wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

lofty900:
If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Sacluxpaint:
The man wants to enjoy his marriage not endure it and for those insulting him, you should go to 2go chat room, this is an adult issue. @op start loving your wife, there was a reason you got attracted to her had 3kids after, if you divorce her, you would destabilize your kids. Kids from broken homes are not balanced.

Billyonaire:
This is a clear case of 2 people who struggled together. If your wife can not write then she is not a graduate, except you were in the school with her, if not, she has been lying to you all along. If her aural English is okay then I am convinced she went to School, if not, I conclude the woman is just an academic illliterate. Sorry for using the word, but what are you thinking ? A woman that can not write can not pass PGD and Masters. DOnt you understand that she is becoming pregnant just to avoid the embarrasement of going to school ?

Listen, this woman got your back while you guys struggled and things are going good and you deserve a better life and your wife is not catching up and she doesnt meet up with the class you so desire. Your own don be. This is not about you, when kids are involved you must evaluate your actions. DO NOT DIVORCE! If you want to live that glamorous life you want, then you need alter your thinking process and morality to enjoy the life you deserve.

Since your wife as decided she is okay the way she is, there is nothing you can do than to enjoy that life while remaining in that marriage for the kids.

You were planning divorce right ? Well, that is a sin in Christianity especially since your wife has not cheated on you. So let me offer you an alternative sinful idea that will save your marriage. This plan will save your marriage while giving you the life you want.

I believe you financially okay. You need to get that shop for your wife, stock it up and handover the keys to her then you need to rent a nice flat somewhere and you got to be smart to tell her that you have been transferred to another branch, then since you got her a shop she will be very busy and excited, engaged in the business and the life of the kids to monitor you. It is in this new flat of yours, that you will get a beautiful damsel, exactly the specs that you want and enjoy your life and visit wife and family at weekends..

Thank me later.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

wonukwuru:
I have taken time to read all your wonderful comments, even though some are very insulting. For crying out loud, why will come online to discuss my family if I don't need a solution? I said in my post that my wife deliberately takes in anytime I remind her of what to do to assist in the family. Some of you are asking if I'm not the person doing it and why don't I use condom. For your information, my wife is the type that does not like her husband using condom on her. In fact, the day she saw condom in the house, she went to our pastor to report me that I'm using it outside. Her reasoning is that anybody with a condom is an "ashawo". On the other issue, it's not as if I never noticed her academic backwardness during our courtshithough my thought was that she will improve beside, she had over 2years extra for a course of 4years and by then we are already married. So, how could I have known that she will graduate with 3rd class? Believe me guys, I cannot lie against her on this platform. All I have said is nothing but the truth. Ok, tell me, will I stop sleeping with my wife? I have even complained to the sisters. I did not initiate this post to be rediculed, all I need is matured advice on how to handle the situation. Agreed, I made a mistake by marrying her in the first place, but it has already happened, what do I do? I'm not foolish or careless as somebody commented above.

wonukwuru:
I have taken time to read all your wonderful comments, even though some are very insulting. For crying out loud, why will come online to discuss my family if I don't need a solution? I said in my post that my wife deliberately takes in anytime I remind her of what to do to assist in the family. Some of you are asking if I'm not the person doing it and why don't I use condom. For your information, my wife is the type that does not like her husband using condom on her. In fact, the day she saw condom in the house, she went to our pastor to report me that I'm using it outside. Her reasoning is that anybody with a condom is an "ashawo". On the other issue, it's not as if I never noticed her academic backwardness during our courtshithough my thought was that she will improve beside, she had over 2years extra for a course of 4years and by then we are already married. So, how could I have known that she will graduate with 3rd class? Believe me guys, I cannot lie against her on this platform. All I have said is nothing but the truth. Ok, tell me, will I stop sleeping with my wife? I have even complained to the sisters. I did not initiate this post to be rediculed, all I need is matured advice on how to handle the situation. Agreed, I made a mistake by marrying her in the first place, but it has already happened, what do I do? I'm not foolish or careless as somebody commented above.

Billyonaire:
This is a clear case of 2 people who struggled together. If your wife can not write then she is not a graduate, except you were in the school with her, if not, she has been lying to you all along. If her aural English is okay then I am convinced she went to School, if not, I conclude the woman is just an academic illliterate. Sorry for using the word, but what are you thinking ? A woman that can not write can not pass PGD and Masters. DOnt you understand that she is becoming pregnant just to avoid the embarrasement of going to school ?

