Happy Sunday nairalanders! This is a pretty long read so brace yourselves.

So I'm from a broken home, as you've probably guessed, and right now I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. My parents separated around 2012 and ever since then, I've been staying with my mum in one of the south eastern states while my dad remained in Jos, where I was born and has part of my childhood. I'll be eighteen by December and my graduation was just yesterday. So here's the main issue guys;my dad has been asking me to come to Jos to spend sometime with him and his new wife(yes, he got married again some years back). Two years ago, during the covid period, he had invited me over but my mum raised an alarm and stamped the whole thing down. He became furious with me and didn't bring up the Jos issue until late last year. He has been paying my school fees, and taking care of me on the condition that I should come to Jos and stay with him, even for a little while. So I promised him that after my graduation, I'll see to that then we talked to my mum and she apparently agreed. Now the whole graduation has come and gone and my mum has started being unreasonable again. Her defense now is that travelling isn't safe, his new wife might be diabolical and that she'd probably die of worry if I succeed in travelling. I laid out my concerns to my dad and he started guilt-tripping me of course. But the thing is that both of them have a point, and I don't know what to do. My hands are tied.

Don't get me wrong, I love both my parents so much but I don't want to take an action that will favour one at the detriment of another. I'm so sick and tired of the entire fiasco. It's really not fair, how I'm in the center of this conflict. And I've met his wife a few times and she seemed nice but then, I dare not judge a book by its cover. Please guys, your mature input is needed here and mods, for the love of all that is good, just help me put this out in the front page. Thanks so much.

Wizzyonyxphoenix:
Happy Sunday nairalanders! This is a pretty long read so brace yourselves.

So I'm from a broken home, as you've probably guessed, and right now I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. My parents separated around 2012 and ever since then, I've been staying with my mum in one of the south eastern states while my dad remained in Jos, where I was born and has part of my childhood. I'll be eighteen by December and my graduation was just yesterday. So here's the main issue guys;my dad has been asking me to come to Jos to spend sometime with him and his new wife(yes, he got married again some years back). Two years ago, during the covid period, he had invited me over but my mum raised an alarm and stamped the whole thing down. He became furious with me and didn't bring up the Jos issue until late last year. He has been paying my school fees, and taking care of me on the condition that I should come to Jos and stay with him, even for a little while. So I promised him that after my graduation, I'll see to that then we talked to my mum and she apparently agreed. Now the whole graduation has come and gone and my mum has started being unreasonable again. Her defense now is that travelling isn't safe, his new wife might be diabolical and that she'd probably die of worry if I succeed in travelling. I laid out my concerns to my dad and he started guilt-tripping me of course. But the thing is that both of them have a point, and I don't know what to do. My hands are tied.

Don't get me wrong, I love both my parents so much but I don't want to take an action that will favour one at the detriment of another. I'm so sick and tired of the entire fiasco. It's really not fair, how I'm in the center of this conflict. And I've met his wife a few times and she seemed nice but then, I dare not judge a book by its cover. Please guys, your mature input is needed here and mods, for the love of all that is good, just help me put this out in the front page. Thanks so much.

Leave for a neutral place

Wizzyonyxphoenix:
Happy Sunday nairalanders! This is a pretty long read so brace yourselves.

So I'm from a broken home, as you've probably guessed, and right now I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. My parents separated around 2012 and ever since then, I've been staying with my mum in one of the south eastern states while my dad remained in Jos, where I was born and has part of my childhood. I'll be eighteen by December and my graduation was just yesterday. So here's the main issue guys;my dad has been asking me to come to Jos to spend sometime with him and his new wife(yes, he got married again some years back). Two years ago, during the covid period, he had invited me over but my mum raised an alarm and stamped the whole thing down. He became furious with me and didn't bring up the Jos issue until late last year. He has been paying my school fees, and taking care of me on the condition that I should come to Jos and stay with him, even for a little while. So I promised him that after my graduation, I'll see to that then we talked to my mum and she apparently agreed. Now the whole graduation has come and gone and my mum has started being unreasonable again. Her defense now is that travelling isn't safe, his new wife might be diabolical and that she'd probably die of worry if I succeed in travelling. I laid out my concerns to my dad and he started guilt-tripping me of course. But the thing is that both of them have a point, and I don't know what to do. My hands are tied.

