Greetings y'all, I'm sorry I had to bother you all with my family issues and all.. but seriously I feel so ashamed discussing about this in public, that's why I'm always here.

Just about two weeks ago, I made a thread about this https://www.nairaland.com/7044182/out-rage-hit-mum-yesterday and afterwards, I made steps to reconcile with her which she blatantly refused to accept my apologies despite bringing an elderly family friend along to beg on my behalf. I had cleared my conscience from that moment onward and promised not to go back there anytime soon for my own sanity. I really do not know if it's coincidental that things got so bad for me afterwards that most gigs I do most times dried up (I'm a musician).. I really do not want to think in that direction.

I bumped into my dad on Sunday evening and he said he's been wanting to see me but he's been very busy.. so we went to a spot to talk. He told me an argument ensued btw him and his wife which was normal as far as I'm concerned but what shocked him was that my mom hit him so hard on chest while they argued. I was so mad upon hearing this and was mad at him for not telling me about this earlier. He was panting so hard after being hit that he had to go get ice block to calm himself and visited the nurse for treatments the next day. He went further to say that he's mentally, emotionally, physically disconnected with her from that moment onward. But fear of what people would say is what's stopping him from abandoning his family. He's tired! It's so hard to still call her my mom after all of this.. Omo this life just no balance at all. Oti é ti sunmi bayi.

Moz22:
Greetings y'all, I'm sorry I had to bother you all with my family issues and all.. but seriously I feel so ashamed discussing about this in public, that's why I'm always here.

Just about two weeks ago, I made a thread about this https://www.nairaland.com/7044182/out-rage-hit-mum-yesterday and afterwards, I made steps to reconcile with her which she blatantly refused to accept my apologies despite bringing an elderly family friend along to beg on my behalf. I had cleared my conscience from that moment onward and promised not to go back there anytime soon for my own sanity. I really do not know if it's coincidental that things got so bad for me afterwards that most gigs I do most times dried up (I'm a musician).. I really do not want to think in that direction.

I bumped into my dad on Sunday evening and he said he's been wanting to see me but he's been very busy.. so we went to a spot to talk. He told me an argument ensued btw him and his wife which was normal as far as I'm concerned but what shocked him was that my mom hit him so hard on chest while they argued. I was so mad upon hearing this and was mad at him for not telling me about this earlier. He was panting so hard after being hit that he had to go get ice block to calm himself and visited the nurse for treatments the next day. He went further to say that he's mentally, emotionally, physically disconnected with her from that moment onward. But fear of what people would say is what's stopping him from abandoning his family. He's tired! It's so hard to still call her my mom after all of this.. Omo this life just no balance at all. Oti é ti sunmi bayi.

she is still your mum... We do not get to choose who are parents are.
Glad you made frantic efforts to apologize to her. Just try to avoid her for now as you are doing and constantly keep in touch with your dad. May God help you

dawnomike:
she is still your mum... We do not get to choose who are parents are.
Glad you made frantic efforts to apologize to her. Just try to avoid her for now as you are doing and constantly keep in touch with your dad. May God help you

I could be without a dad right all thanks to her.. you expect me to call her a mom even if she killed my dad?

Moz22:
I bumped into my dad on Sunday evening and he said he's been wanting to see me but he's been very busy.. so we went to a spot to talk. He told me an argument ensued btw him and his wife which was normal as far as I'm concerned but what shocked him was that my mom hit him so hard on chest while they argued. I was so mad upon hearing this and was mad at him for not telling me about this earlier. He was panting so hard after being hit that he had to go get ice block to calm himself and visited the nurse for treatments the next day. He went further to say that he's mentally, emotionally, physically disconnected with her from that moment onward. But fear of what people would say is what's stopping him from abandoning his family. He's tired! It's so hard to still call her my mom after all of this.. Omo this life just no balance at all. Oti é ti sunmi bayi.

So?

What part of this is your concern? Abi you don't think your father is sane enough to take care of his issue in his relationship with your mum?,

Moz22:
I could be without a dad right all thanks to her.. you expect me to call her a mom even if she killed my dad?

That decision is up to your dad, and mum to make, not your problem to attempt to resolve or carry on your head.

At this point, what you are attempting to do here is carrying another man business for head. Yes, they are your parents but unless you have been given administrative rights over their life and existence, you have no business stepping in between them or carrying what is their relationship for head.

Kobojunkie:
So?

What part of this is your concern? Abi you don't think your father is sane enough to take care of his issue in his relationship with your mum?,

are you seriously asking me what my concern is? Thankfully twasnt more than what twas.. that I don't have to make a speech at a certain wake keeping describing the kind of man my dad was

Kobojunkie:
That decision is up to your dad, and mum to make, not your problem to attempt to resolve or carry on your head.

At this point, what you are attempting to do here is carrying another man business for head. Yes, they are your parents but unless you have been given administrative rights over their life and existence, you have no business stepping in between them or carrying what is their relationship for head.

I put up the previous thread there for a reason.. I want to believe you are judging only by what I wrote here. It's fine

Moz22:
are you seriously asking me what my concern is? Thankfully twasnt more than what twas.. that I don't have to make a speech at a certain wake keeping describing the kind of man my dad was

Their relationship, their fight!

