MeghaneMorgane:


This your situation is the reason I have refused to have sex until marriage. I am so scared that the moment I have sex just even as small as once, I won't stop. I will become an uncontrollable wild fire. I'll have like 100 body counts even before marriage. I am as weak as you are. I feel that being a virgin is what is keeping me in check. I keep telling myself that if I have waited this long, then let me just wait until the end because I know the man will come soon by God's grace. Though my own struggle is not with fornication but I have my struggles.

I understand the feeling of relapse. It's a big struggle to keep doing what you really want to do even when your body doesn't want to do it. I pray God helps all of us.

I pray God gives you the grace to keep holding on. The stuff you see on those porn movies are totally exaggerated; the act is not as exciting as it seems. Believe me, you're not missing out on anything special.

turasumon:


It would make sex legal and stop the guilt you feel. if you continue like this, a time might come where u would no longer feel guilty.
marriage would give u a legal sex partner.
I believe that if you were able to be celibate for a yr like u said, den u are stronger than you know.
Having sexual feelings is natural and for someone with the kind of experience you have, curbing it would not be so easy....which is why marriage is recommended in situations like this.

I appreciate your advice; I'll give it an honest thought.

I just feel I need to overcome this problem of lust before marriage. Cause I feel if I don't deal with it before tying the knot, it will be an issue when I eventually settle down.

chatinent:
*Will Sex Improve Our Relationship?*

_“Heather has been seeing Mike for only two months, but she feels as if she’s known him forever. They text each other constantly, they talk for hours at a time on the phone, and they can even finish each other’s sentences! But now, as they sit in a parked car under the moonlight, Mike wants more than conversation.”_

_During the past two months, Mike and Heather have done nothing more than hold hands and briefly kiss. Heather doesn’t want to go further. But she doesn’t want to lose Mike either. No one makes her feel so beautiful, so special. ‘Besides,’ she tells herself, ‘Mike and I are in love . . .’_


YOU can probably guess where this scenario is heading.

But what you may not realize is how dramatically sex would change things for Mike and Heather​—and not for the better.

*Consider the following:*
If you defy a physical law, such as the law of gravity, you suffer the consequences. The same is true if you defy a moral law, such as the one that states: “Abstain from fornication.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3 )

*What are the consequences of disobeying that command?* The Bible says: “He that practices fornication is sinning against his own body.” ( 1 Corinthians 6:18 )

How is that true? See if you can list below three harmful effects that can come to those who engage in premarital sex.


1 ․․․․․
2 ․․․․․
3 ․․․․․


Now look at what you wrote. Did you include such things as sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancy, or the loss of God’s favor?

Those certainly are devastating consequences that can come to anyone who violates God’s moral law regarding fornication.


Still, you might be tempted. ‘Nothing will happen to me,’ you could reason. After all, isn’t everyone having sex? Your peers at school brag about their escapades, and they don’t seem to be hurting.

Perhaps, like Heather in the opening scenario, you even feel that sex will make you and your partner closer. Besides, who wants to be ridiculed for being a virgin? Isn’t it better to give in?


Not so fast! First of all, not everyone is doing it. True, you may read statistics indicating that a large number of youths are having sex.

For example, a U.S. study revealed that by the time they finish high school, 2 out of 3 youths in that country are sexually active. But that also means that 1 out of 3​—a sizable number—​are not. Now, what about those who are?

Researchers have found that many such youths experience one or more of the following rude awakenings.


*RUDE AWAKENING 1* _DISTRESS._ Most youths who have engaged in premarital sex say that they regretted it afterward.

*RUDE AWAKENING 2* _DISTRUST._
After having sex, each partner begins to wonder, ‘Who else has he/​she had sex with?’

*RUDE AWAKENING 3* _DISILLUSIONMENT._ Deep down, many girls would prefer someone who will
protect them, not use them. And many boys find that they are less attracted to a girl who has given in to their advances.
In addition to the above, a number of boys have said that they would never marry a girl they have had sex with.

Why? Because they prefer someone who is more chaste!
If you’re a girl, does that surprise you​—perhaps even anger you? Then remember this: The reality of premarital sex is far different from what is shown in movies and on TV. The entertainment industry glamorizes teen sex and makes it look like harmless fun or even true love. But don’t be naive! Those who would try to coax you into premarital sex are only looking out for their own interests. (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5 )

After all, would anyone who truly loves you endanger your physical and emotional well-being? (Proverbs 5:3, 4 ) And would anyone who truly cares for you tempt you to jeopardize your relationship with God?​— Hebrews 13:4 .


If you’re a young man and you’re dating, what has been stated in this chapter should give you reason to reflect on the relationship you’re involved in. Ask yourself, ‘Do I really care for my girlfriend?’ If your answer is yes, how can you best show it? By having the strength to uphold God’s laws, the wisdom to avoid tempting circumstances, and the love to look out for her interests.

If you have such qualities, then likely your girlfriend’s feelings will be similar to those of the morally upright Shulammite, who said: _“My dear one is mine and I am his.”_ (Song of Solomon 2:16 ) In short, you’ll be her hero!


Whether you’re a boy or a girl, if you were to give in to premarital sex, you would be degrading yourself by giving away something precious. (Romans 1:24 ) No wonder so many feel empty and worthless afterward, as if they’ve carelessly allowed a precious part of themselves to be stolen! Don’t let that happen to you. If someone tries to coax you into sex by saying, “If you love me, you’ll do this,” firmly reply, “If you love me, you won’t ask!”

Your body is far too valuable to give away. Show that you have the strength of character to obey God’s command to abstain from fornication. Then, if you do marry one day, you can have sex. And you’ll be able to enjoy it fully, without the worries, regrets, and insecurities that are so often the aftermath of premarital sex.​— Proverbs 7:22, 23; 1 Corinthians 7:3 .


