I was Going to start up a thread like this by the end of the week when I have enough time on my hands to spare. Bless you for starting this thread, I am bringin up my kids the way my father brought us up. I had a pet name a a child and not a single meeting was held in that house without me being present. My opinions meant a lot to them. Once every week my old man will dance to one of them oliver de-quouqe and bright chimezie music with me. He used to attend every end of the year party with me whether I came first or not e would always tell me how great I am and I was told he did same with my sisters.

My mum thought us to be Contented with what we have and strive to be good at what we do. We were not allowed to take a dime from any bf. whilst growing up men that had enough to flash never got our attention cos we had gone past that.

People wonder why I am very outspoken at work for a woman. I remember attending one seminar in Nigeria once and the men there were starin at me during a query on one topic we were talking about. Men there are not used to a woman sticking by what she knows and arguing the point with two well known men in their profession in nigeria. I married a man that let me be me, a man that actually lives my self confident, a man that when his mother asked him to tell her about me he said "you know what, she is someone that when I am not with her I trust her to handle a situation, she is a tiger in the outside and a dove in the inside"

Argggg I have a lot to talk about but I'm at work now and mobile

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Just daughters?

Long Over due topic. I have always been Daddys Girl. My Dad had all girls yet he never made us feel less than a boy. 2 of my sisters run his business.
I was very confident, happy person before my first marriage, somehow I got convinced that I was a spoilt over confident child and chamged my personailty to fit what a "submissive" wife should be. However that part of me was still there, crying and waiting to come out. Society and some men expect women to be docile and quiet, not to have a mind or a say, take everything and the solution to every problem is fast and pray.
My Dad who had raised us like princesses was confused, interfere and be termed a dad who spoils his kids or keep a blind eye and watch his child waste. Thankfully we both woke up at the same time.
Loss of self esteem can and will happen to girls and women in the ociety we live in, confident women are seen as rude and unsubmissive, till a lady passes through some challenges and grows into her own we will always deal with esteem issues. As adults we are constantly questioning ourselves "am I good enough" am I too fat? Am I a good mother? It makes it worse in a hostile environment.
But as the bible says "train up a child in the way he should go even when he is old he will not depart from it" happily My Dad raised me to be confident even when I lost my confidence I was able to dig in and find it. For girls I will say the love of a father is very important, if you treat her mother badly she will end up with a man who treats her badly because that is her daddy and that is what "men do".
I have boys and I will train them to respect themselves and women. If I had daughters I will love them, discipline them, pamper them, validate them so they won't have to be shaped by believes of others. I will also draw the line between godly and religious, we sjove religious imterpretation of our own biases at women to judge them and limit them without practicing the basis of religion love. Men are asked to Love because women need lots of love, attention and validiation, women are asked to submit because men like power, you can't have one without the other

...

Interesting thread you have here CC. Okay, open up that equivalent thread for boys and I'll have more to contribute on from experience. Anyway, my daughter is just 5 months old so I'll draw up on examples from my childhood and the women who surrounded me.

I believe one of the greatest gifts a parent can give to their child (girls included) is LOVE. My daughter, although in a male dominated household is surrounded with a lot of love. I, her dad and her brothers pour a lot of love and affection on her. One thing I know about young girls is that if they lacked that all important love during their growing up years, they tend to look for it outside. Just take a look at the number of young teenage mums that ply our streets these days. Majority of them are from broken homes, grew up in a single mum household (history repeating itself), and an absentee father.

Sometimes I look at my childhood pictures and weep. Not from sadness but thankfulness to the good lord for blessing me with such loving parents. I've got pics of my dad carrying me on his neck, us posing on bridges / sidewalks with our 70's afros, in parks and in our front garden. I remember having picnics with my parents, my dad recording everything on his camcorder. I remember sitting with him as a 3/4 year old while he studied for his Phd, him with his table lamp and research materials, me with my small chair, stool, crayons and asking him how to spell almost every word under the sun. I remember him praising and encouraging me when I spelt a word right, wanting to learn more and be like dad. I remember going record shopping with him on Saturdays - probably explains my love for 70's music, shopping for DIY tools, playing freesbie (hope I spelt that right?), and lord asking, and asking him hundreds of questions. No question of mine was ever too silly, he encouraged me to think for myself, to question things.

