Family Affairs

Growing up was very tough. My father left my mother when I was just 10 years old; this devastated and made her fall into depression. There were times I thought she was going to die; several times I will come home to meet her drunk with the stove on through the night. I remember asking God why He sent me into such as family.

At a point, I started dreaming of my own home; how my husband would look at me, how he would propose to me with a diamond ring, how he would get back home on time to spend the evening with me.

However, each time any decent man approaches me, I withdraw. Sometimes, I despise them so much that I begin to wonder why I do what I do. I seem to be attracted to abusive men for reasons I do not understand. I probably feel ‘safer’ with them as I know their pattern, but not that of ‘decent’ men. I have been hurt too many times than to open my heart one more time. I find it very hard to trust people, especially men.

What do I do? I want to get married.
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