Hi people
I'm writing to seek advice so my friends' marriage will not die.
Tayo has been my friend since childhood. We do everything together -in fact, I was responsible for him meeting the girl he eventually married three years ago. They have two children now.
The problem is that his inlaws meddle too much in his home. They just will not leave his family alone. It started right after the wedding, when his mother in law will call his wife (her daughter) around 10pm wanting to know wether she has eaten yet! That is not all, she wants to know how much he gives her for housekeeping, how does he treat her, wether he demands for sex too much, etc etc. all these within the first six month of marriage.
What makes the situation more painful is that they (inlaws) live right here in Lagos. So they drop in anyhow(esp the MIL) while his own family is far away in Ondo State.
As i said, they have two kids, but it is the name the Inlaws gave those children that everybody calls them(including the wife). Nobody calls them by the name their own father gave them.
He doesn't get to spend much time with the children as the inlaws demand their presence every weekend. In fact, before taking his own children to greet his own family in Ondo State, he had to obtain permission from his inlaws! Yes, its that bad.
He has complained, appealed, protested, tried everything, all to no avail. They said he's just making unnecesary noise, he should thank his lucky stars he has such loving inlaws e.t.c He invited his parents to talk to the inlaws, he ended up being made to look ungrateful.


Now, Tayo is fed up. He told me he feels its better to be a King in Hell than a servant in Heaven. Since he cannot be a man in his own house, he will quietly pack some few things and move far away. Let the inlaws have it all.

Please advise, how is he going to get his family back?

Tell him to grow a pair and put his foot down

^^^^^^^^^^seconded.

Your friend is not serious. He has let them run his home. He cannot blame his in laws here. You are the one that teaches people how to treat you. Why should he ask permission from his in laws for anything. In fact I believe this story is a lie

@Outstrip
You may find it hard to believe, but its not a lie. This is a family am very close to. The guys job takes him out of Lagos frequently and the wife feels she should stay with her parents so as not to feel too lonely. Of course nobody can blame her.
When the children started coming, the inlaws just sort of became the "other" parents.
Anytime the guy complains, the wife would tell him how ungrateful he is for not appreciating such good inlaws. Before the situation degenerated to this stage, we(the friends) called them and advised them, but what do you do when the wife sees absolutely nothing wrong in what's going on?

A poster said to put his foot down. You can only put your foot down when you are around to keep the foot down. When his job calls, won't he travel?

Hmm. So this gives it a whole other dimension. it seems that the man is always gone and the wife's parents are the ones thathelp out. I can see where role lines can be blurred

The man needs to first find solutions to the job that makes him to be the stranger in his house first. Let him look for another job that will make him be around, if not, let him be content to allow the inlaws and friends who provide succour to his family to call the shots. Sometimes, out of sight could mean out of mind.