Good evening famiylanders, i'm in great pain as i write this.
i ave a stepfather,a mean and a man without conscience or pity..
my late mum told me my dad died 4months after i was born,so i wasn't really privileged to enjoy real fatherly affection.
my mom being a young woman, remarried this man i call my stepfather.

i cannot really remember if he showed me love,care and affection when i was still young,but as of what i happening now,i strongly doubt it if he actually had love for me....


my mom died late 2013, and that marked my trials.
when my mom was still alive, he was a little bit affectionate (i guess he did that to please my late mom,as I always overhead them quarrelling about how he treats me)
when my mom was laid to rest, even there from the burial ground, he started showing signs of his wickedness..

I don't know what I have done to this man that he resents me so much... I try as much as possible to give him the respect accorded to him but he treats me like dirt..

can you imagine this man whipped me just because I came back from school, when into the kitchen and took food that my step junior sis prepared, my God that day he so flogged me that I saw stars..

I didn't attend lectures for a week because of the pains gotten from the bearings..

I live in fear of maiming everyday of my life, sometimes, I wonder if my real father and this man where sworn enemies..
I don't care about the maltreatment, but the one breaking my heart now is my education, God knows this man whipped is wicked..

I got admitted into the university a year after my mom's death, luckily she had some money in her acct, and I was the only one who knew her ATM pin as she usually sent me to withdraw money for her.
I withdrew all the money into my accts that was my last resort to secure my admission as he turned deaf ears to my pleas to sponsor me through school..

I am in my third year now, and frankly helpless as my step dad doesn't even care a damn about my existence at all..
struggle to buy textbooks, handouts and all, in short, I would be better off as an orphan than this life I'm living

Can you believe the only money this man gave me for school was 4thousand naira for feeding for a whole month, apart from that he hasn't even looked my way..

my life is in shambles and on the verge of collapse. I wonder why God brought me into this world to suffer.

I have considered taking this pain of a life but death by suicide is a sure gate to hell fire and God knows I hate hell after my step dad.

Sorry for boring you all with my misery of a life..

my advice to you all; value your parents,siblings, loved ones.
treat them with care respect and love as you never know what they are to you until you lose them....

I know how you feel bro


be hardworking.


when you're successful in life, he will be begging you and asking for forgiveness!

Hmmm......so sad

I guess hes actibg dt way because u guys r not blood relatives.

wat abt ur mum or dads relatives?

Raydos:
I know how you feel bro


be hardworking.


when you're successful in life, he will be begging you and asking for forgiveness!

no you don't know how I feel at all..

As for being hardworking, that is already a part of me..

thanks dear all the same for the words..

What of your mum or dad's relatives? You know that this man is not related to you anymore right? You have to forge a life without him.

Sorry about the travails you're going through.

However, have you tried seeking for help from your biological father's relatives?, or your late mother's relatives?
I'm sure before your mother died, she contributed a lot to the family expenses hence buffering whatever your step dad brought home. Now she's no more, the absence of her contribution would be noticeable, and maybe he can't cope financially. He now has to bear alone the responsibility two people were bearing before.
That doesn't excuse the flogging though, but don't be surprised he's equally frustrated.
Try and avoid him as much as possible.
As per the 4K he gives you monthly, still be grateful for that. Some parents don't even send any money to their biological children in school. I know that may not do anything, but you can't force him even if he has the money. But have it at the back of your mind that he may not be as financially buoyant as you think.

What of your mum's sisters,brothers and other relatives?What of your dad's relatives too?
If possible you should move away from this man.

byvan03:
What of your mum or dad's relatives? You know that this man is not related to you anymore right? You have to forge a life without him.

I don't really know my dad's people, but I sometimes stay with my mom's relations in school and sometimes visit at their homes

eyinjuege:
Sorry about the travails you're going through.

