Uprightness100:
If the Foundation be Destroyed , what can the righteous do?
Marriage is honorable with the bed undefiled..

When the Foundation has be broken and the bed defiled, whatever you see, you take it like that with Joy and No Complain..

Werey lol when the bed is undefiled and she is warey nko?

jondon11:
So I met my girl about a year ago during the start of the lockdown. We bonded real quick...she's easy-going, sorta smart, mad sexy and funny. Two months after we started dating, she moved in with me and began shuttling between my place and her sister's.

I work from home and my place is structured such that there's not much to do to maintain it. Although I work from home, I go out now and again for business and during my time out I run most of the errands...my girl ensures that it's only when I'm going out that she gets whatever she needs, from the market or errands around the area mainly cause she's often in a pant and bra watching a movie or just being lazy. She's a good cook but a lot of times I found chow coming late or not at all, and there was always raw food to prepare...sometimes her excuse for not cooking could be she couldn't get one ingredient or the other either because she didn't have cash on her or some other reason...there's mobile money just outside our gate and if she doesn't have the money she can call me to make a transfer but the main issue was laziness. I swept and mopped like 80% of the time, ran errands like 100%, cooked like 20% or the time (starved like 20% or sorted myself out someway), she did dishes 80% of the time and I brought like 100% of the money we lived on.

She is doing her MSc and our relationship started during the lockdown so she wasn't going to school. She was job searching (more like job waiting) so this gave her a lot of idle time which she spent watching Zee World or being on social media. I soon found a way to engage her in the job I do from home, and with the money she had saved in the bank (over 400K), she started work with me. I purchased a laptop for her for this purpose and so she could develop herself in other areas via online courses but she didn't do much work...working like two hours daily, very late at night...I sometimes complained but tried encouraging her as much as possible, especially when she made some success.

I'm sure you'd ask why I stayed in the relationship despite all of this? I was pussy whipped, had no other options given the nature of my work, saw some potential in her ( I know, a stupid thing to say) and thought I was in love (I'm 29 and shouldn't have been that stupid).

Fast forward to December last year, we discovered she was pregnant, a month pregnant. Told her we should keep the child and get married...she suggested we could abort since we weren't quite ready but I said what was a couple more months gonna make a difference?

Since then till now, we've been quarrelling non-stop, one issue after another of which it's mainly me raising the issues. Maybe it's the tension that comes from knowing I might be starting a family with so many unresolved issues. I've raised my concerns and told her she'd need to be more responsible in the relationship if things will work and even though she tells me she knows, I know deep down she doesn't mean it or might not be up to the task of being a married adult. From some of our talk she expects I'd take care of all the financial responsibilities and have suggested a couple of times we get help for chores (we've moved to a bigger space now) but I told her in clear terms that that's not how I imagined my life...having help for chores and the likes, besides, it's just a two-bedroom flat.

I've purchased some of the things we'd be needing for our wedding and we're supposed to do an introduction this coming week but I'm having cold feet and just want to call it off.

I'm bringing this here to know how I can manage this situation...I can be lazy but I'm a really ambitious person so this pushes me but my girl is not just lazy, but unambitious. How do I manage the situation...there's a child involved now and will need to consider the child but at the same time, I can't take on this much stress nor have my ambitions cut short because my partner is lazy.

What can I do??

My brother , Listen all you listed here re not issues at all if you re man up to face reality, please note, nobody is perfect , first you have to accept your woman for who she is, remember she came from a different background and upbringing, so she would see things differently from how you see it naturally, If honestly you love and accept her for who she is, then you wouldn't really see most of thiz things you complaining about her as issues, rather you would keep building her to your taste "The kind of wife you wanted", You have to be logical with her and not means to have argument by challenging her ways of doing things, Rather make her see reason of doing things in a beta way

jondon11:
So I met my girl about a year ago during the start of the lockdown. We bonded real quick...she's easy-going, sorta smart, mad sexy and funny. Two months after we started dating, she moved in with me and began shuttling between my place and her sister's.

I work from home and my place is structured such that there's not much to do to maintain it. Although I work from home, I go out now and again for business and during my time out I run most of the errands...my girl ensures that it's only when I'm going out that she gets whatever she needs, from the market or errands around the area mainly cause she's often in a pant and bra watching a movie or just being lazy. She's a good cook but a lot of times I found chow coming late or not at all, and there was always raw food to prepare...sometimes her excuse for not cooking could be she couldn't get one ingredient or the other either because she didn't have cash on her or some other reason...there's mobile money just outside our gate and if she doesn't have the money she can call me to make a transfer but the main issue was laziness. I swept and mopped like 80% of the time, ran errands like 100%, cooked like 20% or the time (starved like 20% or sorted myself out someway), she did dishes 80% of the time and I brought like 100% of the money we lived on.

