Giddyperson:
Smoochlympics (noun)
Smoochlympian (noun)
Smoochlymping (verb)
Smoochlympianish (adjective)
E.g At the 2017 SA world smoochlympics tournament, Nigerian-born World famous smoochlympian Alosiby 92 was observed smoochlymping in a smoochlympianish manner around the arena.

aunty giddyma...shouldn't you be breast feeding /catching up on sleep
my smooching role model. second only to aunty Farydah our master champion....

Giddyperson:
Baby is fine, vigil has not really started sha cuz I've enough help

I missed it
happy mummyhood fyn. hope the pumping isn't too bad

zaynie:
Alos..... I couldn't help laughing at your update.

They probably read your diary

lol. I doubt it o. only case 2 has the chance and capabilities of reading my diary...but yeah. I seriously need an upgrade. maybe I should join #giddybaby and her friends your children. They are still too young and innocent to be corrupted by this world


ehen aunty how far with the patching up?

#celebrations in accordance
*buys ogogoro for the elders in the land
*buys Palm wine for everybody
*buys fanta for giddyperson

*dances atilogwu and sekem unto the village square


Ladies and gentlemen the moment we have all been waiting for has arrived...

*drum roll

#giddybaby has arrived

the B/A was sometime earlier today. can't believe I missed it

Congrats babe @giddyperson. Welcome to seggzy mamahood.
We thank God for his awesomeness and your safe delivery. very sorry they tore your nether regionals. Hope you are doing good and ready for the pumping.
our baby must not starve o. Oh and try rest small.

*patiently waits to hear when they will book her flight for omugwo

zaynie:




Aunty Alos, I think I'll pass. He just vexed me tonight and I don't want to think mushy thoughts about him.
#raiseschin

sorry o. Hope you guys patch up/kiss and make up soon....we dey wait patiently for the mushy mush gist

Aunty Zaynie tell us your own o. How did you meet your hubby? how did he propose? any wedding gist?

farydah:
chai Alos and questions sha*insert 5&6 meme*. wedding day was just there. I just wore my wedding dress abd went commando underneath. lol. couldn't eat and purged badly afterwards. lol. no honeymoon. tot wedding night wasn't gon happen because I was asleep when he returned (wedding was in his village) but it DID happen. lol.

I saw my period about 3weeks after the wedding yikes! I cried ooo lol. cos I expected to be preggers immediately. but I missed the next period and 9mnths later, my lil baby who is now 3+ made his appearance.

ehya. wow. only 3 weeks of married life and you were panicking when you saw period? pele o...wait. were you ovulating before or after the wedding.I.e. could it have been within your fertile window?

Lol @ expected to be preggers immediately. no chill abeg. but then again you were planning a honeymoon baby so I understand. Plus you two had been together for plenty of years so I guess baby was first thing you expected when married.


haba ! a whole wedding day reducedto 'i just wore my dress'. na wao

zaynie:


Maami, let me just sit here and be hearing stories o...

Lol. we have sighted you madam! your own is coming o please wait

zaynie:


Maami, let me just sit here and be hearing stories o...

Lol. we have sighted you madam! your own is coming o please wait

farydah:
9 yrs was big but I didn't mind. I met my husband months after I broke up with him and u knw how we were about breakups...lol

Lol. lucky present hubby sha. 9 years is still a gap o...how was the wedding day? And finding out you were preggers?

farydah:
abi?! first BF was after sec sch. I read lots of novels so we connected thru books. he was about 9 yrs older than me. he is still my good friend because I appreciate his respect and self control in retrospect. he was a uni graduate at the time we met but never asked for sxexex even tho I visited his home regularly. I still put my breakup with him to childishness on my part cos I just woke up and said I wasn't doing again and I guess he was too proud to beg. he is married with two kids too and says his wife still jokingly refers to me as a threat. lol. he's an amazing guy whom I respect a lot. I guess we just respect each other hence our continued friendship. we prolly still keep in touch because the relationship wasn't intimate.

Lmno @ just woke up and said you weren't doing again.