Listen, this woman got your back while you guys struggled and things are going good and you deserve a better life and your wife is not catching up and she doesnt meet up with the class you so desire. Your own don be. This is not about you, when kids are involved you must evaluate your actions. DO NOT DIVORCE! If you want to live that glamorous life you want, then you need alter your thinking process and morality to enjoy the life you deserve.

Since your wife as decided she is okay the way she is, there is nothing you can do than to enjoy that life while remaining in that marriage for the kids.

You were planning divorce right ? Well, that is a sin in Christianity especially since your wife has not cheated on you. So let me offer you an alternative sinful idea that will save your marriage. This plan will save your marriage while giving you the life you want.

I believe you financially okay. You need to get that shop for your wife, stock it up and handover the keys to her then you need to rent a nice flat somewhere and you got to be smart to tell her that you have been transferred to another branch, then since you got her a shop she will be very busy and excited, engaged in the business and the life of the kids to monitor you. It is in this new flat of yours, that you will get a beautiful damsel, exactly the specs that you want and enjoy your life and visit wife and family at weekends..

Thank me later.

lofty900:
If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

BlueWizAngel:
I understand d OP sha dis shit can b painful, d story below happened to my friend, I copied what I sent to someone b4 4 advice so it maybe a little wierd but u should get d idea


So I have this friend, that's in a difficult position right now, the thing is he has this girlfriend that he has been dating for almost 2yrs now, but alot has not been right, firstly he got into university and given that the girl has supposedly finished sec. school, he was always pushing her to know when she will right Jamb and apply for the university, she told him she was attending the lesson but one year past and she didn't apply for Jamb he asked her why and she said her mum actually told her to enrol for adult lesson, and she didn't say why, actually she told him she will tell him everything latter but the bro couldn't wait for an extra year to know what's up, well to cut the long story short he started to make plans to break up with her, truthfully not becus of this whole thing but he just wasn't feeling the drive anymore, then somedays back he went to her with the strategy of that same topic, hoping that if she hesitates he will capitalise on it and break up d whole thing, unfortunately the girl opened up, and the thing is according to him she said the reason why she's going to adult lesson and why she has refused to tell him anything, was becus she doesn't know how to read, now my friend couldn't go through with the break up, but he really wants to do it, he just doesn't want to send the message of am breaking up with you becus u don't know how to read


and dis girl tries to speak reasonable english so it was difficult finding out about her shortcomings plus she sends very short text messages once in a while, people like dis know their faults and they work hard to cover their tracks. Plus dey can be annoying in relation to goals and aspirations.

klassic:
@Op , the problem is 99% your fault and 1% her fault. You have gradually with your incessant complains and comparative life style eroded any self esteem or self worth she has left.
Now lemme explain a little, I suppose from the begining of the courtship/early marriage , it was not so until you gradually made it so.
The major problem is see here is she is never enough in your sight, she is always inferior no matter what she does, you don't ever appreciate her, encourage her, talk nicely to her inner person or make her feel adequate. She is your first daughter as well as your wife. She honestly wanted to her at the initial stage, but you never really sought her ideal on how she wants to live her life as your co-pilot. You have dictacted the direction of her life either because you are domineering and always feels you know better. It only gets worse.
She is at the rebellion stage where she does that which she knows you hate, just to get back to you. You have stripped her of her dignity as a person and this is the only weapon she has left to fight.
From your diction, one could simply infer you are the social type and you ain't proud of her perhaps you married her out of pity cos she sacrificed for you or something not out of unconditional love. You seldomly take her out cos you are afraid she will embarrass you. You are not proud of her enough to showcase her to the world . You want a classy, sexy, brilliant , well read, and perhaps independent woman you will be so proud to showcase to your friends and colleagues at parties , functions, etc.
Truth is you had raw gold and you missed it. I am speaking from experience cos I married an SSCE holder who speaks her mind and I used to feel this way, but I discovered earlier enough I was making a blunder the day she said" I know I will never be adequate for you, I know you won't show me to your friends cos you think I know nothing and can't even speak good english. Anyway live your life, have girlfriends like you have always done and leave me let me be"
That was when I realised I was her mentor, teacher , and what she becomes I have huge role to play.
You have psychologically conditioned her to live the kind of life you think is best for her and not the kind of life she wants. Hope this ain't happening to the kids too?
Keeps your intellectuals out of this, start from this, buy her a trendy cloth with accessories to match on a Friday or so, have someone baby sit your kids, take her to dinner, then to see some Friday night movies or what ever She used to like back then. Just take her out and come back home , book a lodge and have a heart to heart talk with her. Apologise to her cos you owe her one, find out how she wants to live her life. If it's the food stuffs, let her start small, help her manage her sales book not by dictating how it should be done, but by advising and playing a supportive role and watch her grow. After 6 months to a year , rather than give her the rest of the balance to dev into wholesales make it look like a loan from a bank. She must always pay back and motivate her. Stop making her wanna try or live your life . Thanks.

