sisisioge:
Of course, you can talk back like an adult when you're nolonger under their roof and having your bills footed by them. Until then, their house, their rules. It is that simple.

i tire ooh.... She is happy that she is challenging her father in his own house...Had it been its her boyfriend who said the same thing her father said, she will gladly change the earring, and tell you she is looking good for her man ....

Hi.
I am sorry that your Dad speaks to you that way. It is not right. But it is because he does not know any better. He was not taught how to have respectful conversations with everyone including his own children. Majority of Nigerian parents do not have the skills with which to raise well adjusted children. Your father's on-going behaviour will have a negative impact on your perception of life. But all hope is not lost.

Regardless of your age, there are a number of things you can do that may make things better, if your father is one of the few Nigerian parents who are able to listen to their children calmly:

1. You can seek to have a one on one conversation with him in private. Respectfully tell him how the way he speaks to you and treats you make you feel. Remind him that he is your first teacher in life and that how he treats you is setting an example for how you treat others and how you will treat your own kids in the future.

2. Suggest that you are happy for him to give you regular feedback on anything you are not doing well. The feedback should be a one on one between both of you. Suggest that he should give that feedback in a respectful manner, without raising his voice, let alone shouting at you. Suggest also that it will be helpful to you if he is to take time to explain to you the benefits of any feedback he gives you on anything he thinks you are not doing right or well. If possible, agree to meet one on one, maybe once or twice a week, where he can give you this on-going feedback.
3. Tell him that he is actually damaging you psychologically by shouting at you and humiliating you in front of other members of the family. That damage may end up determining the level and extent of your success in life, because those who are brought up in families where they are treated with respect and taught how to have respectful conversations(especially when things go wrong), have a more than 95% chance of living successful lives than kids brought up with shouting, humiliation and other negative traits. If your Dad still has some element of reasonableness in him, you will begin to notice changes immediately. But be prepared. He may be one of the millions of Nigerian/African Dads who are already far gone in the madness that they call discipline and insubordination and he may end up beating you up for "having the effrontery" to make a suggestion to him, since he will believe that he knows it all. Even if that happens, do not despair for you would have done the right thing.

4. If you are older than 18 years of age and still living at home, respectfully remind your father that you are considered an adult under the laws of Nigeria and hence able to make decisions on what you wear and other decisions concerning you. However, as you still live at home, you are happy to hear his suggestions. Remind him that it does not necessarily mean you will accept every one of his suggestions. His legally acknowledged parental responsibility over you end when you turn 18 years old.

Remember, this should be a one on one conversation with your Dad out of earshot of any other person, including your mum. Also, you must not disclose this conversation with anyone else. Part of the art of effective conversation is never to reveal details of conversations you've had with others.

Do not forget to apologize genuinely to him for the way you reacted when he counselled you the last time.

You also need to do some stuff that will help you, not just now, but all through life.

1. You must learn how to have a conversation even when you are angry. Giving it to your Dad or anyone else as you stated, is self defeating and may end up turning you into the aggressor instead of the victim which you rightfully are. There are different suggestions on how to give effective feedback, or have difficult conversations, or develop emotional intelligence. All you have to do is google them and you can read these over and over as you journey through life and implement them.

2. Remember this is about you and your future. African parents spend too much time harping on Intelligence Quotient(IQ) to their children (you must get A in Maths, A+ in Physics, etc) and do not spend any time at all teaching them Emotional Intelligence ( this is how to have a conversation, this is how to react when things go wrong, this is how to speak to others, etc). Unfortunately, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the greater skill required to be successful in our generation.

3. You must now begin to learn to "take insults lightly". That is if you want to succeed in life. There will be those who will insult you even when they are the ones at fault. When you learn the art of effective feedback and conversation, you will be able to put your ego in check and address the issue that led to the insult, while you temporarily ignore the insult. Afterwards, you can have a one on one meeting with the insulting party and tell him how the insult made you feel, if you think it will be worth it at all. Insults do not demean us. They demean the person doing the insulting as it shows onlookers the person's level of knowledge and experience in life.

I wish you well.

Yemialade:
Hello nairalanders my body is hot right now.my dad use to criticize and yells if he wants to pass his opinion across.and my mum advice me to b watching him lyk movie even if he attacks me emotionally but m not d type that took insult lightly,am sensitive.today i gave him back o i speak my mind out i cant keep mute and watch you talk down on me. There was a time we going to church and i dressed well with this fancy circle earring.he said that earring is not gud for church rather i wear a small earing or not wearing earing like deeper lyf and i spoke outj that dressing coporate ls different from church dress and so on then he called me a fool he will throw the earing away.why are parents like this and u xpect me to b close to you.

