Kagawa10:


You're not smart.

If you were, you would realise the man is already complaining about financial constraints and it's one of the reason that got him tired of the marriage and the continual addition of kids yet you want him to go spend his few money on a whorre outside? You should have probably told him to neglect his household and lavish on a LovePeddler who would probably give him another kid that he doesn't seem to want.

Trust me, he will take my suggestion. Divorce isnt cool for kids. Listen, go to clubs every night. Millions of men are bleeping around, when they come online they claim Holy. Why do you think people carry girls ? Na wa for una o

Don't divorce. A cousin's wife was as bad as that. The husband almost hated her but forced himself to bear his cross. We thought she had no ambition until her husband became a pastor. This woman suddenly blossomed, changed her dressing and became more active than the husband in church. People gravitate towards her more cos she has impeccable leadership skill. We never saw that coming and her husband just can't respect her enough.

In summarry, I'm saying, locate her passion. There must be a lurking ambition in her heart. Thru trial and error, you will find it. If she wants to start a little business, let her do so. Don't force larger ideas on her. If that's her passion , she will succeed.


I think you should also inform her mother. Mothers have a way of getting thru to their daughters. Subtly imply you may divorce her (but don't meant it o) if she continues the way she is and see her mother fight her to a standstill. A typical Naija mother doesn't want her child to divorce o. The mum will take on the fight and u may see positive results soon.

Lastly , stop comparing your wife with all these overpainted dolls. Appreciate her and respect her. Help her be her person , not your person. She is an individual.

Wishing you all the best.

Op, pls consider taking a break 1-2 weeks break from your family & everything. This will enable you to let off steam & the pent up frustration and most importantly, ensure you do not break down.

Should anything happen to you, your family will most likely see hell on earth.
You need to make your wife understand this, I recommend videos from nollywood to drive this point home.

Peace.

Billyonaire:


Trust me, he will take my suggestion. Divorce isnt cool for kids. Listen, go to clubs every night. Millions of men are bleeping around, when they come online they claim Holy. Why do you think people carry girls ? Na wa for una o

Divorce isn't an option, neither is your advice.

A whoore would only add to his problem and sever him from his family, it's just as worse as a divorce!

Did you actually think a LovePeddler would give him the things he wants from his wife such as contributing to the well keeping of the house etc? Of course not! He's going to even have more mouths to feed as a result of this and he could even have another kid from the said whorre.

Your advice offers no solution.

@op, forget nairaland once it is about marriage issues. The man will be at fault by default.

Even the case where the woman killed the man, many still spin it against the dead man.

Can't you see some of them telling you if you are just knowing? Others even claimed you may not have talked to her. They foolishly think nairaland is the first point of call for any issue.

Many of them attack the poster, forgetting that you just wanted get various objective opinions on the issue.

Most of them see things from their weaknesses and put you in a disadvantaged position from their comments. Some have been consumed with prejudice because of their own experiences.

In all, you have to be careful with nairaland.

On your issue, you need grace and wisdom. Pray to God and he'll lead you.

Realize that if it was by intelligence and mere human reasoning just like the way most replies are stressing, you would have long solved this issue.

I understand you very, and I must say I understand that some persons are naturally very difficult to deal with. Maybe your wife is in such category. You'll have to handle it with care. Many people will wrongly support your wife in this situation.

What I think you should do is, face your children. Let your children be your friend, invest in them. They may be too young, but invest in them set out money for their education, A special savings or something like that. Reduce house hold expenses greatly, no new car or appliances. let every expense be for needs and not wants, there should be no extra wastage or anything for anyone to brag about. This will take so much discipline from you. Your wife will on her own know there's no money for the smallest of frivolities and she will do the needful don't mind if she calls you stingy man, It's all defensive mechanism. You have to do it.

When she eventually changes, you may reward her efforts. Don't be confrontational about it, be strategic. As you implement this, nice ideas will come to your mind.

Kagawa10:


Divorce isn't an option, neither is your advice.

A LovePeddler would only add to his problem and sever him from his family, it's even worse than a divorce!

Did you actually think a LovePeddler would give him the things he wants from his wife such as contributing to the well keeping of the house etc? Of course not! He's going to even have more mouths to feed as a result of this and he could even have another kid from the said LovePeddler.