Sorry it's long or I took it personal. I once lived the life of another. @Op , if I came out strong , my aplogies , I feel we should tell ourselves the truth. Divorce is not the answer, I have handled several divorce matters and I came from one technically. It only creates a void nothing can ever fill. Cos you will also admits she has a great side other women don't have. When you see a lady with what your wife lacks, she might not have her good side , and then you want someone with her good side again. It's a rat race. Fix this marriage and make it work. After all the good talk, gradually take her shopping as friends and buy some few clothes .Don't over do this cos soon u will complain she dresses like a harlot cos she might over do it just to please you. Be moderate in all. Thanks.

klassic:
@Op , the problem is 99% your fault and 1% her fault. You have gradually with your incessant complains and comparative life style eroded any self esteem or self worth she has left.
Now lemme explain a little, I suppose from the begining of the courtship/early marriage , it was not so until you gradually made it so.
The major problem is see here is she is never enough in your sight, she is always inferior no matter what she does, you don't ever appreciate her, encourage her, talk nicely to her inner person or make her feel adequate. She is your first daughter as well as your wife. She honestly wanted to her at the initial stage, but you never really sought her ideal on how she wants to live her life as your co-pilot. You have dictacted the direction of her life either because you are domineering and always feels you know better. It only gets worse.
She is at the rebellion stage where she does that which she knows you hate, just to get back to you. You have stripped her of her dignity as a person and this is the only weapon she has left to fight.
From your diction, one could simply infer you are the social type and you ain't proud of her perhaps you married her out of pity cos she sacrificed for you or something not out of unconditional love. You seldomly take her out cos you are afraid she will embarrass you. You are not proud of her enough to showcase her to the world . You want a classy, sexy, brilliant , well read, and perhaps independent woman you will be so proud to showcase to your friends and colleagues at parties , functions, etc.
Truth is you had raw gold and you missed it. I am speaking from experience cos I married an SSCE holder who speaks her mind and I used to feel this way, but I discovered earlier enough I was making a blunder the day she said" I know I will never be adequate for you, I know you won't show me to your friends cos you think I know nothing and can't even speak good english. Anyway live your life, have girlfriends like you have always done and leave me let me be"
That was when I realised I was her mentor, teacher , and what she becomes I have huge role to play.
You have psychologically conditioned her to live the kind of life you think is best for her and not the kind of life she wants. Hope this ain't happening to the kids too?
Keeps your intellectuals out of this, start from this, buy her a trendy cloth with accessories to match on a Friday or so, have someone baby sit your kids, take her to dinner, then to see some Friday night movies or what ever She used to like back then. Just take her out and come back home , book a lodge and have a heart to heart talk with her. Apologise to her cos you owe her one, find out how she wants to live her life. If it's the food stuffs, let her start small, help her manage her sales book not by dictating how it should be done, but by advising and playing a supportive role and watch her grow. After 6 months to a year , rather than give her the rest of the balance to dev into wholesales make it look like a loan from a bank. She must always pay back and motivate her. Stop making her wanna try or live your life . Thanks.

Sorry it's long or I took it personal. I once lived the life of another. @Op , if I came out strong , my aplogies , I feel we should tell ourselves the truth. Divorce is not the answer, I have handled several divorce matters and I came from one technically. It only creates a void nothing can ever fill. Cos you will also admits she has a great side other women don't have. When you see a lady with what your wife lacks, she might not have her good side , and then you want someone with her good side again. It's a rat race. Fix this marriage and make it work. After all the good talk, gradually take her shopping as friends and buy some few clothes .Don't over do this cos soon u will complain she dresses like a harlot cos she might over do it just to please you. Be moderate in all. Thanks.

