chaircover:

Thats your opinion. I am sure the poster understands what I am saying

barnaby04: @ Poster, i guess what you shd do is to meet with your pastors to pray and seek the face of God on it and you urself shd as well seek the face of God on it if u both are spiritually compatible for marriage cos there is a spiritual compatibility to the issue of marriage wich has most of this present generation has ignored which leads to rise in divorce rate in our society.

If it is confirmed that u guys are compatible, guy, pls go ahead and marry her cos relationships is a blackmarket scenario, the lady or guy that seems to be an angel frm heaven can turn into another thing when he/she gets married, forget abt wat ur friend Jude might have said cos inasmuch as u truly loves her, go ahead with the wedding arrangements and remember to invite me to come and "CHOP RICE|"

chaircover:

Thats your opinion. I am sure the poster understands what I am saying

Mynd_44: This girl only see you as an opportunity and noting else. She might like you but the reason she wants to marry you is flawed. I will suggest that you offer her accommodation in your place for now and then you can talk about marriage later

omosexy1: I will advise you do a court wedding since you love her and to show you are serious. Court weddings are not expensive. Please don't collect her money, she needs it better than you. Encourage her to get a job, she can get a job. In the Labour market, nobody cares about your degree now, experience sells more. After the court wedding, bring to her notice her promise to get you a better job through her Uncle. However, you have to be certain about the job because people promise and fail. Also continue to monitor her because she seems to be a bossy type and you have to act the man. Before you go into the court marriage, inform her that if she fails on her part to fulfill her obligations, she would leave you with no option than to pull out of the marriage.

Tallest9: offer her accomodation at his place?
Smh..dumbest advice

bennyraz: Mr. Man! follow ur heart and make ur decision.

Mynd_44: This girl only see you as an opportunity and noting else. She might like you but the reason she wants to marry you is flawed. I will suggest that you offer her accommodation in your place for now and then you can talk about marriage later

Idowuogbo: Chaircover u won gold today o! To much alarm bells ringing, she owo royin sha? Seriously....d poster already knows d lady is an opportunist.But then! wen we learn all the answers, they change the questions.

chaircover:

Ok for those that want me to spell it out, these are my thoughts on the issue. . . .

First alarm bell - She told the poster straight up that she like the posters personality but not his job. He is a teacher for goodness sakes not a smuggler or armed robber. Seems that his job was more important to her than his personality

Second alram bell - She didn't make an effort to see the poster more often. If you are into someone, you dont see them only once a month which shows that he is not that important to her.

Third alarm bell - When she did see him, rather than hype him up and make him feel special, she made him feel inadequate by openly speaking to her toasters and her better earning colleagues and friends. Now there is nothing wrong with having toasters, cos you cant avoid that, however if you respect the person you are with, you include them/keep them in the loop of what is happening, you both laugh over it or you dont even pick their calls in front of him etc

Fourth Alarm bell - She doesn't have time to see him, and the only means of communication is a blackberry. Surely if she has N350k to spend on emergency wedding, surely she can give/lend her boyfriend N15k to buy a cheap BB so that they can keep in touch.

Fifth alarm bell - She had a brother that could help, but never offered from the onset and now he can only help if they get married?

Sixth alarm bell - she suddenly has time, now that she has lost her job and wants to get married? BTW what happened to all the other suitors?

Seventh alarm bell - should I go on?

Bottom line is that the poster is NOT her first choice of a husband and had her circumstances not changed, she would still be the once a month visit one leg in one leg out girlfriend.

Oh and by the way, she has 350K to spend on wedding, but she didn't/couldn't/suggest lending the dude any of that even if its 10K to start something on the side to supplement his teaching wages.

Seems that this woman is driven by money rather than the guys potential/personality and It wont surprise me if she ups and leaves when a better offer is put before her.

. . . of course the poster isnt Mr perfect too so maybe they can meet in the middle somewhere, but I personally wouldnt want her as my sister-in-law

Idowuogbo:
Inform ke? More like signing a prenuptial rite? D lady is smart, she wud definetly adhere to anything that provides accommodation at this very stage. Don't b gullible.

kunletiwoo:

omosexy1:

He can even put it in writing. Since it is a court marriage, he can dissolve it instantly on the basis that his wife failed to fulfill her own part of the contract. Hence there will be no marriage.

chaircover:

Ok for those that want me to spell it out, these are my thoughts on the issue. . . .

