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Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man - Family - Nairaland

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Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 9:10am On Jul 02, 2020
Happy new month peeps, to a better half year. smiley

This thread is directed to men and hopefully will be brief grin

Reading/ hearing a number of stories on/offline, I realize that a lot of men lack vision and assertiveness. Unfortunately, you cannot provide direction for a family or lead (not rule) one if you lack direction or vision.

Some posters would be wondering.... Nigerian men are 'tough, strong difficult to manage' etc. etc. Well, that is braggadocios which is a false or a dupe of courage birthed out of a vision. They also mix up rudeness and bullying with assertiveness. An assertive man is not difficult, rude or a bully. You know his vision and align with it.

What is vision:
Your life's vision defines who you want to be, what you want to be known for and the set of experiences and accomplishments you aim for. Your vision helps define the goals by giving you a framework to evaluate those goals.
https://www.corbettbarr.com/how-to-create-a-vision-for-your-life/

I picked the definition above because it speaks directly to the OP. As a man, what is you life vision? What do you want to accomplish? What is your purpose on this earth? What legacy do you want to be known for? What mark (s) do you want to leave when you are gone?

Do YOU believe in your vision enough to sell it to the woman intending to become your wife? To investors? To others whom you will lead? To people who needs to believe in you?

If you do not have a vision, what is your wife (your helpmeet) supposed to help you with?

If you have a vision and believe in it, do you have a mission statement to get you there? Do you know what is required to help you achieve the vision? Are you teachable and receptive enough to take your wife's inputs to beautify and fine-tune that vision?

What role does assertiveness play?
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive. Being assertive means being able to stand up for your own or other people's rights in a calm and positive way, without being either aggressive, or passively accepting 'wrong'.
Culled from Wikipedia and SkillsYouNeed.com

An assertive visionary young man knows the kind of people he needs/ doesn't need around him. Before he engages a young woman, he has done a bit of pre-qualification: Does she fit into my vision? does she need a little fine-tuning? Are we so far apart? Do my vision and hers align? Are we headed the same direction?

Then the courtship begins to confirm the above (outside the scope of this thread).

When you know where you are going to, any road that doesn't lead to the destination becomes a no no. You will gently or violently turn back as required.

It is same with getting a wife. If she doesn't fit or align into your goals, you back off and move on. Your seed (sperm) becomes too precious to waste hence no hopping about like chickens in heat. You concentrate your seed and life force on your vision and your woman (whom you have qualified initially to be worth and aligned to your vision).

An assertive visionary man would know how to put his foot down than box himself into a corner and attempt to use rudeness, braggadocios and bullying to bring himself out.

Note: As an assertive visionary man, women would be interested in you. You need to use to assertiveness and self-discipline to weed all but the one qualified to be by your side. Missing it in marriage is going to derail you A. WHOLE. LOT.

Good morning.

6 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Nobody: 9:36am On Jul 02, 2020
a very good one
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Unnerve: 9:38am On Jul 02, 2020
In summary, the reason why a man should be assertive and a visionary, is to get a woman/wife.

Really?

NO.

We, The Association of Assertive Visionary Men, London Chapter humbly refuse to accept this conclusion as a worthy enough reason for our assertiveness and vision.

5 Likes

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Belafonte(m): 9:41am On Jul 02, 2020
Not bad, Buka.
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 9:41am On Jul 02, 2020
Unnerve:
In summary, the reason why a man should be assertive and a visionary, is to get a woman/wife.

Really?

NO.

We, The Association of Assertive Visionary Men, London Chapter humbly refuse to accept this conclusion as a worthy enough reason for our assertiveness and vision.

Turn your device to the right direction and read again.

Welcome to the thread.
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 9:42am On Jul 02, 2020
Rozz:
a very good one

Thank you and welcome to the thread cheesy

1 Like

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 9:46am On Jul 02, 2020
Belafonte:
Not bad, Buka.

Welcome to the thread
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Unnerve: 9:47am On Jul 02, 2020
bukatyne:


Turn your device to the right direction and read again.

Welcome to the thread.
Is this rudeness or assertiveness?

3 Likes

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 9:53am On Jul 02, 2020
Unnerve:

Is this rudeness or assertiveness?

cheesy
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Liposure: 10:13am On Jul 02, 2020
Incisive. I'm enlightened
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 10:28am On Jul 02, 2020
Liposure:
Incisive. I'm enlightened

Welcome to the thread.