She is doing her MSc and our relationship started during the lockdown so she wasn't going to school. She was job searching (more like job waiting) so this gave her a lot of idle time which she spent watching Zee World or being on social media. I soon found a way to engage her in the job I do from home, and with the money she had saved in the bank (over 400K), she started work with me. I purchased a laptop for her for this purpose and so she could develop herself in other areas via online courses but she didn't do much work...working like two hours daily, very late at night...I sometimes complained but tried encouraging her as much as possible, especially when she made some success.

I'm sure you'd ask why I stayed in the relationship despite all of this? I was pussy whipped, had no other options given the nature of my work, saw some potential in her ( I know, a stupid thing to say) and thought I was in love (I'm 29 and shouldn't have been that stupid).

Fast forward to December last year, we discovered she was pregnant, a month pregnant. Told her we should keep the child and get married...she suggested we could abort since we weren't quite ready but I said what was a couple more months gonna make a difference?

Since then till now, we've been quarrelling non-stop, one issue after another of which it's mainly me raising the issues. Maybe it's the tension that comes from knowing I might be starting a family with so many unresolved issues. I've raised my concerns and told her she'd need to be more responsible in the relationship if things will work and even though she tells me she knows, I know deep down she doesn't mean it or might not be up to the task of being a married adult. From some of our talk she expects I'd take care of all the financial responsibilities and have suggested a couple of times we get help for chores (we've moved to a bigger space now) but I told her in clear terms that that's not how I imagined my life...having help for chores and the likes, besides, it's just a two-bedroom flat.

I've purchased some of the things we'd be needing for our wedding and we're supposed to do an introduction this coming week but I'm having cold feet and just want to call it off.

I'm bringing this here to know how I can manage this situation...I can be lazy but I'm a really ambitious person so this pushes me but my girl is not just lazy, but unambitious. How do I manage the situation...there's a child involved now and will need to consider the child but at the same time, I can't take on this much stress nor have my ambitions cut short because my partner is lazy.

What can I do??

My baby boy alone consumes more than 100k monthly......oh I forgot his nanny salary, that pushes it to 125k monthly.....babies are beautiful creatures, some of them bring good luck and extraordinary blessing, so be proud and welcome the baby with joy....so welcome to the club bro

[img]https://media1./images/e82c2cd09db0bf410917cda2ef22ffd4/tenor.gif?itemid=4986298[/img]

You're still pussy whipped.... continue whipping the pussy

meobizy:
Happy Father’s Day in advance. I hope you saved enough. Pampers don dey cost for market.

Omo eeh this your "happy father's day in advanced" really got me dead here.

Help the lad's life now

Is now you will see laziness keep it in mind pregnant women doesn't touch anything if you'll talk she might give a dirty slap right in your Jew but bear it, then you'll be force out of your home still don't worry i know you will keep complaining, you never see anything yet.

To avoid problems with your girl try to be living the home for her by relocating your home business else where then after 9 months you'll being doing all the house work 100% you'll be carrying the baby alone is that time you will know her more better, don't marry her if you do you'll start growing bar head +white head together

In case of next street girl use rubber (protection) if the girl get HIV you don carry begin spread am

Faber:


Sis speak louder make the guy hear. Na because of rising cost of pampers and other baby stuffs make me take my time dey plan to relocate to a better place where govt helps couples through child support. No be to bang pussy be the problem...na to bear responsibility from reckless and incessant banging be the koko...

I swear down.

SweetiliciousD:


This is the most sensible input here.

The guy needs to check himself tho.

I'm sure the OP can't see beyond his nose. That lady you call unambitious is pursuing her masters degree and already charted her career path!

She isn't employed today, no worries, but can't be called a pushover at all. Anything can happen in the nearest future. She works with you and can't do so if she is a dull and lazy brain.

Be reminded that you can't get 100% of your expectations from any human being living on earth, moreover, we only heard from your side of the story and not hers.

As a man, you need to be the man of your house by assuming the bills of your household is on you, even if she works. That's the lot of a real man.

This is a woman: Husband's money is our money but my money is exclusively mine. If she brings out, hallelujah but never plan on any woman's money.