9 years is sha a big age gap o. Glad you're still friends and both married. what if he hadn't gotten over you since then?

Giddyperson:
Lol Farydah, so you did the kissing in front of the hostel too. My one time area of specialty, even better if my current 'victim' had a car for more 'privacy'.

we see you o:

master kisser
kissing champion
lip massager
carressing specialist
swallow expert
tongue exerciser

*wehdone ma

farydah:
my first BF when I was 18, my husband then one Yoruba guy on nysc camp (my relationship was verry shaky at the time and I was almost certain it was over so I consoled myself by kissing the short guy on 2 differnt occasions) lol

Lol. actually started rereading your diary so I know your Yoruba nysc guy. you sha forgot to mention he was short....or that you smooched him twice

ehya. glad you ended up with your current baby daddy sha after all the thick and thin..'

how come no stories about first BF? what happened with him?

farydah:
about the breskups, we agreed to either settle our differences once and for all or breakup totallty instead of threatening each other each time we quarelled.....and it actually kinda helped by making the relationship a ride or die thing. lol.

proposal ke? after doing pretend BF, prposal was just me going to Abuja for vals and him telling me he wants to come with his friends for first introduction on 1st of march 2012. lmao. na so marriage preps start ooo. hmmmnnn lest I forget, dunno if it was the excitement, but I left the heater plugged when nepa did their thing and semi burnt his small bachelor pad when I left*facepalm* the next day.

my sister, pretnd BF oooo. he suspected I won't agree to date him so it was the fear of being turned down that made him resort to suggesting pretend BF.....and that was how I was played. lol.


ahhh the GP picked up oooo. hhhmmnnnnn he was very studious and actually felt guilty about my GP. he even threatened me that it had better pick or we will definately breakup. said if I graduate with a third class, polytechnic graduates will be better than me. lol naso I situp sharperly.

Lol @ride or die. and the proposal sef. Chai but at least it's good to know he was geared towards long term and not all those jati jati campus chop and clean mouth guys.

hahaha. what if pretend boyfriend had got him brother zoned for life? it was also a risk o.

Lol @ the kissing in front of hostel veterans... wait o. which one was only kissed 3 guys in your life?? who were the other two?

farydah:
lmao Alosiby ooo. my BSs are inmy diary na. I tink I have also mentioned how we met. but based on ur request, lol, here goes; we met in my first year in the Uni. matter of fact, less than 1week into my stay. he was handsome to boot. lol. I had cramps but I listened to him. didn't shush him. we met a coupla times then he said he heard guys in their hostel talking about how they'd like to date me and he knows they aren't good guys so he'd like to be my pretend BF to ward them off and I agreed! my guy started telling me about how he likes kisses and I was like anywais naso we start oooo like play like play. we became an item. kissing in front of the hostel *damn covers face* ahhhh my GP dropped to 1. something sef. kai it was Cray Cray sha. it was intense and for the first and only time in my life, I was in love!

12years on(8 dating and 4 married), 2 breakups while dating and two kids later I can't remember the last time I heard I love u. lol. otherwise tho, the guy dey try. so, there!

awwwwww so romantic.... thanks for sharing. 8 years...wow. but only two break ups? how did he propose?(* giggles on all her curiousity)

but wait o. pretend boyfriend kwa?

Lol. talk about moves. Mr Farydah tried o.
hehehe. Shame about the gp dropping..I'm guessing it picked up eventually . see Rove o

I am happy with the gist ma. *kneels

Lol...we all wait in anticipation for #giddybaby.

@farydah no gist?? chai. upon all my salutation? . oya give us short of how you and husby met. or one of your BS stories. I'm curious o

farydah:
that is good to hear. srent u just amazing tho! my anniversary is today. lol so happy 4th anniversay to us

Happy anniversary o madam!!!
wow. it's been 4 years already? chai. mehn. I missed out on plenty wedding cake o. hope you and hubby had a lovely day. gist us if need be

Here's to many more awesome years

farydah:
hahaha don't mind me jare. good to know you are doing well. how's your sister btw?

