I'm realizing that all my life I've struggled with the fact that I couldn't find a woman who could keep her word and act upon principle as opposed to her.Now I realize that I was expecting women to think and behave with the same moral consistency of men. I am being reminded, with my new girlfriend, that women seem to be utterly incapable of living by principle and that they are slaves to vacillating emotion.

But I can't get around the fact that it pisses me off. Why is it so hard for a woman to say, "I believe this, therefore I will behave consistent with this belief". We can say that women are emotional creatures and therefore make excuses for them, but is it really right to do that? A few decades ago it seems that women were indeed capable of this to a fairly high degree. Aren't we contributing to the problem of the entitlement mentality by excusing them and not holding them to their word?

The odd thing is that my 2 cousin all seem to be able to live by principal to a degree, and they can certainly hold fairly logical conversations.

But the women I meet out in the field seem to be full of emotional turmoil and they change like the wind. It's just impossible for me to respect that. I try to overlook it but so far I haven't been able to. The girl I'm seeing (and training) now is great, but I see how her feelings change like the wind (so far, her feelings have only deepened for me). But I have not caught her keeping to her word several times, and I have been having to teach her that it is important that we keep our word. I feel like a kindergarten teacher, because that's when this stuff is usually covered.

I also see a real tendency toward indecisiveness and frequent changes of opinion. And she is, by far, more intelligent that any other woman I know.

So how do you MATURE men (hint) resolve this in your own minds? How does one maintain respect for a person who simply cannot keep her word consistently nor make a solid stand on any given issue? This girl is very femminine but with a touch of aggressiveness, and I wonder if this is common only in her type, and if that is simply the type that I attract.

I'm writing this at 6 p.m. so I'll probably look at this later in the night and feel that I articulated this poorly, but hopefully I've said enough here to get some interesting insight into the phenomenon.

In a nutshell, I'm having difficulty respecting women because of their vacillating opinions and seeming inability to live by principal. It seems wrong to simply write it off with "That's just the way they are" because it seems that an attitude like that gives them free license to live without accountability. I seem to have a simplistic idea that we should all live with accountability.

I'm just looking for opinions and ideas which might help me to create a philosophy on the subject so that it doesn't drive me nuts. So far I haven't been able to do that.

To the little kiddies out there who are apt to scream, "Misogynist!", save it. I'm looking for mature discussion so that I can address the issue and handle it.

Inconsistency is one of the secret weapons that women use to control the world,while actually allowing men to feel and think they are in charge.Women control most of the events in the world by their subtle hints and predetermined inconsistencies.They love to pretend they are the weaker se.x when in actual fact they are mentally and spiritually stronger due to certain secret and not so secret weapons which they possess and use to wrap men around their little fingers.
Just my thoughts,you do not have to agree with me.

If  your cousins can do it and follow a logical discussion, it goes to show that there are women out there who can keep their word.  Generalisations are not constructive.

You can't train someone like a dog to do what they never saw or learned to do in their family homes.  Yes women are emotional creatures, and yes they can vacillate between two things, but that doesn't make them unnecessarily indecisive or unreliable or unable to keep their word.  It is about making a decision and sticking to it. There are a LOT of women who do keep their word, you just seem to be mixing with the "wrong" type.

You are more on a self aggrandizing path than you can ever imagine. God have mercy!

The odd thing is that my 2 cousin all seem to be able to live by principal to a degree, and they can certainly hold fairly logical conversations.

I've just gone through some of your participation on nairaland and I find no iota of stimulating conversations from you. Now I wonder what logical conversation you can offer in reality.

They say remove the log in your eye before removing the speck of dust from another.

stillwater:

I've just gone through some of your participation on nairaland and I find no iota of stimulating conversations from you. Now I wonder what logical conversation you can offer in reality.

They say remove the log in your eye before removing the speck of dust from another.

I guess everybody has a means of making an impact on each topic created, so don't judge a book by its cover.

