Goodlady:
Justified. She's 100% justified.👍
You men don't realise that women don't like too much visiting from relatives. It brings unnecessary clashes. Moreso, will you lie that you don't v sex with your girlfriend? When your sister is around, will you be comfortable to sleep with her in her presence or you share different rooms?
Your sister is suffering from bad choice in her relationship life.
Assist your sister in getting apartment and settling down asap.
Your girlfriend is your future wife, you won't marry your sister.

But women brothers, sisters, friends and mama can visits as they like abi? And when we men set boundaries it becomes a war. Na wa

Exceed15:
I pray this your sister doesn't ruin your relationship/ marriage from this whole scenerio you painted.. she get her own for body.

U Carry ur brother go fight ur sister's boyfriend for house based on a sided story...wish we could hear from d guy.. no worry you go marry one day.

Bro see my advice I just gave him. The sister might be the one causing problem in a place she was supposed to build as her home and not disturbing Op.



I am not concerned about your sister moving in and out of your house as she like. That's up to you to fix man. What I am more concerned is that have any of you taken your time to look at things from a neutral view to see if your sister is the faulty one? Lately a lot of women are giving their man serious headache and lack of peace of mind for no just reason and as a result of this! So many broken homes lately. My elder sister wanted to carry that leg, our family sat her down and talked to her about creating peace in your home. I will advice yall call your sister and advice her. Nothing dey street for woman wey don drop one and getting older but if her man is the one causing the quarrel for no just reason then her walking away is justified. The reason I am saying this is because women are manipulators, quarrel igniters. When they start a fire for no just reason and get burnt they will wails "He beat me". As for your girlfriend, make her understand that you will set boundaries to enable her have her privacy be it as yout girlfriend or later your wife.

Wetin I no go see for Nairaland 🙄

jaxxy:


I sincerely have a problem with a girl that dislikes or can't put up with my family especially if my family member is not problematic.

I also can't accept a girl that shops for excuses to validate her reasons when she should know families and situations are different or is she just unintelligent to know that?

I can understand there should be boundaries in marriage bt in a relationship no so why is she demanding for such even before marriage? It shows lack of understanding, empathy and intolerance.

I will not deal with any girl who can't handle her inlaws in a genuine and fair manner as she will expect of u if it were her own family member in marriage.

Is ur gf wrong? Yes. Is this a red flag? if she can't accept she is wrong in this scenario then Yes it is a red flag.

Everything you just said is my sole reason for filing for divorce recently. The funny part is her family are the ones trooping into my home up and down, sucking the life out of me. My family don't have time to even visit you because they have their own life to face. Okay show respect to my family you hardly see na problem. It got so bad that she disrespected my mom on phone in fromt of me, just because my mom advised her to create peace in her home and stop giving her husband (Me) dramas. I kicked her out immediately back to her mama house! I hate rubbish!!!

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

You are a weak and stupid man for even bringing such matter on here.... How can you let a useless entity come between you and your family

Fking weak men everywhere.... You are a low self esteem guy...

Na this kind girl if you mistake marry am go poison all your family members....

Better stand like a man and draw your boundaries

First thing first. Please I beg you in the name of God. Dump that girlfriend now o .

If not your eye go see wen .

Lemme ask you this question if you run into trouble with your finances n there is no place to stay. Would your family leave you to sleep on the road even when they don't have enough money to set you back up at that moment?

I know you will want to say that for ppl are more dre for you than your family. And some bonds are better than the family which is not the case of gf.

She is practically being selfish even to your face. Please note this 90% of ladies are only there for their skin. That's why she's altering such a statement.

And yes she is 100% manipulative. She's trying to isolate you from your family. That way she's totally in charge of what you think, how you act, and your steps. .

Try this so you can see her true nature. Tell her because of what she said. That if you end up marrying her that you swear to God who made you that non of her siblings will sleep in your house and not even her parents n see how she will fight you.

