Traditionally, premarital relationships were viewed with contempt and disapproval, especially in African society. People were expected to save themselves for marriage and precocious premarital relationships were considered to have adverse effects on the individuals involved. However, over time that perception has changed to a large extent as more and more people get involved with longterm romantic relationships and marriage becomes a choice more than a life goal to be met, the need to be physically intimate with one’s partner has gained more acceptance. Even though intimacy between two people in a relationship can be hard to resist, it does come with its share of baggage and pitfalls.

I will be sharing some of the pitfalls and I will not be biased on each of them.

Premarital intimacy brings some the risks and damages such as:


1. One tends to lose interest in the partner

Premarital sex gives you both a chance to explore your sexual desires in every way possible. There is a high chance that what you experience in these sexual encounters with your partner may be very different from your expectations and vice-versa.

This increases the chances of either one or both of you losing interest in the other partner and can damage the long-term prospects of even the most secure and stable relationship in the long run. This is also termed as "see finish" by the average nigerian.

2. Premarital sex affects most relationships in a negative way

If you’re sexually active before marriage, chances are that you’re getting your action on the sly. This means having to lie to your family about your whereabouts. All this secrecy and tendency to lie can start affecting your relationship with your family and friends; and may even alienate you from the people who have been your strongest support system such as friends and family.

3. You may become the object of gossip

In the event that you’re unable to keep your sexual encounters hidden, you may find yourself in the thick of demeaning insults, unsettling gossip and speculations. Irrespective of how accepting people claim to be about it, years of conditioning prevents them from being completely comfortable with the idea of sexual encounters between unmarried partners. All this gossip and ‘bad reputation’ can be disconcerting to your family which will in turn, impact your peace of mind too.

4. Trauma in case of unwanted pregnancy

I once had a colleague who was consistently hooking up with a friend. Even though she had intense feelings for the guy, he remained noncommittal about the relationship. Yet, every now and again, they’d end up in bed together. After about six months of this back and forth, she got pregnant and the guy just up and vanished.

He switched off his phone after hearing the news and was unreachable for days. She had to go through the abortion alone and didn’t confide in anyone about the traumatic event for months afterwards. Needless to say, the experience scarred her for life. To make matter worse, the abortion led to infertility.

Unwanted pregnancies can have devastating consequences. If the partner does not support you during this trying time, you’re left to fend for yourself at a time when you may not have the emotional and financial prowess to deal with the situation. Even if abortion is an option, it can come with lifelong physical and psychological ramifications. Similarly, engaging in unprotected premarital sex and popping emergency contraceptive pill afterwards can also have serious side effects.

5. High risk of STDs

The hormones are raging, there are sparks flying and intense emotions at play. All of these factors can trigger an insatiable lust. In the heat of the moment, the thought of using protection may not even cross your mind or may seem inconsequential. However, if you’ve multiple partners or are engaging in sex with someone whose sexual history you have no clue about, you expose yourself to the risk of sexually transmitted diseases(STDs).

Whether it is itching, burning, rashes on your genitals or something serious as herpes or HIV, your sexual and reproductive health may be seriously compromised in the bargain. Besides, at that stage in your life, you may not have the resources or knowledge to deal with such medical complications independently.

6. Having sex changes your body

When you lose your virginity, your body undergoes physical as well as psychological changes. It’s almost as if you become a new person who looks different and has a changed perspective on everything. Your breasts swell up, your hips may feel wider, you may experience sudden sexual urges – all of this can be hard to process, especially if you become sexually active at a young age.

7. You step into your marriage with an emotional baggage

Sex is not just an act between two bodies, it is an engagement of the mind and subconscious too. That relationship may not work out in the long term, you move on and marry someone else but it becomes difficult to shake off the emotional baggage from your past completely. The feelings of anger, betrayal or even residual love can interfere with your ability to start a new relationship with a clean slate. That's one of the major reasons we have many divorcees today.

8. The premarital relationship may lead to infidelity

Having shared close physical intimacy with a person may increase the likelihood of infidelity after the relationship has run its course. Say you and your partner part ways, and you move on with another person. However, somewhere down the line, this old flame comes back into your life. In such cases, the likelihood of cheating on one’s present partner increases because you already share a comfort level with this other person from your past, so being with them feels familiar and comforting rather than unnatural or wrong.

9. Premarital sex can change your outlook toward love

This happens when you get physical intimacy is followed by heartbreak. You were physically and emotionally invested in the relationship. Perhaps, you were young and this was one of those fairytale romances where you automatically imagine a happily ever after. Then, your partner falls out of love and move on, and the cruel reality of life hits you. This can change your outlook toward love and you might start viewing everyone with suspicion. As a result, you may push away even a genuine person and struggle to establish a meaningful relationship again.

10. You risk spiritual damage

Religious conditioning and beliefs are a major influence on a person’s value system and thought process. Most religions advice against sexual intimacy in premarital relationships. If you’ve grown up in a deeply religious or spiritual environment, the physical intimacy between you and your partner may affect you spiritually. You may find it hard to connect with ‘your God’ as you did before, and that can have serious implications on the future course of your life since religion plays an important role in most people’s life.



I hope you’ll factor in these potential risks and consequences when making a decision about whether or not to take the plunge of sexual intimacy in premarital relationships. In the end, the right decision boils down to what works for you both individually and as a couple but if you’re doing it under pressure or out of fear of losing your significant other, I strongly recommend you don’t do it unless you want to.

saka manje

You people advocate for premarital relationships but hate premarital sex.

Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them