noble4d:


I didn't get u dear But there is a way you can write that to be beautiful. I can teach you if you r willing to learn.

Noble cares

firestar:

I'm open to new ideas.

OMA4U:

If my wriggled wily way
rig the rigmarole reeling road
on ballot paper trooping day

Snail, shell; cadaver, earth
an un-renege rocky oath
between body and soul, birth

You shall be the drumming breath
breathe into my succumb nostrils
and dancing to your rhythm is my debt

I, the puppet piper play. On a par
with your dictating masked tune
of you, the idol and I, worshipper

A castle beckons on the outskirt of island
and dollars dwell with western made possessions
where you live to milk the blessed land

Your quiet face, godfather, will rule the populace
I shall bear no liver to erode or dare
say no to your heavy tongue. All the days

Of all my regimes. And I stand, power
intoxicated. Rig me in now! And when I grabbed
mantle, I shall erect a selfless jerichoed tower


suggest a suitable title, please.

noble4d:


Nice 1 sir...four sestet...but would have love it more if is TERZA RIMA.

AmiableJay:
TAKE NOT!
“Take not the flute from Unoka
Thou black minion from Gehenna”
~
Take not tranquil from Midgard
Or tavern from the drunkard
The curfews, called in thy honour
Curb strumpets off their candour
Hurls the brothel from the temptress,
Acheron’s pit from Heccat, heists
Thou art a black salvage that serve age
Through cryptic messages that mess sages
Then do you now thy carnage?
But fools call rage thy courage
To take cosmos from mortals
Defile fate and halts its stars
Before eyes behold their maiden twinkles
Flee Death! nemesis triumphs like wrinkles.
~
Tags: Timpaker, deflover, Firestar, Oma4u, Divepen, texanomaly, Tovot, badmusace

Divepen:

Nice write up

AmiableJay:
TAKE NOT!
“Take not the flute from Unoka
Thou black minion from Gehenna”
~
Take not tranquil from Midgard
Or tavern from the drunkard
The curfews, called in thy honour
Curb strumpets off their candour
Hurls the brothel from the temptress,
Acheron’s pit from Heccat, heists
Thou art a black salvage that serve age
Through cryptic messages that mess sages
Then do you now thy carnage?
But fools call rage thy courage
To take cosmos from mortals
Defile fate and halts its stars
Before eyes behold their maiden twinkles
Flee Death! nemesis triumphs like wrinkles.
~
Tags: Timpaker, deflover, Firestar, Oma4u, Divepen, texanomaly, Tovot, badmusace

Tovot:
Lovely , like the pattern , nice poem.

terza:
who is mentioning my name

AmiableJay:
TAKE NOT!
“Take not the flute from Unoka
Thou black minion from Gehenna”
~
Take not tranquil from Midgard
Or tavern from the drunkard
The curfews, called in thy honour
Curb strumpets off their candour
Hurls the brothel from the temptress,
Acheron’s pit from Heccat, heists
Thou art a black salvage that serve age
Through cryptic messages that mess sages
Then do you now thy carnage?
But fools call rage thy courage
To take cosmos from mortals
Defile fate and halts its stars
Before eyes behold their maiden twinkles
Flee Death! nemesis triumphs like wrinkles.
~
Tags: Timpaker, deflover, Firestar, Oma4u, Divepen, texanomaly, Tovot, badmusace

noble4d:


Can I comment on this?

AmiableJay:
TAKE NOT!
“Take not the flute from Unoka
Thou black minion from Gehenna”
~
Take not tranquil from Midgard
Or tavern from the drunkard
The curfews, called in thy honour
Curb strumpets off their candour
Hurls the brothel from the temptress,
Acheron’s pit from Heccat, heists
Thou art a black salvage that serve age
Through cryptic messages that mess sages
Then do you now thy carnage?
But fools call rage thy courage
To take cosmos from mortals
Defile fate and halts its stars
Before eyes behold their maiden twinkles
Flee Death! nemesis triumphs like wrinkles.
~
Tags: Timpaker, deflover, Firestar, Oma4u, Divepen, texanomaly, Tovot, badmusace

noble4d:



I don't know how you'll feel, but what you wrote is definitely not a sonnet. May be you are trying to write a quatern composed of 4 quatrains with 8 syllables per line and also has a refrain in different place in each quatrain. If the lines in quotations is not among the poem then its a sonnet...and looking at it with a noble eye, you disobeyed the law(s) in sonnet...The English sonnets has 10 syllables, Italian sonnets has 10 or 11 syllables, French sonnet has 12 syllables per line, and all with different rhyming pattern. I like the fact that you mixed modern and archaic words to portray your message...re-edit your work...thumbs up.

noble cares.

timpaker:
Nice sonnet bro. I wish I could write something like this. I consider sonnet a bit difficult to write though

AmiableJay:

I really appreciate your constructive criticism. I won't get into the defense to hide the flaws in the poem but the truth is that I'm well aware of all the rules of versification but I deliberately disobeyed them. When I first wrote it I had a normal free verse poem in mind but due to the cuttings and editing I decided to introduce a sonnet within my own convenience.
I'll try to transform it into a conventional sonnet though.

noble4d:



I don't know how you'll feel, but what you wrote is definitely not a sonnet. May be you are trying to write a quatern composed of 4 quatrains with 8 syllables per line and also has a refrain in different place in each quatrain. If the lines in quotations is not among the poem then its a sonnet...and looking at it with a noble eye, you disobeyed the law(s) in sonnet...The English sonnets has 10 syllables, Italian sonnets has 10 or 11 syllables, French sonnet has 12 syllables per line, and all with different rhyming pattern. I like the fact that you mixed modern and archaic words to portray your message...re-edit your work...thumbs up.

noble cares.

You're quite right bro. I didn't check the word count before terming it a 'sonnet', I only just checked the Shakespearian style he used and the iambic pentameters. (my bad )

The word count is what I hate most about it (sonnet).

But contemporary poets tend to flow with the rhyming i.e. ababcdcdefefgg; ababbcbccdcdee or 8 lines of abbaabba/octave and 6 sestet of cdcdcd (I think) scheme while ignoring the syllabic count which are mutually exclusive to separate genres of the sonnet.

I hope you understand moi?

timpaker:


You're quite right bro. I didn't check the word count before terming it a 'sonnet', I only just checked the Shakespearian style he used and the iambic pentameters. (my bad )

The word count is what I hate most about it (sonnet).

But contemporary poets tend to flow with the rhyming i.e. ababcdcdefefgg; ababbcbccdcdee or 8 lines of abbaabba/octave and 6 sestet of cdcdcd (I think) scheme while ignoring the syllabic count which are mutually exclusive to separate genres of the sonnet.

I hope you understand moi?

AmiableJay:

It's very easy bro.. I do mine by writing a large piece and then doing a strong cutting.

noble4d:

Yah ryt that's y I love sonnets and refrains

timpaker:


The structure of the poem is what I dislike... I prefer other forms and shy away from the sonnet.
You dey try oooo

noble4d:


yah sonnet is beautiful. most of my written poems are sonnets, and any poems with refrains e.g kyrielle and quatern.

mirrored and trijan refrain?

Yeah I love refrains too eg. Terzanelle and Villanelle (even though they can be quite tasking at times)
my fav.s are narrative e.g epic, cowboy, ABC, octavarima, terza/rima and other short forms, and that's cuz these forms takes time to write.

timpaker:


mirrored and trijan refrain?

Yeah I love refrains too eg. Terzanelle and Villanelle (even though they can be quite tasking at times)
my fav.s are narrative e.g epic, cowboy, ABC, octavarima, terza/rima and other short forms, and that's cuz these forms takes time to write.

noble4d:


Do you write ballad? Its cool too.

Yeah.. I do.

you studied/studying English Language in school huh?

timpaker:


Yeah.. I do.

you studied/studying English Language in school huh?

noble4d:


Haaaa i know my English is awful...

timpaker:


Just curious

noble4d:


Not English

timpaker:

No wonder!

noble4d:


No wonder wat?

The passion lit in your words..
Not everyone put effort into what they didn't study in full display and authority.
Kudos!