Baba no let Bleep cover your eyes o. A lady that is not nice is not going to be nice in the future. She will soon try to disconnect you from your friends the moment she sees you value their opinion on some subject matters more than hers.

In the end, there is no perfect way to do these things. Na you know wetin you dey see to fit make you talk this one. But baba follow your gut. It is mostly right 100% of the time.

If your gut says she's manipulative. Believe she is. Because that is not the only case your subconscious mind has seen recorded before giving you this submission.

Ignore at your own risk.

can you tell us what your girlfriend is worth?
what's her occupation?

Goodlady:
Justified. She's 100% justified.👍
You men don't realise that women don't like too much visiting from relatives. It brings unnecessary clashes. Moreso, will you lie that you don't v sex with your girlfriend? When your sister is around, will you be comfortable to sleep with her in her presence or you share different rooms?
Your sister is suffering from bad choice in her relationship life.
Assist your sister in getting apartment and settling down asap.
Your girlfriend is your future wife, you won't marry your sister.

too much visiting from relative of whose family.

How are you sure the gf is not making a bad choice dating the guy, waiting for a disaster so she can become another version of the Op sister.

Bro end that relationship.
I don't have strength to start typing long epistle.

MansoryMX:


Bro see my advice I just gave him. The sister might be the one causing problem in a place she was supposed to build as her home and not disturbing Op.



I am not concerned about your sister moving in and out of your house as she like. That's up to you to fix man. What I am more concerned is that have any of you taken your time to look at things from a neutral view to see if your sister is the faulty one? Lately a lot of women are giving their man serious headache and lack of peace of mind for no just reason and as a result of this! So many broken homes lately. My elder sister wanted to carry that leg, our family sat her down and talked to her about creating peace in your home. I will advice yall call your sister and advice her. Nothing dey street for woman wey don drop one and getting older but if her man is the one causing the quarrel for no just reason then her walking away is justified. The reason I am saying this is because women are manipulators, quarrel igniters. When they start a fire for no just reason and get burnt they will wails "He beat me". As for your girlfriend, make her understand that you will set boundaries to enable her have her privacy be it as yout girlfriend or later your wife.

If we are to follow this Ur analysis, isn't same going to happen to the OP gf? Isn't she brewing problem already with her lack of hospitality because of 'space'...?

Exceed15:
I pray this your sister doesn't ruin your relationship/ marriage from this whole scenerio you painted.. she get her own for body.

U Carry ur brother go fight ur sister's boyfriend for house based on a sided story...wish we could hear from d guy.. no worry you go marry one day.

My Brother, I have learnt that most woman are manipulative. Did the man just wakeup and start beating the sister? Until my first hand experience, I now understand the saying: there is no reason to hit a woman as false.Correct statement: There is no reason to hit a lady, but you have every right to defend yourself against any form of beast (male or female). So women should learn to be ladies it will reduce the hits.

Also the girlfriend get for body too.
There was a girl I told a while back I can't marry her, she kept wondering why. The very first day she came to my room, she complained about my family picture on my wall. I never marry you, first day you visited, omo landmine. I just said true and quietly turned my green light red. My family raised and supported me for years, You don't come and wage war to take over.
You warm your way up to the most important person in a man's life by being supportive, understanding, and diplomatically peaceful. not by trying to dominate the man.

If you give your man (I mean real man) these three things, He will lay his world at your feet.

naijainstinct:
I felt irritated by just reading your post. Let me guess, your "entitled" girlfriend is jobless and adds no financial value to your relationship. Yet she wants to dictate the tune. Any partner that tells me or even suggests how I should treat or relate with my family members, I will cut you off immediately. Rubbish!

The post is quite irritating. The feeble mindedness of the op is staggering.

Reinamaria:
Since your sister has gotten herself a place and moved out, what is the point of bringing the issue here?
What do you really want to know?
I honestly want to know.

I wonder o

Maybe the sister got the apartment while the OP was still typing this story on Nairaland?

