[size=14pt]Church Wedding: Anatomy of nonsense[/size]


Written by Abiodun Awolaja
Wednesday, 16 November 2011

As a writer, I do not look at faces. Church wedding is absolute nonsense without scriptural foundation. The idea of pastors joining anyone together can be supported by books written by the so-called men of God, but you will find no single Bible verse to support it. Real wedding is what we call engagement in Nigeria.

“You may now kiss your bride,” they say, but nine times out of 10, the lady is already pregnant. It is a shame, but my niece once chatted her mother up on a show-of-shame wedding on Gbasemo Street, Ikorodu, where a naked bride and her equally naked friends were dancing in the church. They were US-based, and had reportedly offered the ministers a large sum. The ministers, loyal servants of their bellies, said nothing about their dressing. Before long, thugs and a few locals had stormed the frontage of the church, shouting obscenities at the ladies. “Ori awon eleyi daru ni?” (Are these ones mad?), etc. Now, what my niece said (and I do not feel comfortable saying it) : “My mummy, that sister is wearing blue panties.”

It makes absolutely no economic sense to buy a foolish gown which you will never put on again. I have heard the claim that the gown will be put on the woman when she dies, but how do you know that you will die where your clothes are, or that that gown would still be your size? This is pure foolishness. Again, I’m still at a loss as to why Nigerians cannot just put on native attire at their reception. Certainly, my own God is not English; He is the Lord of Glory, a most gracious God who has not instructed me to copy any culture without applying a bit of commonsense. If you cannot see revelation here, it is a sign that you are not meant to see.

A teacher who earns N20,000 a month will nevertheless want to kill a cow, rent a hall which costs N200,000, and make a cake which will be the talk of the town. Actually, we do not need a cake on a wedding day; what we need is sufficient amala and pounded yam for our people, with a lot of egusi. I was bored stiff once in Ondo when, acting the best man for the first (and now I know, the last) time, the best lady started pouring some creamy / foamy nonsense on me. Notice that I am not condemning the beautiful idea of a best man, but I had previously disagreed with the best lady who wanted me to wear hand gloves, when I was not a foolish corpse, or a parade commander. Yes, of course I wore a suit, but I put it off during the reception because the place was quite hot. And I asked for my food while some people were busy giving senseless admonitions which I knew they themselves did not observe in their homes.

Let me tell you about Pastor Ganiyu, a relation of mine. Well, this man insisted on one Brother Gbenga’s wedding day that the offering, which the church normally collected before joining any couple together, must be N30,000, or no wedding. People made donations and N28,000 was realised, but Pastor Caniyu said no way. Eventually, Pastor Ganiyu joined the couple at a few minutes past 4p.m, but Gbenga was fuming.

“Upon all my work in this church as an interpreter, Pastor Caniyu, my own very brother, has refused to join me and my wife. All my ogas who I wanted to give cake to have gone! This is wicked. This is my last day in this church!” And it was. Both are extended relations of mine, and do not make the mistake of thinking that I have invented a fable.The bride was very hungry, but said she did not want to eat while wearing the gown, but Pastor Ganiyu would not budge. The Muslims who came to the wedding were saying: “Is this how Christianity is? Well, we do not do our own things like that!” What a shame!

http://www.tribune.com.ng/index.php/opinion/31253-wedding-anatomy-of-nonsense-

It is very clear that pastor ganiyu left islam to make money since church is a money venture.

Great article. Too funny.

I can't stop laughing,

Nice article.

That pastor sef/

Another evidence that "My father's house of Worship has become a den of thieves, " stealing in the name of the Lord is the NORM these days in Nigeria, Europe, USA, etc.

Real Christians need to wake up and smell the coffee.

True but sad.

So many traditions that we were born into are not biblical.

One thing I like about we Christians is that we have the freedom to question these sorts of non-biblical practises.

Even before reading this, i have concluded within myself that i am going to be wearing native for my "church" wedding, Wether pastor like am or not.

i don't like that rope called tie, so i won't be putting it on

i am not an Eskimo living in Alaska, so no suit either.

If na by force to wear suit, i go use lace, judge or Ankara sow am.

Whoever wey no like am, make him KMA

funny but true.

typical christians habits

spend money on the pastors gold watch that's better than getting a gown for yourself

frosbel:

True but sad.

So many traditions that we were born into are not biblical.

One thing I like about we Christians is that we have the freedom to question these sorts of non-biblical practises.

Gbam, unlike Islam where you may be beheaded for questioning the words of Muhammad.

Church wedding is 90% ceremony. Gowns suits rings etc, which are not bad in themselves. They Are based on certain principles. The bible is not against ceremonies. Jesus honored a wedding invitation.

amazing! what else can I say? I'm convinced, things will get better.

Joagbaje:

Church wedding is 90% ceremony. Gowns suits rings etc, which are not bad in themselves. They Are based on certain principles. The bible is not against ceremonies. Jesus honored a wedding invitation.

Everything is a "principle" to Pastor Joagbaje, don't forget to add that Jesus turned water into WINE when he honored that wedding invitation but I am sure "pastor Chris" banned you guys from drinking anything other than sodas

Don't be surprised if he is celebrating his riches with some "Crystal"/bubbly in the inner recess of his homes where only the inner circle can go.

Complete waste of time and resources to have a "Church wedding" because God doesn't live in a building! I never did it

@Aloy@emeka; « #12 on: Today at 12:28:28 PM »
[Quote]Quote from: frosbel on Yesterday at 05:01:17 PM
True but sad.

So many traditions that we were born into are not biblical.

One thing I like about we Christians is that we have the freedom to question these sorts of non-biblical practises.

Gbam, unlike Islam where you may be beheaded for questioning the words of Muhammad.[/Quote]Was the piece questioning the words of Jesus your god? Or did Mr. Frosbel questioned the words of the same Jesus?

Why would Aloy@emeka use different yardstick for the same or similar materials?

frosbel:

True but sad.

So many traditions that we were born into are not biblical.

One thing I like about we Christians is that we have the freedom to question these sorts of non-biblical practises.

@Frosbel, islam is a man made religion and closely related to their "brothers" in that sect who invented them to distract people from the TRUE FAITH/ONLY WAY- Jesus Christ.

We need to pray for those who have chosen the WRONG path of following false deities/religions looking for the sun/moon to show you when to celebrate certain things, etc. God/Jehovah is LOVE.

Shalom.

Sweetnecta:

@Aloy@emeka; « #12 on: Today at 12:28:28 PM »Was the piece questioning the words of Jesus your god? Or did Mr. Frosbel questioned the words of the same Jesus?

Why would Aloy@emeka use different yardstick for the same or similar materials?

Here comes Sour-Bin-Necta again. Are you seriously comparing Jesus my lord and savior with Muhammad?. Please remind me, was Muhammad not that prophet who married a 6 yr old girl and waited for her to mature by 9?. Why can't we question the ideology of a paedophile?

what is church wedding? bollocks

There's nothing so wrong in 'church wedding'. What we should watch is that it be done in moderation. Everything we do on earth should be done in moderation BTW. Unfortunately, like the op's noticed, most church ceremonies, most ceremonies are abused whether done in church or not.