I remember a couple of years later (primary school), him coming home from work bone tired, but always had the strength to listen to me tell him about my day at school, read my school reader to him, him giving me homework in Arithmetic (as was called) and English language. No day was ever complete without him wanting to go through my school books, to see what I'd done, help me prepare in advance for the next lesson. I remember him relaxing and asking to count the white hairs on his head and me plucking them off as they seemed out of place to me, me wondering a few months later why the white hairs had disappeared to be replaced by "golden" hairs? Never knew he'd dyed them!

Secondary school was not much different, well asides the turbulent teenage years where parents seem to drag you down, won't let you be to do your own thing, where rules seemed really stringent...but even then the love from both parents always shone through. I remember even though in my early twenties, thinking I was already an old maid for not yet being married, my parents letting me know I was being daft and reminding me I had aunts who didn't get married until well into their 30's Now how many parents are willing to do that for their daughters in today's Nigerian society? They wanted me to live life to the fullest, no pressure. I think in retrospect, maybe I should have. Well, it's never too late and I'm yet to go climb that wall of China...

Fast forward to a couple more years. Married with kids, combining work, school and family life, I still found time to call up my dad and boy could we yap on the phone for hours on end. Funny thing was, ask me what we talked about and I'd be hard pressed to remember. His well of encouragement never ran dry. He always had that time for me, a shoulder to cry on, to share my joys with. I guess that's why before getting married, I used to make it known that my hubby to be must be someone like my dad. I am indeed grateful to the good lord for giving me such a dad and may his gentle soul rest in peace. I do miss him loads and I have my mum, but she isn't my dad...

Now, why this long trip down memory lane? I'm simply trying to show that if every parent shows that much love for their girls (boys too), then we've taken a big step to solving the self esteem issues many young ladies seem to lack.

Education is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give to their child. I can boast of having a very, very, good education, never went without whilst at uni back home, and that's helped shaped my perspective on males and life in general. I would teach my daughter the same thing. When choosing a mate, look for inner qualities like love, kindness, self respect, and so on. NEVER, EVER, equate love with materialism. There is joy in building up your home from scratch, joy in doing things for yourself. Respect yourself and your man would respect you. I remember my mum always reminding me and my sisters how she held down three part-time jobs whilst studying for her Masters degree and supporting her husband and kids. I remember even as a teenager, how my mum many years on, combined her job in govt. whilst running her own businesses. I remember my grandmother (God bless her soul), working even into her late 80's massaging tens of women every morning and evening. Working right up to the very end. Her telling me that a woman worth her salt would never depend on a man for her financial upkeep. Mind you, she loved and supported her husband all the way.

There is so much more I can say about this, but let's leave it at that for now. Hope this helps other parents / ladies out there re: bringing up their daughters while teaching them self esteem and respect for themselves and others...

@topic
Good topic, almost made me tear up. I have always felt there is something wrong with how we bring up sons and daughters that produces the sort of 'hellholes' that unfortunately some marriages are today.
My dad didn't treat my mum well and her dad wasn't the easiest dad to live with even though he was a responsible dad.
Let's just say the ccombination of the 2 hasn't helped my mums road to self confidence an easy one. All human beings react to all these influences differently.
CC something has to give -
We need to change things and if this thread will help new dads and mums change their parenting styles then GOOD

@CC
Check ur mail nah please

@ Jk we had similiar upbringing. My dad is a go-getter and an action man and he taught us to be the same. My elder sister is even more than him sef. Cos we were two girls first before the boys, my dad treated us as equals. He never ever did anything just cos the person is a boy or the other is a girl so i never believed that i was less than any man.

My problem was when i mingle with people especially guys, they keep saying that i won't be able to stay in a man's house because i am too independent, i am not submissive, i think i am a man. Thank God, i married someone who allows me to be me though a lot of times he has told me to tone it down with his family members and his friends cos they are not used to a woman being so free-spirited.

