Wow coolest topic ever.

I remember when i was younger,my father's sisters kept on pressuring my dad to try having more kids so he'd have more boys but my dad maintained that his 3 girls and a boy are just about right for him.

They kept pushing to a point that my dad banned them from coming to our house for a while which made them summon the whole village and even plotted to bring in another woman,after much ado they eventually stopped the rubbish.

My brother also used to say stuffs like "You don't own anything in this house,you'd get married and leave,don't talk while i'm talking,etc" but i watched my dad spank him for such talks and made sure he understood that we all had equal rights in the house,he never gave my brother the impression that we are less special,infact my brother even complained that my dad loved we the girls more.

Seriously while growing up,we(I especially)thought my brother was going to be too autocratic but i'm glad today his girlfriend says he's the best thing ever,he's grown to respect and treat women like princesses and all thanks to my parents who made it happen.

The family is the smallest unit of the society but also the most important,charity they say begins at home,it would be to the benefit of everyone if our girls are properly brought up and appreciated,its high time people realize that women and girls alike are just more than baby making machines like a certain individual on here once insinuated.

Good thread and fantastic topic.. Where do i start?

My mum...........had first three female children before she got a boy (8 years after the third child) and then tried for another boy and landed another girl (so 4 girls and 1 boy)...[just a head start]. My father's family believe that female children should not really be trained education-wise, because they believe we will end up getting pregnant someway or anyway, by one lunatic of a man (as my grandfather would say). My dad loves his children but sometimes thinks his father is giving him the best advice ever.

My mum is a though cookie, she is petit but very strong emotionally and mentally, if she should start trouble, the whole house will be on fire for the next 2 weeks, she put her foot down, that her kids (the girls) will be taught well and will be great children educationally, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, maritally and so on. We knew better than to accEpt a gift from a guy, {our own don boil be that}. there was this period when i was still looking for an admission into the higher institution, there was this guy that was my toaster then, he took me out one day to(foodco, in ibadan) and bought me "meat-pie" {which i don't eat}, i told him thank you and put the pie in my handbag[i had the intentions of trashing the meat-pie afterwards] but actually forgot to. did not know what my mum was looking for the next morning and found the "meat-pie" in my bag, long story short, i recieved thorough beatings that morning, [saying i was selling myself for 'meat-pie] can you even belive that?? was angry becaue i had myself 'intact" all that period. That is just a little bit of how my mum hates the fact that a lady has to depend on men to survive or receive gifts that you did not work for.

She was always telling us how important we were and still are and how successful we will be inlife if we do not let men trample on our feelings or emotions that there was always the right time for everything. we would wear clothes and start to model round the house for my parents,[actually where my catwalks came from ]. She always had stories to tell about how a man maltreats his wife and kids, some of it were 'true life" from my aunt and uncles' experiences. And would tell us virtually everyday to make sure we looked very well before we decided saying 'yes" to a man.

My dad would tell us what men do to get women and what they were alwaYS After. i used to pray for someone a litte bit like my day, because my mum got away with so many things..left for him though we will be rotten as hell, because he hardly spanked us and so much hates to see us cry, even when he scolded us, he would still apologise later on for scolding us...but my mum, for where? you are so on your own.I will just say that, "parents should be a role model for their kids" they need to "talk the talk" and "walk the walk". that is the easiest way to teach a child.

chaircover: After yet another few days of heartbreaking threads where our ahhh's and e-hugs are too late for some people, I have decided that we should have a chat about catching this serious problem from the root.

After I lost my dad, I lost all self confidence and I used to be very shy and it wasn't until a change of environment, that the real me suddenly blossomed and things changed. I was only lucky I know and I could have easily ended up lamenting like many women on here.

i will like us a mums and dads to share tips on how we prepare our daughters for the dating game/marriage.

When we had our daughter we made it a point to ensure that she is a very confident girl and can speak her mind. its never too early to start praying some things into your kids life. We have prayed for her from when she was a baby that when the time comes, she will pick the right man, We pray for her husband to be and the kind of marriage that she will have and even the type of inlaws & children that she will have.

Her nickname is princess. We tell her at least once a day that she is very beautiful and clever and we let her express herself. If she doesnt want a particular outfit we dont force it on her. So long as she is dressed decently and for the occasion then thats OK; so leggings under a mini shirt is fine by me and during the school holidays if she wants her hair down rather than in plats again that is fine by me.

She is baby fat cute chubby, but no one is allowed to call her fat, unless the person wants to see her dads red eye. we also try to make her feel important by involving her in descsins, so for example when we go shopping, we will ask her which brand of an item to buy and she picks her own meals of a menu when we eat out. We also try to ensure that we create time to actually listen to her even though My God she can talk ooooooooooo. she and her dad are like 5 and 6 and they have been to hundreds of places together; they play these silly games and I have heard her tell people that she will report them to her dad . . like her dad is her own personal superman LOL.

We praise her as often as we can, even when she makes small improvements, using a lot of positive words such as clever, gorgeous, beautiful, exceptional, great and so on and we never ever use any body part as an abuse even in jest like "see your eyes" or "that your big mouth"

One person I admire on this forun is sagamite. I have actually heard that he is like that in real life....superconfident. His only problem is that he has a caustic tongue to go with it Only God knows how many cretins he has met in his life time

Seriously, More tips will be welcome please. We need to teach our daughters to believe in themselves. They are princesses in their fathers house and they should be queens in their husbands house. Nothing less.

