Gantofi:
I really pity the man that married this nonentity of a person, the guy must be in a living hell

He’s living in heaven.
We can not quarrel over a problem that money will solve.

You people want to form alpha male but can’t afford 20k for caterer. Bunch of hungry smellos, it’s the hungry women that look your way that I pity.

SmileDance:
I will give an advise when you answer my questions
1. Who will serve the 18-25 men after she cooks for them?
2. Who will pack the plates after the 18-23 men have finished eating?
3. Who will wash the dishes and clean the house after the 18-25 men have left?
Are you sure some of the 18-25 men will not eventually feel entitled to having your wife cook for them later on?
4. Are you sure you are not bringing see finish into your house laidis

If na me them wan force make she cook laidis if the men no chop rat poison na small e go remain. I'm just saying my own

rat poison ke? na u gan gan be the real wife material

Nooil:



And you didn't see the wife has compromised once and it left her scarred for life. I'm advising the man on how to reduce her psychological trauma and you're here typing rubbish. Better receive sense o. Isi aki!

So to cook and perform one of your wifely duties is trauma now, . I feel for your husband or perhaps future husband if you aren't married cos this is the height of rebellion.

If I were the OP I won't say anything again no need forcing her but I will make sure she regrets it one way or another

CanadianNaija:


He’s living in heaven.
We can not quarrel over a problem that money will solve.

You people want to form alpha male but can’t afford 20k for caterer. Bunch of hungry smellos, it’s the hungry women that look your way that I pity.

What a show of shame ,you are a lost cause.

I think your wife is already stressed from the day to day activities of running your home. I assume there kids in the marriage and I didn't hear you say anything about her having or not having a help. A lot of men are oblivious to the stress a lot of women go through in the course of running the home especially when the kids are still young. If you really must host these people look for other ways. Don't stress the already stressed woman.

Wingarnium:
I pity your wife o. I'm sure u don't know how to cook. The wife cooks for the family and takes care of the home. She even cooked the last one while pregnant. And she says she can't cook this for some reason. And u are saying u will divorce. Do u think women are not human beings. Cooking for 20 people. Cleaning up after them. u think it's easy. And she probably has a job that stresses her and even kids. I repeat if u want a maid, marry a maid. U cannot marry someone daughter and want to enslave her under the name of marriage. Have sense o. I'm 100% sure you're not married. Heck you can even be a kid. What you need is wisdom. Your own mother and your wife are not the same people. Do not expect your wife to act like your mother. Thank God they don't force marriage now. Imagine someone marrying u as u are

Abeg shut up... abeg sorry o but u Dey talk rubbish.. what is enslave in just cooking and cleaning, the guy offer to help... I don’t understand o. Watch this woman will do worse things in future.. if she refuse to help the man wash his clothes no problem but to cook my dear even whites host friends all the time and just like the guy wanted to do help each other. You could see the man grilling the meat while the woman cuts the veggies as the case maybe.. onyinbo life nor go kill una.. even the onyinbo is retracing their steps while Nigerians are blindly running forward to nonsense.. now I know why this country is like this.

SirMichael1:


Amen brother. I'm just tired.

she is pregnant. How is her health?

Gantofi:
What a show of shame ,you are a lost cause.

Alpha male without two kobo to rub together.

It’s your hungry kind that will come here and insult the likes of Regina and call her a gold digger for marrying a rich older man, but at least her husband won’t open Nairaland thread when time comes to offset stress from her life.

That’s why you people marry young women and turn them to wretched looking grandmas in their prime all in a bid to please your wretched asses.

Ndi ji ahuhu anyi isi! Sufferhead is your ambition and badge of honor.

Bonjovi13:


Mr Husband man.I wonder how long you have been married for and whether you have taken time to study your wife.

Even as a man you cannot bring hard back breaking work with no reward for me except thank you.
You are presuming on your wife's hospitality and only inexperienced men do this.
It would shock you that your marriage will disintegrate if you don't handle this issue carefully.
Since you knew before hand that you would host your group's meeting you should have started softening your wife up by being nice and affectionate with her. Helping her out with chores or buying her gifts.
Then after a nice warm lovemaking session you should have just said Wow honey its my turn to host the men.What do you think I should do?Allow her to talk and gauge her reaction. If it is favourable and she pitches in.Good.If not let it go and try another time. With time she will get involved and you guys would find a mutually satisfactory arrangement.

