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Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by egobetatoday: 9:03pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
F50: thats fair enough. i hope u know that most of the guys on NL are guilty of communicating n doing other things with exes but they will come here n be shoutjng DIVORCE HER. i wonder how e dey sound for their mind or better still conscience. |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by egobetatoday: 9:16pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621: if he is deeply concerned as u explained things wouldnt have degenerated to this level. how will ur wife want to discuss something with u and u increase the volume of ur music?. he only came here to hear what he wanted to hear and he got it. i'm even suspecting he has a gf already. does it mean he prefers to discuss on nairaland but not with the person (wife) concerned? 3 Likes |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Mutendiwashe(f): 9:46pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
wagazala:It will always be easy for any 12year old child to come online and give advice on marriage when they have never been in a committed relationship before. Marriage comes with its ups and downs and if you always think of getting off the next bus stop everytime an issue arises be ready to do the same with the next 5 or 6 women you will marry. Show me a perfect man or woman and i will show you the world's biggest liar. Too many imperfect people expecting a perfect spouse. This is something that can be worked on my being more open in the relationship. How can a person remove his ring and still expect the other person to be 100% perfect when they have given that person a million reasons to mistrust or grow distant from them. To freelance777 if your excuse for removing your wedding is not either because you are allergic to the material or it was too tight, i would say you created reasons for your wife to find consolation in other people. You need to sit down with her. If her removing her wedding ring affected you this much, dont expect your removing your wedding ring to have done anything less to her. Find the root of the problem and fix it. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Perfect women do not fall from the sky especially for an imperfect man. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by abbey621(m): 9:51pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
egobetatoday: Stop it already with your biased assessment! I'm assuming you are not married because if you were you would understand that things are not always rosy like the movies would have us believe. Are you telling me the guy turns up the music every time she wants to have a discussion or is this a one time event in which she has chosen to capitalize on? If I was in the guy's position, we would already be discussing divorce or at least a temporary separation, the fact that he's still looking for advice shows me that he has not given up on her. I don't tolerate bullshit and what the wife has done is inexcusable, I've seen women sent packing not doing half as much so trust me when I say she should thank God she married a cool headed guy! 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Mutendiwashe(f): 9:52pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
freelance777:maybe you got into marriage a little too early before you became mature enough to handle it. Unless you are perfect you should be working on bringing the trust and openness into the marriage. You have to be mature enough to fix things that are broken and not just throw it away. 2 Likes |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by perry2020(f): 9:52pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
misreal:That's because both ur parents are matured,ur mum is very contented and knows what she wants. Am being realistic here not making excuses for her but trying to offer a solution. Y knt u treat ur marriage like a relationship,y treat her so nice and after marriage leave all d swt goodies of it.m sure ur mum and dad still chill out or have nice times,m sure he buys her gifts,women are different from men,they love to be showed love,ur can't compare women of ur mother's generation to the kinda women that re out there now. Plz reason positively rather than being quick to bash me. |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Mutendiwashe(f): 9:53pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621:we are assuming removing a wedding ring barely a half a decade into the marriage is excusable? So since other people would rather throw away a marriage for half as much it makes it the mature and sensible thing to do because some other people out there are doing it as well? 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by ideykwum: 9:54pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
Goldenboy007: |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by abbey621(m): 9:55pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
Mutendiwashe: It's not excusable but it does not give the woman the right to do what she's done. We are Africans, whatever happened to reporting him to his family members or someone he respects? You people keep trying to come up with lame excuses for a married woman to flirt around and I'll keep telling you all the same thing, it's pure bullshit! 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by ideykwum: 9:57pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
Read my comment and your two comments, and get a neutral person to tell you who is being egocentric, juvenile (not puerile!) and lacks exposure! I'm seriously tickled by your response! Goldenboy007: |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Mutendiwashe(f): 9:59pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621:show me where i gave lame excuse for her to cheat? If you remove your wedding ring, do you think its very reasonable to expect her to continue being a jolly good wife after having such an insult to her union thrown in her face? Why would you do something you wouldnt want the other person to do to you and still expect everything to remain remain rosy? You should never open your marriage to trials you cannot handle when thrown back in your face. Be the good spouse you want you wife/husband to be and see if you will not reap the benefits thereof 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by perry2020(f): 10:02pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