Richvkunt:

Inconsistency is one of the secret weapons that women use to control the world,while actually allowing men to feel and think they are in charge.Women control most of the events in the world by their subtle hints and predetermined inconsistencies.They love to pretend they are the weaker se.x when in actual fact they are mentally and spiritually stronger due to certain secret and not so secret weapons which they possess and use to wrap men around their little fingers.
Just my thoughts,you do not have to agree with me.

here's another way I view it:
You hit the nail on the head, I do struggle with women (and rare men) who don't conduct themselves by principals and moral and ethical understandings. I'm realizing that this struggle is more serious than I thought, and it could cause me to unecessarily sink my current relationship. I haven't gotten close to that yet, but I see the potential. That's why I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it internally without violating my own moral principals and expectations of others.

It is VERY difficult for me to say, "That's just how they are" and give them a free pass, especially because they were much more prone to exhibit rational behavior when I was much younger. For you younger guys, this has to be completely impossible for you to conceive of because all you've ever known is the way women are now.

I need to learn to lighten up to a degree while still adhering to my principles and expectations, and I realize that I am a complete newborn when it comes to learning this aspect of relationships. That is why I'm so troubled by it and have very little insight as to how to resolve it. But this thread is definitely helping me to put things in perspective.

You are of course right, When it suits them, women can indeed comply with rules and restrictions in the workplace, although we all know they are still a powderkeg in need of only a small spark even in the workplace. Hence men's usual pattern of tip-toeing around them in the workplace. But that all seems to go out the window in a personal relationship.

I do like the ultra-feminine (but not stupid) types, and it is true that my type tends to be ULTRA emotion-motivated, although I understand that all girls are. My current girl is an interesting mix of ultra-intelligence and ultra- femininity, and that intelligence does little to mitigate the emotional storms swirling around in there.

N101:

If  your cousins can do it and follow a logical discussion, it goes to show that there are women out there who can keep their word.  Generalisations are not constructive.

You can't train someone like a dog to do what they never saw or learned to do in their family homes.  Yes women are emotional creatures, and yes they can vacillate between two things, but that doesn't make them unnecessarily indecisive or unreliable or unable to keep their word.  It is about making a decision and sticking to it. There are a LOT of women who do keep their word, you just seem to be mixing with the "wrong" type.

Well, that's not much different than expecting a dog to behave like a cat. Some dogs may act more like cats, and some cats may act more like dogs, but that doesn't mean that cats are dogs, or can be dogs.

There is undoubtedly a group of women right now having a similar conversation: "why cant men just act like THIS?!?!" And we would reply, 'because we arent women!" I would point out that most of them have careers and jobs which impose expectations, rules and restrictions on their behavior, and behold, they seem to comply with those quite readily.

@deal_ordea,

All I am saying is that if your girlfriend is a woman,she is still gonna try and control your relationship,while letting you feel you are in control.

Richvkunt:

@deal_ordea,

All I am saying is that if your girlfriend is a woman,she is still gonna try and control your relationship,while letting you feel you are in control.

It is VERY difficult for me to say but I feel like a little piece of my sanity dies every time I let that **** slide. Even when I am spinning plates and simply remove time and effort from the offending party, it just doesn't feel right.

@deal_ordea, The answer to your questions is in your post. Women will readily conform to rules and regulations at the work place coz they know the stiff penalties that await them if they break the rules e.g being queried,demoted or outrightly sacked! A woman will respect (and even worship) a boss who pays her peanuts for a salary and yet,he treats her as a househelp and talks harshly to her at the slightest irritation. . . That same woman would go home,transfer all the animosity to her loving husband who gives her THRICE what she earns for monthly upkeep,she will nag him to death,disrespect him in front of family and friends,hit him and even cheat on him (with her boss of all people!) What am I trying to say? As much as you're keeping healthy relationships with the ladies, you must have set rules and stiff penalties if she decides to test you by intentionally breaking them. As much as you love her to death this moment, you must be ready to get rid of her the next minute (it's best she knows this and thus,she remains on her toes). It might sound harsh but if you want a solution to the problem, that's the blue print right there (unless you can live with "accepting them as they are". Nuff said!

