BIBLICAL PRINCIPLE FOR MANAGING MARITAL CRISIS AND AVOIDING IT
12 But the queen Vashti refused to come at the king's commandment by his chamberlains: therefore was the king very wroth, and his anger burned in him.
13 Then the king said to the wise men, which knew the times, (for so was the king's manner toward all that knew law and judgment:
14 And the next unto him was Carshena, Shethar, Admatha, Tarshish, Meres, Marsena, and Memucan, the seven princes of Persia and Media, which saw the king's face, and which sat the first in the kingdom
15 What shall we do unto the queen Vashti according to law, because she hath not performed the commandment of the king Ahasuerus by the chamberlains? Est.1:12-15
It is unimaginable that King Ahaserus, a very powerful king who sat over one hundred provinces in those days could simply ask his wife to show up and she refused. Some many men in his class and status will have taken rash and harsh decisions. But he did not take such action he rather wait and allow investigation in to the matter by council of elders and wise men of his time. The ruling was eventually done in his favour to the detriment of the arrogant queen who got deposed of her highly placed position. It is very important to seek wise counsels or follow proper judicial procedure even if you feel you are right especially in marital issues or challenges.
After this incidence in the bible story, the King in question did not hurriedly pick wife(or wives). He allowed a free and fair beauty contest to be held in order to select the best not just in beauty but also in good character. This highly disciplined king has to wait for at least one year of purification of these ladies in order to choose for himself a replacement for the deposed queen(Est.2:12). It is worth noting here that good courtship period must be allow to understand your partners properly before marriage. It should be a time of abstinence from sex in order to build true and respect for each other , differences in opinions on critical issues will also be sorted out during this period. Also due process in marriage must not necessarily include elaborate weddings but formal divine approval(full personal conviction), parental approvals and legal seal on the union is very important.
Doing it right matters very well before tieing up the nuptial knot no matter the pressure from friends, parents/family, age factor or personal status. Similarly along the line in the marriage doing it right is very important notwithstanding the provocation from the other marital partner not living up to his/her responsibility.