misreal:First of all you don't have the right to tell me to shut up coz am not talking to u,this is a social forum where we all air our views,if u ain't ok with my opinion then mind ur business and face front rather than tell me to shutup. Secondly must we always be so poverty stricken to this African mentality,i feel it's unexposed people that have such ideas coz if u are well learned u will know that u dnt stop doing what u did in a relationship just coz u have now married the woman,y must u treat her right during relationship and suddenly stop after marriage. Thirdly you knt come here and compare ur parents marriage to another person's marriage,every marriage has its own issues and the couples involved have ways of sorting it,ur parents are far older and more matured compared to a lady who isn't contented with what she has. Am nt justifying her cheating am only trying to create a long term solution to spark up their relationship and marriage.its totally wrong to stop doing the things u used to do during relationships just coz ur now married. + he doesn't know yet if she cheated or not if I can rightly remember. |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by perry2020(f): 10:04pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621:They are not excuses rather long time solutions and ideas the man can come up with that could save the marriage besides he isn't sure if she slept with the guy. |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by vague: 10:05pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
freelance777:you disrespected the marriage by taking off the ring and expected the devil not to play skelewu with your marriage? You are a very big joker! You need to stop wasting pastors time and energy bringing you together if you have no intentions of showing commitment in your marriage. Its not by force to have a wedding every Saturday. Stop wasting all of that money on jollof for people to enjoy on your wedding when all you will do with the marriage after that is play child's games with it. 3 Likes |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by vague: 10:11pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621:if you get bored in your marriage or your wife doesn't spoil you or she isnt romantic enough, you are telling me that in all honesty you will continue to be a loving loyal husband to her and you will waive off any temptation that comes your way? 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Moana(f): 10:17pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
One needs to be very wise about the kind of advice they get on a forum like nairaland. They will always be people with other motives. |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Tay16(f): 10:24pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
freelance777:if your ego is far much more important than dealing with a small problem that has hit your marriage you could always divorce and come back and give a testimony about the next flawless woman that you will marry, is such a woman exists. Quick question, why did you remove your wedding ring if you were aiming at keep a flawless wife and a perfect marriage? 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by abbey621(m): 10:25pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
vague: Yes! Some men are natural cheats while others have self respect. As a man I know it's my job to tell my wife how I want to be treated, I owe it to her to discuss what I like and what I don't. If she won't listen, I'll involve her family and if that doesn't work I'll leave her. The day my wife stops being attractive to me is the day I know something is not right somewhere and that's where the conversation starts not flirting or cheating! |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by vague: 10:32pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621:so now that a problem has presented itself in the OP marriage why are you giving a different vibe from what you would do in your own marriage? |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by bigfly: 10:34pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
perry2020: U are talking about sure if she slept with the guy or the trust broken by the action of the wife. The wife her self knows she has messed up from the tone of her response in page 4 but other ladies here on Nairaland just want to side with womanhood irrespective of the situation. Even the guy ask simple question which is. "Could my wife be cheating" and he explain the reasons for asking such questions. With people's response including ur self, it is clear that the lady had sown a seed of doubt by her actions and there is no reason to blame the guy for thinking so. The question I have been asking all this solidarity people here is 1 Can your spouse do what the op's wife has done and u will remain silent and still have trust in your partner? 2 Can your partner condone half of what op has condoned? One thing about Nigerians is that we tend to act base on emotion and sentiment rather that reality and fact, this usually make us to discard the truth when it does not suit us. |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by abbey621(m): 10:34pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
Mutendiwashe: You still don't get it do you? If a wife does not like an action by her husband for goodness sake let him know, if he does not change involve people who can talk to him. You act as if marriage is about tit for tat, if a woman should react the way she has to every little issue in her marriage, she would soon find herself out the door. By your reasoning because the man took off his ring or he isn't a good communicator, the wife has the freedom to flirt with another man, confide in him and who knows what. When did Africans start acting like the Kardashians? 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by abbey621(m): 10:37pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