Now you just ruined every thing with your approach and your wife is in battle mode.Anything you say and do would be used against you.lol
My advice...Tell her to take a break from house chores this weekend or if she is the type that can't completely hands off...tell her you will lend a major hand this weekend.The goal will be to reduce her burden and destress her.Then in bed, apologise for the way you brought up the issue.Assure her that you will seek her advice before signing her up for work.Then calmly tell her that you are willing to get a caterer just to spare her the stress but with financial constraints you can't get a caterer.Also your family would be embarrased if you don't host this meeting.Ask for her help and assure her that you will make it up to her.Sweet talk her.Pet her.She will bulge.
If you attempt to force her you will regret it and she will resent you. You will also have succeeded in setting yourself and your marriage up for failure. My 2cents

Tell me you're joking with this comment!

How do you guys do your love-life self? Trying to be nice to his wife some days before speaking on it? Buy her gifts in advance because of hosting friends? Speaking about it after a love-making session? Haba, if this is what women are perceived to be, then there is a bigger problem than I think in our generation.

When we shouted that you guys should learn to practice abstinence before marriage, you think it was an old school style. I say you, earn your respect before getting married.

@Op, as someone said, your wife seems not to respect you and that's where the war is being lost. I tell you, if your wife honors and respect you, she'll not reject your request after telling her you'll participate actively in the cooking; which honorable and good wife does that!

I've been married for some years and contrary to all those 'small girls' yabbying on the first and second pages, a wife doesn't insist on her 'independence' to the detriment of her hubby's honor. A wife is one with you and of she hates your gathering, she'd have hinted or tell you. A true wife doesn't wait till a time like this to 'cut her husband to size'. She is showing a very bad trait of a potential rebellious wife. And yes, a wife can be rebellious.

My advice: Try to understand her point of view and the rationale behind her rejection. Don't show too much emotion as that can cloud the conversation. If she still insists, get away to satisfy the people coming and never be bitter towards her. After the get-together, tell her how much she hurts you and start your A-game at reclaiming the mandate and asserting your philosophy in the home.

One of the things men lose easily is the opportunity to establish the philosophy of the home. A man leads based on his philosophy and not money. If you can take the baton to create a philosophy for your home, your wife will 'tear-face' and you'd lose the war that the world is waging against the home.

Whatever you do, you might loss this battle but win the war.

so only ur wife will just do the cooking alone?
dem dey forbid for the other men's wives to join and assist ur wife in the cooking?
why are u killing ur wife with stress oga
u think its easy cooking for 50-100 hefty men?
guy suggest the wives of the other men and some ladies in the church assist ur wife whenever there is cooking to be done.i presume too she might belong to one group in the church..dose ones can assist as well.no let any mumuish argument go develop over ordinary cooking

tabithababy:
The Kick your wife out Nairaland crew will soon be here

e no reach to kick im wife .during church or group celebration its expected that the other wives come to the host"s home to assist the wife in cooking.why saddle the wife with all the cooking.let the other women also aid the woman in cooking.so the men and their wives will be in the sitting room drinking and laughing with the op while his wife will be all alone in the steaming kitchen doing all the cooking.
if na me i will tell dem i am not ready to host anyting cos food no dey house.

[quote author=SirMichael1 post=93497613]

She listens to her parents. Thing is, I don't want to involve them.

The last time, I pounded the yam for over 20 guests but she recieved the compliments. I just don't want to look like a dictator forcing her. I just need her to assist me in making the soup and i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

L[/quote the other men who come to eat free food in ur home under the guise of one religious group..their wives should aid ur wife in the kitchen.dats the right way to do.dont stress ur wife abeg.if the other women say they wont do it then its not by force to host.

patani:


So your wife will refuse blatantly not to support you on such decision and u let it slide?

Go to market itself? Chief you need to review your leadership style in the house...

I don't put unnecessary burden on my wife, unless she chooses to by herself. If I were in his position, I know exactly what to do. You think it's easy for one woman to serve 20 people abi, especially if she's not used to that kind of thing? Why can't you just contact one food seller (mama put) around your area if you can't afford a caterer? You know you don't have money but you're gathering people. Why didn't you ask another person to host since you know you don't have money?
Abeg make he carry his cross!

Oga, I understand your wife and I understand you. But I must implore you to not take it as a sin. The woman no get power to do wahala of cooking. If she has relatives around to help her just do invite them over. The rimming may be too soon for her hence her frustration.

bukatyne:
A wife has to be 'begged' to host 20 men in the church once in two years? Is it 'slavery' for a wife to host her husband's guests?

A husband willing to make the swallow and get someone to help?

The husband who knows the way the rotation works should tell his men group to shift it (because his wife would not cook)?

People are throwing protection and love around; what about love, submission, nurturing!?

