I had a distressing chat with my friend on 2go last night. She has been married for about 6years to a guy she dated for 7years (13yrs). She has a good job just like her husband and they have come a long way together, built their house, joint investments, and they have 3 kids.
Now the problem according to her is that the guy started beating her early this year. He has done it 2times now and she still doesn't know what has come over him. She has made up her mind to join a self defence class where she will acquire skills to defend her self and possibly beat her husband up. She can't leave the marriage because she has really suffered with the man and they have come a long way and worse is that she loves her husband but she isn't sure of his love anymore.
I told her to calm down and think through the whole thing before starting the class as it will terribly affect their children and it will leave a bad image of what marriage is about on them. She has suggested to her husband that they go for counselling but he refused and she has sworn never to walk out of the marriage for another woman.

My question to you guys now is this...... do you think she is making the right move by joining a Taekwando class and if she learns all the move, is it right for she and her husband to become two boxers in their home and turn their home to a boxing ring? Won't their children grow up scarred for life?
Pls this is a serious issue, she will get to read the various contributions from you guys. Thanks.

No amount of Taekwando classes will make your friend stronger than her husband or give her a happy home. The problem she faces requires a different type of solution; I am sure this thread will soon be full of actionable, practical and wise advice you can give your friend. I just wanted to dispatch this Taekwando solution immediately as a non-starter.

This most be a joke, takwando!!!!!!!

[quote author=moremi2008]Your friend is being delusional. No amount of Taekwando will make her stronger than her husband

moremi2008: Your friend is being delusional. No amount of Taekwando will make her stronger than her husband or give her a happy home. The problem she faces requires a different type of solution; I am sure this thread will soon be full of actionable, practical and wise advice you can give your friend. I just wanted to dispatch this Taekwando solution immediately as a non-starter.

@ op, moremi is right,i know a case like this, but the man stopped hitting the wife when she stopped being the good caring wife he used to know. Today they have the most dysfunctional marriage I have ever heard of. Its up to your friend to find out what or who triggered the beatings. Since she has made up her mind to stay there, anything that happens to her, na she sabi

Tit for tat will only worsen her current problem. She should have warned him sternly the first time he raised his hand. A word is mightier than a sword Has she tried talking to him? Not ' we need to talk' stuff. The talk that comes when the 2 of them r in an exceptionally good mood. Was he apologetic ?Did she tell you what caused the hitting ? Did he just lose his temper like that or was it the result of some heated discussion? If yes, what were they arguing about? There lies the clue to this problem. Whatever they were arguing about, the man has some issues with that 'topic'. Why did she say she will not leave her home for another woman? Is it her figment of imagination or does she have solid proof of 'another woman' ? Not every marital problem has to do with another woman/man. Being together for 13 years and doing it for the first time now,I feel there is something going wrong in his life. It could be his job, health, finances or some other personal issue, something she is unaware of. As his better half, she HAS to find out what it is and then act accordingly.

She can go for the self defence class & acquire the skills involved cos it might come in handy one day. A man does not have the exclusive right to domestic violence. If it is to protect herself WHY NOT? Should she wait till when he has caused her serious bodily harm / death (GOD FORBID)? It may not necessarily cause a dysfunctional home but may put the man in check. The fact that shes not ready to leave her home makes it really necessary but she should also look for ways to find out what the problem is & let them work on it. But i strongly support the self defence classes.

Thanks y'all for your thoughts. Its not about another woman, she said her husband isn't cheating on her (to the best of her knowledge) and the beating started during one of the usual arguments. He slapped her and she slapped him back and he started and has done it twice now. Like i said earlier i have begged her not to join the defence class but seek for ways to talk to him and possibly invite his /her family elders to interfere.

Popsicle: She can go for the self defence class & acquire the skills involved cos it might come in handy one day. A man does not have the exclusive right to domestic violence. If it is to protect herself WHY NOT? Should she wait till when he has caused her serious bodily harm / death (GOD FORBID)? It may not necessarily cause a dysfunctional home but may put the man in check. The fact that shes not ready to leave her home makes it really necessary but she should also look for ways to find out what the problem is & let them work on it. But i strongly support the self defence classes.

I so much agree with you Popsicle, this not about marital problems perse, once she is able to defend herself from the beatings, the guy would think twice on hitting her again. If most women have the common sense to learn takwaedo stuff and "fight in the ring", divorce would lessen to an extent and the complaints about "my hubby beats me" everytime will stop.

This 1 pass me.. But I must answer, she shouldn't do it.

There is nothing wrong with your friend going for martial arts training. What could be wrong is her motive for doing so- if her motive is to be able to beat her husband black and blue, that is wrong. However, if her motive is to learn how to defend herself against him or any other assailant, there is nothing wrong with that.

