I'm confused my wife of 10 years is beginning to act funny.
She walks around the house unclothed but avoid any kind of physical contact with me.

I'm 49 she is 35. I luv her and still lust over her, if I suggest let's hv an early night she wud rather stay up late- watching home videos !
She has also avoided kiss or cuddling. The last we had sex was at Christmas.
I do everything for her. I cook, clean and iron, buy her nice expensive things, yet. I paid for her mum's n sister's ticket to visit us last Xmas despite I was skint, I now hv so much debt that I will never be able to pay back.

I hv never had a reason to suspect my wife of infidelity but at this point i'm getting confused.

I summoned the courage and spoke to her mum abt it,  she suggested I "show my wife more love n shower her with more goodies", as if I wasn't doing enuf, that it cud b she is having  mid-life crises. I don't know but I think I buy her a lot already. I can't remember the last tine I went shopping  for myself. Im really tired but I can't afford a divorce at this age.

Are there married men out there having/had same or similar experience ?  Kindly advise me .

NEXT UPDATE AFTER A FEW WEEKS

Hello people, I thank u immensely for the time u all have taken to drop a comment on this issue.
I acted on ur advise(s) and explained to the man that if he wants his wife back he wud need to change. Change his way. I explained to him these points as u advised.

1) He wud need to start being more manly. Being more assertive with the wife. Mking a point and sticking to it.

2) he needs to cut down on the plate washing and culinary activities. If he comes home and there is no food he shd either walk out, go buy kebab or fish n chip, walk back to his home and theatrically munch it while shaking his head and murmuring. Or soak garri n drink it before her.

(3) he has to sort his finances out. Shd involve the wife , let her know the state of things n get her to pay some of the bills n debt even.


(4) on the sex issue, I advised him to start going clubbing n parties to get the wife n bit jealous, when he comes back from such he shd coyly hint of young 25s hitting on him, White girls asking him if he is really as big as they say. Even he shd tell her that a few of them invite him home but he proudly showed his ring to them. And talked abt how beautiful n sexy his wife is.


(5)more on the sex, as someone advised, when ever they re to engage in sex, he shd stop going down on her, he shd ensure he is in top, when he cums he shd simply get up, walk into d bathroom, wash himsef then go to the sitting room and put on the news. While she is forlorn in the bedroom. (women hate it when men do that, but wud generate more passion from her.)

(6)start checking her phone and tracking her to confirm his fears - if she is cheating. So he can make more concrete plans without sympathy and empathy.

(7) on the holiday issue, mk her not go if he can if not don't spend a kobo on it.

Gave him some other trivial advise, but Mehn wait till u hear my man response.

HIS RESPONSE

On the become more assertive:
She wud complain that he is becoming controlling. Her friends wud start making noise that he is acting like a cave man and very African.
Early in their marriage she complain a lot about the controlling issue, he promised not be like that again so he shdnt want to stir any bee hive and possibly bring a crash of their flimsily hanging marriage.

On the culinary activities:
The man told me a very annoying tale, he said it never so to b that way ooh, that suddenly he noticed his wife's used lunch plate left unwashed in the sink when he comes home at night. He cools washes it while probably hosting with d wife who might b preparing dinner. Then she graduated into expecting him to wash up their both supper dishes. After sometime she stopped washing the pots herself. Currently when he comes back from home he finds the last night used pots, the dishes, her breakfast dishes, lunch plates and garri turner, and her supper plate - that's the day she managed to cook supper.

He said it has now become his duty such that she even now wakes him up from sleep- when he doses off after his supper, and reminds him not to forget to wash the dishes before he hoes to bed ooh!.

He said he hates it, he finds it very belittling when he try's not to do the dishes she wud complain and complain that he is not helping AT ALL at home, that he shdnt forget she is taking care of the kids. The next minute the MIL is on the phone cajoling him to assist his wife nah, does he not know it tiring looking after kids. ( what kind of tiredness cud that b abeg?)

On the finances :
He thinks if he tells the wife the state of his account she wud disrespect him the more n even might break up with him knowing he has nothing- he is scare of the divorce because more than likely she wud get their house n that wud leave him wit nothing. He also has bad credit rating which wud mk it difficult for him to get even a rent, phone or anything.