There is nothing he can do, his wife is an illiterate my brother. She cant even function in an office setting. This man cant associate with his class alongside the wife. This man can not even make friends that come home, cos he is afraid his wife's weaknesses will be revealed. She ties wrapper around my brother, who does that ? You want the man to just sacrifice his entire life and stay unhappy ? Am sorry he needs a beautiful girlfriend and a flat. But if he is not financially capable of renting a flat and having a girl then he is poor and should manage with the wife the way they are. Cos he is not qualified for the life he wants. Him own don be.

Kellibae:
Naturally Shez not d school type.
I dnt know where to start ooo.

I can feel ur pain... sorryop
But ill be back

Which pains? The guy never see anything. He want grammatical wife, huh That is where he will start begging his 3rd class wife to come back. Lol

This woman has not berated him, disrespected him, slap him his sleep, sleep with his gateman, give him imbecilic child or sick child or go fight neighbors. He is talking about grammar. How many people understudy others before they start businesses? For beans and rice? Why not give her 250k for a start?

He is truly enjoying his life that is way he sees these things. The woman has made it clear she is not a school type and that was how he took advantage of her before marriage

Martinez19:
I sense great foolishness and carelessness in the nature of the op. How could he not have seen any of these signs before marriage?

Either this story is a lie or the OP is a mumu of the first rank.

correct assessment

Martinez19:
I sense great foolishness and carelessness in the nature of the op. How could he not have seen any of these signs before marriage?

Either this story is a lie or the OP is a mumu of the first rank.

The signs were there, he saw the signs but ignored them.

You should have checked all this before you married her... Wasn't there something that attracted you to her in the first place? This story is hard to believe sha. Didn't you notice her background and how she was brought up before you married her?.

Now you want to divorce her after four kids? No o, you must stay and endure.

If you divorce her now, you will marry another woman who would most likely want her own kids. You say your salary can't carry the house expenses and you now want to compound your wahala.

Just get used to your wife and manage. As far as it is not a life threatening situation, accept it. You can tell her what you think but I doubt she would be happy to hear it and might react negatively but it's better than holding it in your mind. Who knows, she might make an effort to be better.

No one is perfect, we all have to make do with whatever we get.

wonukwuru:
I.

I am seriously disappointed actually. I dont know what your problem is to be honest with you. Abeg, she is your family now and there is NOTHING you can do about it. As I was reading, I was expecting to come about something terrible. Please get over it. Many men and women have worse problems than yours.

The only thing i can feel here is burden on you financially. Man, by default, men take care of women. Get that in your head. Stop complaining before NL mess up you relationship. This should not even come to the public at all. Matter of fact, this is the best time to be her best friend and best husband you can be rather than complaining like chicken.

Oh oh oh, you are waiting until she starts using dark magic on you before you realize your current situation is far better?. Your situation is pretty much manageable. Or you want her to start wearing bikini and attract men out there before you come to your senses?.

GROW UP BODDY

It was totally your fault that you failed to check this things before you got married to her.
Why would you want to divorce her now? You would tear a confined home. Your kids would be separated and probably won't get the best care they need... for Christ sake, they're your kids.
You probably made the biggest decision in your life and now you're feeling unfulfilled and foolish about it, don't be. From what I've seen you're longsuffering and hardly pay attention to what's happening. There's no more past, let her know your mind, about you getting a divorce or she gets schooled (period)... Take her to a counselor for counselling, probably a lady.
Good luck with your family

@op life is too short to spend on "if only I hads" if your wife isn't willing to please you.....despite all you do then please divorce her.....don't listen to people asking you not to divorce

Divorce gives you a new opportunity at making the right choices.

From the attitude of your wife I can see she had only one intention in life....marrying someone to pay her bills

Billyonaire:


Your advise is morally wrong, because the wife has not cheated on him, which is the only ground for divorce according to you religeous guys, and I believe it is still based on the lenses of religious periscope that you assert that getting a damsel is wrong.

The common factor outside the two wrongs are the kids. Kids are involved. When you divorce, you damage your kids psychologically. I will never advise any parents to damage the minds of kids by divorcing. I believe a son or a daughter will feel more comfortable knowing that the Dad is a womanizer instead of knowing that the Dad left them on the account that their mother is illiterate. It is unforgivable. It is the real sin.

