Killing mosquitoes…”, a slang campus babes use to describe the battle women face when trying to keep many an over eager hand away from the more sensitive areas of their anatomy… I vividly recall the night I partook in this ancient contest…

Some years back, in my final year in school, I met a guy whom I didn’t waste time in liking. Nice guy, attractive, gentle and unassuming. A generally easygoing person. We went out for a while and he was a perfect gentleman each time he came to see me in school. One night, he decided to take me out for a treat so he took me to Ojez club in Surulere where we took some drinks, chatted, and generally had ourselves a jolly good time.

We ordered for “point and kill” fish pepper soup, and I am not ashamed to admit that I consumed the soup with great gusto and lip smacking relish. We had too good a time apparently, because by the time we got to school, it was way past 12am, and the school gate closes by 12am on the dot. After pleading fruitlessly with the villainous-faced security man to let us in, the guy {let me call him Morris} decided to take me to pass the night in his friend’s apartment in Fadeyi. Left with no other option, I had no choice but to agree and follow him.

In the apartment, his friend gave us a room with a bathroom and toilet to ourselves. Morris took his bath and asked me to do same, but I refused, because a bath would make me too relaxed, and I wanted to be on the alert because you can never know with men. However the drinks {Smirnoff ice}I had taken earlier made me drowsy, and soon I was dozing off.

I don't know how long I slept before Morris tapped me awake and breath fetid, whispered into my ears to be allowed to “play” with me. MEN. I snapped at him to “hold his peace and keep his distance”. Taken aback, he promptly shifted away and turned his back to me.

I don’t know how long I slept before something woke me up. I felt something like dry sticks walking up and down my midriff. I bolted up. The room was quiet, and Morris seemed to be sound asleep…

I peered into his face to make sure he really was asleep. He seemed to be, except that his face did not have the slack, relaxed expression of sleep. His face seemed set in granite. Hmmmm, suspicious… I decided to lie still to see if the dry sticks would make a reappearance…

Sure enough, a few minutes later I felt the sticks again. Slowly crawling up my hips like spiders, they made their way up my waist to my chest.

I smiled grimly.

Let me see how he was going to tackle my “wonder bra”, with its extremely complex network of hooks, pins and girders.

Thus, Morris of the over adventurous fingers, strove greatly with my bra, measuring the length, breadth and width of the garment. When the tugging and prodding became too aggressive, and it was becoming very apparent that our Morris was a very determined man on a mission, I whipped around, catching him unawares, gripped the interloping fingers and barked “MORRIS, THE GIG IS UP!!!”, or something to that effect {I forget now}. Then I proceeded to give him a very long lecture on the vices of fornication, ending it with a stern exhortation to CEASE and DESIST his lecherous probing of my anatomy. This done, I turned around and promptly went back to sleep satisfied that my sermon had made an impression on his lust fevered mind. I had had a very long day indeed.

After what seemed like only five minutes, I felt The Fingers again, this time rigmarole around my buttocks area. Jesus, didn’t the dude ever give up??!

I sat up, and behold, we strove mightily with each other, one against the other, and I was exceedingly wroth with him. When it seemed I was losing this contest of fingers, I gathered up my hair around me and fled to the nearest open door: the toilet.

Morris begged, cajoled, threatened from the other side of the door, but I calmly ignored him from behind my outhouse fortress.

Not long after, I heard my stomach rumble. Oops, it seemed the combination of spicy “point and kill” pepper soup and cold drinks was causing a riot in my stomach. As they say, “awoof they run belle”, and I was experiencing it firsthand. Literally speaking, the shit was going down. I proceeded to do my business right there and then not minding that Morris was probably listening at the other side of the door. I didn’t care if he heard the ruckus my bowel was making, it was better than using that germ factory in the hostel that were our toilet facilities.

When I was done, I tried to flush, and the toilet failed to flush. Sheeeeit!!!!! And I mean that literally. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I made the difficult choice and chose the hard {or should I say shitty?} place, and spent the night locked in the toilet, inhaling the very noxious fumes of my own feaces, while Morris half crazed with lust, lay in wait like a ravenous wolf at the other side, ears pressed to the door, ready to ravish my luscious young body at the slightest given chance.

By the time dawn arrived, I was half dead from the stench. At the first sign of dawn, I cautiously opened the door. The stench from the mess in the toilet bowl heralded my re-entry into the room, I didn't have to be cautious because my tormentor no longer lurked by the door, but rather,was sitting stiffly on the bed boring holes into wall with his eyes.

Staggering to where my bag lay on the dressing table by the bed, I favoured him with a malevolent glare. With eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep, he replied me with one of his own.

If looks could kill, I’m sure I would have clutched my ample bosom and dropped dead right there and then with the look he gave me. Clutching my bag with unsteady hands,I dizzily ordered him to take me back to school, which he promptly did, dropping me off at my hostel without a backward glance.

MEN.

They can be such pieces of shit at times …and I mean that literally…

I never found out who flushed the toilet because in our haste to be rid of each other, we totally forgot about the malfunctioning water closet and its putrefying contents.

I never heard again from Morris after that day. Not that I would have even given him the time of the day after what he had forced me to endure.

The memory of that night will stay with me for a very long time. A very long time indeed

Double post

You are GOOD! Keep it up.

naptu2: You are GOOD! Keep it up.

Not as good as i want to be; i've got a long way to go. But thanx nonetheless