I am glad you learnt something.

What in particular got to you?
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Nobody: 10:51am On Jul 02, 2020
Liposure:
Incisive. I'm enlightened
Good to have you here and not the usual place lol
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Liposure: 11:01am On Jul 02, 2020
Rozz:
Good to have you here and not the usual place lol
lol. Its not fair oh
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Nobody: 11:11am On Jul 02, 2020
Liposure:
lol. Its not fair oh
lmao did i say anything?dont expose yourself ooo. Hope you've really learnt be an assertive man,but don't misinterpret rudeness for assertiveness,most men tends to mix the two.

1 Like

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Liposure: 11:19am On Jul 02, 2020
bukatyne:


Welcome to the thread.

I am glad you learnt something.

What in particular got to you?
i like where you said an assertive man is not a rude man. For years, its been a stereotype

1 Like

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by DontBullshitMe: 11:26am On Jul 02, 2020
grin grin
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by xrayj(m): 11:26am On Jul 02, 2020
One of the unbiased ladies we have on this forum. Nice one bukatyne.
But becoming an assertive visionary man is tied to a lot of factors in the society though & the present society we live in today is not helping matters.

3 Likes

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 11:44am On Jul 02, 2020
Liposure:
i like where you said an assertive man is not a rude man. For years, its been a stereotype

Often times, rudeness is from a deficiency and masking low self esteem.

1 Like

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 11:47am On Jul 02, 2020
xrayj:
One of the unbiased ladies we have on this forum. Nice one bukatyne.
But becoming an assertive visionary man is tied to a lot of factors in the society though & the present society we live in today is not helping matters.

Welcome to the thread.

The first thing is desire. If you desire to be an assertive visionary man, you consciously and unconsciously start to work towards it irrespective of the circumstances around you.

It is going to be tough and might require steep sacrifices however, you will come out refined at the end.

I pray God gives you the grace, wisdom and strength to do all you need to become an assertive visionary man.

Amen.
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by LordKO(m): 12:02pm On Jul 02, 2020
More kudos to the Inculcator General of the Federation.
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by xrayj(m): 12:27pm On Jul 02, 2020
bukatyne:


Welcome to the thread.

The first thing is desire. If you desire to be an assertive visionary man, you consciously and unconsciously start to work towards it irrespective of the circumstances around you.

It is going to be tough and might require steep sacrifices however, you will come out refined at the end.

I pray God gives you the grace, wisdom and strength to do all you need to become an assertive visionary man.

Amen
.

1 Like

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by mrblessed(m): 12:42pm On Jul 02, 2020
This gospel is dreadfully one-sided and it is also steeped in gender bias. It says nothing about women but charges men to be self-assertive as a precondition to getting better women. This line of reasoning is wooly because there is no correlation between being self-assertive and getting good women. Due to the nature of human, people who tend to be meticulous on their choice of women, don't always achieve all that tick their boxes.

A member wondered why the end goal of assertiveness of men should be in getting women and was not given adequate answer. If a man's assertive disposition is merely to get good women then it is shortsighted and dense. It is good to encourage people to be self-assertive, however, let this positive trait be tailored towards solving societal problems, and not seeking for the gratification of women. If one becomes successful by being self-assertive, women, I mean good ones, have no choice but to follow he who has wields the palm front.

1 Like

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by UjuJoan2: 12:47pm On Jul 02, 2020
Unnerve:
In summary, the reason why a man should be assertive and a visionary, is to get a woman/wife.

Really?

NO.

We, The Association of Assertive Visionary Men, London Chapter humbly refuse to accept this conclusion as a worthy enough reason for our assertiveness and vision.

The kind of wife you marry goes a long way in determining your future.
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 2:44pm On Jul 02, 2020
LordKO:
More kudos to the Inculcator General of the Federation.

cheesy

Welcome to the thread. cheesy

Gracias.
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 2:53pm On Jul 02, 2020
mrblessed:

1. This gospel is dreadfully one-sided and it is also steeped in gender bias. It says nothing about women but charges men to be self-assertive as a precondition to getting better women.

2. This line of reasoning is wooly because there is no correlation between being self-assertive and getting good women.

3. Due to the nature of human, people who tend to be meticulous on their choice of women, don't always achieve all that tick their boxes.