My sister is fine and with my mum. She and I are doing long distance relationship so I hear from her at least once a week.

wait o. isn't your anniversary some time this month??

Giddyperson:
Lol Alos you are crazy, this is hilarious. I've long stopped work sha so water is not breaking in public and thanks for giving the baby such nice name

Lol. sorry o. Was being extra/trying to copy your writing style. Hope you're doing good sha. ehen wait o. no gist on baby shower

@fyngal1: happy long time no see too where did you disappear to sef?

@Farydah I'm fine. #wethankGod . lol. by the way the posts you share entertain me o. between you and breathing and giddyperson I feel like I've moved to the family section and bbnaija page....meanwhile when I go to the section on my own I never find such gisty threads and pages

'The BS'- as told by @giddyperson

I was walking on my way to work after my daily commute via keke napep (I'm too bougie for okadas plus my condition makes them scarier) when the first contractions started. I wouldn't have had to stress myself being last days to delivery but son of man had decided that morning to leave the house before me and take the car too.
Like he forgot I needed to get to work biko.

I had skipped breakfast because i was running late so grabbed the last few udaras in the kitchen before heading out. Lol. After the poop delivery I should know better but there's not much else I can stomach these days.

Back to B.S.. so contractions started and all i could think was to tell little bubbles to stop disturbing me. After all we must both make it back home safely or at least to the work toilet.
The pain was sharp but also didn't feel as exaggerated as all those nollywood films make it. With them Lord knows if the baby was holding a scissors and stabbing them behind the scenes.

The pain was spaced out and I was able to carry out most of my work functions. Of course there was extra tasks dashed to me hohoho. As if they forgot it was a pregnant almost due woman they dumped on. If only my colleagues knew I soon wouldn't be around and they would need to do the yeye work themselves. I couldn't wait to give them the satisfaction sha.

Around midday however the pains kept coming and going very quickly. I had messaged baby to hurry up and do fast as he could not forget my hospital bag. Hohoho. He told me he was ready for anything but said he knew I was just joking. I told him that was how I would just arrive home with a naked baby and no diapers from the hospital.

He eventually took me seriously sha. At least enough to ask why I was being so dramatic. *rolls eyes * cause baby is here duh!

Didn't wait long until my water broke. Was kind of embarrassed but what better way to announce to the office that I was going on maternity leave.

Was rushed to hospital and on my way all i was thinking was that my sis was at CDS. Who was going to clean the house biko? And feed the omugwo guests? Plus baby wasn't answering his phone so I was pissed.

Made it to the hospital to meet two fake smiling nurses. One of them had a loose braid wig and stuck her fat fingers down me to announce I was 7cm dilated.

An hour later the Dr checked on me and said I was 10cm. Praise the Lord!

I was later prepped for the delivery and held down while my legs were in the air Christmas chicken style.

All the screaming and push push I expected to hear were not mentioned o. Braids wig was just telling me to breathe like a hippo and squeeze the baby out of my waist.

I was exhausted but excited and couldn't wait to watch bubbles pop out. Eventually she came....i can't describe the moment or feeling cause she practically ripped my abdomen apart but seeing her (after she was cleaned up) was more than worth it.

Baby eventually located me and later was gushing at how much the baby looks like his grandmother. *rolls eyes*. My perfect little one is finally here. At last....all my days in the pregnancy thread have come to an end (well till next baby ) and I can finally start asking weird new born questions.

Breast feeding still feels weird but I'm getting used to it . Welcome Chinazam Ebube Alosiby Bright. Cant wait to officially send you on errands

Disclaimer :
The above was completely a work of fiction. Any and all criticism is appreciated.
dedicated to all the impatient waiters anticipating the Real B.S.


To my dearest @Giddyperson wishing you all the best and a safe delivery. This was written in anticipation and to hopefully make you laugh.

All my love

Alosiby

farydah:
lol. u shall deliver safely. I been alryt. more power to you

@Farydah I can't wait for her EDD too hope you and the boys are doing great.

@Fyngal welcome back your shout out had me giggling

@breathing stop eating agbalumo/udara jare o :-/

@screwface sorry to hear about your loss.God knows