madridsta007:
Hehehe.
I am a happily single man, Oga. Stayed off ladies to fulfil purpose. I’ve written a passage about it before. Now we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s critique your statement.

The experiences I’ve described are experiences from my friends. Persons I know like the back of my hand.

I tried to use the words, “may”, “likely”, “largely”, “less risky”, to suggest that my arguments was not a 100%. This is basic. Nigerian youths in Houston or Atlanta aren’t known for their ingenuity in medicine or sports because they are a small majority in comparison to the larger majority known for 419.

I use words deliberately.

For every 2 foreign women who are lovely, there are 10 who are something else. If we want to be honest, we know this is true.

The OP asked SPECIFICALLY for a “homegrown Nigerian man”. We know what that means, again if we don’t want to pretend to ourselves. That description comes with its good and its “bad”. One of those “bad” is inflexibility. Nigerians are like the Asians in that respect. That is why, in a small community of Nigerians, you will have a shop that somehow sells African/Nigerian foods. When the European come to an African country they are flexible enough to try and manage to eat their hosts foods. Usually, the “homegrown” Nigerian or Asian won’t do that. That is why colonialism was easy for the white man. They will eat your food and drink your water as long as they get what they want— your land and allegiance.

Of course this inflexibility in itself isn’t bad. But it’s imperative we recognise that this inflexibility exists and isn’t just applied to feeding, for the “homegrown Nigeria man”. It applies to marriage as well.

I hope this is clear. Remove the construct “homegrown”, then we can be flexible and liberal with the outcomes you’ve described. Otherwise we are just deceiving people here.

NB: A peasant Nigerian woman often, are terrible characters when you bring them as marriage partners in the West. Again, from the experiences I know. If you want to get a Nigerian woman in Nigeria, ensure that she is exposed and more importantly is TEACHABLE and naturally HUMBLE.

Else, you are better off getting a non-Nigerian who lives with you in the West.

midnighter:


All youve stated here bears only passing relevance to that stuff you wrote in your first post.

It may all be true, but you havent refuted what I argued against initially which leaves me to conclude that my assertions were correct.

A "homegrown" Nigerian fellow who travels abroad and starts bowing and scraping and behaving in a timid and stupid manner will attract equally stupid "oyibo" who care nothing for his cultural background. I mean, that "salad and tomato" jibe totally exemplified the whole thing.

Did your friend tell the woman he wanted Eba and soup? Or he was just squeezing his face while chewing the lettuce and carrot before slipping out later to one downtown Nigerian dig Only to come after how many years and accuse the woman of "bullying" him? He bullied himself! Smh

What is the meaning of "inflexibility" here? There is a difference between traditionalism and backwardness, though the two concepts naturally overlap.

Again, if he behaves in a typically chauvinistic manner alien to societies in developed climes, then he cant expect the relationship to work and he'd better stick with his so-called "homegrown woman" who may even also have her eyes open and still call him to order!

There are Nigerian men who dont behave in a crazy or stupid manner towards women and have progressive mindsets, yet still stand by the Biblical principal of commanding respect and authority in their homes. Such an enlightened man would not have a problem with a well-intentioned foreign woman in that regard, though there may still be cultural differences to iron out.

My point is that its true that marriages between foreigners and native Nigerians are often difficult, but not for the reasons you described.

Kingrefreshed:



Oyibo people don sabi almost everything Oga.

Once they discovered say you be immigrant from Africa they go change that their love matter to Dollar matter.

Na dem go even tell you how much you go pay so they came help you get your papers.

I have 3 friends and they paid $10,000 each in the US to white girls so they can marry and get there papers and you know what?? They girls took the money and disappeared all.

Oyibo sabi scam ooo if they want.

madridsta007:


“You sound so certain”. Thanks, there’s a reason why I am “so certain”. Can’t state it here.

There are successful and well mannered black ladies in the West. However, being “well-mannered” as defined by the West is different from being “well-mannered” as defined by a “homegrown Nigerian man”.

Those adjectives that I’ve put in quotations are important.

A homegrown Nigerian man expects his black lady to love him and their kids, cook in the home, be homely to his friends and family, etc. A well-mannered Nigerian lady brought up in Nigeria is likely to provide this. However, the “well-mannered” black lady whose growth has been in the West does not think like this. Hardly. Divorce, disrespect, “alone time”, etc, are norms you have to deal with. Unless you want to deceive yourself, that’s just how it is.

And no one should blame them. They are only blacks by skin colour. Anything else, they are not blacks.

It’s up to you. But these are the risks. Well-mannered Nigerian brought up ladies have their own risks too; but the risks on their side are less.
Other nationalities and races are good too; but we are talking about the “homegrown Nigerian man”, who wants to probably eat Eba and egusi and not salad and tomatoes for lunch. The “homegrown Nigerian man” will want to scold his child for misbehaving; the woman will want to “tell the child off”.

Can you deal with these?
Homegrown Nigerian men, can’t deal. Unless they want to lie to themselves. They will pretend and wish they married differently.

madridsta007:


Depends on what you are considering.
If you have family life as a priority, please go as a married man.
You and your wife will go through some testing times that, once you get through it, will bring you guys together. Career opportunities are less though, in comparison to single men.

As a single man you will be open to more opportunities, especially if you have a culture of high performance in your career.
When it comes to settling down, TRUST me, you are likely to find it challenging.

chigoizie7:
Unless you are going with your wife. Otherwise go as a single guy. Even when you are going with your wife , make sure that she can work as well:


At the end of the day, it all boils down to what you are going to America or Europe to do.

