Generally, the first thing that comes to mind when we hear about domestic violence is that the act was committed on a woman or a child. People tend to forget that men can also be victims of domestic violence and this type of violence happens more often than we think.

I was chatting with a friend the other day and she mentioned her neighbor who has been abused several times by his wife. Yes… you read right, his wife. Now, it may seem odd that a man is chopping slaps from his wife and is not immediately giving her a double portion; however, it is only a real man that can walk away from such a scene without retaliating. Some women then take advantage of this, gather more liver and continue abusing their men...

Domestic violence against men is not as popular as violence on women and children and I think this is because most men who suffer this type of violence are often ashamed to mention it for fear of being seen as weaklings.

Domestic violence happens mostly within intimate relationships and it includes emotional, sexual, physical, psychological, spiritual abuse. Even the threat of abuse is an abuse on its own and these forms of violence are quite difficult to recognize. Some men are blessed with kicks, bites and punches from their women on a regular basis.

Just the other day, a man came home from church on a beautiful Sunday afternoon to see all of his clothes and worldly possessions in the garbage, all torn to pieces. Upon asking his wife, her seemingly justifiable reason was that he did not give her the N125,000 she requested for asoebi. Say what? Hian! And then she goes ahead to compare him to Rita’s husband who never hesitates to buy Rita anything she asks for.

When a woman continuously belittles her man, ridicules him or even compares him to his mates who seem to be doing better than him, it is a form of abuse and it eats at the man’s ego. And we all know how our men love their ego.

Some men are in abusive relationships but they don’t know it because the woman is so subtle about it and probably does not leave physical marks. If you find yourself in this type of relationship, it is important to know that you are not alone. Lots of men from all walks of life are going through same predicament. It is just unfortunate that the men are not very vocal about it and each person continues ‘suffering and smiling’.

The way some women are possessive over their men ehn … they won’t let their men hang out with friends or go watch a football match. A woman can go as far as seizing her man’s car keys or erecting herself by the doorway and daring the man to pass through her.

Other forms of abuse are where a woman manipulates her man into granting her wishes or goes about spreading negative rumours about him to his friends or even on social media. She might insinuate that her man beats her or does not provide for the family or that he is a ‘two-minute man’. She might also threaten to take the kids and disappear so that the man will not have any access to his kids. Women have also been known to drug their men or attack them in their sleep. If as a man, you are experiencing any of these, please get help fast.

Other forms of domestic violence against men are:
· Constant accusations of infidelity.

· Putting him down or insulting him.

· Seizing his medications as a form of threat.

. Forcing him to have sexual acts against his will.

· Trying to control what he wears, eats or how he spends his money.

· Verbally abusing him, be it in the presence of friends, colleagues or even within closed doors.

· Blaming the man for her violent actions or making him feel that he deserves such treatment.

This is not to give women ideas on how to abuse their men o. It is to create awareness that men also get abused and they also need to be protected. Men should be on the lookout to ensure that they are not in such a relationship otherwise it would shatter the man’s ego and leave him a shadow of himself.

It is sometimes difficult to understand why people stay in abusive relationships but anyone with a similar experience knows it is not very easy to leave. A man may choose to stay in an abusive relationship because of his religious beliefs, because of his kids or even because of the money he receives from his woman. It takes lots of guts to leave such a relationship.

Anyway, domestic violence against men is bad in its entirety but it is never advisable to retaliate. Rather it is best to leave the relationship before morale is destroyed. The man can also get legal aid or advice from a domestic violence program to preserve both health and sanity.

Domestic violence against men seems funny

Iyaebe:
Domestic violence against men seems funny

How?

A topic worthy of attention.

Iyaebe:
Domestic violence against men seems funny

Of course it'll seem funny to you... Na your type.

Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence
Usually, when I read tales of domestic violence, especially when i see a woman battered and bruised, i am quick to feel pity for her, and by default blame the man for being an 'animal'. I hate wife beaters with all my heart. But today's experience actually changed my view.

It started around 7a.m this sunday morning. My neighbor whose flat directly faces mine was washing his vehicle outside. I have never known him to be a violent man. He and his wife always argue and quarrel, but it has never been in the open. Just raised voices and exchanging unkind words. His wife walked in through the gate leading to the compound. As soon as she saw her husband, she started screaming, 'dirty man' 'pig' and some other obscenity in their local dialect. He was scolding the man for not wearing a slippers outdoors. He walking on water barefooted. The man told her to keep quiet and get him a slippers to put on. She continued on top of her voice. She insulted daylight out of the man. There was nothing this woman did not say, from the size of the man's joystick to the number of minutes he stays in the bedroom. Out of anger, the man poured the remaining water he was using to wash the car on her. She ran at him and gripped him by the collar almost choking him.

At that point, myself and other neighbors who have been watching ran out to put an end to the fracas before it got out of hand. It took alot of pleading before she eventually let go and went inside. The man just stood there, i could tell that he was really embarrassed by the things his wife said. We advised him to be a man 'you know say na so women be na'.

Not up to 10 minutes later, the man started banging on the door to the house. His wife refused to let him in. She insisted that he must go and wash his feet thoroughly before entering the house, but there was no water outside anymore. The man shouted at her to bring water for him to wash up, but she kept insisting that there would have been water if he hadn't poured it on her. A shouting match ensued again, this woman continued her verbal assault.