If clearing the sink is the problem, she cannot cook, serve and tell husbandman he will clear the sink himself since they are his people in jest?

Hmmmmmm!

@OP:

Nice tradition your church has got.

Trolling or not, the comments are appalling.

its not an easy feat cooking for 20 hefty full grown men.even me dat is a guy knows how stressfull that can be.the amount of yam u will slice in the pot and the amount of soap u will cook.not to mention the cowmeat she go cut...haba u wan kill her? the way i know this is normally done is that the men who will come for the church picnic their wives will help out the host"s wife in the kitchen.during those xmas days wen i dey house lots of ppl will visit us and women will come to help out my.that the wives of these men just sit back while op"s wife does all the work in the kitchen shows they are heartless.if na me i will just tell dem i dont want to host anymore.if dem like make dem report me to pastor..i wont budge.

A sensible man would know the strength and weaknesses of his wife and try to understand with her. Some women enjoy cooking, even if you ask them to cook for hundred men, they'll be happy doing it. If your wife is not that type, understand with her. Don't compare your wife with your friend's wife!

SocialJustice:
Crase husband, you want your wife to be cooking for your useless religious cult members frequently because she agreed to marry you.

Carry your evil load and get out of this place.

And you could be doing worse for your townsmen. Hypocrite you are, he needs your advice don't infect him with your Antichrist spirit!

GboyegaD:


Yes I will. If you read my other posts, you would see it clearly as he needs to know what the problem is. That said, she has her grudge and have a right to it.

At this time, there's not much time and so as not to add issues to the compounding issues, it is best he pays for the service than bring friends or family that could be disrespected/ or his wife being disrespected.

While it isn't a big deal, truth is what money can solve shouldn't cause too much problems. Hopefully, post this incidence they would be able to talk and clear whatever the grudge is and this should also be able to appease the wife.

If she was 5 months pregnant during the last one, that means she has a small child who is like a year and 4 months, who is learning to walk all over the place.

This is dangerous.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Lol. Ode.

Why did you just insult him...am very curious..

lefulefu:
its not an easy feat cooking for 20 hefty full grown men.even me dat is a guy knows how stressfull that can be.the amount of yam u will slice in the pot and the amount of soap u will cook.not to mention the cowmeat she go cut...haba u wan kill her? the way i know this is normally done is that the men who will come for the church picnic their wives will help out the host"s wife in the kitchen.during those xmas days wen i dey house lots of ppl will visit us and women will come to help out my.that the wives of these men just sit back while op"s wife does all the work in the kitchen shows they are heartless.if na me i will just tell dem i dont want to host anymore.if dem like make dem report me to pastor..i wont budge.

Nobody said it is easy however, as the wife of the home, she is their hostess.

The OP has offered to make the Semo and get someone to help her. All she needs to do is to go to the market and make the soup.

The other person would be on hand to help her serve and they can figure out how to clear the sink the next day.

The thread is strange to me: I don't know anyone around me (across different cultures and income levels) that would debate the wife's responsibility to host her husband's guests.

The level would now determine the kind of help they would employ to make it easier.

This event is once in two years: not once a month or once a week or daily.

Once in two years.

The fact that people think the wife has a 'choice' in the matter is baffling.

Everyone to their own world.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proff er solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Mr Michael, why must you people cook or meet at all. Why not shift the meeting to another venue if you must meet at all? Is it pride? So you are ready to use your church group to put your wife asunder? You are looking for cheap and free labour from your wife. Can you ever pay your wife like you would pay a caterer to cook for your group? She's only responsible for cooking for you and your family, not for all these unnecessary meetings. Work on your relationship bro, your wife is not a servant in your house.

Gantofi:
So to cook and perform one of your wifely duties is trauma now, . I feel for your husband or perhaps future husband if you aren't married cos this is the height of rebellion.

If I were the OP I won't say anything again no need forcing her but I will make sure she regrets it one way or another

Wow, take it easy oga head of the family. The head doesn't have to be a burden or cause ache or be too big for the body. There is a foundational problem in why the wife does not want to go all the way as host. Is it by force to host world cup? Which height of rebellion. Did she stop cooking for him or the family?

I have issue with your church not your wife. Why are you guys pretending to be who you are not. It doesn't make any sense to me, does cooking food foster unity among yourselves. Please suggest other things.

royalfly:


Abeg shut up... abeg sorry o but u Dey talk rubbish.. what is enslave in just cooking and cleaning, the guy offer to help... I don’t understand o. Watch this woman will do worse things in future.. if she refuse to help the man wash his clothes no problem but to cook my dear even whites host friends all the time and just like the guy wanted to do help each other. You could see the man grilling the meat while the woman cuts the veggies as the case maybe.. onyinbo life nor go kill una.. even the onyinbo is retracing their steps while Nigerians are blindly running forward to nonsense.. now I know why this country is like this.