Sex
She has made him lose so much confidence in himsef that he wud find it difficult going clubbing. And he finds it irritating voicing such propaganda.
I told him to masturbate before her so she knows wat she is doing to u. He simply said he can't do it.

Checking her phone:
He said he prefers to think that she is making out with other men that confirming it cos he doesn't think he can take it.

Holiday:
He doesn't want her to know he doesn't have money n can't afford the holiday. But he also cant afford to be anything part of the holiday cos it will b that he is paying for her to go sleep with other men. It breaks his heart even thinking about it.

What next can one say?

Ya tin don 'sour'.
Kpele o.
Maybe you need to stop drinking beer and lose some weight.

I summoned the courage and spoke to her mum about it,

Hmmmm!

Macjive is this part of ya NGO stories or a friend's dilemma?

@Topic,why discus with the MIL?Is he afraid of the wife

I roll with guys way older than me (40 plus aged men) and i am yet to see ONE that has anything encouraging to say about married life. You are almost 50 and i'm pretty sure you didn't bargain for this on going crap when you got married. Mid-life crisis at 35? Please, i beg to differ. If you're witnessing this now, i wonder what will happen when she's between 40-60 (thats the real mid-life age range). This is something else. Check out this website. It might help you : www.womensinfidelity.com

ifyalways:

Macjive is this part of ya NGO stories or a friend's dilemma?

@Topic,why discus with the MIL?Is he afraid of the wife

O yeah my sexy ify Na a "friend's" dilemma ooh.

@OP
I wouldn't conclude that your wife is immature especially judging by her age, I'm sure she perfectly know what she's doing and what she's aiming to achieve. Firstly, my advice to you is to find a conducive and romantic time to sit het down and discuss all your concerns without holding anything back. If she's however, adamant or refuses to change I'll advise you take a Sidon look approach. You see some women tend to take men for granted once they realise that they've discovered everything about you and believes that they could get a better bargain elsewhere. If you take a sidon look approach for about three months, never bother her about food, sex or buy her any gifts just dey live solo life she'll eventually come out in her true colors and you can take it up from there. I believe both husband and wife are obliged to work on their marriage, it doesn't work when one party is doing so much to make things work while the other party just believe he's the all in all.

Stop kissing ur wife's ass
Hit the gym mate.
Get some Hot goat weed
Go to the movies , nandos
Stop cooking for her instead do take way.
Destress ur home with candles and soft music
Be thoughtful but let her be.
Avoid arguements and stop resenting your situation
Finally if you can afford it book a holiday.
Be masculine and sort out your money troubles.
Think and take sound decisions not impressing the onlookers but long term benefit
Show ur wife u are a leader and can be followed and trusted.
49 is young so think youth n
Goodluck

horny4u:

Stop kissing your wife's backside
Hit the gym mate.
Get some Hot goat weed
Go to the movies , nandos
Stop cooking for her instead do take way.
Destress your home with candles and soft music
Be thoughtful but let her be.
Avoid arguements and stop resenting your situation
Finally if you can afford it book a holiday.
Be masculine and sort out your money troubles.
Think and take sound decisions not impressing the onlookers but long term benefit
Show your wife u are a leader and can be followed and trusted.
49 is young so think youth n
Goodluck

that was well thought out, thanks. But gymming is not easy esp when u re my age. also the time, i have to work a lot to pay the bills in the house i barely have time for the news.

horny4u:

Stop kissing your wife's backside
Hit the gym mate.
Get some Hot goat weed
Go to the movies , nandos
Stop cooking for her instead do take way.
Destress your home with candles and soft music
Be thoughtful but let her be.
Avoid arguements and stop resenting your situation
Finally if you can afford it book a holiday.
Be masculine and sort out your money troubles.
Think and take sound decisions not impressing the onlookers but long term benefit
Show your wife u are a leader and can be followed and trusted.
49 is young so think youth n
Goodluck

if you had looked at his profile picture which i think is him, you would get hornier and would not have added the highlighted

Questions for OP

1. How did you marry your wife?
2 How long did it take you to convince her?
3. Were you a bug to her before she gave to have her peace?
4. Was she in love with another and you plucked her away?
5. Did you blackmail her with gifts to get her to say yes?
6. Did she marry you because you trained her in school?
7.Do you have kids now?
8. Is it possible that you punish her when you get to make love, like discharging your content before your rod gets inside?
9. Do you know if she has or had lesbian tendencies?
10. is there anything she has been asking you for which you have not met?