How can you balance the two? I think its more of people's perception of a woman's place in society.

Don't have a girl child sha but here are my contributions:
Parents should respect themselves, mind the language they use for themselves when the kids are around. No talking down on your partner in the kids presence or behind backs no matter how mad you are. Praise your
No cursing or swearing for the kids, no vain words either. Stuff like "good for nothing, big head, mosquito legs etc" does affect a childs physic. Negatively.
Challenge and encourage them. At every opportunity,encourage them to enlist for healthy competitions (quiz, debate, football) with their mates. There are parents that sadly won't do that, they prefer their kids remain as perpetual 'audience' cheering others.
Don't fight kids fight for them. When your child is playing or rubbing shoulders with a child his/her mate, don't run in to pull out your child, beat the other child or report the other child to his parents (cry baby parents syndrome) rather watch from a distance and see how the kids resolve their issue. Butt in when its absolutely necessary and teach the kids how to handle disputes within themselves.
Praise your kids. Drum it into their heads that they are the best.
No matter what the child has done, no matter how mad a parent is, give your child the chance the talk. Let the child explain "why" s/he did whatever he did. If the reasons are not good enough to prompt the action, explain that to the child, teach the child better ways to handle the situation in future (and then go ahead with the smacking. Lol)
Never stop loving your child. A child that knows for sure that the parents loves him or her is super confident.

jay bee: Just daughters?

Go open ya own for sons.

We need to be raising our SONS better! I would hate my son to treat a woman the way my hubby treats me thats why i make sure i teach my son all d time that women are delicate and deserve to be treasured and loved. If our men were taught better our women wouldnt have bad self esteem. Just my opinion o.

Hmmm*

this is a beautiful topic and CC thanks for bringing it up. such topics interest me a lot cos i'm known as d 'woman right activitist' at home.

@OP: upbringing is very very important which is not easy esp in Nigeria of today. a woman having self confidence is labeled as rude, unsubmissive and 'unladylike'. our parents drum it into our heads right from birth that a boy is better. in so many homes, the boys get away wit murder but d gals re trained to be 'good' wives. how many of our parents sit our brothers down to educate them on how to be a good husband? the society also sees a boy child as better. even in d church, men seems to outshine the women. i believe parents have a huge role to play. as a poster said, 'train up a child and when he/she is old, he/she would not depart from it.' parents should encourage and love their children and i believe u've raised some salient pts. women too should also build up their self esteem. don't wait for a man to validate b4 u feel like a human being. i guess women are women's problems. most times, it's women that say 'ow can a woman do this?' etc. i remember a thread a poster opened that she wouldn't train her boys n gals equally cos they're not. well, that is disaster waitin to happen. submission is another issue where we get it wrong. it doesn't equate slavery. God help us b'cos we ve a lot of damaged women walking about.

Many women tie issues related to men, who they date or marry, to the way their father treated them or the way he treated their mother. Many women never heal from that....before you marry, see a therapist especially if popsi wasa je,r,k.

The parents are the epistle that the children read.if we fail as parent then it will take grace and extra effort for the child to be a good. As parents what's our relationship with our spouse like?if a young boy sees that daddy treats mom like a queen,mom must say yes b4 somethings happen in the house you think when he build his own this same process won't re occur?
Don't have a female child yet but from child hood every child must see himself or herself as cherished n love. A mother must make it a point of duty to always pray 4 her children and speak positive word to her
Never ever love one female child more than the other you are breeding jelousy n sibling rivalry. Never support one child more than the other. When there is a quarrel between your female children don't always support the younger one more than the senior one(am very guilty of this with my siblings)just be fair and just.
Lastly we need to have time for our kids. All this workin class mom n dad is good but one must be available.let's stop leaving our kids in the hands of maids. The kids needs good memories that will help them form their future decision cos where a we are today is as a result of the happening around our childhood and teenage days

Shuuuuooo. Which kind lengthy writings be this na

What if they're lesbìans? :/

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