my elder sis gave birth six months old and her mother in-law came for 'omugwo'. Because of her mother in-law's attitude, she told her husby to rent a house in town for her which he did but she refused to leave the house insisting that she must live in her son's house cos her son built the house. My sis had complained to me and my dad that her husband can beat her because of his mother. Lol and behold, her suspicion was confirmed. She was beaten up mercilessly by her husband last week. According to her, on that day, her mother in-law had called her on the phone complaining that the househelp had wetted the bed without washing the sheets. She drove all the way home. On getting home, the mother in-law narrated all that happened. My sis told the house help that if she wetted the bed she should go and wash the beddings. According to her, she said this because the house help shares a room with her mother in-law's grand child whom she pampers. Immediately, her mother in-law called her son complaining that his wife is insulting her. Her husband rushed home. Immediately on sighting her son, she descended on the house help. She pushed her against the wall and then her husband joined his mother in beating her. My sis said the beating got so much that she tried to free the little girl. It was at this moment that her husband rounded on her and started beating her. She has complained to me and my dad and my dad had called the husband and told him to desist from beating my sis. When I spoke with my sis in confidence, she opened open and told me that that was the third time her husband had beaten her on account of his mum. Pls, what do I tell her? I am at a loss. How does she reason with her husband that his mum has to leave the house. I am concerned that this is just a year and a half that they got married. How long will this continue. My sis wishes that she can remarry and has some work that brings in money.

Your sister made the fatat error of suggesting that anther hoise be remyed for her mother om aw. No mother in law would take this lying low. The consequence of her provolked ego os wjat sje is seeing mpw. Since the deed is already done amd tje dye is cast wjat sje can do now is to take a discreet holiday and retirn to your father's house witj her new baby$ with time hger husband would realose his error and would cal for amicae dete$emt. She has tp be acco$$pdatomh to her mother in law and cppe woth jer excesses fpr the diratopm pf her stay woth. After all she woild mpt stay with them fpr ever$ nest pficl tp her$

so your sister is beaten by a man she calls her husband after just 6 months of giving birth. WOW thats all I can say.

@ Op sorry,i hate talkin abt useless low life,like ur sis husband he knws
his wife just gave birth,and he went on beatin her,what a mad man the low life is the Idiot,shuld marry his mum.
na because the bastard, no see who teach am lesson...Oloshi Okurin

@ Op sorry,i hate talkin abt useless low life,like ur sis husband he knws
his wife just gave birth,and he went on beatin her,what a mad man the low life is the fool,shuld marry his mum.
na because the bastard, no see who teach am lesson...Oloshi Okurin

Is your sister educated? Cos I cannot believe the level of illteracy she displayed and still displaying

There are always two sides to a story. I have read between the lines of your post and I strongly suspect that your sister isn't entirely a saint in this situation.

Which kind of DIL asks her husband to rent a house for his own mother?!!! Haba! Won't she have her own son one day? How horrible can this woman be that you can't live with her for a few weeks? Isn't she the one that raised the man she married? She can't possibly be THAT bad. Even if she's the devil incarnate, your sister as a DIL owes her some respect. Suggesting she go live in a rented house was a HUGE insult to bother her MIL and husband. From what I can infer from your post, your mother is no longer in your sister's life. This might explain this terrible lapse in judgement.

Your sister needs to humble herself and go back to mend the broken hedges. Until she respects and treats this MIL as her own mother, I am afraid that she her marital home won't be at complete peace. She isn't the first woman to have a tough MIL and she needs to reach out to older and wiser women in her family or at her church to seek wisdom on how to deal with the issue. Her MIL isn't God; she is just a mere mortal like everybody else and thus, she can be conquered with love, patience and wisdom. I pray that God looks down on your sister with mercy and give her the grace and clarity to make the right decisions.


PS - your sister's husband's physical abuse is completely unacceptable but it's hard to give you any advice for your sister about dealing with this violence when she's still making basic Marriage 101 mistakes. I hope there are others on here who can look beyond your sister's blunder to give her workable strategies for handling spousal abuse.

braveheart2012: There are always two sides to a story. I have read between the lines of your post and I strongly suspect that your sister isn't entirely a saint in this situation.

Which kind of DIL asks her husband to rent a house for his own mother?!!! Haba! Won't she have her own son one day? How horrible can this woman be that you can't live with her for a few weeks? Isn't she the one that raised the man she married? She can't possibly be THAT bad. Even if she's the devil incarnate, your sister as a DIL owes her some respect. Suggesting she go live in a rented house was a HUGE insult to bother her MIL and husband. From what I can infer from your post, your mother is no longer in your sister's life. This might explain this terrible lapse in judgement.