If she ends-up in a good martial arts school, they will teach her very good negotiating skills to dispel the need to use physical force at all.

Away from learning martial arts or not, she needs to find-out where the primary problem lies. It could be mostly from him, he could be mostly from her. If it is mostly from him, she can reduce the chances of it occurring by just avoiding opportunities that will give him the excuse he wants whilst she calls on wise and respected (by him) third parties to talk to him on the need not to destroy his own home with his own hands.

If it is from her side, let her work on improving on her lapses, so that the man does not feel that his best option is to hit her. It is obviously not an ideal situation but with patience, a good-head and some common sense, the situation can be remedied.

ronkebp:

I so much agree with you Popsicle, this not about marital problems perse, once she is able to defend herself from the beatings, the guy would think twice on hitting her again.

Do you really believe this nonsense? Do you know what they call escalation? How long does it take to learn self defence? You people may just end up getting that poor girl killed. The worst idea in the world is getting into a fight with someone like that. Trust me I know. The rage he feels at that time can make him do anything. The girl should find what to do to difuse him when the mood comes upon him.

Why do I feel that this story is a makeup story

The wife is too confrontational, thats y she is getting the beatings. Now , she wants to add martial arts? . Lord av mercy. Tell her to cool down, a wife or a woman shouldnt be so strong headed. She should cool down for once and think of other subtle ways of bringing her man back to being loving. At least, she didnt marry a demented man in the first place?

well violence does not begat more violence, this is a slippery slope here, lets say wife learns taekwondo, yeah for wifey lets congratulate her on the acheivment. So the next fight comes up and hubby start to beat on her well she demonstrates her new self defence moves. Hubby is shocked he reaches for an object, to defend himself now cause wifey is giving him the beatdown. Well the object he finds will definetly inflict more pain and in this situation unfortunetly death for the wife. The moral of the story is wifey needs t find ways to calm hubby down. hubby also needs anger management counselling.

victorian: The wife is too confrontational, thats y she is getting the beatings. Now , she wants to add martial arts? . Lord av mercy. Tell her to cool down, a wife or a woman shouldnt be so strong headed. She should cool down for once and think of other subtle ways of bringing her man back to being loving. At least, she didnt marry a demented man in the first place?

Exactly my thots, I Thnk she need to be a wife and nt anoda husband, two captains can neva be on a ship

I say stop being d gud obedient lil scard gurl nd start being d bitch.learn d taekwando moves and beat the mojo awtta the coward...ungrateful bastard!

@agiboma,abi ooo @Op ,tell her to call her hubby alone witout the kids 4 a serious talk..blv me,i dont like that ideal of her slapin her hubby back

Pls anyone advising the woman to take up martial arts lesson should thread cautiously and think twice because you may unknowingly be preparing another tragic news article for the NTA Newsline. Have you not heard the so common stories of Nigerians in the U.S. who resort to what could be termed a suicide mission,driving to the wife's office and shooting her to death for challenging his authourity/deflating his ego in the home because she thinks that the "insurance" of the American laisair-fair society covers her ?. If this could take place in a law abiding "yankee",imagine what it would be like in a lawless,African society like Nigeria. Enough said.

PrettyCindy: the beating started during one of the usual arguments. He slapped her and she slapped him back and he started and has done it twice now.

4 real?

He slapped n she slapped and she's wondering y he's beating her? She neva sabi.

There are better ways she could hav responded to the first slap. Obviously ur friend is loud mouthed and headstrong. Could be d hubby got fed up with her attitude and resulted into beating her to shut her up.

Seriously, ur friend needs to take a chill pill. Let her draw back and check where she missed it. D long courtship may hav led her to start treating d hubby with disrespect, and no man loves that.

She should put on a meek and gentle attitude. After sometime, she can call the hubby to discuss the matter. If her positive attitude doesn't change him, then I will advise a temporary seperation.

Martial art ko partial art ni

I wonder how good she expects to get within a short space of time that will give her a hedge over the hubby.

Hmmm....make she no allow the man commit murder o.

omosexy1: Why do I feel that this story is a makeup story

Its not a make up story ok. The whole abuse thing is getting too much and i think ladies are tired of being beaten by their husbands. Most would leave but some like my friend doesn't want to leave but instead is considering learning skills to defend her self. Though i don't think its a good idea.
By the way what prove do you need for you to believe this story is real?

Thank you all so much for your intelligent contributions. At least she will see reasons why she shouldn't join the class and look for subtle ways to bring peace back to her home since she insists on staying. I will email the link to this page to her now and i hope she learns a lesson or two.