This is a thread for funny, twisted, deep proverbs and quotes.


As you make your bed so, shall you . . . mess it up.

Better to be safe than . . .hit a teacher.

You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?

Don’t bite the hand that . . .looks dirty

An idle mind is . . .the best way to relax.

There’s no smoke without . . . pollution

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and . . . you must blow your own nose.

Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.

People in glass houses shouldn’t . . .run around naked

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

Always remember: you’re unique. Just like everyone else

All good things come to whoever gets there first

A clean house is the sign of a misspent life.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Anything worth taking seriously is worth poking fun at.

Boredom is the price you pay for staying out of trouble.

Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river

Experience is something you get just after you need it

He who serves two masters has to lie to one.

He who laughs last hasn’t got all the facts.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

If we cannot get what we like, let us like what we get.

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way; if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse

If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be appreciated, Just shut up.

Mediocrity has certain attractions; it’s much less demanding than success

Sex is like air:it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a broken fan belt

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.

When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby

Too many cooks spoil the broth. Let someone else prepare dinner

You have three choices in life: give up, give in, or give it your all

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist

A bad compromise is better than a successful law suit

Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggie”, whilst looking for a bigger stick

Doctors clean the body, ministers the conscience, and lawyers the purse.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and have you actually looking forward to the trip.

Politicians are like diapers and need to be changed for the same reason

New laws are followed by new tricks.

Great!!

Awww! hott!

If u cannot beat them, then organize for them to be beaten, No time joor

wow i luv dis

This is soo nice! Clap for urself!

if at first trial you didn't succeed,destroy every evidence that you tried
ambition is not a good excuse for not having the good sense of being lazy
a patience dog ends up eating nothing
a closed mouth gathers no word.

Stretch your hands as far as they reach, and grab all you can grab
The eyes believe what they see; the ears what people tell them
A desk without paperwork is a sign of one born to delegate
A tidy desk is the sign of a disturbed mind
Hard work never hurt anyone. But then why risk it
Make sure you are not irreplaceable: if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted
Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work
There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs and people who don’t work here any more.
When you own your own business, you only have to work half a day. You can do anything you want with the other twelve hours

A cask of wine will work more miracles than a church full of saints

A drink precedes a story

A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy

He who drinks on credit will get drunk twice

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit about in a boat and guzzle beer all day.

One drink is enough, two drinks are too many, three drinks are not enough.

The wine is sweet but the payment sour

The church is close but the road is icy; the bar is far but I’ll walk carefully

The drunken man’s joy is usually the sober man’s regret

The first drink with water, the second without water, the third like water

There’s no harm in the wine – it’s the drunkenness that is to blame

When the drink is inside, the sense is outside

Age is a high price to pay for maturity

Age is just mind over matter: if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter

Being young is a fault that diminishes daily.

Be nice to your children; they’ll be choosing the old folks’ home

By the time you are old enough to appreciate your parents you will have children of your own who take you for granted

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life

The difference between adults and children is that adults don’t ask questions

It’s never too late to learn. But then if you’ve made it this far . . . why bother?

We do not stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing

Youth wastes away, but immaturity often lasts a lifetime.

Amazing, simply breath-taking. Also:

The journey of a thousand miles. . . . oh boy i better enter aeroplane dey go!

If you want to die young, make your doctor your heir

A bad excuse is better than none.

A believable lie is better than a stupid fact

After all is said and done, more is said than done

Anger is the outcome of the tongue working faster than the brain

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

Good advice is often annoying, bad advice never

He who gossips to you will gossip about you.

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

Wisdom should not be like money, tied up and hidden

When you open a door, don’t forget to close it. Treat your mouth accordingly.

The tongue weighs relatively nothing, but so few people can hold it

You have two ears and one mouth. It is best to use them in that proportion.

Every ass loves to hear himself bray.

Everybody is ignorant, Only on different subjects.

He's the one on the right, twylight.