Moz22:
I put up the previous thread there for a reason.. I want to believe you are judging only by what I wrote here. It's fine

I didn't need to look into your previous since the part that concerns me is where you suggest your parent's relationship palavar na your own to carry for head.

Kobojunkie:
Their relationship, their fight!

Thank you for your contribution.

Kobojunkie:
I didn't need you look into your previous since the part that concerns me is where you suggest your parent's relationship palavar na your own to carry for head.

shey you will rest bro?

.

InTheCloudySky:
I wonder how your mom treats strangers if she's this abusive (and I'm tempted to also say 'hateful') towards her own family. No one can help her deal with her issues, unless she's interested in getting the help she needs.

That said, you should be more worried about your father. I commented on your previous thread and was going to ask how he copes with her, but you've responded with this thread. For his peace of mind and wellbeing, encourage him to leave, if he can, because your mom isn't going to change anytime soon, and if he's not already developing hypertension, she may one day kill him out of anger.

*If he does leave, then your little brother (whom she also maltreats) will be the only person with him. Can your father take him along?

Hateful is an understatement.. My dad definitely can take care of himself.. honestly, if I have the means.. I'll take the boy with me also. My younger sister stays Faraway in ajah and he definitely can't stay with her there cos of his yet to finish his secondary education. Really, now isn't a good time to add another being into my house. I hate this life

You wanted to be a musician even after seeing that your father couldn't make a living out of it. Your mother tried to warn you against the idea and wished you'd do something better with your life. You were stubborn and have casted your mother the villain in your story and here you are now... broke, no prospects, and fighting your mother at this old age. You better stop using her as an excuse and go and build a life for yourself! You now want to carry the marriage of your parents on your head instead of using your energy to better your life. You have serious issues but you want to avoid them by causing drama in your parents relationship and home. GO AND LIVE YOUR LIFE!

Double0h7:
You wanted to be a musician even after seeing that your father couldn't make a living out of it. Your mother tried to warn you against the idea and wished you'd do something better with your life. You were stubborn and have casted your mother the villain in your story and here you are now... broke, no prospects, and fighting your mother at this old age. You better stop using her as an excuse and go and build a life for yourself! You now want to carry the marriage of your parents on your head instead of using your energy to better your life. You have serious issues but you want to avoid them by causing drama in your parents relationship and home. GO AND LIFE YOUR LIFE!

Chai! The old me would have reciprocated this but I won't... Go in peace son

Moz22:
Chai! The old me would have reciprocated this but I won't... Go in peace son

Continue dragging your mother's wrapper and seeking validation on the internet. Don't work on yourself, create one dumb thread after another moaning about your old mother instead of making money and putting a smile on her face.

Double0h7:


Continue dragging your mother's wrapper and seeking validation on the internet. Don't work on yourself, create one dumb thread after another moaning about your old mother instead of making money and putting a smile on her face. I bet she wishes she spat you out that fateful night!

Pele my dear

Dear OP. It's well with you.

I will advice ur dad to leave not alone, but with your younger brother.

I have seen scenario like this dear, you need to fight your way through if you want to become someone in life.

It's high time you seek the face of God, throw yourself in prayers dear, some battle are not physical but spiritual. Stay away from home, you don't need any confrontation but you seriously need prayers.
I wish you well and may God guide you through in Jesus name.

Inside Life! Each and everyone with his own challenges

You’re the one that needs serious help. You’re planning to beat your mother again because she hit your father on the chest. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Omo Komo!!

Nm. E no concern me.

Beremx:
You’re the one that needs serious help. You’re planning to beat your mother again because she hit your father on the chest. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Omo Komo!!

lmao you again

U go notice say I nor too like wahala

nautybride:
Inside Life! Each and everyone with his own challenges

aswear.. e taya me ehn

InTheCloudySky:
From your previous thread, it seems all of you are her triggers. It's possible she wanted to marry someone else instead of your Dad, hence the aggression towards all of you, including him. Just a thought.

If your Dad can definitely take care of himself, then he should be able to do the same for his son/your brother, meaning he should take him along. Because he's the healthier parent, the onus is on him to do that, not just for himself but the child in the house. As for your brother's school, your Dad can move to another location but within the same city. That way, your brother can finish up at the same school. If your Dad's only concern is what people will think, who cares what they'll think?

This same way I would tell a woman in an abusive relationship to leave is the same way your Dad ought to separate from your mom. I'm not saying they should divorce, as that's ultimately up to them, your Dad and brother remaining in the house and being continuously abused isn't ideal.

woh! I don leave everything for God like this.. anything weh wan happen, make e happen. I'm not a happy man at all

When praying for a child, pray for the one that would have compassion for you as a parent.
Firstly, you beat your mother up and now you want to do so again simply cos she hit your father.
Is your father not a man? How has he been handling her all these while?
Now you want to leave your mother, take your younger brother along and you still want your father to leave her to marry another woman I guess.