Finally, you had sex last at xmas and her mother came at xmas any connections? Reason i'm asking is that the only advise she could give to you is to shower her with love and did not even say she would talk to her daughter

macjive01:


that was well thought out, thanks. But gymming is not easy esp when u re my age. also the time, i have to work a lot to pay the bills in the house i barely have time for the news.

I guess the guy in the pic is not you then

its me but the story is not mine , a friend's or rather someone i know.

OK answer those questions above and I will advise you

agabaI23:

if you had looked at his profile picture which i think is him, you would get hornier and would not have added the highlighted

Questions for OP

1. How did you marry your wife?
2 How long did it take you to convince her?
3. Were you a bug to her before she gave to have her peace?
4. Was she in love with another and you plucked her away?
5. Did you blackmail her with gifts to get her to say yes?
6. Did she marry you because you trained her in school?
7.Do you have kids now?
8. Is it possible that you punish her when you get to make love, like discharging your content before your rod gets inside?
9. Do you know if she has or had lesbian tendencies?
10. is there anything she has been asking you for which you have not met?

Finally, you had sex last at xmas and her mother came at xmas any connections? Reason i'm asking is that the only advise she could give to you is to shower her with love and did not even say she would talk to her daughter

dont know how he married her but i know he courted her for a bit -like 2-3 years, then flew to Nigeria to wed her. then after about 3 month he got her over to London.

they have 3 kids.

i dont think he trained her but i know why they were courting he did shower her with lots of goodies and money.

he is a fit man and i believe he wud be good in that department. he is a dude, complete with bad swagger, apparently the swagger is not enuf for the wife.( i bet she wants p diddy type).

she wants to go on holiday with her friends but wants my man to pay for it. . . how absurd ?

lesbian? me no know.

the last time they had sex according to him is xmas . but she doesnt hesitate to mk him go down on her.

she get wahala plenty man.

macjive01:

dont know how he married her but i know he courted her for a bit -like 2-3 years, then flew to Nigeria to wed her. then after about 3 month he got her over to London.

they have 3 kids.

i dont think he trained her but i know why they were courting he did shower her with lots of goodies and money.

he is a fit man and i believe he wud be good in that department. he is a dude, complete with bad swagger, apparently the swagger is not enuf for the wife.( i bet she wants p diddy type).

she wants to go on holiday with her friends but wants my man to pay for it. . . how absurd ?

lesbian? me no know.

the last time they had sex according to him is xmas . but she doesnt hesitate to mk him go down on her.

she get wahala plenty man.

Now the truth is coming out.

He is punishing him because he cannot pay for a holiday. she is probably getting it from somewhere.

She is going on holiday with the girls? probably she is experimenting with lesbianism.

Now, I may think the girl has got her residency permit or red kpali(UK), she now feels she can discard the guy. this is the beginning.

She has seen someone she thinks she prefers and she wants to leverage the female friendly UK law to perpetrate the act.

This is one of the dangers in going to Nigeria to marry instead of going for the girls who are already here.
When you bring someone, sometimes it backfires because the wannabes over do things. it may be better to go with people who have stabilise after playing with white d.icks .

Again, it was all about phone dating and gift seduction they never got to stay together to bond before getting married.

God help him. He works so much, may be he should get her to work if she is not working so that they have more time together.

He is already in a debt he cannot pay. That is Nigerians living above their means to impress.

am educated by this discos.
a tot to pounder
thanks op
thanks all

Duh. Another wimp tale. One gets an earful of such these days.

. . .buys her gifts, cooks for her, cleans for her, buys tickets for her entire kindred to visit, drinks her bath-water, wipes her shyt-muddied ass! Dunce!