However, have you tried seeking for help from your biological father's relatives?, or your late mother's relatives?
I'm sure before your mother died, she contributed a lot to the family expenses hence buffering whatever your step dad brought home. Now she's no more, the absence of her contribution would be noticeable, and maybe he can't cope financially. He now has to bear alone the responsibility two people were bearing before.
That doesn't excuse the flogging though, but don't be surprised he's equally frustrated.
Try and avoid him as much as possible.
As per the 4K he gives you monthly, still be grateful for that. Some parents don't even send any money to their biological children in school. I know that may not do anything, but you can't force him even if he has the money. But have it at the back of your mind that he may not be as financially buoyant as you think.

your last statement isn't particularly true dear..

the man is financially buoyant, but rather lavishing it on frivolity and his children..
as for frustration, he was always complaining even when mom was still alive

Op, sorry for all the ordeals you are passing through. Remember the saying "tough times don't last but tough people do". I don't want you to concentrate on your problems instead I want to concentrate more on your studies and focus more on how to make it in life and come out a better person. Give kudos to your step dad who gives you #4,000 a month, I tell you I know people who while they were still undergraduates were given #5,000 to school on first day of resumption and their parents don't send them money until they ask for money and this might be after three months depending on the duration of when the person ask for money, you can imagine surviving on #5,000 for three months? So do thank God that you have a stipend that comes in monthly even though it isn't much. If there is still something remaining from the money from your late mom's money, you can start a little business with it and as a lot of people have said here, go find your mum and dad's relatives, they should also help. Good luck dear

It's true. No one may be able to know how you truly feel. When the chips are down, they'd only be able to empathize.

But just try and
1. Look beyond today's pain, envisioning a better brighter tomorrow for yourself, that such sorrow you're passing through now will not be able to feature in. Especially as regards ur own future children.

2. Use this time to build your faith and trust in God. See pple may deride this. But as a chap who lost his dad early in life followed by nasty, fetish family splits (over properties & inheritances, what else?); mehn, I learnt to hold on to God for some things:
- His Prevailing Grace
- Mercy for Lifting
- God's ever-abiding presence / guidance
- Divine Blessings
- Unlimited Favor
- Wisdom, knowledge & understanding beyond the now and beyond one's years
- inner strength to go further, stay longer, strive harder and be at peace in my own company even when no one may seem to want me!

3. Don't because of what ur facing now be tempted into thinking "marrying yourself off" to some 'Made' dude would be the solution, especially if u can't ffind proof of real love either in you or him. focus on your education. Empower yourself first. If possible, start learning other skills and suitably marketable crafts (you're the type who'd need all the spare change she can get and also the type who shouldn't expect to come back and sit at home after NYSC. Know the scores now, ok?!

4. Stay calm and respectful. Live your best life in that house. Do your best to rock no boats. Live peaceably with your siblings. Y'know, you didn't mention any of your late mom's relatives who might want you. So pls, try ur best not to get evicted from that place now without any alternative accommodation arrangements.

5. Make enuf friends outside your home-base and make that one of your pressure-release valves. You'll be surprised how the age range of high blood pressure patients have gone now. Being perpetually sad and depressed will no only have adverse effects on your mind but your health as well.

Stay strong
You'll smile at last
Keep ur head up

glamoured:
I don't really know my dad's people, but I sometimes stay with my mom's relations in school and sometimes visit at their homes

There is no suffering that is not known to man. Just get creative, appreciate the little help you get from relatives and start thinking of how to stand on your feet.

Prettiepearlz:
Op, sorry for all the ordeals you are passing through. Remember the saying "tough times don't last but tough people do". I don't want you to concentrate on your problems instead I want to concentrate more on your studies and focus more on how to make it in life and come out a better person. Give kudos to your step dad who gives you #4,000 a month, I tell you I know people who while they were still undergraduates were given #5,000 to school on first day of resumption and their parents don't send them money until they ask for money and this might be after three months depending on the duration of when the person ask for money, you can imagine surviving on #5,000 for three months? So do thank God that you have a stipend that comes in monthly even though it isn't much. If there is still something remaining from the money from your late mom's money, you can start a little business with it and as a lot of people have said here, go find your mum and dad's relatives, they should also help. Good luck dear

thanks so much for your kind words..
I really am stressed up.
At the wake of a new day, he always has excuses when I ask him for a little money for school, but still spends on my junior step sis like his concubine..

Oh God..

chachanga:
It's true. No one may be able to know how you truly feel. When the chips are down, they'd only be able to empathize.

But just try and
1. Look beyond today's pain, envisioning a better brighter tomorrow for yourself, that such sorrow you're passing through now will not be able to feature in. Especially as regards ur own future children.

