The word Love can be defined and applied in so many different ways. The Oxford English Dictionary defines love as a strong feeling of deep affection for somebody or something, especially a member of your family or a friend. Love is an emotional force that makes the human being passionate about something or somebody. Love will only exist when you have a passionate attraction to somebody/something in life. The slim difference between “Liking” and “Loving” someone is the availability of passion in Love. When you like someone, it is all about the attraction of those characteristics that you feel good about in that person. On the other hand, if you love somebody it entails more of attraction, affection and passion.

Love is a feeling that has always existed since the inception of humanity. There are some different things that trigger people’s love. Some of these include:

Love for a fellow human being
Love for material possession or money
Love for achievement
Love for a particular habit or behavior
Love for a society, state or nation.
Love does not necessarily only have to be between a male and a female. It could also encompass any of the above listed desires. Although our focus is on love in relation to interpersonal relationship; but all these factor for love could affect how we personally define love. The statement “Love at first sight” is used to refer to people who suddenly develop a feeling of affection for someone they just met for the first time. A lot of people based their relationships on first impressions and this is one major reason why a lot of relationships breakup before it even began. Personally I feel “love at first sight is a delusion of the highest degree and can never be a reality as a lot of people tend to believe.

The subject of Love has always being a strong emotional force to reckon with. Love has always existed since the beginning of time to our present day society. During the ancient and medieval periods, the concept of love was stronger than it is now in the modern age. In those days there were genuine reasons why people have love for each other. There was the love for protection, knowledge and pride. Nowadays, technological advancement, material possessions and even self independence has limited the love people share for each other. In many cases love has been bastardized and misused for selfish reasons in the modern world. There is more freedom of will and liberty in this present life that people no longer believe or trust in anyone else but themselves. During the ancient times people live and die for others because of the belief that their legacy will live on through the people they loved. The desire for a common goal by a group of people was stronger then, than now. Since the beginning of the modern era (probably from the 19th century), human beings have become more selfish and aggressive towards achieving their desires. This may be as a result of increase in knowledge, technological advancement and probably freedom of thoughts and actions. Nowadays nobody wants to be cheated cheaply or made a fool because of their ignorance. It is from this perception that I believe love at first sight is a delusional feeling that is created out of selfish interest.

In any social relationship there is the need to gather information about the person the relationship will be formed with. In this life everybody wants to profit from whatever relationship they engage in. People get into social relationships because of money, fame, protection, knowledge, and even emotional stability. Social relationships are like business transactions. Both parties involved are interested in things that they can gain from the relationship which they do not personally possess. An example is the relationship between a rich man and an intelligent lady. In this case the man may have the money but needs the intelligence of the lady to manage his money and life. On the other hand, the lady may be intelligent but she probably needs money to make her comfortable. Another example is that of a pretty girl and a physically strong but not so attractive guy. In this case the guy may compliment his unattractiveness with the beauty of the girl while he serves as a protective force for her. A relationship is a give and take affair, especially when it involves a male and female. Nobody really goes into any relationship just for the fun of it. You may not acknowledge this, but unconsciously there is that need for something that you desire in the person you form a relationship with. Love at first sight is actually an attraction to the first impression you have on a person. Most times what people call love at first sight is just the attraction to the physical appearance of an individual. Some people believe in certain forces that convince them about their love for someone they just met. In most cases this force of conviction of love is just an infatuation. Time is a crucial factor in analyzing true love and not temporary initial observation.

Sometimes love could be overrated. What a lot of people call love is actually infatuation. True love will always last no matter the circumstances. In a relationship where there is true love even if the couple split or breakup, in most cases they still have a connection together that would probably keep them as casual friends. The reason couples breakup and never even talk to each other again is because there was no genuine love interest. Research has shown that some friends have genuine love for each other than couples who are in a romantic relationship. The human personality can be very complicated because of different attitudes, behaviors, and opinions all embedded in one mind. It takes understanding, patience and the ability to cope with people for love to be established. In this case, to understand a person’s personality and manage with his/her limitations will always take time and patience. We can deduce from here that loving someone in a very short period is absolutely impossible. The feeling of compatibility with someone you just met may be strong, but that does not amount to loving that person. Some parents don’t even love the children they gave birth to (based on their personal reasons), not to talk of mere social relationships that is formed because of the pressure from societal requirements. The point here is that the true concept of love is not as valid as it used to be in previous generations. The word love is mostly used in our present day society to make people feel good, wanted and appreciated. True love exists in long term relationships and friendships that have endured conflicts and social pressure but still remain strong and valid. In our modern day society most marriages do not succeed because of the ideology of love realization in a short period. It takes time to love someone and it is the difficulties in a relationship that strengthens that love. Everybody needs love, but it is not every person that would fall in love.

In conclusion, love is a beautiful game of happiness, joy, anger, sadness and even loneliness. For you to experience true love you need to be open minded and patient enough to meet people who would like you for who you are and not what you possess. Nobody is perfect and nobody can ever be perfect; this is why we all need to form relationships with people who will not make us worse than we already are.



What you have does not determine your value; who you are is what determines your worth.

Oyewole Bashiru is an Abuja, Nigeria based Clinical Psychologist

SOURCE: https://africavoiceshq.com/2022/06/02/true-love-a-delusion-or-a-reality-by-oyewole-bashiru/