Take charge of your house and shape it the way it will mutually accommodate both of you.

Note that women are multipliers. :

Give them trouble and you get it back double.

Give them peace and you get prosperity back double.

Give them sperm and you get a bouncing baby in return.


Man up and stop being a cry cry sisi. She is yours to nurture the way you want her to be.

My two cents!

U lie dear. My money is our money, your money is our money. Is it the same thing in the countries you are copying from? Why not copy something in full? Why must the guy money have to be community money and your own personal.. Is the children and home not still yours? Woo una never ready until when Naija girls ready oyinbo is bae

meobizy:
Happy Father’s Day in advance. I hope you saved enough. Pampers don dey cost for market.

Sorry for too much mentions babe,
Abeg I dey laff second time abeg.
This your comment get as e be.

Faber:


Na lie you must marry that girl. I just dey laugh at you. when you dey comot her bra up and down...dey turn her for bed like barber chair...360 degrees...you no reason she dey lazy. Ogbeni no leave no transfer...you must marry that girl.

When she born pikin get a house help. When your first child grows to like 4 to 5 years. Pay off the house help and train your kids to be hard working unlike their mom. let them learn how to do the house chores from their early days. Allow them to cook if she can't cook. Anyhow they cook am all man will eat it like that. Train them your own way. In my home we were trained without a house help.I cooked my first jollof rice at Nursery 3. The food no make sense. But my parents commended me and all man ate the food.

Marry her. But don't be quick to get her pregnant again. Ensure that this one whether boy or girl reach like 3 to 4 yrs, then you must have found some footing in your plans for your life.

She will be quick to double the kids, that's their way. Once they get married and have a baby...it's uhuru for them na to multiply the babies be their next ambition...so be in charge of the birth. Control the birth rate yourself.

Peace man...marry her

ravensckar:
This issue is the easiest that I have come across. With a little bit of understanding, both of them will have a perfect marriage. Now, let's analyze the issue. She's educated, but you think she's unambitious. That's a lie! She just doesn't enjoy doing whatever job you're pushing her to for reasons best known to her. Bros, I'd advise you take her out for dinner one beautiful night and calmly ask her what type of job she'd like to go into. You'll be amazed. My wife is a degree holder, but prefers owning her own shop. I once forced her to work for a company, it almost killed her self-esteem. But now that she's in her preferred area, she's shining.


Secondly, on the issue of laziness. I think you just need to sit down with men and let them tell you first-hand what marriage entails. Almost all women find chores stressful. They enjoy roaming the house naked, watching television and enjoying themselves. Who wouldn't? I'll advise you play a trick on her. Whenever you return from work, tell her the usual line; 'work was stressful today, this and that happened bla bla bla'. Then, proceed to cleaning the house in her presence. Do it with a smile on your face. Trust me, her conscience will prick her. Some women are like that, words and threats won't work on them. Just appeal to their conscience. I believe your lady is a wonderful person since she isn't even pretending to be hardworking just to trick you into marrying her.


Thirdly, on the issue of pregnancy and the everyday drama that comes with it. Bros, I'll be very honest with you. The initial stage of marriage is filled with drama. Do you know why? Both of you ain't used to each other yet. You're beginning to observe the unpleasant sides of each other. Now, what's the solution to this? Take your minds off the negatives and focus on the positives. Think of the stuffs that your wife is good at and let it motivate you to want to make your marriage work. Compliment her for it, and tell her to her face that she's the best in that area. Then, watch her try to improve on her weak areas. It's a bit complex than how I've put it, I pray you find a way around it.

PS- It took my wife more than 4 years to understand that she has to tidy the house before going to shop. You can guess who was doing the cleaning for those 4 years. Lolz. Marriage hard o, but again, compared to what?

God bless you for your input, you are a sensible man indeed. With more inputs like this one, this brother will be able to make headway in his decision making. You can afford to jump at any conclusion when you're not directly in the line of fire but truth is, this situation is complex, there are many variables to be considered. May God guide you in the right path.

ravensckar:
This issue is the easiest that I have come across. With a little bit of understanding, both of them will have a perfect marriage. Now, let's analyze the issue. She's educated, but you think she's unambitious. That's a lie! She just doesn't enjoy doing whatever job you're pushing her to for reasons best known to her. Bros, I'd advise you take her out for dinner one beautiful night and calmly ask her what type of job she'd like to go into. You'll be amazed. My wife is a degree holder, but prefers owning her own shop. I once forced her to work for a company, it almost killed her self-esteem. But now that she's in her preferred area, she's shining.