As for me, I am only out here to make money with my youthful strength, no amount of money is ever enough, but we can make enough to invest at home based on exchange rates. That is my own aim of leaving naija. I can decide to eat once or twice a day, I can decide to be sharing a room with someone so that I can save more In terms of rent and other things. Just to save some change, but you can’t do all that when you have your family with you.

It is a lot easier as you do not also have much responsibilities as a single guy. You also know that in those who years when you are struggling to get your papers, that you are also working, invest, build something in naija. Maybe some houses for rents. By the time you get your papers fully ready to return to marry, you will have something to show for it. Even when you still want to remain in the abroad with your family, you can easily call money from your investments in naija and live at least a good life. As a married man, except that your wife is working also in naija while you travel. You can’t make much. That money you will be sending for their upkeep would be useful as it will be going to investments instead of consumptions.

But if your plan is to relocate and live abroad forever, then you can go with your family, but it still makes sense for you to atleast stand a little on your own in a foreign land before bringing a second or third party.

cococandy:
The questions is unclear:

You’re married wanting to pretend you’re a single person?

Or you’re single wondering if you should get married before leaving?

In any case, it’s relative .

swedbase:
Come as a single man and your wife must be ready to wait for 5 years or more. If you come as a married man you will have difficulties in getting papers.

XaintJoel20:


The former. Married but thinking if I should pretend to be single.
I want to know if there are favours to gain from either (I mean being married or single).
Thanks

xtun:

has you take get failed marriage contract for yankee naxo i take get success marraige contract..it all depends on luck and your approach....

osazsky:
Where are u running to,u guys put us in this bubu mess we die here together

payperpost:


thank you very much , this is why I have not renew my international passport to married, I have been thinking and praying she change but keep showing herself , she know I don't like drama and don't want neighbours hear us argue and she's really taking advantage of that by screaming and raising her voice whenever you try to correct her or send her back, I can now do my passport as single but can I indicate on the documents in procuring my passport that I have a 4 year old son?

lordally:


Beautyaddy ...Nice lady

swedbase:
Come as a single man and your wife must be ready to wait for 5 years or more. If you come as a married man you will have difficulties in getting papers.

Isoduwa:
Stay in your country and build your state

Better days are coming


All the bad leaders will die before 2023

Then Nigerian will be great again

NEROSKY:


Please why is it hard getting paper as married man, explain please?

swedbase:

I made that comment base on the poster's question regarding his destination.
Where do you intend travelling to and base on what arrangement?
You have 80 percent guarantee chances of getting a permanent residence permit by marrying a citizen or PRP holder than any other means.
Asylum ZERO chance anywhere in Europe right now.
Study might give you only temporary

NEROSKY:


Going for study, so I'm torn between registering as married or not.

Don't know the advantage of applying as married or single.

(or if one get that place as married man what drawbacks can it bring to someone etc)

Yet to get the certificate, but I'm still considering too many options and what won't be a stumbling block for me in future.

swedbase:

Advantage in applying as a married individual maybe you getting approved because they know it won't be easy for you to change your marital status and marrying someone to obtain a residence permit. Disadvantage you will be limited to an option of getting it through employment after your studies depending the Country's rules and ETC.

Advantage of coming as a single is you will be entitle to marry someone who is either a citizen or a permanent resident to obtain your permit during or after your studies and stay permanently

Note. They want you to study and go home while you want to stay for as long as you wish.

NEROSKY:


Thank you very much for the insight, i dont have plans to stay in europe as final settlement for my family other than study but who know what the future holds?

swedbase:

You are welcome. Life is all about choices. I made sure my children are born in Europe and thank God I made it. I am very happy with the choice I made 12 years ago. Having an European passport is a very good achievement

swedbase:

You are welcome. Life is all about choices. I made sure my children are born in Europe and thank God I made it. I am very happy with the choice I made 12 years ago. Having an European passport is a very good achievement

NEROSKY:


Not definitely in Africa, especially Nigeria (God forbid) even as pan Africanist (we ain't ready to build Africa yet, all we care about now is to kill each other and follow the Whites master plans), I guess when i started getting some funds to make moves is when things got worse to travel for any reason. Most especially as a Nigerian,my brother its hell on earth.. But nature/Grace will place everyone where they deserve.

When i was in Rwanda, i met Americans, Canadian and many people from Europe who had move back home (Black & white) because they feel its time to invest and grow with the country. Rwanda have really really developed my brother.

But i can't say the same with my country, all i can say to them is that our own government is sending soldiers to kill my people. I'm very ashamed about talking anything Nigeria, though, at the bright side they love the entertainment industry about Nigeria, esp music. They host Nigeria artist at Kigali Arena almost everywhere 14 days.

NEROSKY:



One of my friend i ask to make inquiry for me, said it won't be in public database that i came in as married man, but i doubt that, even though it'll won't be on my passport because my passport is single. What do you think?

Well, anything to get me European education first for more enlightenment.

swedbase:

You are absolutely correct about the rapid development going on in Rwanda and some other African Countries except Nigeria. And I doubt if Nigeria will ever develop the way Northerners are going about it. No Country develop with such hatred among the components. Are they even sincere about building a country for all?? I pray for things to get better in the future. It is not easy anywhere in the world but as someone who was born in Nigeria and have had the opportunity of seeing different many countries I can honestly tell you that Nigeria is one of the worst places to survive not to talk of reaching your potentials.