MANAGEMENT LESSONS:
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower
just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in
a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there
stands Bob, the next-door
neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says,
'I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the
woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob,
after a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the
towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom,
her husband asks, 'Who was
that?'
'It was Bob the next door
neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he
say anything about the $800 he
owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information
pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you
may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father,
remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister
but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun
sighed heavily and went on her
way.
On his arrival at the church, the
priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in
your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration
clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of
you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin
clerk. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales
rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the
love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to
the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those
two back in the office after
lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the
first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree
resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and
asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why
not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle and rested. All of
a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing,
you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on
some of my droppings?' replied
the bull. They're packed with
nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some
more dung, he reached the second
branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the
turkey was proudly perched at
the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top,
but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for
the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a
large field.
While he was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped some dung
on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing
him out!
He lay there all warm and happy,
and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug
him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on
you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you
out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit,
it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE
MANAGEMENT COURSE

I so so love these!

Great posts!

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