Richvkunt:

Inconsistency is one of the secret weapons that women use to control the world,while actually allowing men to feel and think they are in charge.Women control most of the events in the world by their subtle hints and predetermined inconsistencies.They love to pretend they are the weaker se.x when in actual fact they are mentally and spiritually stronger due to certain secret and not so secret weapons which they possess and use to wrap men around their little fingers.
Just my thoughts,you do not have to agree with me.

GBAM !!!! I agree totally.

Most women are very very very intelligent though irrational and emotionally controlled compared to men yet we are so intelligent.

Have you wondered why its only your female cousin's who are consistent with their stands = they are not dating you and are not trying to up your ego as a matter of fact if they donot stand their ground you will remove meat from their rice  

When most woman are in love they have been subliminially conditioned by the society to act blonde the dumb and flow to the man's point of view , its a classic case of "woman know thoe place or anything for a quiet life"

I personally when i argue with my cousins or brothers on politics , i tend to articulately put y point across aggressively make sure i am heard, infact point for point i will not back down but when it comes to hubby i tend to quietly see it from his point of view but if its a matter that will damage the future , then i sit down and draw up a practical but very subtle solution and my NO 1 aim is to make it seem like it was his idea in the 1st place.

Your babe is intelligent , she is diboing.

My fear is that once she starts arguing with you like you are her brother or cousin , you may no longer like it, be friendly but let sleeping dogs lie, we women sha : it does seem like we cannot win, You are not her brother , you are her man.

^^^
Thanks for your truthful response.

harakiri:

@deal_ordea, The answer to your questions is in your post. Women will readily conform to rules and regulations at the work place coz they know the stiff penalties that await them if they break the rules e.g being queried,demoted or outrightly sacked! A woman will respect (and even worship) a boss who pays her peanuts for a salary and yet,he treats her as a househelp and talks harshly to her at the slightest irritation. . . That same woman would go home,transfer all the animosity to her loving husband who gives her THRICE what she earns for monthly upkeep,she will nag him to death,disrespect him in front of family and friends,hit him and even cheat on him (with her boss of all people!) What am I trying to say? As much as you're keeping healthy relationships with the ladies, you must have set rules and stiff penalties if she decides to test you by intentionally breaking them. As much as you love her to death this moment, you must be ready to get rid of her the next minute (it's best she knows this and thus,she remains on her toes). It might sound harsh but if you want a solution to the problem, that's the blue print right there (unless you can live with "accepting them as they are". Nuff said!

You are right, of course.
"Teaching" a woman to keep her word and honor her promises is tedious and burdensome . You are in fact, parenting her - and you are doing work that should have been done by her caregivers a long time ago, You and I (and perhaps a few others here) have lived in a time when women did not behave with the entitlement mentality that they display today. IF you cast your mind back to the 90s and even earlier, MEN made the rules and set the guidelines, and woman followed and complied. The consequences were understood and they were often severe.

For a start, there were fewer automatic "free passes" for women back then- iF she screwed up the office she got her marching orders and she was replaced. No HR shrews back then to come to her rescue . If she broke a core agreement in her marriage, she ended up in court with a divorce and a meagre property settlement - all added to the shame that she experienced as a "divorced woman".

So what has changed? In a nutshell, men have allowed their own beliefs and their own behavior to be hijacked and changed by numerous forces which masqueraded as "fairness and equality", but which really were designed to destroy tradition and custom and shift power from HIM to HER.
And what we have today is the inevitable result of the success of that process.

Women have always "been emotional" but they have not always acted on their emotions because to do so brought loss. Awareness of potential consequences can apply some powerful brakes .

So what can be done by us to re-assert our rightful leadership ? Firstly it is wise to assume that women no longer come to us with a functioning moral compass . It is up to us to create one for her, oil it, test it, calibrate it, and hand it to her with instructions on its proper use. Secondly, the imposition of consequences in vital. Mostly this involves no more than a temporary withdrawal of what she values most - our attention and affection.