LikeAking:


A poor youth Isa menace to the Society.

This usless discipline formart d white man brought upon us.

Hw disciplined are the whites, yet the world can do without them.

Life is bigga Dan this so-called discipline.

I ask again, will discipline make a child become the world richest?

Hw will discipline elp someone carve a niche for themselves?

You're an idiot!
Can you just shut up?

ChybuzzDD:


You're an idiot!
Can you just shut up?

You are d idiot...

Don't drag me to ya low life level...

Still fooling ur sef wit colonial mentality.

Fool, emancipate ya sef from mental slavery.

Yemialade:
Hello nairalanders my body is hot right now.my dad use to criticize and yells if he wants to pass his opinion across.and my mum advice me to b watching him lyk movie even if he attacks me emotionally but m not d type that took insult lightly,am sensitive.today i gave him back o i speak my mind out i cant keep mute and watch you talk down on me. There was a time we going to church and i dressed well with this fancy circle earring.he said that earring is not gud for church rather i wear a small earing or not wearing earing like deeper lyf and i spoke outj that dressing coporate ls different from church dress and so on then he called me a fool he will throw the earing away.why are parents like this and u xpect me to b close to you.

Next time, beat him up. Omo Ale jatijati.

Yemialade:
Hello nairalanders my body is hot right now.my dad use to criticize and yells if he wants to pass his opinion across.and my mum advice me to b watching him lyk movie even if he attacks me emotionally but m not d type that took insult lightly,am sensitive.today i gave him back o i speak my mind out i cant keep mute and watch you talk down on me. There was a time we going to church and i dressed well with this fancy circle earring.he said that earring is not gud for church rather i wear a small earing or not wearing earing like deeper lyf and i spoke outj that dressing coporate ls different from church dress and so on then he called me a fool he will throw the earing away.why are parents like this and u xpect me to b close to you.

Next time, give him a good slap.

Omo Ale jatijati. He will beat you till you become unconscious, when you wake up at the hospital after one week in coma, then you can pick your rags outside and move them permanently to a hotel where you belong.

fman:

You dad knows that he has a Mumu
Daughter.
No too reason am
Just amend your ways

Go help her beat her Papa nah, so that you can finally run mad just like those before you.

LikeAking:


If you fail to stand up to your dad, even u hubby will bully u. All these none sense respect tin 9 spoil dis con3. Respect no one, instead they shud respect u... No dey too soft, good for this life.

Who respect ep?

This one is cursed. He is looking for fellow Oloriburuku like him. Go and meet the man and throw a punch, then you will wake up at the hospital after one week. Try the man nah. You think say he don weak? He go show you say his craze pass this your own. Cursed thief.

NoToPile:
There are ways to dress for different occasions/ functions, earrings /outfits you wear to a party/wedding / club might not be appropriate for a solemn gathering or even church.

These are things that are taught from little, Infact there's a way you will laugh as a lady that the much older generation will say you are laughing like ashawo.

There's a level of comportment expected at some peculiar locations, you can't just be doing anyhow.


So basically your dad is right, you too wear a normal earring when going to church.
I just wonder how young people now find it hard to listen to their parents.

Her father is preventing her from becoming a full time Asewo, that is why she is angry.

MrBrownJay1:
that "state of mind" raised you to who you are today... as much as its great to voice your mind (and show that you are an adult), do so with respect for your parents

Wrong advice.

Some parents need to be careful with their extreme ways of addressing issues in the house.

I remember when my dad was doing all those tough bullshiite on me, immediately I got admitted in the university,I stopped coming home during the hols.

etrouble:


Go help her beat her Papa nah, so that you can finally run mad just like those before you.

Your comment depicts the level of your exposure socially.
You need to grow up
And think ^{outside the box}

LadyRosa:
Some parents need to be careful with their extreme ways of addressing issues in the house.

I remember when my dad was doing all those tough bullshiite on me, immediately I got admitted in the university,I stopped coming home during the hols.

And turned into a hoe!!
Werrin go make a disciplined lady not go home after school?
Only God knows the amount of BP
U caused ya parents.

etrouble:


Her father is preventing her from becoming a full time Asewo, that is why she is angry.

Simple.
U nailed it.