2. Use this time to build your faith and trust in God. See pple may deride this. But as a chap who lost his dad early in life followed by nasty, fetish family splits (over properties & inheritances, what else?); mehn, I learnt to hold on to God for some things:
- His Prevailing Grace
- Mercy for Lifting
- God's ever-abiding presence / guidance
- Divine Blessings
- Unlimited Favor
- Wisdom, knowledge & understanding beyond the now and beyond one's years
- inner strength to go further, stay longer, strive harder and be at peace in my own company even when no one may seem to want me!

3. Don't because of what ur facing now be tempted into thinking "marrying yourself off" to some 'Made' dude would be the solution, especially if u can't ffind proof of real love either in you or him. focus on your education. Empower yourself first. If possible, start learning other skills and suitably marketable crafts (you're the type who'd need all the spare change she can get and also the type who shouldn't expect to come back and sit at home after NYSC. Know the scores now, ok?!

4. Stay calm and respectful. Live your best life in that house. Do your best to rock no boats. Live peaceably with your siblings. Y'know, you didn't mention any of your late mom's relatives who might want you. So pls, try ur best not to get evicted from that place now without any alternative accommodation arrangements.

5. Make enuf friends outside your home-base and make that one of your pressure-release valves. You'll be surprised how the age range of high blood pressure patients have gone now. Being perpetually sad and depressed will no only have adverse effects on your mind but your health as well.

Stay strong
You'll smile at last
Keep ur head up

thanks much for the uplifting advice...

I appreciate

So sorry for your ordeal dear..
Try connecting with ur mother's relations and see what can come up...

And BTW lalasticlala this should head to FP..
If t aint snake,boobs,Tonto dike and empress njamah u ignore

Op, I feel your pain..

Just be strong and don't let his actions deter your academic pursuit...

He will surely be paid back in his own coins...

Lalasticlala food is served hot...

Just build on this experience and watch yourself grow into an admirable young lady...cheers

I knew a friend with similar experince, though in her own case, her step father wouldn't let her anywhere near his house nd she spent over six years in a far away state, with her mother's relatives. Her mother had two kids with the man but they never knew of her existence.

After her primary education, her mother's relatives decided they were tired of her. They sent her back to her mother but her step father rejected her and wouldn't eeven let her spend two nights with them. The man ws very well to do but he wouldn't help with her education. Her mother finally had to return her to her father's relatives. The same people who didn't even care if my friend existed or not. The funny thing is, that, the said man died when my friend was in her junior secondary school. That was when her mother wanted her back, but she was too proud to return to a house she was never wanted. That was when she got to meet her step sibblings.

All I cn remember now is that my friend hated him. When we were in school, she never spoke of him. Whenever she did, tears ran down her cheeks. Now, she is a graduate, helping her mum train up this man's kids.

glamoured:
thanks so much for your kind words..
I really am stressed up.
At the wake of a new day, he always has excuses when I ask him for a little money for school, but still spends on my junior step sis like his concubine..

Oh God..

You're welcome sweetie, but dear I wouldn't want you to dwell on the bold sentence because if you dwell on it too much, you could find yourself resenting your younger sister. And nothing would have made your mum more happier if she was alive than seeing her two daughters happy with each other and also forming a strong bond no "ONE", not even your step father can infiltrate or destroy. At least I have experimented that, I have three sisters who are the best friends and confidants I have ever had, so I tell you it's fun. Move closer to your sister and forget about her father's attitude towards you, she is also a product of your mum's womb and you both suckled on the same breast. And also take your mind from any stress, thinking and brooding doesn't solve problems instead it increases the problem, if continue to dwell on it, you would become an object of self pity and trust me, that isn't what you need, all you need to do is tell yourself you are a queen and you deserve to be treated as such. And you also need to make that dream come true by working hard and coming out perfect. Remember they say "when life gives you melon, you can make lemon out of it". See the picture below, it would be of little help. Good luck dear.

Very sad story That affects us all
Someone who hasn't been shown live will find it difficult to show love.

Op Not all men want to bring up another mans child for silly reasons best known to them. There are some crazy stepmothers out there too, and from what you describe its been an ongoing thing that your mum was aware of and he didn't just suddenly start yesterday and he will live to regret it.

My advise to you, is to stop hurting yourself further by expecting any love and affection fro this man. Zero your mind to it.
You are In your 3rd year now so not long to go
Try to manage till you graduate. Hustle as much as you can and look at any thing the man sends you as a bonus
Look at starting your own family and when the time comes invest in them instead.
Pele

vjsmiles:
Op, I feel your pain..