Ultimately we need to find the courage to reclaim our just leadership and discard those women who do not like it.

horny4u:

GBAM !!!! I agree totally.

Most women are very very very intelligent though irrational and emotionally controlled compared to men yet we are so intelligent.

Have you wondered why its only your female cousin's who are consistent with their stands = they are not dating you and are not trying to up your ego as a matter of fact if they donot stand their ground you will remove meat from their rice  

When most woman are in love they have been subliminially conditioned by the society to act blonde the dumb and flow to the man's point of view , its a classic case of "woman know thoe place or anything for a quiet life"

I personally when i argue with my cousins or brothers on politics , i tend to articulately put y point across aggressively make sure i am heard, infact point for point i will not back down but when it comes to hubby i tend to quietly see it from his point of view but if its a matter that will damage the future , then i sit down and draw up a practical but very subtle solution and my NO 1 aim is to make it seem like it was his idea in the 1st place.

Your babe is intelligent , she is diboing.

My fear is that once she starts arguing with you like you are her brother or cousin , you may no longer like it, be friendly but let sleeping dogs lie, we women sha : it does seem like we cannot win, You are not her brother , you are her man.

I just have to tell myself: Enjoy them for the wonderful things they do have to offer(like their beauty-thats why you find a hot one). ;-) Seriously what would man need a woman for if they weren't nice to look at?

Always believe their actions not their words. When they start talking crazy, quit listening. If your head was as f'ed up as a womans you would say all sorts of rubbisht too! It always amazes me how many women are on anti-depression and sleeping meds.

One of my cousin told me , Woman are all attention whores stringing along as many guys as they can to suit their every mood dependent upon which way the wind blows and from my own point of view, they clearly say the truth and more over, they seems to be different in characters and the two of them are married enjoying the to the core from what have seeing so far.

Yes treat them like little girls, thats what they are.

You don't have to convince me who is superior and why God is a man. Its a mans world and always will be no matter how hard the feminists push their agenda.

deal_ordea:

You are right, of course.
"Teaching" a woman to keep her word and honor her promises is tedious and burdensome . You are in fact, parenting her - and you are doing work that should have been done by her caregivers a long time ago,  You and I (and perhaps a few others here) have lived in a time when women did not behave with the entitlement mentality that they display today. IF you cast your mind back to the 90s and even earlier, MEN made the rules and set the guidelines, and woman followed and complied. The consequences were understood and they were often severe.

For a start, there were fewer automatic "free passes" for women back then- iF she screwed up the office she got her marching orders and she was replaced. No HR shrews back then to come to her rescue . If she broke a core agreement in her marriage, she ended up in court with a divorce and a meagre property settlement - all added to the shame that she experienced as a "divorced woman".

So what has changed? In a nutshell, men have allowed their own beliefs and their own behavior to be hijacked and changed by numerous forces which masqueraded as "fairness and equality", but which really were designed to destroy tradition and custom and shift power from HIM to HER.
And what we have today is the inevitable result of the success of that process.

Women have always "been emotional" but they have not always acted on their emotions because to do so brought loss. Awareness of potential consequences can apply some  powerful brakes .

So what can be done by us to re-assert our rightful leadership ? Firstly it is wise to assume that women no longer come to us with a functioning moral compass . It is up to us to create one for her, oil it, test it, calibrate it, and hand it to her with instructions on its proper use. Secondly, the imposition of consequences in vital. Mostly this involves no more than a temporary withdrawal of what she values most - our attention and affection.

Ultimately we need to find the courage to reclaim our just leadership and discard those women who do not like it.

LOL

Oga ( NOTICE THE WAY I USED OGA FOR U, WE WOMEN SHA ) you mindset will cause lots of trouble for you, whether you like it or not men and women are not the same and

will never be.

The best thing to do is mention to her that you will like her to have a stand that may be different from yours but sshe believes in and so she should stand her point.

Mind you, you will be the one to judge her point of view by the man's standard book forgeting she is a WOMAN.

A man needs a woman and a woman needs a man.

