Ignorant lot,

lexodus:

If he is willing you can help him out and if u dnt no one will.take heart dnt dump him for that silly xcuse.

Mz_Outside:

tell him how u feel and see how u can fix this together.


best of luck

I hear you both, But this is a man who's turning 40 in a few years, if he hasn't learnt to manage his money/life all these years, what chances do I have really of getting through to him AND I don't have the energy or will to 'mother' another person. For me, financial mismanagement PLUS lying is a toxic combination, I'm not prepared to spend my days managing him. Not to mention that I'd have to start with making him understand the value of truth - If he lies about anything (my subjective view), what wouldn't he lie about?, & if I can't trust him, there's no point to a relationship, let alone a life-long marriage. It's bad enough as it is right now having to consciously decide whether or not to believe whatever he says, it's too much mental work.

Is it cruel to break up with someone because he's unable to manage his finances properly? E.g. He's broke 65% of the time, when he does have money he splashes out on unnecessary things and the very next day (& beyond), he's completely broke with no food or transport money, etc., and doesn't even honour agreements between ourselves (therefore unreliable). I've known him for 6 months.
I can't even trust him when he tries to explain his position because I've caught him in many small, stupid lies, and some of the stories that he tells sound far-fetched too & open to verification (I don't confront him about all these mainly to keep the peace and keep on the look-out if the stories will be proved true, or if I'll catch him in more lies). And now he's acting like I dumped him 'ALL because of money!?' Making me sound like some kind of gold-digger, For the record, I earn my own living. Yes I get broke too, but I managed, I've managed before him and I know what I do with my money, I can account for every penny. In fact, he's told me that the money that I make in a month, he makes in a week (no documentary proof OR visible proof judging by his lifestyle).
My take is, if a person wants a future with anyone, they should at least be able to manage their lives responsibly, otherwise I feel like I'm gambling with the financial security that I can afford myself and running the risk of being dragged down by his obvious (which he denies) lack of financial responsibility. He desperately wants to get married and settle down with me. But the more I look at the situation, the more it feels like he's desperate only because marriage would benefit him more than it would me? I'd be his rescue plan. Am I being selfish?

They are having these children WITH Black MEN, aren't they? Well then, the question should then read "Why do Black People have children out of wedlock?"

iice:

Good for him. But no for me. The more spoilt the better

'Self-loathing' is all I can say,

Wow, very enlightening thread. Thanks!

True, SA Goddess.
Fortunately, perceptions are changing/have changed down here, I believe.
I remember when I was growing up (in the 80s), there was this Revlon ad (I think) on most magazines with three Black ladies & my cousins and I were just pointing out which of the 3 we like. An aunt of mine was looking on & when I pointed at the one that I liked she says 'How can you like this one with the flat (ugly) nose?"  & I immediately decided that I liked the one with the pointiest nose & she really wasn't pretty, the only thing she had 'going' was her nose (if THAT, even). So ja, it's insane!

I was a teenager, & an elderly woman said 'Whose child is this? She is so beautiful. BUT she's sooo dark!" Go figure.