Goodlady:
Justified. She's 100% justified.👍
You men don't realise that women don't like too much visiting from relatives. It brings unnecessary clashes. Moreso, will you lie that you don't v sex with your girlfriend? When your sister is around, will you be comfortable to sleep with her in her presence or you share different rooms?
Your sister is suffering from bad choice in her relationship life.
Assist your sister in getting apartment and settling down asap.
Your girlfriend is your future wife, you won't marry your sister.

ode!!!!
wouldn't be surprised u the said girlfriend.....

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

Bros please I beg you in the name of God. Dump that wicked soul. This one will push you away from your family, she will isolate you from friends and family. You will hate marriage because of her,you will be all alone and eventually die of depression.

Reinamaria:
Since your sister has gotten herself a place and moved out, what is the point of bringing the issue here?
What do you really want to know?
I honestly want to know.

A wise and a good woman, encourage her man to be supportive of his family, a good wife should be a unifier in her home not trying to stop her husband from helping. Mind you life na turn by turn tomorrow this same woman she is complaining of might become wealthier than her husband tomorrow. This kind woman will complain of mother inlaw overstaying but her own people can live with them for as long as they want

These kinds of women make my brain foggy
OP if you marry her, ban all her family from spending a night in your home. They can visit and leave but must not sleep over.

BigDick70inch:


ode!!!!
wouldn't be surprised u the said girlfriend.....

Oponu. Won't be surprised you reasoned that way.

Collins4u1:


too much visiting from relative of whose family.

How are you sure the gf is not making a bad choice dating the guy, waiting for a disaster so she can become another version of the Op sister.

You v a point o. I advise the girl to not lose guard at all.

MansoryMX:


But women brothers, sisters, friends and mama can visits as they like abi? And when we men set boundaries it becomes a war. Na wa

I m not against visiting. It must not be too much.

Thermodynamics:

"Send your family away" That's exactly what the OP's girlfriend is saying.
Strong woman or bad woman?

I don't need a toxic, self-centred, do for me all the time kind of women please.
And I definitely don't need a feminist as well, these are not strong women, these are toxic women.

This isn't toxicity. When you marry, your first priority is your wife just as your wife's priority is you the husband. Visitations and other family engagements must be limited to accommodate more of your wife's comfort. Except you are the super rich. Take for example, a man accommodating his kins in a room self contain apartment or room n parlour. There ll be clashes. But if the man built a mansion or at least 3 bedroom flat, everyone ll be in his/her room or quarters.
I m a realist and I avoid future issues as I sight them from infant.

All I can read from your story is that of people making bad decisions and putting themselves in troubles left and right. You, your sister and your girlfriend.

Do not ever abandon your sister. Life can be funny. Younger siblings can stand for older siblings. Same blood runs in your veins.

As for your girlfriend, I don’t know what to say to you

Goodlady:
Justified. She's 100% justified.👍
You men don't realise that women don't like too much visiting from relatives. It brings unnecessary clashes. Moreso, will you lie that you don't v sex with your girlfriend? When your sister is around, will you be comfortable to sleep with her in her presence or you share different rooms?
Your sister is suffering from bad choice in her relationship life.
Assist your sister in getting apartment and settling down asap.
Your girlfriend is your future wife, you won't marry your sister.

Flip the table and imagine you're the sister of that young man....how will you feel hearing what you just said from your fellow gender?

You're not talking sense abeg!

If you're lucky to have made the right choice on the kind of man to marry, do you not have any sympathy for those who genuinely thought they made the right choice but ended up with the wrong man? Or in your world, those kind of ladies should go and perish because your kind are lucky and there's no place those the unlucky ones.


Women are the number 1 problem of their gender.

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

If you marry that girl, wave bye bye to your family.

Your sister staying with you or not is none of her business.

But, that girl will manipulate you until your family is completely disintegrated

Before you get married your family becomes priority after you get married your family becomes priority

Ade3131:


Flip the table and imagine you're the sister of that young man....how will you feel hearing what you just said from your fellow gender?