So understanding that those couples where the woman holds her own didnot start last year , they been together for years and are now brothers and sisters.

I believe more women should stand their grounds with their man: anyway marry her first and come home at 2am then you will no she has principles up to her eye balls.

I will teach my son to realise that even though there is no rationality in having over 30 shoes in various colours some unworn and still wanting to buy more, there exactly is what alot of women are and for a man to be sane you cannot try to understand it , same as why i cannot get my head around why you are lost driving and you will rather find your way then have me give you directions .

My advise is to leave her be treating you like the king of her kingdom, infact enjoy it.

horny4u:

LOL

Oga ( NOTICE THE WAY I USED OGA FOR U, WE WOMEN SHA ) you mindset will cause lots of trouble for you, whether you like it or not men and women are not the same and

will never be.

The best thing to do is mention to her that you will like her to have a stand that may be different from yours but sshe believes in and so she should stand her point.

Mind you, you will be the one to judge her point of view by the man's standard book forgeting she is a WOMAN.

A man needs a woman and a woman needs a man.

So understanding that those couples where the woman holds her own didnot start last year , they been together for years and are now brothers and sisters.

I believe more women should stand their grounds with their man: anyway marry her first and come home at 2am then you will no she has principles up to her eye balls.

I will teach my son to realise that even though there is no rationality in having over 30 shoes in various colours some unworn and still wanting to buy more, there exactly is what alot of women are and for a man to be sane you cannot try to understand it , same as why i cannot get my head around why you are lost driving and you will rather find your way then have me give you directions .

My advise is to leave her be treating you like the king of her kingdom, infact enjoy it.

( NOTICE THE WAY I USED OGA FOR U, WE WOMEN SHA )

He get as E bi sha.

The best thing to do is mention to her that you will like her to have a stand that may be different from yours but sshe believes in and so she should stand her point.

How many ladies will understand that kind of decision you make just to satisfy her ego and that is the reason i will continue to say, they will never understand your point of view even if you try with your last breath.

So are you saying woman can be satisfy with there selfish attitude of mind?

deal_ordea:

I just have to tell myself: Enjoy them for the wonderful things they do have to offer(like their beauty-thats why you find a hot one). ;-) Seriously what would man need a woman for if they weren't nice to look at?

Always believe their actions not their words. When they start talking crazy, quit listening. If your head was as f'ed up as a womans you would say all sorts of rubbisht too! It always amazes me how many women are on anti-depression and sleeping meds.

One of my cousin told me , Woman are all attention whores stringing along as many guys as they can to suit their every mood dependent upon which way the wind blows and from my own point of view, they clearly say the truth and more over, they seems to be different in characters and the two of them are married enjoying the to the core from what have seeing so far.

Yes treat them like little girls, thats what they are.

You don't have to convince me who is superior and why God is a man. Its a mans world and always will be no matter how hard the feminists push their agenda.

You really think you need us just  for our beauty  

WE RULE THIS WORLD !!!

Boys only start having a daily bath without prompting when they find those tingling emotions for women.

SOME MEN DONOT GET IT: AGAIN WE TRULY RULE THE WORLD, WE MAKE IT HAPPEN  ALBEIT USING MEN TO ACHIEVE OUR AIMS.

You go to war because we want the material gains.

I can go on and on, but my soul needs some meditation so am off to church,

Think about it : Men are the puppets, they are the helpless and weaker sex, women have moved from that role long time ago, We control the world now,

Do you know the amount of men commiting succide in a year compared to women we have all the help and we are not helpless, we pretend to be helpless,

Gosh : We rule Men, hate this fact but it changes nothing that we do it subtlety. We gave birth to men and we train them and train their sons ( men's generation : we mould them , we got the power)

Ok hubby is shouting that he will leave for church without me : I no want wahal , abeg Bye.

horny4u:


You really think you need us just  for our beauty  

WE RULE THIS WORLD !!!

Boys only start having a daily bath without prompting when they find those tingling emotions for women.