Don't get me wrong, I love both my parents so much but I don't want to take an action that will favour one at the detriment of another. I'm so sick and tired of the entire fiasco. It's really not fair, how I'm in the center of this conflict. And I've met his wife a few times and she seemed nice but then, I dare not judge a book by its cover. Please guys, your mature input is needed here and mods, for the love of all that is good, just help me put this out in the front page. Thanks so much.

It seems like your mother is still a widow since then right
You need the balls to tell her that you have the right to visit your father because he didn't abandon you. What happened between them doesn't concern you and if she is still holding on to the past then she shouldn't drag you in.
You have the right and if she persist it will likely lead to worst situation.
And you should be careful with your step mother because what your mother is feeling is more than 50% right.
Your mother is 75% more valuable than your father who is just 25% compare to her...
So prioritise on your mother but make her to understand that you have the right to visit your father and she is doing you a dishonour by preventing it

Mummy will be fine, no worries.

Go ahead and visit your dad. Just be respectful and contributory in doing the house chores and towards your stepmomhatever happened between both parents and what/who they chose to continue their lives with shouldn't be your primary concern so long as they are good and happy with their choices.

Your mom isn't alone in her paranoia either, but is it justified? We don't know just yet.

Most moms will throw the same objections and dust.

One more thing, keep getting better in your writing and English composition.

You are doing well for your age and I hope to see you get better at it..

qwertyboss:

It seems like your mother is still a widow since then right
You need the balls to tell her that you have the right to visit your father because he didn't abandon you. What happened between them doesn't concern you and if she is still holding on to the past then she shouldn't drag you in.
You have the right and if she persist it will likely lead to worst situation.
And you should be careful with your step mother because what your mother is feeling is more than 50% right.
Your mother is 75% more valuable than your father who is just 25% compare to her...
So prioritise on your mother but make her to understand that you have the right to visit your father and she is doing you a dishonour by preventing it

How is his mother more valuable than his father?

mariahAngel:


How is his mother more valuable than his father?

Sorry that's According to my views and believes...
• She carried him for about 9months in her belly
• During this period she suffered so much yet she prioritise the well-being of the unborn child
• she is more closer to the child in terms of upbringing, environmental and behavioural
• She bears most of the pains of making him the man he is today because without a woman behind him he wouldn't have gone far...

By the way I think as a woman you should know better else your moniker is likely a catfish

One of the rules of the family: whatever happens in the family stays in the family.


Op don't broadcast ur family issues in a public forum, because u may not be able to control urself from telling people around you about ur family issues, if you don't stop now.

I think you should visit your father on the condition that your mum have to give you her approval

You see, I don't know if your mum is hypertensive

Your mum must have been hurt badly by your dad and she seems not to want anything to do with him again

Your mum needs you around her but you have to politely tell her you will be traveling to stay just two days and come back to her

She is scared that you may be poisoned

Alternatively, any time your dad is coming to the village, then you guys can arrange to meet

But before then, keep calling and communicating with him

You are more important to your mum as for now than the importance of your dad to your mum

I've seen everyone's advice so far and I'm really super greatful. I just hope I make the right decision

Look at how a guy who just finished secondary school penned down his thoughts. But some lazy a SS no good who were back seaters in secondary school,and who skipped 90% of lectures in tertiary institution will come here and start their garbage with " please pardon my English,I'm not good at writing, forgive my blunders" bunch of half baked illiterates, calling themselves graduates
@Op please listen to your mother,don't go to live with your father and his new wife until your mother grants you permission.
This has nothing to do with whether your step mother is diabolical or not,your father has another family, but you're all your mother has got right now. She might fall into depression or develop health issues like HBP if you leave.

See how selfish women can be

Your father has been paying your fees but your mum didn’t ask you to reject them. E don reach time to visit, now she’s having cold feet. Imagine if the reverse was the case, you have been staying with your dad and he refused you to go see her, how would she feel?

Your mother has a point though, if you plan on traveling by road don't even try it, with all the insecurity and kidnapping happening in the country you want to travel to all the way from the east to Jos? Your mother's point is very valid, you are all she's got, so sit your ass right there with her till further notice.

I will send you a PM if you will respond and send your phone number, I can call and advise you.