Your sister needs to humble herself and go back to mend the broken hedges. Until she respects and treats this MIL as her own mother, I am afraid that she her marital home won't be at complete peace. She isn't the first woman to have a tough MIL and she needs to reach out to older and wiser women in her family or at her church to seek wisdom on how to deal with the issue. Her MIL isn't God; she is just a mere mortal like everybody else and thus, she can be conquered with love, patience and wisdom. I pray that God looks down on your sister with mercy and give her the grace and clarity to make the right decisions.


PS - your sister's husband's physical abuse is completely unacceptable but it's hard to give you any advice for your sister about dealing with this violence when she's still making basic Marriage 101 mistakes. I hope there are others on here who can look beyond your sister's blunder to give her workable strategies for handling spousal abuse.

The suggestion of renting a house for MIL was made some weeks ago. She says that her MIL would frown at everything she did and wouldn't even eat the meal she would prepare sometimes. I personally think her husby doesn't fully comprehend what marriage entails. I blame my sis for not insisting that her hisband attend marriage course with her prior to the wedding. Thanks all for the advice. The main hindrance is that she is not economically empowered.

@ poster:
my nother inlaw is vey mean and hard too. but i conquered all with love, patience and showered her with gifts. i bot her oevr with lillte gesture and treats.
now she call me every time for slight headache and i will tell my hubby to do somethin.

my dear< tell ur sister to try it out< she will be amazed at hw her MIL will reciprocate the love and gesture.
its like magic.

my MIL doesnt visit the other children of hers as much as us, and u know what< i alswyas like her arnd, she pampers my children like anything. and when ashe is coming, i will prepare her favourite meal and then see loads of all the stuff she can get from the village for us including food stuff.


let ur sis try it. dont involve the hubby, let her go out of her way to satisfy her.
ask her what she will like to eat and prepare the food based on the womans choice.
each time she goes to d market, lether get no matter how small, N50 naora worth of stuff she will like, earings, take her to go and have a new hair do even before ur sister changes her own, believe me, she will start to fall in love with u.

when u are abt to go to church, bring out a matching haedtie and tie it for her, then give her a handbag and tell her its "to match".
encourage her to take hot bath and things u know is good for elderly women.

put on TV stations and ask her MIL if she likes those stations, explain to her MIL whats happening on those TV stations,
let her MIL be the one to carry the baby when they are going for immunization, church or little outings.

when ur sis is answering call from ur family, let ur father or other sis greet her MIL through ur sis phone to show her they love her.

i did all those and many more i cant even remember and today if i tell my MIL that i am having headache her battery will run down calling me every minute to check hw i am doing.

we told her we are coming homein August and she has announced it in the whole town...it can only be love my dear
Good Luck.

.

SUV: @ poster:
my nother inlaw is vey mean and hard too. but i conquered all with love, patience and showered her with gifts. i bot her oevr with lillte gesture and treats.
now she call me every time for slight headache and i will tell my hubby to do somethin.

my dear< tell ur sister to try it out< she will be amazed at hw her MIL will reciprocate the love and gesture.
its like magic.

my MIL doesnt visit the other children of hers as much as us, and u know what< i alswyas like her arnd, she pampers my children like anything. and when ashe is coming, i will prepare her favourite meal and then see loads of all the stuff she can get from the village for us including food stuff.


let ur sis try it. dont involve the hubby, let her go out of her way to satisfy her.
ask her what she will like to eat and prepare the food based on the womans choice.
each time she goes to d market, lether get no matter how small, N50 naora worth of stuff she will like, earings, take her to go and have a new hair do even before ur sister changes her own, believe me, she will start to fall in love with u.

when u are abt to go to church, bring out a matching haedtie and tie it for her, then give her a handbag and tell her its "to match".
encourage her to take hot bath and things u know is good for elderly women.

put on TV stations and ask her MIL if she likes those stations, explain to her MIL whats happening on those TV stations,
let her MIL be the one to carry the baby when they are going for immunization, church or little outings.

when ur sis is answering call from ur family, let ur father or other sis greet her MIL through ur sis phone to show her they love her.

i did all those and many more i cant even remember and today if i tell my MIL that i am having headache her battery will run down calling me every minute to check hw i am doing.

we told her we are coming homein August and she has announced it in the whole town...it can only be love my dear
Good Luck.

thanks. Will tell her that. She is rather disenchanted cos her efforts in this direction seemed not have yielded positive results. She called it quits wth this kind of efforts esp when the MIL told her she will die a premature death. This is what made our father to wade into this issue. He sees involving himself in marital issue as improper.I inform her all the same. Thanks once more.