NemoDatQuod:
Hi.
I am sorry that your Dad speaks to you that way. It is not right. But it is because he does not know any better. He was not taught how to have respectful conversations with everyone including his own children. Majority of Nigerian parents do not have the skills with which to raise well adjusted children. Your father's on-going behaviour will have a negative impact on your perception of life. But all hope is not lost.

Regardless of your age, there are a number of things you can do that may make things better, if your father is one of the few Nigerian parents who are able to listen to their children calmly:

1. You can seek to have a one on one conversation with him in private. Respectfully tell him how the way he speaks to you and treats you make you feel. Remind him that he is your first teacher in life and that how he treats you is setting an example for how you treat others and how you will treat your own kids in the future.

2. Suggest that you are happy for him to give you regular feedback on anything you are not doing well. The feedback should be a one on one between both of you. Suggest that he should give that feedback in a respectful manner, without raising his voice, let alone shouting at you. Suggest also that it will be helpful to you if he is to take time to explain to you the benefits of any feedback he gives you on anything he thinks you are not doing right or well. If possible, agree to meet one on one, maybe once or twice a week, where he can give you this on-going feedback.
3. Tell him that he is actually damaging you psychologically by shouting at you and humiliating you in front of other members of the family. That damage may end up determining the level and extent of your success in life, because those who are brought up in families where they are treated with respect and taught how to have respectful conversations(especially when things go wrong), have a more than 95% chance of living successful lives than kids brought up with shouting, humiliation and other negative traits. If your Dad still has some element of reasonableness in him, you will begin to notice changes immediately. But be prepared. He may be one of the millions of Nigerian/African Dads who are already far gone in the madness that they call discipline and insubordination and he may end up beating you up for "having the effrontery" to make a suggestion to him, since he will believe that he knows it all. Even if that happens, do not despair for you would have done the right thing.

4. If you are older than 18 years of age and still living at home, respectfully remind your father that you are considered an adult under the laws of Nigeria and hence able to make decisions on what you wear and other decisions concerning you. However, as you still live at home, you are happy to hear his suggestions. Remind him that it does not necessarily mean you will accept every one of his suggestions. His legally acknowledged parental responsibility over you end when you turn 18 years old.

Remember, this should be a one on one conversation with your Dad out of earshot of any other person, including your mum. Also, you must not disclose this conversation with anyone else. Part of the art of effective conversation is never to reveal details of conversations you've had with others.

Do not forget to apologize genuinely to him for the way you reacted when he counselled you the last time.

You also need to do some stuff that will help you, not just now, but all through life.

1. You must learn how to have a conversation even when you are angry. Giving it to your Dad or anyone else as you stated, is self defeating and may end up turning you into the aggressor instead of the victim which you rightfully are. There are different suggestions on how to give effective feedback, or have difficult conversations, or develop emotional intelligence. All you have to do is google them and you can read these over and over as you journey through life and implement them.

2. Remember this is about you and your future. African parents spend too much time harping on Intelligence Quotient(IQ) to their children (you must get A in Maths, A+ in Physics, etc) and do not spend any time at all teaching them Emotional Intelligence ( this is how to have a conversation, this is how to react when things go wrong, this is how to speak to others, etc). Unfortunately, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the greater skill required to be successful in our generation.

3. You must now begin to learn to "take insults lightly". That is if you want to succeed in life. There will be those who will insult you even when they are the ones at fault. When you learn the art of effective feedback and conversation, you will be able to put your ego in check and address the issue that led to the insult, while you temporarily ignore the insult. Afterwards, you can have a one on one meeting with the insulting party and tell him how the insult made you feel, if you think it will be worth it at all. Insults do not demean us. They demean the person doing the insulting as it shows onlookers the person's level of knowledge and experience in life.

I wish you well.

From my little experience in the academic world, some friends would see and take some one for a fool just because he takes insults lightly.
I used have a friend then .
Am older than the dude.
On a faithful day, he rebelled me
Despite the fact that I sustained him financially..
When I reported him to our lodge guys.
We were told to explain individually what was the issue.
I listened attentively while he mumbled and cooked up his version.
But the dude no allow me explain myself when it was my turn to talk....
Instead he told me that he will bled me!!
Just imagine that kind of words.
I got infuriated and gave him the beating of his life!!
He couldn't believe that I was physically strong
Because I was always cool and nice
And always sealloed insults thrown at me..
Since after that day till date, we don't relate anymore.
Though I occasionally dash him Money
Just to prove my seniority over him.
Bottom line: don't let people undermine your integrity.
Always fight for ya right.

fman:

And turned into a hoe!!
Werrin go make a disciplined lady not go home after school?
Only God knows the amount of BP
U caused ya parents.