I am not religious and never gonna be , I only gave reference to your post where you sited the religion aspect, your wife don't have to cheat on you before you divorce her according to me, fornication and love peddling is morally wrong, divorce has to be an understanding between the two parties, womanizing 'll come with a lot of bad side effects, illiteracy is just one among his few escuses, of course I don't regard them due to the fact that the marriage didn't just start today, its almost 10years,

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

I understnd the way u feeling sir, but she is still ur wife and she hv to continue to be ur wife cos u never know ur luck and the wealth u are enjoying are all because of her. Pls don't file any divorce keep on managing be correcting her one she ll realise her mistakes

You had better Man up and be Responsible for your family...

Your kids are still too young for all these BS

Penisinpenisout:


maybe you should start by getting a vasectomy
also, from what you've written you wife is not a trouble maker (and you are lucky) she's just not gifted upstairs
but clearly you are (and in some way you're not). you may have to come down to her level (i'm talking intellectually)when trying to talk about those topics that she avoids, because i think it could be the way you approach the subject matter that makes her turn down your offer to help

Lol at your moniker name, da fuq?? Peni gini in? Peni kini out. Hahhahahhahahha

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

"Mr" your wife need a serious help.....
if you fail to help her you will end up with a football team of kids
she will remain the dullard that is not capable of doing any profitable business....
too hugly or rough for your liking, you forget to mention that your house is dirty despite, she's not working
if you choose to divorce... ur kids will pay the price.
so the only (maybe) is to help her
how??
she need counseling (professional marriage counselor) for her to know that the highlighted problems are real and you will be the one to make this happen...
if her parents are supportive they could help talk sense to her....
if she is a religious type and you knew their religion leader is reliable, they also could be helpful...
if there is any friend of her that is reliable, fashionable and industrious, she also could be of assistance....
please if all this option is available use all because she is in an extremely bad situation....

it's worthy of note that your wife has developed a mind set that needed to be change...
she believed that she doesn't need to take care of her outlook anymore simply because she is a mother now forgetting, she was a lover before that and there are several girl with packaging demanding for her man's attention.
she also believed that it's your sole responsibility to take care of her and the kids with which you are capable... she will not listen to you if you try to pasuade her so let the aforementioned people do the work
divorce is not the answer.. acceptability is about 50% in a marriage it's something to hold onto when love,understanding tolerance fail. hold onto it now and help open her eye again
she only needs help, and if you help her you help your kids and save your life...

thanks

Billyonaire:


There is nothing he can do, his wife is an illiterate my brother. She cant even function in an office setting. This man cant associate with his class alongside the wife. This man can not even make friends that come home, cos he is afraid his wife's weaknesses will be revealed. She ties wrapper around my brother, who does that ? You want the man to just sacrifice his entire and stay unhappy ? Am sorry he needs a beautiful girlfriend and a flat. But if he is not financially capable of renting a flat and having a girl then he is poor and should manage with the wife the way they are. Cos he is not qualified for the life he wants. Him own don be.

Well, the high time he saw she can't function in an office setting, the better for him!

Something must have attracted her to him in the first place anyway. The real problem I can see here is that he's tired of bearing the burden of the whole household and it's the reason he's been foisting one profession or another on her only to discover she's not qualified for it nor academically sound to further her studies for such profession.

I also believe the fact that she has no where to go and stays home all day is one of the reason she's used to wrappers and always seen in it. If she's provided a small scale business where she often goes, she will probably change that habit.

Whichever ways, one of the major problem is the over dependence on him and if he's already complaining of that, a LovePeddler will only add to it. Whorees are even far worse in that aspect because at least, his family dependence on him is part of his responsibility. Compare that to a LovePeddler who has no ties to him except to get money off him. She could even sever him completely from his family!

Hummm...this is serious. Your wife is not the book type...Just establish her in whatever business she chooses.....
Get her a private tutor, buy her the type of dresses you love to see her wear....infact...love her and help her bring out the best in her

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Op I think ur wife has zero motivation and ambition and after sm pondering on ur senario I can tell u exactly y.
1. I believe she wasn't like this b4 or Atleast not this bad bt due to ur presence and ability to provide readily she has gotten to comfortable and is now in her comfort zone(aka Lazy). Similar thing happened to a frnd of mine. Wen he got married to her she. Ws working in a bank bt after she put to bed she refused to work again tho she's brilliant and speaks well. This put a strain on my guy financially. He talked and talked she no gree listen. Wat Ws d remedy(not divorce bro) he simply told her he's relocating to SA. Gave he d basic things she need to survive for awhile of off he goes to pursue his carrier. If she like make she no sit up and find job. Lol

2. Most people with this type of attitude are just happy dependants either from parents or spouse so the loose self motivation. I once met a gal who's late dad had properties and since she Ws a landlord she basically saw no reason to work or even pursue her dreams. I tried to motivate her bt she won't listen, I Ws gona date her bt I lost the interest rite there cos I like motivated people.

