1. I think part of a best friend's job should be
to immediately clear your computer
history if you die.
2. There is nothing worse than that moment
during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't
want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. Really, how ARE you supposed to fold a
fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their
directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know
how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting
if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at
least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but
there comes a moment at work when you
know that you just aren't going todo
anything productive for the rest of the
day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignorewhatever
comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to
have to restart my collection ... again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit
out of Word and it asks me if I want to
save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not
make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry"
means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last
ring (Hello? Hello? Shoot!), but when I
immediately call back, it rings ninetimes
and goes to voice mail. What did you do
after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and
run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and
looking good and then not seeinganyone
of importance the entire day. What a
waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in
my phone just so I know not to answer
when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet
on any given Friday or Saturday night
more kisses begin with Miller Lite than
Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an"Avoid Ghetto"
routing option.
21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I
watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what was
going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry ten over-loaded
plastic bags in each hand than take two
trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light
is when I'm trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time decipheringthe fine
line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say
"What?" before you just nod and smile
because you still didn't hear or
understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an
entire line of cars team up to prevent a
jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay
strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty.
Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can
wear them forever.
28. Is it just me, or do high schoolkids get
dumber and dumber every year?
29. There's no worse feeling than that
millisecond you're sure you are going to
die after leaning your chair back alittle
too far.
30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch
three consecutive times and still not know
what time it is.
31. Even under ideal conditions people have
trouble locating their car keys in apocket,
finding their cell phone, and Pinning the
Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone
can find and push the snooze button from
three feet away, in about 1.7 seconds,
eyes closed, first time, every time!