Just be strong and don't let his actions deter your academic pursuit...

He will surely be paid back in his own coins...

Lalasticlala food is served hot...

vjsmiles:
Just build on this experience and watch yourself grow into an admirable young lady...cheers

[quote author=vjsmiles post=48130776]
thanks dear.. a good morning to you

greenstar:
So sorry for your ordeal dear..
Try connecting with ur mother's relations and see what can come up...

And BTW lalasticlala this should head to FP..
If t aint snake,boobs,Tonto dike and empress njamah u ignore

Everybody is telling me to connect to my mom's people without asking me if they are all very financially buoyant..
and besides i hate inconveniences... hate being a burden to someone, no matter his close. .
Good morning to you

TiffanyJ:
I knew a friend with similar experince, though in her own case, her step father wouldn't let her anywhere near his house nd she spent over six years in a far away state, with her mother's relatives. Her mother had two kids with the man but they never knew of her existence.

After her primary education, her mother's relatives decided they were tired of her. They sent her back to her mother but her step father rejected her and wouldn't eeven let her spend two nights with them. The man ws very well to do but he wouldn't help with her education. Her mother finally had to return her to her father's relatives. The same people who didn't even care if my friend existed or not. The funny thing is, that, the said man died when my friend was in her junior secondary school. That was when her mother wanted her back, but she was too proud to return to a house she was never wanted. That was when she got to meet her step sibblings.

All I cn remember now is that my friend hated him. When we were in school, she never spoke of him. Whenever she did, tears ran down her cheeks. Now, she is a graduate, helping her mum train up this man's kids.

so sad a story dear.
We all have s story to tell at a point in our life but my own story has been sour from the very beginning ..
Good morning

tearoses:
Very sad story That affects us all
Someone who hasn't been shown live will find it difficult to show love.

Op Not all men want to bring up another mans child for silly reasons best known to them. There are some crazy stepmothers out there too, and from what you describe its been an ongoing thing that your mum was aware of and he didn't just suddenly start yesterday and he will live to regret it.

My advise to you, is to stop hurting yourself further by expecting any love and affection fro this man. Zero your mind to it.
You are In your 3rd year now so not long to go
Try to manage till you graduate. Hustle as much as you can and look at any thing the man sends you as a bonus
Look at starting your own family and when the time comes invest in them instead.
Pele

have heard you dear..
hope you slept well..
it is well..

glamoured:
have heard you dear..
hope you slept well..
it is well..

I just noticed that you are female
Pls that bit about starting your own family pls look very well before you leap and don't just settle for anything as an escape route.

Look very well and take your time
You are in a vulnerable position
Beware of destiny changers I.e bad husbands

All this is a phase and you will overcome

glamoured:
Good evening famiylanders, i'm in great pain as i write this.
i ave a stepfather,a mean and a man without conscience or pity..
my late mum told me my dad died 4months after i was born,so i wasn't really privileged to enjoy real fatherly affection.
my mom being a young woman, remarried this man i call my stepfather.

i cannot really remember if he showed me love,care and affection when i was still young,but as of what i happening now,i strongly doubt it if he actually had love for me....


my mom died late 2013, and that marked my trials.
when my mom was still alive, he was a little bit affectionate (i guess he did that to please my late mom,as I always overhead them quarrelling about how he treats me)
when my mom was laid to rest, even there from the burial ground, he started showing signs of his wickedness..

I don't know what I have done to this man that he resents me so much... I try as much as possible to give him the respect accorded to him but he treats me like dirt..

can you imagine this man whipped me just because I came back from school, when into the kitchen and took food that my step junior sis prepared, my God that day he so flogged me that I saw stars..

I didn't attend lectures for a week because of the pains gotten from the bearings..

I live in fear of maiming everyday of my life, sometimes, I wonder if my real father and this man where sworn enemies..
I don't care about the maltreatment, but the one breaking my heart now is my education, God knows this man whipped is wicked..

I got admitted into the university a year after my mom's death, luckily she had some money in her acct, and I was the only one who knew her ATM pin as she usually sent me to withdraw money for her.
I withdrew all the money into my accts that was my last resort to secure my admission as he turned deaf ears to my pleas to sponsor me through school..