Secondly, on the issue of laziness. I think you just need to sit down with men and let them tell you first-hand what marriage entails. Almost all women find chores stressful. They enjoy roaming the house naked, watching television and enjoying themselves. Who wouldn't? I'll advise you play a trick on her. Whenever you return from work, tell her the usual line; 'work was stressful today, this and that happened bla bla bla'. Then, proceed to cleaning the house in her presence. Do it with a smile on your face. Trust me, her conscience will prick her. Some women are like that, words and threats won't work on them. Just appeal to their conscience. I believe your lady is a wonderful person since she isn't even pretending to be hardworking just to trick you into marrying her.


Thirdly, on the issue of pregnancy and the everyday drama that comes with it. Bros, I'll be very honest with you. The initial stage of marriage is filled with drama. Do you know why? Both of you ain't used to each other yet. You're beginning to observe the unpleasant sides of each other. Now, what's the solution to this? Take your minds off the negatives and focus on the positives. Think of the stuffs that your wife is good at and let it motivate you to want to make your marriage work. Compliment her for it, and tell her to her face that she's the best in that area. Then, watch her try to improve on her weak areas. It's a bit complex than how I've put it, I pray you find a way around it.

PS- It took my wife more than 4 years to understand that she has to tidy the house before going to shop. You can guess who was doing the cleaning for those 4 years. Lolz. Marriage hard o, but again, compared to what?

I like the way you write. That’s so explanatory.

franchasng:
My baby boy alone consumes more than 100k monthly......oh I forgot his nanny salary, that pushes it to 125k monthly.....babies are beautiful creatures, some of them bring good luck and extraordinary blessing, so be proud and welcome the baby with joy....so welcome to the club bro

[img]https://media1./images/e82c2cd09db0bf410917cda2ef22ffd4/tenor.gif?itemid=4986298[/img]

.
Lol,raw dey sweet with consequences

You're just scared and you need to share your fears with her. communicate more were it matters not on irrelevant things. please pray and commit everything to God. start a covenant prayer with God. let God lead you besides when issues is about to come up in one second hand everything to God and let the Holy spirit tell you what to say.
Read A heavenly home by Zac Poonen

Courting for the first time can expose you to yourself, it shows you what you can and can't tolerate and that maybe you're not as tolerant as you had imagined. I believe it's normal. The good thing though is that it helps you build character and you grow into a more matured person.

Who do you now want to leave your leftover with an additional human for? Abeg carry your cross and join the crew….

u bin no know say she no get ambition before u go chuk prick abi. idiot

MufasaLion:
Condom could have prevented this!

Sex is not sweet with condoms... I don't know how people do it but I'll never reach orgasm with it...

Michelle55:
How do you guys do it sef? Those people selling condoms have they all died? Why are you forcing yourself to do things that your heart doesn't accept?
Be a father to your child and take some time to cool off(both of you) don't be in a haste to get married because you may end up gnashing your teeth in pure agony when things ain't going your way.
Pussy whipped indeed! You better give yourself brain before you become a shadow of yourself all in the name of trying to make things work out between you both.
Both of you are supposed to be on the same page making sure that the relationship or marriage sails smoothly, anything one sided doesn't last. Take that as a cue and halt whatever you think you are doing, after your kid is born you can decide to push through with the marriage plans if you notice any positive changes with your woman and if no changes occurs, face your child squarely and be happy.

Omo I just tire for people oh
How do u have raw sex when you know u ain't ready for pregnancy
Omo no condom ,no sex for me o

You should have called off the relationship when you started seeing the red flags!

/
Why pester strangers with your idiocy?

You dig yourself into a hole, keep digging.

Carry your cross.

/

The deed has been done, you have to marry her and don't follow her to abort the baby.

Any thing needs to be done must wait till she delivers.

Then, you will engage her on heart to heart talk from thereupon you will know next course of action. But in its finality, laziness and unambitiousness can be still translated to hardworking and industrious if she put 50%. Be known that this time is struggle for supremacy, who wins now win forever.

Another future baby mama in making!!
The thing is: u guys are already married. What else do married couples do that u both have not done? Its just get her to do change of names to your surname.

As per the baby, i must commend your readiness to be a father. You have a job that can afford you plenty baby diapers but you have to equip your self with fatherhood trends because its the only thing your money can't afford you.

I wish you the best.