You're not talking sense abeg!

If you're lucky to have made the right choice on the kind of man to marry, do you not have any sympathy for those who genuinely thought they made the right choice but ended up with the wrong man? Or in your world, those kind of ladies should go and perish because your kind are lucky and there's no place those the unlucky ones.


Women are the number 1 problem of their gender.

I made sense. You are the one that can't comprehend.
If I flip the table, I ll be fast in settling down. I never said the man shouldn't accommodate his sister. It should not be for long. And it's not good for relations to be visiting too much including wife's kins too.

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

What is wrong with kids of nowadays sef, imagine...someone you are not yet married to, even you, codedly committing fornication. What is she coming to do at yyour place and sleep overnight (see finish that will make nothing more special in your marriage after). When she succeeds in driving people away from you, and eventually dumps you, your eyes go clear. Mind you, it will not be limited to your sister, it will be for all your relatives. Now to you, what happened to your sister (married) staying at her husband's place, that's her home. Whatever you have to give her, send it to her.

Our lastborn's marriage is just about 4-5 years old, and he has started seeing shege already. This was what happened too few years into their marriage, everyone read her body language, even me that's not in the country visited and I saw the signs too. Fast forward to a few years after nobody visited them, she started giving him hell, and he attempted suicide twice. His friend rescued those two times, I got to know him when I had a dream and saw my late parents run to inform me about the hell he is passing through (I know some of you don't believe in dreams), in the morning, I called my sister and she said she was aware of the problems but stayed away so they could resolve their issues, but didn't know it has gotten to that. Long story short, we got to know the full details from his friend. He has apparently moved out of the house built with his own money o.

Be wise! not all of them are bad, and it doesn't always turn sour, but be careful. Some of them are control freaks, because of what Nollywood has taught them, or what they grew up around, they are not giving in to any chance, and that turns them to control freaks eventually because they will be overacting and overreacting over nothing. Most of them overthink issues, borne from what they have programmed in their heads

eazzzy1:
Ask her what she wants you to do? Ask her if her definition of man up means to allow your sister sleep in the street or remain in an abusive relationship because she thinks she has no where to go. You would think as a lady she would be more empathetic.

She’s right, you need to man up, tell her you are not up for such trash discussions ever again. If she’s not comfortable that you care about the well-being of your family, tell her where to go and how to get there.

Her intentions may be genuine, she just needs a crash course on empathy and you need one on firmness.

I love this! Simple, concise and rich!

@Slime7, your so called girlfriend is selfish and too full of herself. Some of you men give too much space for women to even begin some conversations with you in the first place.

Every girl I'm with knows how important my siblings are to me and it's a no go area. If you want me to love you, love my people. The moment you begin to tell me to "man up" when trying to help my family, I have an adversary in you.

Your selfish girlfriend won't complain if what you're doing for your sister is being directed at her brother or sister.

Just stay firm and clear her on what she can advise you on cos if she continues like this, she might tell you one day to avoid your parents, i.e if they're still alive.

You can’t get a perfect answer.
Women are smarter than almost all men. You can never tell what they’re up to.
This would help. If she likes you, then the anger is justified. If she doesn’t, then you’re in for a roller coaster.

You can’t differentiate between a girl that genuinely likes you and the one that wants to play you

MansoryMX:



Everything you just said is my sole reason for filing for divorce recently. The funny part is her family are the ones trooping into my home up and down, sucking the life out of me. My family don't have time to even visit you because they have their own life to face. Okay show respect to my family you hardly see na problem. It got so bad that she disrespected my mom on phone in fromt of me, just because my mom advised her to create peace in her home and stop giving her husband (Me) dramas. I kicked her out immediately back to her mama house! I hate rubbish!!!

U are a thorough breed and wise man. A woman who can't respect her husband isn't ready for marriage. I don't who she is or who her father is.

U gave respect to her and her family bt she cudnt even respect urs. What a disrespectful and arrogant being.