Make sure you read to the end!

Don't mind the English. Had to send this to the pple i know i can
share such with.

Why I No Longer Send Or Reply To Smses From Ladies

I not send sms to ladies again. I also don't save lady that will send me
sms. This is because, if i am caught, i will say the person sent the
wrong number. I have also stop saving Njeri's name as Kamau or Peter or
Jemmo. I have learnt through the hard way. If you send sms that can
alarm, i delete immediately. If people of skirt sms or call me, i delete
the call history there there. It is through experience that i say that.

Two years ago, i have a girl that sms me everyday with sweet sms.
Although most are from internet and forwarded, they were all love
message. So as not to raise alarm with the first lady, i changed her
name from Hilda to Njoro KTN. Mistake number one. When Njoro call, i
dismiss 'I will call you back shortly' Mistake no. 2.

This Njoro KTN kept on calling even at late time but i don't know how to
stop her because i was eating her every time and she had good hole. In
wazee language, we call them ' releaver wa mama) or standby generator.

One day, first lady become suspicion of this Njoro. She ask herself,
'why is it only Njoro call and i say i will call back' yet others you
speak very well?' When in birthroom one Sato morning, she edit Njoro KTN
number and replace with hers. So, her number no longer read 'First Lady'
but Njoro KTN. Original Njoro KTN goes. I had come late on Friday and i
had obviously your gess is as good as mine who i had eaten the previous
night. So, at 11 AM, i see first sms:

Sms from Njoro: 'Hi darling. you are so lovely. How did you enjoy jana's
session'

Reply from me: 'kawaida it was the best. You are the sweetest thing in
world'

njoro sms ' Really. Am i sweeter than your wife. Love you a million
times'

I refuse to know why she ask about that because she is too disciplined

for that, but i reply anyway ' indeed. i said you are the sweetest.'

Njoro sms ' By the way, i need to go to salon this afte. ebu si sendie 3
k saa hii'

Another shocker because she is not used to ask for money in sms, but i
reply ' Sawa. nitatuma baadaye kidogo. In the middle of something'

Njoro Reply ' in the middle of what? are you in the middle of another
woman?'

That time, first lady calls me through the house number and tell me she
need money for salon. I tell her 'kwani wewe pesa zako unapelekanga
wapi? Na si umetoka Salon juzi tu'? Account yako niliona iko na ma elfu.
Si uende utoe na bado bank haijafungwo?'

She start cry and through tantrum on phone and call me names. I am used
to that and i feel nothing.

After a while, Njoro sms again ' leo unanipeleka wapi? na unaniongezea
pesa ya ka shopping. Sawa?' i replied that i will and leo its mugithi
day at Jam Rescue. That time it was catching bad. This days i hear it is
beaten too much.

We chat on sms for long. She ask me which stylo i like most because
today she will give me until i am finished. I say the only stylo i don't
like is doggy because my grandpa told me its for animals only.

After a short while, i send the money 5k to her. Kawaida, i retrieve
number from the saved number. Something tell me i know this number
better than that, it looks more familiar than i thought. I hit the send
button and guess who number show on Mpesa after i send money' ' the
first lady's!'.

I go to phone and check again to see how i picked first lady number
instead of Njoro KTN. when i go check who is saved as Njoro KTN, i see
it is first lady. I feel urinal come near the penis. I pray if it is
possible Alqaida bomb our building and i be the first to die. Then i
remember i am a sinner and if hell is real, i will be its guest. I look
out and see if i can jump out and fall dead.

I tremble all body and testicles. My mind go blank and cannot think
again. After a while, my mum call me, she, say first lady call her
crying and tell her all things. She say she is on way to Nairobi to
attend to that. I don't know what to do, whether to run away to Egypt or
what to do. I call my friend and tell them story. One of them tell me to
deny all and say i all knew it is the first lady and that is why i sent
the money for salon.

If you think Libyans and Japan have had a hard time, you should have
been in my house. When i entered that house and see situation, mum
crying and wife crying, i decide to run away small. I tell the story as
i was advised, that how can i not know the first lady's number off head
and i was just playing with her. Somehow somehow, they bought the story.
But i say from that day, if a chick send me sms, i call back and talk.
Whatever it is, i don't reply back to sms from ladies. NEVER AGAIN.

Theuri has seen it too. He thought he was clever by deleting sms. One
day, his wife see sent messages to a girl. They were actually on
delivery reports folder.

'Swirri, leo nakam uni shave. Kwanza naskia zangu tunaweza uza zikashone
piece na tumake chapaa. Na leo unanyonya mpaka maheke. kama sio ivo
sikuji' (sweeti, today i come you shave me. first i feel we can even
sell them to make piece and we make money)

He denied and said he had given a friend called Wanjohi to use his
phone. He say 'Wanjohi ni jamaa mnjinga sana . What is this now? he cant
even buy credit kwa simu. akiokoa jahazi yeye hulipa ten bob kila siku
mpaka iishe'.

He took phone and called me and started reading me for sending smses
using his phone. He gave wife his phone to talk to me. I did not deny
and she really read for me. I told her i will not borrow his phone
again, although i had no idea about the texts. He calls me savior of his
marriage and from that day, akapata akili pia.

I have also said, i will never safe ladies number as men's name. If i
think you are worth the risk, i cram your number offhead. Like now, i
know all this ladies no offhead: Chiku, lydia , Janet, Martha, Shiru,
Wambu, Aggie, Ruth, Polly, Anastac, Abi, Nina, Soni, Maggie,
Triza,Wanja, dmax, wakanesa
Terry to mention but a few. And thats Wanjohi for you.

I remain,

Wanjogi wa Kigogoine

Hehehehehehehe

you think say i get time to read all this?

lol

Too Long but my mind tells me its gonna be funny so lemme laugh. . . ROTFLMAO

this thing too long jor, the english no come encourage person sef

kai, d joke too long, e still no funney, a wah oh!

i think say na only me no fit read am ni too long

how many pple read dis joke finish.

only the OP

Question is how many people didnt read it all? Lets single out the chaff.

It was funny, besides the poor language. Poster has one smile from me.

. . . [s]Did anyone notice that the poster said he was female? [/s]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAH I wan laugh die, Oh boy, Guys try read am, Bad English but Understable and very humourous,

too long for moi

ajekpaks:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAH I wan laugh die, Oh boy, Guys try read am, Bad English but Understable and very humourous,

mtchew

El Guapo:

Too Long but my mind tells me its gonna be funny so lemme laugh. . . ROTFLMAO

Now this got me laughing

hmmmm

Very funny

abeg who finish the joke?

SUMMARY: d guy used to store his GF's (Friends with benefit) phone numbers with masculin names,until one day he got busted by his wife. He learnt lessons & amended his ways not by leaving them girls but by cramming d digits of over 20 GFs he has to prevent suspicion. Dude is a mass adulterer *lol*

Brethren, thou art lazy, especially to reading