*KEY SCRIPTURE*
“Flee from fornication. . . . He that practices fornication is sinning against his own body.”​— 1 Corinthians 6:18 .

*TIP*
When it comes to conduct with the opposite sex, a good rule to follow is this: If it’s something you wouldn’t want your parents to observe you doing, then you shouldn’t be doing it.

*DID YOU KNOW . . . ?*
After having sex, a boy is more likely to abandon his girlfriend and move on to someone else.

*ACTION PLAN!*
When I’m with a member of the opposite sex, the circumstances I need to avoid are ․․․․․
If a member of the opposite sex wants to meet me in a secluded place, I will say ․․․․․
What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is ․․․․․


*WHAT DO YOU THINK?*
● Although premarital sex may appeal to the imperfect flesh, why is it wrong for you?
● What will you do if someone asks you to have sex?

“As a Christian, you have qualities that will make you attractive to others. So you have to be alert and back off when invited to do something immoral. Respect those qualities. Don’t sell out!”​—Joshua


_Engaging in premarital sex is like taking a beautiful painting and using it as a doormat._

I appreciate you for taking out time to put this out. I read every word, and I'm really grateful for your contribution.

crazygod:
Get married to your neighbor. It seems you are attracted to her without knowing it. Perhaps you should begin a REAL relationship with her. I assure you, you will look beyond sex and crave intimacy more.

I like her a whole lot, but just as a friend. She's very intelligent and goal oriented. However, we share contrasting ideas on a wide range of subjects and life vision. Hence, marriage can't possibly work. Moreso, I don't love her.

Mayvin:

I like her a whole lot, but just as a friend. She's very intelligent and goal oriented. However, we share contrasting ideas on a wide range of subjects and life vision. Hence, marriage can't possibly work. Moreso, I don't love her.

I had to log in just to tell you that nothing is wrong with you brother.
It's good that you understand this before one of those idealistic people comes here to ask you how you can have sex with someone you don't love...

They don't realize that it's simply what men (most men) do/can do.

Now back to the main issue:
You're having a 'no-strings-attached' sexual relationship with a chic who totally understands the situation clearly. She's not married or dating anyone else, and she doesn't mind having this casual sex with you continuously.

Hello there, please remind me why you started this thread again?
Oh wait, I think just remembered... You always feel guilty after having premarital sex right?
Well, duhh!! As if that's going to stop you from having sex with her again next week.


On a more serious note now:
Your problem my brother, is proximity – she's easily accessible, she's available to you, and she loves to fornicate just as much as you do. It's that simple.
But if you really (as in, really) want to stop, you simply eliminate that 'closeness' – not the emotional one, only the physical one.
However way you will choose to go about this, is really up to you... but please do it nicely, because on your bad days, on those days when you will feel so down and out, you may just find yourself longing for that body of hers which you can't control yourself from having enough of now.

You already made a mistake by getting intimate with a neighbour (too close in proximity) – this was one of my many DON'TS when I was still like you.
You just have to deal with this mess you have put yourself into one way or the other.

Hmmmmmmmmm tough nut to crack yhh

I'd be lying if I say I do not know how crazy those hormones can be.. Sometimes it's just hard to get some sort of balance, what with hardship, daily struggles to pay bills, stress, etc we all just want to ease off some.. Just like sexual urges/feelings comes naturally oftentimes and even in odd times, we can't cheat nature ofcourse but I feel we can somewhat control our actions..

Bad habits die hard but that doesn't in any way mean that we can't outrightly do away with them; it's like a full-on battle and tbvfh it gets harder every day.. I won't mince words to say that you have alot of work to do yourself, I know this is really important to you aand it's been a work in progress since last year but now it feels like everything is ruined.. Actually it's not, I'd say you went too hard on yourself, so breathe, just breathe Mavin.. Listen, it's good to be optimistic, it's good to want to build targets or set goals, in that same vein you can never go wrong with being realistic about it.. Don't go calling long shots, baby steps will do, one step at a time.. I really do not want to go over your past sexcapades, I believe you're in the quest of finding your purpose now and it's certainly good to know how much your perspective has changed esp on the objectification of the female gender, that'll really help you in this quest I assure you.. Please do not put yourself to the test sooo early in your self-discovery journey, you'll feel like you're immune to temptations, nah that is never the case, nobody is immune to temptations even Jesus Christ wasn't, we just learn to deal with it squarely but in this context of testing yourself at the early stage will have you falling deep deep & deeper into temptation, very vulnerable also but you won't feel it lol..

So my dear, you haven't even drawn out your plans/strategies not to talk of mastering your act.. We do not know you as much as you do, so you should sit & think of how you can achieve this goal of yours, be realistic as much as possible cos as a human being you will always have sexual urges, the key however is in how you go about it.. Don't stay off sex for a while and then the next minute you're putting yourself in a situation where there could be a relapse all in a bid to "test" yourself, the outcome is never palatable as you can see, you'll fail woefully so don't make that mistake again..

I can tell that there are times you'll feel lonely yunno and could do with some company, yeah I'm stylishly talking about your neighbor.. Lines have been crossed so I do not think you both can keep that friendship going for a long time, I would've suggested asking her out and taking it up from there but I see you saying that won't work cos of contrasting differences between you two, I don't know how you'll define things esp now she's got some feelings for you.. Well, all I can say is for you not to push yourself too hard so much so it feels emotionally draining, let it flow with ease like blood in your veins, build your self-control, be decisive, be determined, let it be a lifestyle, your lifestyle.. Faith without work is dead sooo I'll encourage you to do what you have to do, God in His infinite goodness will do the rest.. Shalom!