Pwettyella:

Very nice writeup
My thought exactly
Saying he made a mistake marrying her is really bad and unfair. For crying out loud no one is perfect. we all av our shortcomings,and hers is not exceptional. I really feel for her,coming out on social platform to riddicle her like this isn't fair at all, I don't think she deserves all this

klassic:
@Op , the problem is 99% your fault and 1% her fault. You have gradually with your incessant complains and comparative life style eroded any self esteem or self worth she has left.
Now lemme explain a little, I suppose from the begining of the courtship/early marriage , it was not so until you gradually made it so. Remember back those days instead of studying with her and encouraging her , you will rather judge her?.She can't be like you even if she was trying to please you then by trying to be like you, it stopped cos rather than communicate, you want her to live the kinda life you want for her.
The major problem is see here is she is never enough in your sight, she is always inferior no matter what she does, you don't ever appreciate her, encourage her, talk nicely to her inner person or make her feel adequate( her thinking) which you might not know. She is your first daughter as well as your wife. She honestly wanted to be that great woman you will be super proud at the initial stage, but you never really sought her ideal on how she wants to live her life as your co-pilot. You have dictacted the direction of her life either because you are domineering and always feels you know better. It only gets worse. I bet the sex is boring too , cos she is the traditional type and the sex is no longer appealing.
She is at the rebellion stage where she does that which she knows you hate, just to get back at you, make you feel part of what she is feeling or used to feel if she has gotten to the point of I don't care no more.
You have unintentionally in the name of giving her a better life , stripped her of her dignity as a person and this is the only weapon she has left to fight.
From your diction, one could simply infer you are the social type and you ain't proud of her perhaps you married her out of pity cos she sacrificed for you or something , not out of unconditional love or you knew she was like this from the on set but felt since she has the qualities you wanted in a wife , you can always change this aspect with time perhaps when the money starts coming in. Another guess, she was there when you had nothing and she loved you for who you are and your wealth does not move her. She is the churchy traditional wife who believes she must do things the way her mother did and anything trendy is a sin. She looks up to your pastor and the wife as her role model .
You seldomly take her out cos you are afraid she will embarrass you. You are not proud of her enough to showcase her to the world . You want a classy, sexy, brilliant , well read, and perhaps independent woman you will be so proud to showcase to your friends and colleagues at parties , functions, etc.
Truth is you had pure raw gold and you missed it. I don't think it's too late anyway.
I am speaking from experience cos I married an SSCE holder who speaks her mind and I used to feel this way, but I discovered earlier enough I was making a blunder, the day she said" I know I will never be adequate for you, I know you won't show me to your friends cos you think I know nothing and can't even speak good english. Anyway live your life, have girlfriends like you have always done and leave me let me be"
That was when I realised I was her mentor, teacher , and what she becomes I have huge role to play. And ibhave failed her.today I buy her books and if there is a word she can't pronounce she writes it down and when I come back I teach her and we laugh over it. She is better at it now. Learn to teach her . She is your daughter.
You have psychologically conditioned her to live the kind of life you think is best for her and not the kind of life she wants. Hope this ain't happening to the kids too?
Keeps your intellectuals out of this, start from this, buy her a trendy cloth with accessories to match on a Friday or so, have someone baby sit your kids, take her to dinner, then to see some Friday night movies or what ever She used to like back then. Just take her out and don't come back home that night , book a lodge and have a heart to heart talk with her. Apologise to her cos you owe her one, find out how she wants to live her life. If it's the food stuffs, let her start small, help her manage her sales book not by dictating how it should be done, but by advising and playing a supportive role and watch her grow. After all na there money dey now. So use your brain package am for her in a classy way. But with her permission oooooo. Just encourage and play advisory role.
After 6 months to a year , rather than give her the rest of the balance to dev into wholesales,make it look like a loan from a bank. She must always pay back and motivate her. Stop making her wanna try or live your life . Thanks.

Sorry it's long or I took it personal. I once lived the life of another. @Op , if I came out strong , my aplogies , I feel we should tell ourselves the truth. Divorce is not the answer, I have handled several divorce matters and I came from one technically. It only creates a void nothing can ever fill. Cos you will also admits she has a great side other women don't have. When you see a lady with what your wife lacks, she might not have her good side , and then you want someone with her good side again. It's a rat race. Fix this marriage and make it work. After all the good talk, gradually take her shopping as friends and buy some few clothes .Don't over do this cos soon u will complain she dresses like a harlot cos she might over do it just to please you. Be moderate in all. Thanks.

cococandy:
Your wife is the perfect woman for all those traditional men who believe in 100% division of gender roles. Sorry