SOME MEN DONOT GET IT: AGAIN WE TRULY RULE THE WORLD, WE MAKE IT HAPPEN  ALBEIT USING MEN TO ACHIEVE OUR AIMS.

You go to war because we want the material gains.

I can go on and on, but my soul needs some meditation so am off to church,

Think about it : Men are the puppets, they are the helpless and weaker sex, women have moved from that role long time ago, We control the world now,

Do you know the amount of men commiting succide in a year compared to women we have all the help and we are not helpless, we pretend to be helpless,

Gosh : We rule Men, hate this fact but it changes nothing that we do it subtlety. We gave birth to men and we train them and train their sons ( men's generation : we mould them , we got the power)

Ok hubby is shouting that he will leave for church without me : I no want wahal , abeg Bye.

First i laugh when i read this but i have to say, Woman are really downgrading us men, Please i will refer you to this my post which i posted on the wrong section:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-743933.0.html

Clearly , it has shown that without us men, Woman are nothing, we own everything, we run everything, we dispose everything and we shall continue as long as God is Man.

deal_ordea:

First i laugh when i read this but i have to say, Woman are really downgrading us men, Please i will refer you to this my post which i posted on the wrong section:
Clearly , it has shown that without us men, Woman are nothing, we own everything, we run everything, we dispose everything and we shall continue as long as God is Man.

I wanted to you to come harder with concise points to stimulate me, No man knows what sex the Almighty is and i prefer he is not brought into our frivolity.

What points have made it clear that women are nothing without men: read the story of Eve and watch world leaders carefully and their spouse, use Obama as an example , watch him closely and tell me his strength.

Most nations have a constitution that says without a woman as your wife you can not lead,

Just a few points,
Please come back stronger and stimulating , not a I am a man so i hold the power, I need examples to back your point please,

harakiri:

@deal_ordea, The answer to your questions is in your post. Women will readily conform to rules and regulations at the work place coz they know the stiff penalties that await them if they break the rules e.g being queried,demoted or outrightly sacked! A woman will respect (and even worship) a boss who pays her peanuts for a salary and yet,he treats her as a househelp and talks harshly to her at the slightest irritation. . . That same woman would go home,transfer all the animosity to her loving husband who gives her THRICE what she earns for monthly upkeep,she will nag him to death,disrespect him in front of family and friends,hit him and even cheat on him (with her boss of all people!) What am I trying to say? As much as you're keeping healthy relationships with the ladies, you must have set rules and stiff penalties if she decides to test you by intentionally breaking them. As much as you love her to death this moment, you must be ready to get rid of her the next minute (it's best she knows this and thus,she remains on her toes). It might sound harsh but if you want a solution to the problem, that's the blue print right there (unless you can live with "accepting them as they are". Nuff said!

What penalties do you expect a man to give his wife or girlfriend for breaking a rule, ?? whip as some nigerian men do to their wives.

oh buhahahahahaha, tongue missile huh`

harakiri:

@deal_ordea, The answer to your questions is in your post. Women will readily conform to rules and regulations at the work place coz they know the stiff penalties that await them if they break the rules e.g being queried,demoted or outrightly sacked! A woman will respect (and even worship) a boss who pays her peanuts for a salary and yet,he treats her as a househelp and talks harshly to her at the slightest irritation. . . That same woman would go home,transfer all the animosity to her loving husband who gives her THRICE what she earns for monthly upkeep,she will nag him to death,disrespect him in front of family and friends,hit him and even cheat on him (with her boss of all people!)  What am I trying to say? As much as you're keeping healthy relationships with the ladies, you must have set rules and stiff penalties if she decides to test you by intentionally breaking them. [b]As much as you love her to death this moment, you must be ready to get rid of her the next minute (it's best she knows this and thus,she remains on her toes). It might sound harsh but if you want a solution to the problem, that's the blue print right there (unless you can live with "accepting them as they are". Nuff said!

oh you all malenazis are way too funny, buhahahahhahaha

Women are inconsistent like Rich said but its you instills in them the characters that you want them to have , but you pray for their character