There are underlying problems in the marriage which the Lady is reacting to. Who knows how many nos the man has said to the woman only to bring this undiscussed unwarranted meeting up. Who knows how many faces she does not want to see talk less of cook for. This is 2020, even pikin now has some say in the family. You can't just go and finish discussion and party with church members then come back home to order your servants to carry it out and entertain your bros in the lord.

emmyileri:
I have issue with your church not your wife. Why are you guys pretending to be who you are not. It doesn't make any sense to me, does cooking food foster unity among yourselves. Please suggest other things.

Exactly. They can't spend 20k but they want to eat. Is it by force to do love feast. Can't they do vigil?

lilyheaven:

The truth is that, his wife doesn’t like what they are doing,
Imagine cooking for twenty to twenty five members, buy water, buy drinks.
For church meeting,
What is the economical value to the family involved
? It’s minus .

she is aware her husband doesn’t have enough money at the moment, she is saying no to save that income.

Apart from the prayers they receive FROM THE CHURCH, what economical value have they added to their family?

But I know she doesn’t want to say it, so that she won’t be termed unbeliever.

Besides it’s only soup which is very easy to do.

Bla bla bla, once you guys can put words together and make proper sentence you count that for wisdom and start denigrating or insulting the church at every giving opportunity. Do you know what part they've played in his life. Do you know where he is coming from. The church has given hope to so many people already, many with bleak future headed for an unknown destination have been recovered. Many would never have got married or get into the prestigious circle they find themselves today if not through the church they attended, and you're there talking about economic value of the church as if you knew where you'll be where you are today 20 years ago. Just tread softly and don't allow the trend of time destroy the image of God in you.

lilyheaven:

The truth is that, his wife doesn’t like what they are doing,
Imagine cooking for twenty to twenty five members, buy water, buy drinks.
For church meeting,
What is the economical value to the family involved
? It’s minus .

she is aware her husband doesn’t have enough money at the moment, she is saying no to save that income.

Apart from the prayers they receive FROM THE CHURCH, what economical value have they added to their family?

But I know she doesn’t want to say it, so that she won’t be termed unbeliever.

Besides it’s only soup which is very easy to do.

Bla bla bla, once you guys can put words together and make proper sentence you count that for wisdom and start denigrating or insulting the church at every giving opportunity. Do you know what part they've played in his life. Do you know where he is coming from. The church has given hope to so many people already, many with bleak future headed for an unknown destination have been recovered. Many would never have got married or get into the prestigious circle they find themselves today if not through the church they attended, and you're there talking about economic value of the church as if you know you'll be where you are today 20 years ago. Just tread softly and don't allow the trend of time destroy the image of God in you.

ezugegere:
A sensible man would know the strength and weaknesses of his wife and try to understand with her. Some women enjoy cooking, even if you ask them to cook for hundred men, they'll be happy doing it. If your wife is not that type, understand with her. Don't compare your wife with your friend's wife!

i guess that the comparison is with his mother. You know those mothers dey cook every month for village meeting.

Gantofi:
So to cook and perform one of your wifely duties is trauma now, . I feel for your husband or perhaps future husband if you aren't married cos this is the height of rebellion.

If I were the OP I won't say anything again no need forcing her but I will make sure she regrets it one way or another

Wifely duties now includes cooking for 20-25 guests while she is 5 months pregnant right? I pity your future wife. Even our forefathers weren't this crude. All these wicked men everywhere.

CanadianNaija:


It is not my fault that you’re frustrated, and your life is not worth living.
Take the easy way out and end it, Nigeria is overpopulated you won’t be missed.

You seriously need to shut up that putrid gutter of yours ! What is wrong with you ? If you don't have any sensible solution to proffer to that gentleman's problem, you can as well keep your toxic feminist suggestions to your sorry self na !

You're just a frustrated lowlife who is unable to find any man to call her own husband. Who would want to be unfortunate in life to have a crazy being like you as wife anyway ?

It's really sad that a lot of innocent women may be buying into the demonic and stupid ideas you're spreading here now. Broken marriages and homes are on the increase in Africa because of foreign satanic ideas that lunatics like you are spreading around just to uphold your senseless feminist ideology.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

She's doing u good. U better give urself brain man and don't waste ur resources now in d name of church or religious whatsoever. Man try manage ur resources well and Don't pray to have little problem because u won't see any of them in ur house anymore. come and ask me enh?