pastor regarding your un-straight story.

Seven years is more than a enough to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I don't believe your story.

DO you mind cleaning up you post?

TAke it easy with him or you lose him totally.

Try and commit everything to God, I believe there will be a change

naija men. always getting bad rep. what the hell is wrong w men sef - you're married now - you no longer single - you supposed to be at home w ur wife and kids! Not 24/7 but dammit much more than when you were single!! what the hell - going out drinking and what not like he's single?? rubbish!

poster - no words for you sha - only pity. Make sure you know your man well enough before tying the knot. You may need to take some more drastic actions here - maybe he's still a kid at heart. If he's not listening to your pleas, or refuses to change, you may need to involved other pple (with caution of course).

And it goes w.out saying - first stop is prayer. All da best.

Ur husband needs deliverance of de brain! Pls get a good pastor,b4 he losses his senses!

u dated a guy 4 seven nd u where nt aware of those bad habit, just pray 4 GOD Intervention

@OP

Prayer is the key. Its the easiest way outta any problem. Just pray with a true and open mind; he will be dragged back home. We all know what he is going through and i wish he understands what dangers are out there.

Also, Pay him less attention when he gets back drunk. No argument.

Ultimately, prayer is the key. If anybody tells you its lame to rely on prayers, they sure dont want you to be happy.

//

a friend of my sister had such problem in the past and was advised by his mother to stock the refrigerator with his husband's favorite beer and make those things available that takes him to the beer parlour.So that evening she served the husband with well prepared sizzling  Isiewu, and decorated the table with  bottles of gulder.His husband was so excited as he started devouring the dish.Next he asked his wife who joined him at the table, so start up beer parlour jist to complement and digest the menu.But she was lost.The next day the man continued his hanging out.

This is funny.


beer parlour jist?

guy needs help, imo.

we dated for 7 years before we got married but I never knew he had an alcohol problem

strange on both counts.

//

Dat fstrange guy must be an ANTI-CHRIST.

O booo?

@poster, Most Men respect their mum, if yours respect him mum which i know you be aware of, report to his mum, your marriage is just a year old try and fix it. i also know that you saw that drinking habit but neglected it, i pray that you fine happiness in marriage. Amen

I have absolutely NO pity for you. It's girls like you that must have been mouthing the "good guys are boring, I love bad boys" crap that most of your type are guilty of. You dated him for 7 years and yet you claim not to know he had an 'alcohol problem'? Smh.

I wonder why you're complaining. You've got the 'bad boy' you've always wanted - having rejected the 'unadventurous', 'boring', 'nice guys' that must have been on your case years back when you were still single and available. So it is now that you realize that what you need is a nice guy that'll be 'boring' enough to always be at home with you and pay full attention to you? Confused lot.

@poster Sweetheart, men can be like dt. These are what i've tried to address a similar problem. Get close to his drinking buddies (it shouldn't be hard since u said earlier dt u re attractive), spoil them wit treats, compliments, anything and wit time let them know subtly that u want ur man home on time (ur kid needing his or her daddy can also be thrown in to add more weight). Secondly, If u ve a help, leave d kid wit her and follow ur husband to one or all of his outings and stay out till 3am if need be. This should only be attempted if u re already close to his friends cos then, they'll not mind so much having u arnd n d attention shifts to u wit all of them trying to please u and buy u treats. Thirdly, since they re single, introduce them to ur female friends dt will amply take their time. Last but not d least, pray and be patient cos trust me, this will stop as he gets older. Finally, get urself busy, brush urself up and give d impression dt u don't mind even though secretly u re not happy. This believe me will work more in getting him to change better than ur nagging and tears

are they even having sex at all?

just wondering cos it sounds that way.

shouldnt regular romps keep him at home occasionally or is the call of the beer parlour too strong.

who is serving the beer? a woman?

madam, if ur marriage is still a year old.
it can swing either way, either he still has not come to terms with the fact that he is married,
or he is soo attached to his friends (and that means, u pray they are too busy or get married soon)
u can even arrange the drinks in the house and make the pepper soup, or nkwobi(it most times does not work but some guys are wowed by this and will appreciate the effort)
u inviting the person he respects does not necessarily change anything. he can tolerate it for a while but a man has got to do what a man has got to do.
Men that drink do not change overnight (spiritual attack may change him pronto)
the early years na die, it just depends on how u handle it, most times u do not need anyone's advice, a little understandng works a lot of magic as all me are not the same and u can't have the result Mrs. A or B have

@ poster,
the success or failure of your marriage depend on you. Infact the success or failure of any marriage depend on the wife, that is the responsibility you took onto yourself when you get married. You have GOD to help you build your home and HE is ever ready only if you call to intervene. GOD will change your husband and give you the wisdom to manage your home.