Again I have to emphasize this: the only way a man can enjoy peace of mind and retain control of situations in a long term relationship with a woman is to be as selfish, egotistical, dictatorial and dominating as he can be in a moderated manner. There is NOTHING positive to be gained by being nice to a woman (especially wife or girlfriend) or treating her with too much consideration. The only reward for such indiscretion is gloom and eventual doom.

The more you show that that you don't give rat's shyt about their bullshyt (whether mid-life crisis or menstrual crisis or whatever damn crises they bring upon themselves) the more they behave and play the submissive junior partner that they were CREATED to be. But for miserable wimps who capitulate to the women in their lives, they would be trampled upon without mercy and have their weak testicles crushed by these marauding wolves in sheep's clothing called women. This is not an opinion; it is an immutable law with universal and unconditional applicability.

pro01:

Duh. Another wimp tale. One gets an earful of such these days.

. . .buys her gifts, cooks for her, cleans for her, buys tickets for her entire kindred to visit, drinks her bath-water, wipes her shyt-muddied backside! Dunce!

Again I have to emphasize this: the only way a man can enjoy peace of mind and retain control of situations in a long term relationship with a woman is to be as selfish, egotistical, dictatorial and dominating as he can be in a moderated manner. There is NOTHING positive to be gained by being nice to a woman (especially wife or girlfriend) or treating her with too much consideration. The only reward for such indiscretion is gloom and eventual doom.

The more you show that that you don't give rat's shyt about their bullshyt (whether mid-life crisis or menstrual crisis or whatever damn crises they bring upon themselves) the more they behave and play the submissive junior partner that they were CREATED to be. But for miserable wimps who capitulate to the women in their lives, they would be trampled upon without mercy and have their weak testicles crushed by these marauding wolves in sheep's clothing called women. This is not an opinion; it is an immutable law with universal and unconditional applicability.

You do not have to dictatorial but have to be decisive
You do not have to be selfish and you cannot be passive
You do not have to egoistical but you have to be confident
You do not have to be wimp but you have to be focused
You cannot be oppressive but you have to be firm
You have to be wise, intelligent and bold and caring
You will achieve the same effect with all you said with the woman being happy.

Set out out your boundaries from the word go and any woman would respect that.

Game change thats all you both need. Move to a new environment self. People get bored , i'm number 1 !!! I get bored easily. get tired of same things food, room, pussy , style , face , make up, perfume shit that one i hate to smell that one same shit everytime. The guy became boring too. And sometimes nothing you can do about it. Marriage not for everyone too. You will only try your best and maybe move on and never get married again. Marriage I think is jsut for you to raise kids till they're 18. Then break up/divorce to reinvent your life and enjoy the rest dating different women yearly

tEsLim:

Game change thats all you both need. Move to a new environment self. People get bored , i'm number 1 !!! I get bored easily. get tired of same things food, room, kitty , style , face , make up, perfume poo that one i hate to smell that one same poo everytime. The guy became boring too. And sometimes nothing you can do about it. Marriage not for everyone too. You will only try your best and maybe move on and never get married again. Marriage I think is just for you to raise kids till they're 18. Then break up/divorce to reinvent your life and enjoy the rest dating different women yearly.

Interesting theory. If we substitute 'yearly' with monthly (or even weekly), then I would agree with everything.

This thread sound so real and very educative too. The truth that I've come to realise again and again is that: the more you try to please a woman, the more you hurt yourself bcs they are insatiable but see your efforts at pleasing them as indications that you can do more. It's a game anyway, only the wise ones(men) have smth to show when the game is over.

@ op. nice one there!

kokogee:

This thread sound so real and very educative too. The truth that I've come to realise again and again is that: the more you try to please a woman, the more you hurt yourself bcs they are insatiable but see your efforts at pleasing them as indications that you can do more. It's a game anyway, only the wise ones(men) have smth to show when the game is over.

@ op. nice one there!

This marriage of a thing is something else.

kokogee:

This thread sound so real and very educative too. The truth that I've come to realise again and again is that: the more you try to please a woman, the more you hurt yourself bcs they are insatiable but see your efforts at pleasing them as indications that you can do more. It's a game anyway, only the wise ones(men) have smth to show when the game is over.

@ op. nice one there!