Fin9: thanks. Will tell her that. She is rather disenchanted cos her efforts in this direction seemed not have yielded positive results. She called it quits wth this kind of efforts esp when the MIL told her she will die a premature death. This is what made our father to wade into this issue. He sees involving himself in marital issue as improper.I inform her all the same. Thanks once more.

Is your sister a Christian? Because as far as I am concerned this MIL matter nah small matter before the most High. Who art thou mountain before Zerubabel? She needs to go back to her place of prayer and fellowship with God and ask for grace, humility, wisdom and victory. Her marriage is too important to allow something as trivial as a troublesome MIL to destroy it. She needs to go to God, regroup and prepare for battle with love, wisdom and patience. It might take a while but in the end love always prevails. She has absolutely nothing to gain by antagonizing her MIL and husband. May God's grace be sufficient for you and your sister.

@poster: I truly sympathise with your sis regarding her situation. It is very important to be sure of the kinda family u're marrying into before you tie the knot.

She must continue to pray for her MIL and her husby and ensure that her actions are impeccable and cannot be faulted.

I'm more concerned about the physical abuse from her husband. She must not condone such acts. I don't know how he is, but she must draw the line for him! A man will continue to bully and beat you until you stand up to him. We women control some of the most dangerous materials in the house- pestles, 'omorogun', hot water, iron spoons etc. She shldnt hesitate to use these utensils to defend herself.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about women being abused @ home. Its high time women start fighting for themselves. Please, if you can, give us his vontact details, let the women harass him on phone, at his office, in his church etc. By the time 100 women show up @ his office and boo him and call him a wife beater and another 100 call his phone till his batt goes off, he'll think twice before beating his wife.

D greatest mistake anyone can make is to pass judgement based on a 2nd,interested party narration of events.Its totally wrong if d hubby actually beat up d wife,but there is a lot more to dis story.Regrettably,while not callin d poster a liar,its a fact dat d average nigerian has a way of distorting stories.I find it unbelievable dat d hubby wud just come bac,bt d housemaid& descend on d wife,wen its noted dat d op's version was as narrated to her by her sis,more caution nids b applied b4 passin judgement on d husband

thanks. Will tell her that. She is rather disenchanted cos her efforts in this direction seemed not have yielded positive results. She called it quits with this kind of efforts esp when the MIL told her she will die a premature death. This is what made our father to wade into this issue. He sees involving himself in marital issue as improper.I inform her all the same. Thanks once more.

tell ur sister to limit the extent of involving u guys especially ur dad! it is very wrong, ur sis MIL will see it as family ganging up against her.

It will take a while. she has to be patient and do all i suggested showing sincerity of purpose.

U are most welcome.

Na wa sha, What We make women go through. So she shouldn't report to her family that she is being battered till she falls and dies one day. Lol @ Mama feeling "ganged up on" the same Mama who joined her son in beating up her daughter in law will feel "ganged up on". Lol
I can't understand why a new mother will be battered by her husband. Abeg make depression no catch me this sunday

Your comment below brought tears my eyes. I have never read any comment of this topic that makes more sense than your. Your type is rare. Your husband is a lucky man.

SUV: @ poster:
my nother inlaw is vey mean and hard too. but i conquered all with love, patience and showered her with gifts. i bot her oevr with lillte gesture and treats.
now she call me every time for slight headache and i will tell my hubby to do somethin.

my dear< tell ur sister to try it out< she will be amazed at hw her MIL will reciprocate the love and gesture.
its like magic.

my MIL doesnt visit the other children of hers as much as us, and u know what< i alswyas like her arnd, she pampers my children like anything. and when ashe is coming, i will prepare her favourite meal and then see loads of all the stuff she can get from the village for us including food stuff.


let ur sis try it. dont involve the hubby, let her go out of her way to satisfy her.
ask her what she will like to eat and prepare the food based on the womans choice.
each time she goes to d market, lether get no matter how small, N50 naora worth of stuff she will like, earings, take her to go and have a new hair do even before ur sister changes her own, believe me, she will start to fall in love with u.

when u are abt to go to church, bring out a matching haedtie and tie it for her, then give her a handbag and tell her its "to match".
encourage her to take hot bath and things u know is good for elderly women.

put on TV stations and ask her MIL if she likes those stations, explain to her MIL whats happening on those TV stations,
let her MIL be the one to carry the baby when they are going for immunization, church or little outings.

when ur sis is answering call from ur family, let ur father or other sis greet her MIL through ur sis phone to show her they love her.

i did all those and many more i cant even remember and today if i tell my MIL that i am having headache her battery will run down calling me every minute to check hw i am doing.

we told her we are coming homein August and she has announced it in the whole town...it can only be love my dear
Good Luck.