Husbands (including me) are like big, overgrown baby with a very large ego, so dont be confrontational in your approach, it wont get you anywhere rather it will escalate the situation.

Finally, if you cant stand him again seek for divorce.

4ur husband to get awt in the morning and kum bak in the nite,that is wat we kall nitochondroic mentility,, ur husband is an epitome of outdoor mosquitized environmental disambiguity,he is a dipsomaniac practising inebriatd quantial aspect of multifarious diseases, he is factitubly derailed,pongolectically discardd,fascinatically pompolized and quixotically handicapilized, luk at such a mess, an actn that seems hogwashly outtandish,opprobrously opprobrium and vactutinally pimpilized, gosh dis sucks, madam u nid to take him to the presence of god, thats the only way of survival, thanku staychill the chic madam

^^^^^^ abeg which dictionary dis daniel michael dey use sef, over sabi house wife. mchew!

daniel michael:

4ur husband to get awt in the morning and kum bak in the nite,that is wat we kall nitochondroic mentility,, your husband is an epitome of outdoor mosquitized environmental disambiguity,he is a dipsomaniac practising inebriatd quantial aspect of multifarious diseases, he is factitubly derailed,pongolectically discardd,fascinatically pompolized and quixotically handicapilized, luk at such a mess, an actn that seems hogwashly outtandish,opprobrously opprobrium and vactutinally pimpilized, gosh dis sucks, madam u nid to take him to the presence of god, thats the only way of survival, thanku staychill the chic madam

Seriously, what were you trying to say? Are you okay?

let me answer for daniel michael,
erm erm , i don't think so

u deserve to be very very unhappy cus u are lying to us that u dont know he smokes and drink irresponsibly or the tendency to do so be4 u married him.im sure its either he was f, g u well or he has dollars to spare that u jumped into the frying pan.frying pan is not the worst place to be,the raw fire is worst.u either sit up and do ur homework spiritually and physically or jump out into the fire cus now dat u are once married and wit a kid ,most men will consider u only for enjoyment,not marriage.all the same marriage is not padlock,get the key and bolt out.i may be interested ,call me 08033043242.

^^^^

i dey gbadun you jo

The Truth: YOU NAGS ALOT.

REASON: Lack of improper communication. (communication breakdown)

YOUR FAULT: You know your husband but you want to understand him. Don't even try to understand him(cos man is a complex being, remember, you are only a portion of man, in biblical terms, you where taken out from man). He has alot on his head  (if he is a real man) which in real sense he does not want you to get involve in the thinking and solving, but you can assist by showing some love, patience and understanding on your part by stopping to complain or ask him too many questions at a time. TAKE HIM THE WAY HE PRESENTS HIMSELF EVERYDAY.

SOLUTION: PRAY TO GOD FOR GUIDANCE AND DIRECTION.
He is tired of you wanting attention and continuous nagging about his late hours and all that. He see that you are not seeing the bigger picture. What do you know about his job. (do you know if he has just been fired?), do you know if he is having some official stress. He does not enjoy staying out late and hanging out with friends just that the HOME IS HELL FOR HIM FOR NOW. SO MAKE IT HIS HEAVEN.
It is not everything about a relationship and marriage you women should complain about. - use common sense to win him home.
Thank God you have a Job. Get busy, by the time you ignore his excesses, he will NOTICE YOU.
YOUR HOME LACKS LOVE, AND YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN BRING LOVE TO THE HOUSE AND NOT HIM. A MAN WILL ALWAYS BE IN PLACES WHERE HE IS LOVED, CHERISHED AND APPRECIATED. CHECK YOURSELF WELL. (look in-ward for the solution you seek outside).


TRY AND MAKE THE HOME COMFORTABLE FOR HIM. THAT IS WHY HE MARRIED YOU. SIMPLE!