You cant be more correct, I keep seeing it over and over again. Not trying to sound harsh to the ladies, but a lot of them are sooooooooo full of GAMES. Sometimes they act it without even knowing, blaming it on their complexities and so-called crisis.

macjive01:


that was well thought out, thanks. But gymming is not easy esp when u re my age. also the time, i have to work a lot to pay the bills in the house i barely have time for the news.

I know people say women are not visual yet when i see a fit dude i am thinking thoughts that make me beg for forgiveness lets not deceive him he will have to get fit through change of diet and workout dvd at home once a week will make a mega difference.
You will have to think about making money in a way that will not require your physically time e.g selling car spare parts on ebay or whatever you are good at start small and grow from there.
If your wife knows her kids have not got a certain future its enough to give her bipolar ( does not matter if you spent the money keeping up with the Adenugas in front of her family) she will still hold you responsible for not taking a sound decision as the captain she submitted her future too

agabaI23:

You do not have to dictatorial but have to be decisive
You do not have to be selfish and you cannot be passive
You do not have to egoistical but you have to be confident
You do not have to be wimp but you have to be focused
You cannot be oppressive but you have to be firm
You have to be wise, intelligent and bold and caring
You will achieve the same effect with all you said with the woman being happy.

Set out out your boundaries from the word go and any woman would respect that.

Honestly what woman will not happily submit and follow a man as described by agaba
The problem with being oppressive is that its not substainable and there will always be war, women are tougher emotionally than men TRUE! (see ghaddaffi)
You need to define roles in your marriage soon enough .
You must take decisions hence forth that will bring natural respect from your wife, encourage her, discuss decisions with her intelligently, show yourself as a leader.
She will trust you and if she does not change you have improved yourself.
Please sort out your money trouble and be firm about your financial future let her know that if you send your daughter to st andrews she will meet prince william son ( you need sound decisions today to do that tommorow)
best of luck.

//

OP,

Your wife is bored, Instead of spending the rest of your life kissing her a55, why not just fork it and go out more, concentrate on yourself and she wld come around.


With women, If you give them too much attention you would be taken for granted, Travel more, Go out more, Have fun

If you die now, and God ask you what you did with your life, You would say You spent it, Would you say you spent it trying to please one confused woman?

Think about it

Blessed is the selfish and dictatorial boss-man. He knows it is either his way or the highway. He finds happiness and fulfilment only in himself rather than in one random confused woman. If he has to 'domesticate' any woman in order to fulfil all societal righteousness and to raise children, then she must accept the 'privilege' of kissing HIS arse during the period of the domestication marriage (not the other way round); if there are issues, SHE should be the one trying to make things work (not the other way round); if anyone should get bored of the other, it should be HE getting bored of her (not the other way round). Any woman who can't live with that would be promptly discarded like a used condom. . . better replacements are too numerous and anxious to take her place. Investing emotions, energy, time and resources in trying to please any one female is something that only mushy idiots do; not boss-men. A true boss-man dedicates all his brain-space and heart-space to making and spending money, not wasting unrequited love on one insignificant and (ultimately) ungrateful hag. Life is damn too short to be spent kissing one wrinkled, miserable ass in the name of 'love'. Oyinbo don teach these 'modern' Africans nonsense. Don't I just love how things were in times past.


No day passes by without one seeing countless cases of the bullshyt these women do to men who love them so. Dunno why people fail to learn from others' experiences until they learn it the hard way themselves.

call her bluff! dont go reporting to anyone, two can play the game better, she will come around if she realize she is loosing you.
remember when it come to women irrationality means rational.
goodluck

//

//

At 49yrs, Focus on why a 35yr old is confused and disgruntled?

LOL.

That you dont want a divorce at all cost is the main reason she is taking you for granted, She is acting like she is doing you a favour by being with you. You have already sucked up, You cook, clean and what next? For you to pay for a vacation with her friends?

Na real wa

chaircover:

good Idea but remember that the poster says that he doesnt want a divorce. So if she calls his bluff in return then his plan will backfire.

He is better off finding out what the problem is before making any rash decisions. For example what if she knows something that he doenst know that she knows?

Sorry dear but I didn't get that bit.