jennykadry: Is your sister educated? Cos I cannot believe the level of illteracy she displayed and still displaying

exactly.it beats me how some women think that their violent marriage is more important than their life and sanity.@ op if you love your sister and you dont want her dead,incapacitated or in a mental assylum,you better tell her to leave that unhealthy house,i refuse to call that a home because its not for as long as possible.the things many women are going through to retain the name mrs is mind boggling.infact sometimes when i read nairaland i ask my mom whether its still safe to marry nigerian men and by the way which decent mother that is worth being called a mother will encourage violence on her childs wife and will not find ways to bring sanity in the home. I can imagine she herself must have been raised in a violent house and or married a violent man and due to series of violence she has experienced,she assumed that violence in a home is normal or is a way of life.tufiaaaaaaakwa

lord have mercy, the man beat up both the househelp and his wife?


he doesnt look good, i'm sorry to say.

why is he so quick to lay his hands on women?

he go soon beat im mama sef one day, this is not behaviour the mother should encourage.

Your sister shouldn't suggest renting another house for the MIL. What if your mum happens to be the one treating her the way her MIL does, will she send her away?

She should draw her MIL close and show her love and care, hopefully oneday her MIL will have a re-think.

The husband too made a big mistake by beating up his wife, that shows he doesn't value her, but I suggest your sister should put that behind and work towards ensuring it doesn't happen again.

@op!wow ur sista has a handful!

Wel u av to tel ur sista to be a little bit tact in dealing wit ur M.I.L

What is going on here is a battle of control.who does the husband owe allegiance to?who has the most influence!

1st she must study the pattern of quarel that arise and how it brings about fighting.(if she can cut down on the no of quarel leading to figts it is a +)
2.start a smal trade.this wil reduce the no of friction as a resut of physical contat
3.encourage evry1 to be engage in church
4.pray,pray&pray for peace in the house
5.get older women from the church to constantly talkto d husband
6.get a older man whom he respect to talk to the husband
7.if becomes violent after being talk or if his mother becomes more violent
8.get ur parents involved
9.if they continue
10.let ur sister carry her bacy and leave the house!
11.under no act. Must she advice her husbnd dat he shld drive out his mother!

SUV: @ poster:
my nother inlaw is vey mean and hard too. but i conquered all with love, patience and showered her with gifts. i bot her oevr with lillte gesture and treats.
now she call me every time for slight headache and i will tell my hubby to do somethin.

my dear< tell ur sister to try it out< she will be amazed at hw her MIL will reciprocate the love and gesture.
its like magic.

my MIL doesnt visit the other children of hers as much as us, and u know what< i alswyas like her arnd, she pampers my children like anything. and when ashe is coming, i will prepare her favourite meal and then see loads of all the stuff she can get from the village for us including food stuff.


let ur sis try it. dont involve the hubby, let her go out of her way to satisfy her.
ask her what she will like to eat and prepare the food based on the womans choice.
each time she goes to d market, lether get no matter how small, N50 naora worth of stuff she will like, earings, take her to go and have a new hair do even before ur sister changes her own, believe me, she will start to fall in love with u.

when u are abt to go to church, bring out a matching haedtie and tie it for her, then give her a handbag and tell her its "to match".
encourage her to take hot bath and things u know is good for elderly women.

put on TV stations and ask her MIL if she likes those stations, explain to her MIL whats happening on those TV stations,
let her MIL be the one to carry the baby when they are going for immunization, church or little outings.

when ur sis is answering call from ur family, let ur father or other sis greet her MIL through ur sis phone to show her they love her.

i did all those and many more i cant even remember and today if i tell my MIL that i am having headache her battery will run down calling me every minute to check hw i am doing.

we told her we are coming homein August and she has announced it in the whole town...it can only be love my dear
Good Luck.

Thanks for giving specific examples.

Another thread about a terrible MIL.
I can't help but notice that there are no or only a few threads about terrible FILs.

carefreewannabe: Another thread about a terrible MIL.
I can't help but notice that there are no or only a few threads about terrible FILs.

Sorry there are no terrible FILS!

dinachi: Sorry there are no terrible FILS!

I haven't heard of any either, to tell the truth, but that's just my personal experience.

@suv, i cannot describe how much i i felt after reading your advice. how i wish i can have a sister in law like you. one who can take care of my mother like hers . who knows the meaning of what family and marriage is all about. Not one who feels and think that her husband is the breadwinner or feels that she has degrees no one is above her. You are a blessing to your marriage and family .A good product sold its self.Continue in that way no matter what and i bet you in life that when you have your own daughter in law so shall it do unto you. Amen. Thats shows the kind of upbringing your mother gave you jisieike .