What a funny world!
If swimming is a good exercise
to stay
FIT, why are whales FAT??
Why is the place in a stadium
where
people SIT, called a STAND?
Why is that everyone wants to go
to
HEAVEN but nobody wants to
DIE?
Shall I say that there is racial
discrimination even in chess as
theWHITE piece is moved FIRST?
In our country, we have
FREEDOMof
SPEECH, then why do we have
TELEPHONE BILLS?
If money doesnt grow on TREES
then
why do banks have BRANCHES?
Why doesnt GLUE stick to its
BOTTLE?
Why do you still call it a
BUILDINGwhen
its already BUILT?
If its true that we are here to
HELP
others,what are others HEREfor?
Why round pizza come in square
box?
If you arent supposed to DRINK
and
DRIVE why do bars have PARKING
lots?
We all r Living in a seriously
funny
world, !!

If money doesn't grow on trees, then WHY DO banks have branches?


WHY DO WE Still call it Building, when it is already Built?


If it is True, That WE are here to help others, WHAT are others Here for?



If U Aren't supposed to Drink and Drive, WHY DO Bars Have Parking lots?

Good thinking,  Good joke,.

Onyeasi great one!

i love dis





great job!!!!!!

Onyeasi:

What a funny world!
If swimming is a good exercise
to stay
FIT, why are whales FAT??
Why is the place in a stadium
where
people SIT, called a STAND?
Why is that everyone wants to go
to
HEAVEN but nobody wants to
DIE?
Shall I say that there is racial
discrimination even in chess as
theWHITE piece is moved FIRST?
In our country, we have
FREEDOMof
SPEECH, then why do we have
TELEPHONE BILLS?
If money doesnt grow on TREES
then
why do banks have BRANCHES?
Why doesnt GLUE stick to its
BOTTLE?
Why do you still call it a
BUILDINGwhen
its already BUILT?
If its true that we are here to
HELP
others,what are others HEREfor?
Why round pizza come in square
box?
If you arent supposed to DRINK
and
DRIVE why do bars have PARKING
lots?
We all r Living in a seriously
funny
world, !!

Nice

cool! as in nice!

Omg! Dis is a great thread! I'm loving it! #Thread moved †☺ front page.

booqee:

Omg! Dis is a great thread! I'm loving it! #Thread moved †☺ front page.

re u dating him now?

Dani!

asking in a nice way!

sutoboy:

re u dating him now?

Dani!

asking in a nice way!

*touching sutoboys neck with ‎​M̶̲̥̅γ̲̣̣̥ palm †☺ feel his temperature*
Hey hope all's well with you ??! Must Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ pple always connect everything †☺ dating??
Ђδω dyu even know if d poster is a male or female??! Mtchew. . . . . . . . . .

M for male and F for female!

dont wanna yab u anyway!

so am smiling with u instead!

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

Crafty advice is often got from a fool

He who laughs last laughs longest. And has probably only just got the joke.

Your own Stupid actions should not be confused with fate.

If there were no fools, there would be no wise men

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in big groups

It is easy to be brave from a distance

A coward will always think with his legs.

A closed mind is like a closed book: just a block of wood

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people

Minds are like parachutes: they only work when open

A pig bought on credit is forever grunting.

Don’t offer me advice:give me money.

If you think no-one cares whether you’re dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

If rich people could hire other people to die for them, poor people would make a wonderful living.

To be rich is not everything, but it certainly helps.

Money and the devil do not rest

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have

The less you understand, the happier you will be

You can turn dollars into cents, or sense into dollars, but not dollars into sense

Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you don’t you will be wise

Both your friend and your enemy think you will never die

@ onyeosi, hoho

A beautiful woman belongs to everyone but an ugly woman is all yours

Fortune is like a woman:If you neglect her today, do not expect to regain her tomorrow.

There are two theories about arguing with women.neither works.

Age is the only topic women will keep quiet about

Behind every successful man there’s a great . . .nag, nag, nag

A deaf husband and a blind wife are the perfect happy couple

A jealous lover will become an indifferent spouse.

A poor beauty finds more lovers than husbands.

A good husband is healthy and absent

A wife is frightened of her first husband. A husband is frightened of his second wife.

A wife’s advice is not worth much,but woe to the husband who refuses to take it.

He who marries for money will earn it.

If you want to be criticized, get married

nice one poster. there are more here : https://www.nairaland.com/538601/hilarious-thought-provoken-quotes