I am in my third year now, and frankly helpless as my step dad doesn't even care a damn about my existence at all..
struggle to buy textbooks, handouts and all, in short, I would be better off as an orphan than this life I'm living

Can you believe the only money this man gave me for school was 4thousand naira for feeding for a whole month, apart from that he hasn't even looked my way..

my life is in shambles and on the verge of collapse. I wonder why God brought me into this world to suffer.

I have considered taking this pain of a life but death by suicide is a sure gate to hell fire and God knows I hate hell after my step dad.

Sorry for boring you all with my misery of a life..

my advice to you all; value your parents,siblings, loved ones.
treat them with care respect and love as you never know what they are to you until you lose them....

This was a difficult read.

Girl I feel for you, I really do but what can you do? What options do you have?

You are an orphan in every sense of the word and your step father feels he owes you nothing. The little he does for you is not because you ask but in memory of your mum.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but right now, this man is the one who cares for you the most out of your entire family, i.e: from your mum and dad's side. When I say "care", I mean performing the basic duties / key essentials of providing a roof over your head, still funding your university education (to some extent), and executes his role as a parent to you - albeit a very harsh one. But at least be grateful he's still there. Nothing stops him from throwing you out of his house. You do know that, don't you?

See, life isn't fair but we've just got to make the most of what we've got. Hard to believe but you're a lot luckier than thousands of others out there. Your mum passed away before you gained admission to uni. But somehow, you've forged ahead and managed to see yourself up to your third year. This goes to show you've got an enterpreneaur-ship spirit. You're also careful with the little funds you've got.

Just keep on pushing through and before you know it, you'll be done with schooling. You've done good girl. Just a little further to go...

EfemenaXY:


This was a difficult read.

Girl I feel for you, I really do but what can you do? What options do you have?

You are an orphan in every sense of the word and your step father feels he owes you nothing. The little he does for you is not because you ask but in memory of your mum.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but right now, this man is the one who cares for you the most out of your entire family, i.e: from your mum and dad's side. When I say "care", I mean performing the basic duties / key essentials of providing a roof over your head, still funding your university education (to some extent), and executes his role as a parent to you - albeit a very harsh one. But at least be grateful he's still there. Nothing stops him from throwing you out of his house. You do know that, don't you?

See, life isn't fair but we've just got to make the most of what we've got. Hard to believe but you're a lot luckier than thousands of others out there. Your mum passed away before you gained admission to uni. But somehow, you've forged ahead and managed to see yourself up to your third year. This goes to show you've got an enterpreneaur-ship spirit. You're also careful with the little funds you've got.

Just keep on pushing through and before you know it, you'll be done with schooling. You've done good girl. Just a little further to go...

thanks so much for your piece..
I appreciate everything you hv just said..
Thanks

Sorry.


You should not be afraid of hardwork then. I knew a lady then. She never went home on holidays. Stays back in hostel to work for people in town. Wash, babysit, factory work, receptionist, typing, projects, assignment, braid hair etc. By begining of semester she always had her school and hostel fees complete. Shes married now to a very good man looking at her now one would never believe she suffered that much. So humble she could wash her roommates plates for as small as hundred naira. Or you don big pass those ones?

My dear, I really feel 4 u BC ve been in dat situation but mine was a step mum. Today am d happiest person on earth, thanks to God just b grateful in any situation u find urself,dere re so many ppl dat u re better dan and dey re still living.

Enjoy every moment of ur life, life is 2 Short to waste on grudges and let go of what u can't change. Pray and work hard 4 a better/brighter future, with God by ur side u will surely laugh at last and ve a story to tell. I wish u all d best, so cheer up

so sorry dear.

I don't really have much words to say, buh be courageous and banish any suicidal thoughts..

pm me if u need someone to talk to.

veave:
Sorry.


You should not be afraid of hardwork then. I knew a lady then. She never went home on holidays. Stays back in hostel to work for people in town. Wash, babysit, factory work, receptionist, typing, projects, assignment, braid hair etc. By begining of semester she always had her school and hostel fees complete. Shes married now to a very good man looking at her now one would never believe she suffered that much. So humble she could wash her roommates plates for as small as hundred naira. Or you don big pass those ones?

thanks for your write up dear...good afternoon

mizquote:
so sorry dear.

I don't really have much words to say, buh be courageous and banish any suicidal thoughts..

pm me if u need someone to talk to.

I've really tried in this world..
don't know if I can continue..

thanks all the same dear..