Even many pastor daughters in secondary schools are already hoeing before university attainment.

Na sense them dey take follow female children,no be gra gra.The hand wey parents dey take follow onyinye shouldn't be same with nkechi or bolanle.

My dad is a very stubborn man who birthed a very stubborn daughter,so the house gats to dey hot.Goay no dey born fowl.

LadyRosa:



Even many pastor daughters in secondary schools are already hoeing before university attainment.

Na sense them dey take follow female children,no be gra gra.The hand wey parents dey take follow onyinye shouldn't be same with nkechi or bolanle.

My dad is a very stubborn man who birthed a very stubborn daughter,so the house gats to dey hot.Goay no dey born fowl.

Must you be stubborn?
Please calm down nah.
I guess u would not want your children to be stubborn.
Please stop giving ur dad BP.
Some kids are smarter than sense!!
So na only gra gra fit calm their pressure.

fman:

Must you be stubborn?
Please calm down nah.
I guess u would not want your children to be stubborn.
Please stop giving ur dad BP.
Some kids are smarter than sense!!
So na only gra gra fit calm their pressure.

I dont want all my children to be calm.
A stubborn, fearless and smart child is acceptable by me.

LadyRosa:



I dont want all my children to be calm.
A stubborn, fearless and smart child is acceptable by me.

You can adopt Bobrisky

etrouble:


You can adopt Bobrisky

You didn't make any sense.

LadyRosa:



I dont want all my children to be calm.
A stubborn, fearless and smart child is acceptable by me.

Ok.
U r quite bold.
I love that.
Kudos and welcome to the month of September

fman:

Your comment depicts the level of your exposure socially.
You need to grow up
And think ^{outside the box}

I get you my Nigga. I know what you desire. You want her to become full time Olosho, I don't mind too. The more they are, the cheaper the price. My Nigga, I gats you.

LadyRosa:


You didn't make any sense.

I swear.
That dude is a crappy trouble.

LadyRosa:
Some parents need to be careful with their extreme ways of addressing issues in the house.

I remember when my dad was doing all those tough bullshiite on me, immediately I got admitted in the university,I stopped coming home during the hols.

And did your father died when you became full time runs girl ? The man is still living and kicking while you are sad, bitter, miserable and full of regrets

etrouble:


I get you my Nigga. I know what you desire. You want her to become full time Olosho, I don't mind too. The more they are, the cheaper the price. My Nigga, I gats you.

She already is
I just wanted to calm her tempo and pressure

fman:

Ok.
U r quite bold.
I love that.
Kudos and welcome to the month of September

Yes I'm.
It's my stubbornness and fearlessness that's keeping two of my siblings alive today.

Because I was ready to do anything to keep them alive.I made sure one of their enemies is in the grave.

fman:

She already is
I just wanted to calm her tempo and pressure

I beg, no spoil business

LadyRosa:


Yes I'm.
It's my stubbornness and fearlessness that's keeping two of my siblings alive today.

Because I was ready to do anything to keep them alive.I made sure one of their enemies is in the grave.

E Pele, hired assassin wey put person for grave, but if she hears the sound of Xmas fireworks now, she go start peeing for body.

etrouble:


And did your father died when you became full time runs girl ? The man is still living and kicking while you are sad, bitter, miserable and full of regrets

I just finished _fucking my husband.
My father blessed me with millions after my marriage.


Who the _fuck are you again?!

LadyRosa:



I just finished _fucking my husband.
My father blessed me with millions after my marriage.


Who the _fuck are you again?!

Sorry Aunty. This your craze pass my own. Person wey dey announce for internet when she fuccks her husband, my power no reach that one. E ma binu Aunty mi. The person wey you say you kill nko? She you fucck that one too before you kill am?

fman:

I swear.
That dude is a crappy trouble.

Not for me.
He is a little rat for me.

My brother apart from say I stubborn and fearless, I no get Shame ooo.

I'm as old as nairaland on here,so to me na small rat e be.

LadyRosa:


Yes I'm.
It's my stubbornness and fearlessness that's keeping two of my siblings alive today.

Because I was ready to do anything to keep them alive.I made sure one of their enemies is in the grave.

Please don't be desperate to do anything for survival.
Life na jeje.