vague: Wrong again, they are way beyond that stage. The damage has been done already, if I were in the guy's shoe at this stage I would have sent her packing but it seems this guy is a softy which is why he's on Nairaland asking for advice. |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by vague: 10:42pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621:okay im assuming you will be the "hardy" that will help his children deal with the divorce and you will be able to give him a wife who will be able to handle another woman's children and be the perfect spouse to him that he cant be to her. Arent we all always ready to give the easy way out when we know we wont be there to help people deal with the most hard times? Are you even married or have you ever had a serious relationship before? |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by vague: 10:46pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621:If African marriages are more stable why are more people running away from them and adopting the western way of doing things? |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by bigfly: 10:46pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621: Don't mind them, they were just looking for excuse for her. Does wearing wedding ring made her starts communication with her ex? Does wearing wedding ring made her saved ex phone number with code? Does wearing wedding ring made her to start befriending neighbours against her husband wish? Does wearing wedding ring made her to cook for married male neighbour and lied to her husband about it? Does wearing wedding ring made her to wear her wedding ring out in the morning only for her to hide it in glove compartment later in the day? Sometimes I wonder how people reason, but I know when sentiments set in human being losses their logical reasoning. 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Mutendiwashe(f): 10:50pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
abbey621:you clearly misinterpreted me. To every action there is a reaction, of you know for certain the reaction will not be a good one why remove the ring in the first place? A ring symbolises a union between 2 people and its only a grossly inconsiderate person who would think there would not be a negative reaction after doing something knowing every well it disrespects that their union stands for. So what you are simply saying is if a man is not a good communicator something can always be done about it to make it better but if the wife on the other hand is not a good communicator the marriage should be thrown down the drain? Clearly your idea of marriage is one-sided. One has to be at the receiving end and the other has to be the one giving, no 2ways about it. |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Mutendiwashe(f): 10:55pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
bigfly:if your wife removes her wedding ring barely years into the marriage, please tell us what your poitive reaction to it would be. How does ignoring a person's messages constitute as flirting with an ex? |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Brytawon(m): 10:59pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
egobetatoday: Phlegmatic temperament is an inborn trait and one among the four temperaments we have. It is hereditary and can be transfered to offsprings. To know much better about yourself if you have phlegmatic temperament, I'll advice you look for this book and buy titled: WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO by TIM LAHAYE. It will sure answer most of your questions. Back to your question, it is inborn and cannot be changed. You only know how to express yourself when you're around people who know how to motivate you and press the right buttons in you. The lady has to learn how to bring out the best in him by motivating, encouraging and support. This kind of people are not quick to anger but when they do, it takes much out of them. She has to be a very patient and understanding person to tolerate such man. She must also know that he's much of a jealous lover. Finally, she can press the right buttons in him if she knows how to motivate him. The best medicine for such kind of people is unconditional love. THANK YOU! |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Moana(f): 11:03pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
Brytawon:on nairaland this only exists if the woman is the one who loves unconditionally, its "unmanly" and a taboo for a man to love just as much, it has to be limited depending on how much his ego can take in. |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by bigfly: 11:04pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
Mutendiwashe:Madam did u read the husband's complain and the wife's response at all, the woman never complained about ring until her husband caught her with ring hidden in the compartment, she said her husband stops wearing it a months ago, husband said she saved ex number with code on the iPhone she abandoned over a year ago. Pls read her response very, it is clear her husband started misbehaving immediately her ex came in. That is why she said she now know why d man has been mean to her. 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by abbey621(m): 11:05pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
Mutendiwashe: You're still mixing apples with oranges! Let's simplify this; the man took off his ring (Bad), at this point the man is at fault, a good complaint from the wife or even to family members would have resolved this but what did she do? She starts communicating with an ex(bad), she took off her ring too( very bad), she starts visiting another man (worse), she cooks for the man( worse to worst), she starts telling the man about her marital problems (worst). Hope you are getting my point here, it's not until a woman sleeps with a man before she can be accused of adultery, for goodness sake you call all her actions a negative reaction, please don't make me laugh! Screaming at the husband would be a negative reaction, calling him names would be a negative reaction, even threatening to walk away would be a negative reaction. What she has done is a taboo, totally uncalled for and only a woman who does not respect herself would ever do such a thing! You keep thinking marriage is about tit for tat when in reality it's not! 1 Like |
Re: Could My Wife Be Cheating? by Nobody: 11:05pm On Jul 12, 2015 |
freelance777:Honestly bro, u fall ma hand. Ur wife doesn't deserve d treatment shez going tru now. U ve to defend cum protect cum support cum fight for her, learn to treat her rite. Women just don't go out to cheat, u mite ve pushed her to dat extent, wen she nided u, u were nowhere to be found. All she nids is true love and care cum listening husband, and once she gets dat from u, damn and man dat disvirgined her. Ma first babe, she had a guy dat opened d hole for her, buh wen I was in charge who born dat man to smell dere. What u nid to do now, is to draw her closer to urself and see how she becomes d best. NB: treat a woman as a queen, and she won't only treat u as her king buh also makes u feel as a god. 1 Like |
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