HE DRINKS? AND SO WHAT? YOU CAN SOLVE THIS BY GETTING HIM HIS DRINKS IN THE FRIDGE AT HOME WITH THE LEAN BUDGET YOU MIGHT HAVE. ITS POSSIBLE. What you know he likes make it available in the home. He has done is own by marrying you, you should do your part by fixing his HOME for him.

DON'T COMPLAIN TO PEOPLE HE KNOWS, YOU WILL ONLY MAKE MATTERS WORSE. (HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING). When he is calm and ready to listen to you, you QUIETLY and POLITELY make him realize his passed actions and how they hurt your feelings.

"Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.--- William Shakespeare

USE this guide if you are don't know where to start:

1. WAKE UP!! -- Decide to have a good day. "Today is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it". --Psalm 118:24
2. DRESS UP!! -- The best way to dress up is to put on a SMILE. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your look. "The Lord does not, " 1 Samuel 16:7
3. SHUT UP!! -- Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us 2 ears and one mouth. U must listen twice as much as u Speak, , Proverb 13:3
4. STAND UP!!-- For what you believe in (UR HUSBAND) or fall for anything. "Let us not be weary in doing good, " Galatians 6:9-10
5. LOOK UP!! --  To the Lord. "I can do EVERYTHING through Christ who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13
6. REACH UP!! -- For something higher. "Trust in the Lord, " Proverb: 3:5-6.
7. LIFT UP!! -- Your Prayers. "Do not worry about anything Instead Pray about EVERYTHING". Philippians 4:6

Marriage is for better for worse. You must stick to it. Its for BOTH OF U. examine your problems very carefully and you will see the solution is in the problem.   , Mark 10: 1-10; Luke 16:18; Mattew 19:1-12.

Finally READ 1Corrithians 13: 1  - 13. READ IT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.  , BEST OF GRACE.

Piece of advice, try to bring home what he is looking for outside, try to stock your fridge with drinks, if he likes soccer try to watch soccer and discuss football with him,make peppersoup or whatever he likes to take with his drinks. once in a while invite his friends over and try to understand him, if you complain too much you just might be driving him into the arms of someone else, men could be insensitive so try to bridge the gap, leaving the house is definately not the answer, Remember you have a child you cant afford the child to enjoy the warmth of a father .

babes, it usually never works,

@ Poster

Your husband does not have a drinking problem, he has a 'wife' problem!

I've been to the beer palours several times and I see what most men that frequent there come for . . . companionship! It means he's not getting it from home (meaning you).

There's no way you could have missed his addiction to alcohol when you guys were together. He's missing something and has just recently (after being married to you) taken to alcohol to fill in the gap! Now as his wife, you can't 'nag' him out of it! You have to do something.

If I were in your shoes, I'll follow him to the beer palour and even if I don't drink, I'll just sit there and laugh at their jokes. He certainly won't want to keep you out for too long so he'll have no choice but to go home early. You can even go straight from work to meet him at the joint with all your work clothes and fatigue. One look at you and he will have to leave . . . . his friend will even be the ones telling him to take you home!

Don't write him off as an alcoholic, you have to work with him on this. You have to develop a friendship with him, that is really important!

I'll tell you a story . . .

A woman complained that her husband doesn't stay at home any more and would prefer to go to the 'joint' to eat isi-ewu, peeper soup and Suya . . . plus the Gulder!

Anyways, she was advised by her friend to buy a case of Gulder and stock the fridge with it, buy isi ewu and prepaer for the man, plus enough pepper soup. The woman took this advice and bought these things and had them all ready for when her husband will come home from work. When the man came, she served him dinner and after eating he carried his car keys to head out for the 'joint' . . . The woman told him to hold on that she had something else for him, then she went into the kitchen, brought out the 'orishirishi' and the beer and offered him. The man was very happy and sat back on the couch and 'downed' the whole thing! The woman looked on with utmost satisfaction!

The shock however came when the man finished the treat and still picked his car keys to head for the 'joint'!

The woman was very dissapointed and said to him, 'what more do you need at the beer palour when I've given you everything already?' and the man said 'I want to go and be with my friends'!

That should be a lesson to all women . . . You should be your husband's best friend . . . he should seek your company ALL the time . . . even if he has to hang out with his guys, it shouldn't be on a regular basis!

So Poster, all I have to say to you is . . . Make friends with your husband!

_{excuse the long post!}