Guy what happened to you has happened to lots of guys out there but I will advise you are prepared for the following

- Mentor the Lady: Some ladies because of their upbringing or environment they grew up from lacks motivation and ambition you have to mentor and drive her. Sets realistic targets for her and don't take excuses for non performance. You have to re-define the limits and boundaries cos marriage is a different ball game entirely

- Prepare to take 100% responsibilities for your kids and the home but open an account for your kids and ensure you both contribute something into the account monthly as kids raising fund and ensure you are the signatory to the account so you can have control over the funds. With this you can get her to become responsible for some things indirectly.

- Create an enabling environment for the family and always ensure you constantly engage her in conversations so you can evaluate her level of development and correct her when she goes off points

- Most importantly be involved in everything and ensure you take charge.

(Work on getting different source of income for you and your partner as well. Be in charge and always handles your issues within yourselves. ( Get her to read books that can re-shape her lifestyle and most importantly be prayerful. )

Wishing you a successful introduction and Happy Married life.

ravensckar:
This issue is the easiest that I have come across. With a little bit of understanding, both of them will have a perfect marriage. Now, let's analyze the issue. She's educated, but you think she's unambitious. That's a lie! She just doesn't enjoy doing whatever job you're pushing her to for reasons best known to her. Bros, I'd advise you take her out for dinner one beautiful night and calmly ask her what type of job she'd like to go into. You'll be amazed. My wife is a degree holder, but prefers owning her own shop. I once forced her to work for a company, it almost killed her self-esteem. But now that she's in her preferred area, she's shining

Op, this is the best advice you can get on this issue. The deed has been done, and I wouldn't advise you to turn your back at this point. However, you do have a chance to turn the negatives to positives by following up on the above suggestions. What makes a man is his ability to face responsibilities; you don't need to run away from it. We all have our shortcomings; no one is perfect. You can't call a master degree holder/potential holder an unambitious person, that's not true. She was definitely driven by a goal to have gone for it. I feel you don't know her much yet. So, use your marriage to perfect her weaknesses.

Baba you try ooo. Nah you fire this girl yourself until you drop your gene in her, na you toast am. My advise to any man is that any woman you can have sex with you should be able to marry her. Don't complain bro, stick with her. If a man should pregnant your sister and dump her for being lazy will you be happy with the man. Please I need 10 referrals help me by clicking this link https:///Dogeminr_bot?start=01098048170 on telegram

ravensckar:
This issue is the easiest that I have come across. With a little bit of understanding, both of them will have a perfect marriage. Now, let's analyze the issue. She's educated, but you think she's unambitious. That's a lie! She just doesn't enjoy doing whatever job you're pushing her to for reasons best known to her. Bros, I'd advise you take her out for dinner one beautiful night and calmly ask her what type of job she'd like to go into. You'll be amazed. My wife is a degree holder, but prefers owning her own shop. I once forced her to work for a company, it almost killed her self-esteem. But now that she's in her preferred area, she's shining.


Secondly, on the issue of laziness. I think you just need to sit down with men and let them tell you first-hand what marriage entails. Almost all women find chores stressful. They enjoy roaming the house naked, watching television and enjoying themselves. Who wouldn't? I'll advise you play a trick on her. Whenever you return from work, tell her the usual line; 'work was stressful today, this and that happened bla bla bla'. Then, proceed to cleaning the house in her presence. Do it with a smile on your face. Trust me, her conscience will prick her. Some women are like that, words and threats won't work on them. Just appeal to their conscience. I believe your lady is a wonderful person since she isn't even pretending to be hardworking just to trick you into marrying her.


Thirdly, on the issue of pregnancy and the everyday drama that comes with it. Bros, I'll be very honest with you. The initial stage of marriage is filled with drama. Do you know why? Both of you ain't used to each other yet. You're beginning to observe the unpleasant sides of each other. Now, what's the solution to this? Take your minds off the negatives and focus on the positives. Think of the stuffs that your wife is good at and let it motivate you to want to make your marriage work. Compliment her for it, and tell her to her face that she's the best in that area. Then, watch her try to improve on her weak areas. It's a bit complex than how I've put it, I pray you find a way around it.

PS- It took my wife more than 4 years to understand that she has to tidy the house before going to shop. You can guess who was doing the cleaning for those 4 years. Lolz. Marriage hard o, but again, compared to what?

Bro, you made so much sense! Nothing much to add except that every relationship is different. Let love and mutual respect be the foundation of your marriage.
Now, barman, give this bro 2 bottles of ACB, mortuary standard!!