I feel pity for your own mother honestly.
You mentioned that your music is not florishing, you are here trying to pin it on your mom, how?
Isn't it obvious that music is not your way just like it wasn't for your dad?

I hope you don't waste your youth on something unproductive so you won't cry later in life.

Vyolet:
When praying for a child, pray for the one that would have compassion for you as a parent.
Firstly, you beat your mother up and now you want to do so again simply cos she hit your father.
Is your father not a man? How has he been handling her all these while?
Now you want to leave your mother, take your younger brother along and you still want your father to leave her to marry another woman I guess.

I feel pity for your own mother honestly.
You mentioned that your music is not florishing, you are here trying to pin it on your mom, how?
Isn't it obvious that music is not your way just like it wasn't for your dad?

I hope you don't waste your youth on something unproductive so you won't cry later in life.

I pray for u the ability to comprehend things cos this obviously beyond you.. trust me!

Double0h7:
You wanted to be a musician even after seeing that your father couldn't make a living out of it. Your mother tried to warn you against the idea and wished you'd do something better with your life. You were stubborn and have casted your mother the villain in your story and here you are now... broke, no prospects, and fighting your mother at this old age. You better stop using her as an excuse and go and build a life for yourself! You now want to carry the marriage of your parents on your head instead of using your energy to better your life. You have serious issues but you want to avoid them by causing drama in your parents relationship and home. GO AND LIVE YOUR LIFE!

The OP is an adult and if you think it is right for the mom to force her views and opinions on the OP then it seems you are of the same stock with the mom.
The OP has not committed a crime by following the path of music, he is old enough to make his choice and the mother has no right to make his life a living hell cos of that.
Having said that, OP I think you are stupid for wanting to fight for your dad, I will call you a fool, it is not your business what happens between them.
Your dad is wrong for telling you what happened, if he is tired of the marriage then let him walk out.

You have no right at all to fight for your dad, he is not a kid, if he decides to stay with her then let him face the music. I think you still havent gotten the reality that at this point, you have to pretend as if you do not have a family.
Give your dad an advise and move on, never interfere in what goes on between your dad and mom, thats their own kettle of fish, carry yours.

oldienavie:

The OP is an adult and if you think it is right for the mom to force her views and opinions on the OP then it seems you are of the same stock with the mom.
The OP has not committed a crime by following the path of music, he is old enough to make his choice and the mother has no right to make his life a living hell cos of that.

His mother lived through the challenges of having a musician as a life partner and she made it very clear that this is not a career path that she is in support of. When he became stubborn to her warning she followed through with her condition and never supported his dreams.

My mother said if I ever enter the entertainment industry that she will disown me if she doesn't kill me so I followed her advice and went to school to find a path that would make her proud.

Op is the architect of his life and he should leave this woman alone and grow the heck up! Imagine an adult crying about their mother when they can go out into the world and do better. Op is a waste man but he won't see that.

Double0h7:


His mother lived through the challenges of having a musician as a life partner and she made it very clear that this is not a career path that she is in support of. When he became stubborn to her warning she followed through with her condition and never supported his dreams.

My mother said if I ever enter the entertainment industry that she will disown me if she doesn't kill me so I followed her advice and went to school to find a path that would make her proud.

Op is the architect of his life and he should leave this woman alone and grow the heck up! Imagine an adult crying about their mother when they can go out into the world and do better. Op is a waste man but he won't see that.

You didnt address the real issue, the fact you allowed your parents dictate your life is your choice, I won't fault you for that.
But faulting a grown man for choosing his own path in life is where I disagree with you.

THere is nothing wrong in him pursuing music if that is what gives him joy. It is the same with mothers trying to dictate for their sons who to marry, for petes sakes, a grown man should be allowed to make his own choice even if you don't think it is the right choice.
And that is no reason to criticise him, it is people with your mindset that drive men into bad marriages and also want to continue dictating for the man and how he should run his home.

When will African parents accept that the children are not an extension of them and the child has a right to make his own choice in life ?

Moz22:
woh! I don leave everything for God like this.. anything weh wan happen, make e happen. I'm not a happy man at all

Hey moz22..... I understand how you feel... But there is a little you can do in this kinda situation.... You have to have the kinda patience you use in pursuing a fly that perches on the scrotum.....THEN...
Try so much to work on your temperament...

Moz22:
I pray for u the ability to comprehend things cos this obviously beyond you.. trust me!

You are aggressive and inpatient, it is obvious in your response so far.
I followed all you narrated so far and I must say, there is nothing to comprehend.
You are a child who is being manipulated by a passive gaslighter, he sits and pretend like nothing is happening but he silently triggers trouble while leaving you to do the dirty work. A weak father who isn't man enough to hold his family together, in all these your father should be ashamed of himself , he is on ground and yet his entire life is crumbing before him. Parents have issues and always report to their adult children but a sensible child will never support one over the other, you have to be tactical and diplomatic.

If music is not working for you like your mom has objected, try something else, the world is big enough. How long do you want to continue living this way?

I have enough to say to you child but I know you are myopic and stubborn, no matter what I say, you will remain what you make yourself to be.