4. A member wondered why the end goal of assertiveness of men should be in getting women and was not given adequate answer.

5. If a man's assertive disposition is merely to get good women then it is shortsighted and dense.

6. It is good to encourage people to be self-assertive, however, let this positive trait be tailored towards solving societal problems, and not seeking for the gratification of women.

7. If one becomes successful by being self-assertive, women, I mean good ones, have no choice but to follow he who has wields the palm front.

1. All my threads are dreadfully one sided. cheesy This is to address men. I have tens of threads to women.

2 - 6: The OP did not admonish men to be assertive and visionary for the sole purpose of getting good women. Marriage is not a goal or an end. It is the means to a end; fulfilling your purpose or vision or goal (which even is comfortable for you). Hence the need to find a wife that would be a plus to your vision. Except your vision is just to marry (just kidding). grin

7. Rome is not built in a day so the man might not be 'successful' when ready to marry; he however with his vision and assertiveness pick the woman best aligned to his course.

Welcome to the thread.

Cc: Unnerve
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 2:53pm On Jul 02, 2020
UjuJoan2:


The kind of wife you marry goes a long way in determining your future.

Thanks ma'am.

Welcome to the thread.

1 Like

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by 0neal(m): 3:17pm On Jul 02, 2020
Important and interesting topic

Having a Vision/Purpose for one's life cant be over emphasised, Myles Munroe of blessed memory book "Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men" comes to mind.

Even a book i'm currently reading, written 2017 by scholars claim vision/purpose is a goal, success and life enhancer, and processes like;

1. Seeking counsel from trusted individual
2. Praying
3. Reflecting
helped to establish Vision/purpose in leaders.

Op you provided a link on how to create Vision, it'll be of great help if you do same for assertiveness.

Thanks
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Unnerve: 4:24pm On Jul 02, 2020
UjuJoan2:

The kind of wife you marry goes a long way in determining your future.
Far from the point.

I'm simply not comfortable with the narrative that a man should be assertive and a visionary because he wants to get a woman. I'd rather he develops himself for himself and only himself.

I bet the OP would not agree that a man should make money because he wants to get a woman. Same principle.

Self-development is entirely for self, which is why there's a self in there.

3 Likes

Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 9:15pm On Jul 02, 2020
0neal:
Important and interesting topic

Having a Vision/Purpose for one's life cant be over emphasised, Myles Munroe of blessed memory book "Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men" comes to mind.

Even a book i'm currently reading, written 2017 by scholars claim vision/purpose is a goal, success and life enhancer, and processes like;

1. Seeking counsel from trusted individual
2. Praying
3. Reflecting
helped to establish Vision/purpose in leaders.

Op you provided a link on how to create Vision, it'll be of great help if you do same for assertiveness.

Thanks


Welcome to the thread

I am happy you enjoyed the thread

Late Myles Munroe was really a blessing to men.

See what I got on assertiveness: https://hbr.org/2017/08/a-simple-way-to-be-more-assertive-without-being-pushy

The author referenced 'People Skills' by Robert Bolton
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by bukatyne(f): 9:17pm On Jul 02, 2020
Unnerve:

Far from the point.

I'm simply not comfortable with the narrative that a man should be assertive and a visionary because he wants to get a woman. I'd rather he develops himself for himself and only himself.

I bet the OP would not agree that a man should make money because he wants to get a woman. Same principle.

Self-development is entirely for self, which is why there's a self in there.

@Bold:

Obviously not from this thread smiley

More like: Be assertive so you can get a woman that aligns with your vision.
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Nobody: 10:13pm On Jul 02, 2020
UjuJoan2:


The kind of wife you marry goes a long way in determining your future.

Trash
Re: Becoming An Assertive Visionary Man by Nobody: 8:43am On Jul 03, 2020
UjuJoan2:


The kind of wife you marry goes a long way in determining your future.
You may be right but I don't personally believe in that statement.

Yes it's right to say that a man needs to have vision, mission and direction. I believe that a woman needs to meet me when I'm already on a journey and not in a bar drinking away my time but if I marry wrong, I'll quicky make it right by gently opening the door for her to alight and jejely continue my journey.

A wife can't define a husband who has already defined himself rather she can refine him for optimal result.

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