A man loses everything because of his drinking habit, this evening he saw empty bottles on the bar table,
He smashes 1 bottle swearing "my wife left me because of you",
Smashes 2nd bottle "you are the reason i don't have kids",
3rd bottle " you're the reason i don't have a job",
But the 4th bottle was sealed and full of beer, So he said 'stand aside, i know your not involved.

Men are born between a woman's legs and spend their lives trying 2 get back in there,u wanna know why
Bcoz there's no place like home

One day three touts went to buy 1 india hemp and decided to smoke it at a nearby uncompleted buildin . Unknowinly a policeman traced them and hide himself near d buildin.d three tout are to smoke d india hemp 1 after d other...and their conversation goes like dis:
FIRST TOUT:poke d india hempinto IS mouth and sip it off,then he shouted FANTASTICNATION!
SECOND TOUT:sip is own and shouted SUPERSTICNATION!
THIRD TOUT:sip is own and shouted JANJASTICNATION!
then d policeman came out from his hidin place and said:
i heard u guys sayin TION'S abeg giv me d india hemp make i say my own TION...then d policeman collected d india hemp and sip ít throughly...d smoke popped out of his ear and he shouted Yeeeaaah!...'EVERYBODY TO D STATION'!

If You Can Answer These
Questions, You Are Smarter Than
Google!
1. If swimming is a good exercise
to stay fit, why are whales fat?
2. Shall I say that there is racial
discrimination even in game of
chess as the white piece is moved
first?
3. We have freedom of speech,
then why do we have telephone
bills?
4. If money doesn’t grow on trees
then why do banks have
branches?
5. Why doesn’t glue stick to its
bottle?
6. If you aren’t supposed to drink
and drive why do bars have
packing lots?
7. If to abbreviate is to make a
word short, why is abbreviation
such a long word?
8. If attendance at an event is
strictly by invitation, why
publicize it on TV?
9. If towels are meant to dry our
clean bodies after bathing, why
wash towels? Where do they get
the dirts from?

A police officer pulls over this
guy who had been weaving in
and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window
and says, "Sir, I need you to
blow into this breathalyzer
tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I
can't do that. I am an asthmatic.
If I do that I'll have a really bad
asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come
down to the station to give a
blood sample." "I can't do that
either. I am a hemophiliac. If I
do that, I'll bleed to death. then we need a urine sample"I'm sorry officer I can't do that
either. I am also a diabetic. If I
do that I'll get really low blood
sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come
out here and walk this white
line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too drunk to do
that!"

A nice, calm and
respectable
lady went into the
pharmacy,
walked up
to the pharmacist, looked
straight into his eyes,
and said, 'I
would like to buy some
cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked,
'Why in the
world do you need
cyanide?
'The lady replied, 'I need
it to
poison
my husband.' The
pharmacist's
eyes got big
and he exclaimed, 'Lord
have
mercy! I
can't give you cyanide to
kill
your husband. That's
against the
law! I'll lose my license!
They'll
throw both of us in jail!
All
kinds of bad things will
happen.
Absolutely not!
You CANNOT have any
cyanide!'
The lady reached into her
purse
and pulled out a picture
of her
husband in bed with the
pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at
the
picture and replied, 'Well
now,
that's
different. You didn't tell
me you
had a prescription.'

peeps ... Network z so bad ... After Airtel go claim "fast is an attitude" mtcheew

Cool Jokes . . Me love them