At about an hour later, when it was time to go to church, she came out all dressed, not knowing that her husband was around the corner. He came from nowhere and landed a slap on her cheeks. She swung her bag at him, and a piece of metal from the bag cut his Jaw. This man descended on his wife with series of slaps. She fought back violently. All the while i was observing through my window. She dipped her hand into the man's eye, and punched him several times. The man seemed to lose it completely and aimed a blow directly at her jaw. The woman screamed, next thing i saw was blood oozing out of her mouth. I ran out of my own apartment to calm things down. Behold she had lost two teeth. When we all came to separate them, the woman started wailing uncontrollably, saying that her husband has killed her. With the blood in her mouth and everything nobody even spared a thought for the man. I could see finger nail marks all over his face. His jaw was a bit swollen too.

We personally drove the woman to a nearby health center so they could clean her up. As we entered, we were greeted with questions 'wetin happen?' 'na accident'? She started crying and narrating how her husband wanted to kill her this morning because she insisted that 'he must wash his dirty legs before entering the house'. The Nurses there started berating men in general, with each person narrating different experiences of domestic violence they had encountered. They were all full of sympathy for her. It was the general assumption that the she married a devil as husband. We just sat there listening to them demonizing men and wondering. The husband even called me while at the health center to know if it was serious. He sounded really worried. He wanted to drive down to meet us. We just discouraged him from coming, because his wife has already made him out to be a devil here.

Whenever the story of domestic violence is told, it is only narrated from the woman's perspective. We often see her in tears, with bruises all over. She plays the victim, because she is the one that usually ends up with bruises, even if she may have delivered the first punch.

We hardly hear the man's side of the story, we don't perceive his emotion, he hardly has any physical scars from the encounter, so we assume he wasn't hurt. He is always the violent one, because he won't let you know that a woman's words broke him, he won't gather a crowd a to tell his story.

I'm totally against domestic violence, whether physical or verbal. I believe two people who claim to love each other should be able to settle issues amicably with resorting to abusive language and physical confrontation. If your differences are irreconcilable, then end the damn marriage and let everyone go in peace. I think the real beast is the man that will descend on a woman at the smallest provocation. But as a woman, If you instigate a physical confrontation, either by words or action, make sure you win the fight that ensues.

Next time i read or hear about domestic violence, with a picture of a battered and bruised woman, i won't jump into the 'Men are beasts' wagon, not untill i know the full story.

Iyaebe:
Domestic violence against men seems funny

Seems funny how? I don't want to call you empty brain this morning.

Zonefree:

Seems funny how? I don't want to call you empty brain this morning.

Man wey woman dy beat,is that one a man? Mtcheww

Iyaebe:
Domestic violence against men seems funny

there is no justification for a man hitting a woman, then there is no justification for a woman to verbally abuse a man. If he continues to walk away from the insult, it ll only be eating him up inside. I find it offensive that you call it "funny". You are in effect saying that men should continuously endure domestic abuse because they are physically stronger? You think that a woman's words do not do emotional harm? Is it just the man who should be understanding and reasonable? Should the woman not learn to respect her head?

Rubyjade:
there is no justification for a man hitting a woman, then there is no justification for a woman to verbally abuse a man. If he continues to walk away from the insult, it ll only be eating him up inside. I find it offensive that you call it "funny". You are in effect saying that men should continuously endure domestic abuse because they are physically stronger? You think that a woman's words do not do emotional harm? Is it just the man who should be understanding and reasonable? Should the woman not learn to respect her head?

Only heads that deserves respect will be respected,some of these men are beasts,did you read the one that killed his pregnant wife on front page?

Iyaebe:
Man wey woman dy beat,is that one a man? Mtcheww

...You see your life? And if the man raises his hands and beat her to stupor,you will start shouting why beating a woman.
Don't be offended my dear. Are you always this way or you just feel better anytime you make a stupid comment? Like I said,no vex ooh.

JONNYSPUTE:
...You see your life? And if the man raises his hands and beat her to stupor,you will start shouting why beating a woman.
Don't be offended my dear. Are you always this way or you just feel better anytime you make a stupid comment? Like I said,no vex ooh.

My statement does not imply what you wrote,I mean it is weak men that women get rid of(as in see finish).Men should learn how to command respect without having to drag himself in the mud with his wife.

Iyaebe:
My statement does not imply what you wrote,I mean it is weak men that women get rid of(as in see finish).Men should learn how to command respect without having to drag himself in the mud with his wife.

...You calling him a weak man because he tries not to retaliate shows you are insupport of domestic violence against women. That's the implication of your comment but you aren't aware.

Growing up, I know two men that were beaten on a regular by their wives.

But then, the penis is a useless organ. No one cares about it.

Iyaebe:
Man wey woman dy beat,is that one a man? Mtcheww

And if a man fights back.. Same you will come here to criticize a man for fighting back ...

Rubyjade:
there is no justification for a man hitting a woman, then there is no justification for a woman to verbally abuse a man. If he continues to walk away from the insult, it ll only be eating him up inside. I find it offensive that you call it "funny". You are in effect saying that men should continuously endure domestic abuse because they are physically stronger? You think that a woman's words do not do emotional harm? Is it just the man who should be understanding and reasonable? Should the woman not learn to respect her head?

You're very intelligent... Na wife material you be.... 1mil yard...

Domestic violence against women is sanctioned by law in much of Nigeria whereas Domestic violence against men is not. So men who find themselves in abusive relationships have a way out, this since the law is on their side, but not all women who find themselves in similar situations have the same freedoms.

While the same advice goes to all persons who find themselves in abusive situations- get out before it is too late - let's not belittle the fact that for many women in Nigeria that same message does not work since the very law of the land stands in support of the abuser and not the victim.