3. Solution is not to divorce her bt to find a way to put her on her toes and make her sit up and act youth like again. Dats ur Homework.

Cheers and goodluck

"I am adult married to a lady of 35years". @OP tell us ur real age instead of hiding it. I don't know Nigerian men hide dere age as if it is something superb. Ur age myt a contributory factor to ur marriage hitch. quote author=wonukwuru post=52500821]I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.[/quote]

You fit in perfectly to a man she wanted in her life cos there wasn't anytime family LACK anything that would have provoked her to think deeply about the future--- abt need to CONTRIBUTE to upkeep of family.
To me, you can THREATEN her with the DIVORCE to make her sit up!!
On d issue of kids, such woman never consider the IMPLICATIONS of having "too many kids" until when the single hand providing couldn't continue. She may have made up her mind to Av KIDSas long as she's not in MENOPAUSE!! DISCIPLINE YOURSELF!!

Lagban:
"I am adult married to a lady of 35years". @OP tell us ur real age instead of hiding it. I don't know Nigerian men hide dere age as if it is something superb. Ur age myt a contributory factor to ur marriage hitch. quote author=wonukwuru post=52500821]I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

With all your sense, you are still looking for solution on naira land.

Gerrahia

See face your problem ooo cos nobody forced you to marry her ooo so no come dey disturb our peace here. If I hear peem again from you, you no go like wetin I go do you ooo. Na 2017 we dey so no bring 9yrs ago palava come here

lofty900:
If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

You just shot Goodluck Jonathan on his leg he won't like this

FreeSpirited:
Abeg who dey fvck her?......deliberately take in?...When raw dey sweet you and u dey pour everytin inside...she force u?

God bless you bro! Him see toto, forget all this and complaining 10 years, me wey bi say my own woman as not even work since 2007, walahi, I no complain, I just bin dey work harder and inside, I quickly put home my plan on 2 bedroom bungalow to avoid rent shame in first place, this man need to learn to cut his expenses and build a home, get a shop for his woman, 3 kids no bi bean nah for him, he should stop complaining, na him cross,make him carry ham. Io chose beauty over intelligent and my own don bi self.

Billyonaire:
Finally, someone recognizes who I am. But let me ask you. This is an illustration, dont take it personal. If you grew up without a Dad and you ask your mum while your Dad divorce and left you guys. And her response is that your Dad divorce her because she is illiterate, how will you feel ? Then compare to knowing that your Dad comes home every weekend but has a girlfriend. Listen, this is the core reason many men womanize. It is not actually because their wives can not write, it is because most wives have failed the calibration that their husbands expected. That is why they find in other women, what their wives lack. This is why prostitution is the most lucrative untaxed industry in the world.

Thanks for calling a Devil once again.

To the eyes of a child,each scenario is just as hurtful as the other. You are talking comparative, but then in that context, one has to experience both to decipher which hurt less...an exercise impossible in this case.

delishpot:


If a woman had made the complain OP made, would you ask her to leave?

Definitely. People always living other people's life for them. What's obvious is the fact that, the woman is irritating the man. One shouldn't be irritated by his or her spouse. One should be excited. One should be playful. One should be filled happiness even through the struggles.

Irritation is a no no.

damola1:


Definitely. People always living other people's life for them. What's obvious is the fact that, the woman is irritating the man. One shouldn't be irritated by his or her spouse. One should be excited. One should be playful. One should be filled happiness even through the struggles.

Irritation is a no no.

True that.

alizma:

leave beauty alone you people will not hear. I am sure your wife hasn't changed but you have. you can't tell me your wife pretended to be brilliant or smart while you were dating her, abi she borrowed the English she was speaking while you were dating her?
secondly you are a little selfish, you are more concerned about what you want her to be and not what she wants to be. if you must change her, you must giver listening ears first. she wants to start a business in a little way and grow but you just want it boom at once. why not agree to her term and give her 500k to start with?

There's a way you put your write up that touched me. I feel like I love you...

TheInquisitor:
I was laughing while reading this story. You know why? This is my brother's story. In fact,I have a feeling this OP could be my brother but changed some lines in order not to be too obvious.

Lol. I laugh with you.