First alarm bell - She told the poster straight up that she like the posters personality but not his job. He is a teacher for goodness sakes not a smuggler or armed robber. Seems that his job was more important to her than his personality

Second alram bell - She didn't make an effort to see the poster more often. If you are into someone, you dont see them only once a month which shows that he is not that important to her.

Third alarm bell - When she did see him, rather than hype him up and make him feel special, she made him feel inadequate by openly speaking to her toasters and her better earning colleagues and friends. Now there is nothing wrong with having toasters, cos you cant avoid that, however if you respect the person you are with, you include them/keep them in the loop of what is happening, you both laugh over it or you dont even pick their calls in front of him etc

Fourth Alarm bell - She doesn't have time to see him, and the only means of communication is a blackberry. Surely if she has N350k to spend on emergency wedding, surely she can give/lend her boyfriend N15k to buy a cheap BB so that they can keep in touch.

Fifth alarm bell - She had a brother that could help, but never offered from the onset and now he can only help if they get married?

Sixth alarm bell - she suddenly has time, now that she has lost her job and wants to get married? BTW what happened to all the other suitors?

Seventh alarm bell - should I go on?

Bottom line is that the poster is NOT her first choice of a husband and had her circumstances not changed, she would still be the once a month visit one leg in one leg out girlfriend.

Oh and by the way, she has 350K to spend on wedding, but she didn't/couldn't/suggest lending the dude any of that even if its 10K to start something on the side to supplement his teaching wages.

Seems that this woman is driven by money rather than the guys potential/personality and It wont surprise me if she ups and leaves when a better offer is put before her.

. . . of course the poster isnt Mr perfect too so maybe they can meet in the middle somewhere, but I personally wouldnt want her as my sister-in-law

chaircover:

Yes but you know how long that took me to write

Jude or no Jude, The Op already knows that there is something not quite right and that is why he is here.

acidtalk: Rarely respond to threads if I can't relate to the message 100%. As for this, I can relate to it 101%.

I have found out most people than render advice here are not mature enough and only do it for the sake of 'make me sef talk'.

@Poster, your message is a very serious and deep thinking one.

From what I can see (based on your explanation);

* the ex banker friend of yours likes you but never liked your job. That's very understandable. Which woman wouldn't want her man to earn 6 digit figures? It is only normal.

* she lost her job during the downsizing period as as such the fear that she might not get another job for the fear of her kind of course is what is bothering you.

* you assume she wants to marry you to save herself the shame of returning to the East with her family.

Questions I will ask you are;

* while this girl had her banking job was she rude, bossy, and being in control all the time? Because you mentioned something like being 'oga'. If the answer is yes. Then I will let you know she can never change as if she gets a better job or flowing business tomorrow, she will certainly do worse. But if the answer is No! Then I will let you know you just had a complex and felt inferior to her.

* prior to when she discovered her uncle was relocating, has she ever mentioned marriage plans between you both? If the answer is No! Then I suggest you need to tell her to give you more time to prepare yourself first psychologically and financially as the news just came too sudden. And if the answer is Yes! You still need more time though.

* do you love her enough to live with her flaws? If it is yes! Then you can consider her for marriage, if the answer is No! Let he go as partners only get worse in most cases after marriage.

As for her putting you under a condition of her getting you a job after marriage, don't fall for the bait. Let her know you will ONLY marry her when you get a better job. If she can really help get a job, she will put pressure on that her under to get you the Oil and Gas Job as she won't be able to wait.

I see both of you getting to understand yourself better rathan that just rushing to tie the knot due to circumstances.

myk2mic:

i can imagine wat u went thru to type bt thats the price you sometimes have to pay to please ur teaming fans, supporters etc
the op knws deep inside that somethings not right bt u knw hw it is wen the heart and the brain clash, it no easy battle thats y he came to this forum to sample opinions bt am sure he is getting a clearer picture now.
you really shld consider starting ur own tv/radio show you knw, or hw u see am .