Will be back to open a thread about how we teach our sons to be good partners.

everything was going on fine till you mentioned the bolded...am outta here..smh

chaircover:

I am waiting on someone to open a thread on how to teach our boys to be good husbands & Partners and responsible young men

Do boys need self esteem? Yes, but boys are automatically given the upper hand anyway; men marry women and not the other way round. They don’t get pregnant, Men are physically stronger than women and in many cases it’s the man maltreating his wife than the other way round.

If women refuse to marry bully’s/men who wont treat them right, then the men have no choice but to remain unmarried or change for the better.

First OP, troll alert (oboiyaseun), before your post goes to the dogs.

This is a welcome development as parents really need to instill the right values in their kids. But I believe more emphasis should be placed on training boys to act right - at least these days.

There's a common thread with those commenting - even you mentioned it yourself - the reason you have wonderful memories is because of your DAD. Fathers are the ones that call us princesses and affirm us as women so we don't have to look around for affirmation. If the boy child is well-trained, he will grow up and raise mentally and socially healthy boys and girls, and on and on, and that gives us a more sustainable cycle.

In a society of well-trained ladies and ill-trained men, the men will simply fake the part to win the ladies' hearts and revert to his ways once they are wedded.

Love this topic!! Well overdue...

I am a huge Daddys girl, my dad was educated from GCSE level to MPhil level in the UK and the same with my mother.
I noticed a huge difference in my parents style of upbringing and always thought my folks were a lil weird...
ThankGod today i truly congratulate them on what they have done and been able to achieve.
My dad is a typical Igbo man but does not have the typical igbos mans views on things i'd say his alot more westernised in that respect...
We grew up with our dad taking us everywhere and anywhere you could think off... He was truly a real hands on dad, he took us to amusement parks, sports day, circus's, he taught us how to swim at very young ages.
As we all grew up (we are 3 girls only) we noticed our peers may not have had the priviledge of such, we grew up thinking this was the 'norm' for your dad to be the way our own dad was.
We had to have an opinion and set our own trends as he liked to put it, he would bring up random issues and let the whole family discuss/debate their viewpoints... My dad was always the mediator.. He always made sure everyone had their turn and voiced their opinions...
Timidity is no FRIEND in our house....We all learnt that fast

My dad detested us as kids watching others eating or putting your eye on someone elses belongings that we may hve really wanted... Cane would immediatly come out if he ever caught us.. He saw it as we would grow up alway envying others and desiring what others had...
Instead he brought us up with the mindset of what we as individuals would desire and how we would achieve it and work on that...
None of us girls have time to be comparing because we have our own dreams we are all chasing... Sitting around comparing and contrasting with others is a waste, but naturally there is healthy competition between the 3 of us as sisters... We Support each other...

He never ever mentioned NOT having a Son and none of us have ever felt belittled by that if anything he trained us to be Strong minded, independant, self respecting young ladies with high self confidence.. It was drilled into us all from a tender age to respect yourself and hold yourself high.. if you respect yourself others will do the same...
Whispering about others and him hearing it, he always had an awkward tactic... He would wait for everyone to be together and expose the secret in a very cunning and innocent manner and go as far as to say who told him...
All of this was to teach us to say the truth out without fear and with confidence.. Always say the good, bad or the ugly when necessary and it concerned your loved ones.. Dont watch evil and ignore it or pretend you dont see it.

All 3 of us have grown, all gone to university, graduated and work in our fields..
My youngest sister is his right hand... Even as grown as she is (22 years old) when he leaves back to Abuja where he is based now, it still hits her the hardest, they discuss everything and he wants to know everything, if he feels you holding back (his sixth sense) trust and believe he will be on you till it comes out..
A nosy dad he may be, but he has always taken interest in what we are all doing and wants to give his own support to encourage us to reach further than he has in life...

My perception and experience on typical Nigerian parents in particular fathers are completly different to what i know, and i truly believe this has had a devastating effect on the adults of today... Its a vicious cycle...
The majority I have witnessed are not 'hands on' and do not believe its there duty... So whos duty is it?
They dont feel the need in taking a genuine interest in their daughters life and education... its only to be 1st class...
Saying it and actually supporting them to get there are 2 different things...

My dad has helped alot of people whos kids come to the UK for university... I remember a young lady who is half hausa half yoruba.. She was an only child from her mother but had loads of siblings from her fathers other 'concubines'..
During her school holidays since she had no family in the UK, we accomodated her, this went on until she graduated..
At times she was uncomfortable when we had our discussions, meals together and just general gist with our dad. My Dad always questioned to see how she had settled in, how she found the place she lived, if her course gave her difficulties, she was always very wary and taken aback.
She one day confided in my mother when questioned about it and said shes not used to such questions and our family lifestyle.
Her father just paid her school fees and gave her money for her feeding and that w ;Das it...
He never knew where she lived or ever asked, he didnt even know what course she was studying.
She saw this as the typical Nigerian Fathers way...

Today my fiancee is never afraid to say he envys my upbringing because of the father I have,he truly wants to follow his way with his own kids one day.
I have always put my dad on a pedastool higher than my hand can reach, tho he is humn and makes his own mistakes.
But he along with my mother are role models that cant be touched in my eyes...

Parents really dont understand the difference they can make in doing little things to bring up their childrens confidence, and unfortunatly alot of fathers prefer to pass the buck and responsibility onto the mothers..
The way they speak in front of their children, certain actions made in front of kids... all have a massive impact... Kids are like sponges, they absorb alot at certain ages and if care is not taken absorb the wrong things and negative views and morals...

@OP you are teaching your daughters how to learn the dating game and their mates are learning how to become Olympic Champions at the age of 15.Is it not a shame that what we consider as important to our children, are the things that ends up destroying them.Venus and Serena started playing Tennis at the age of 5 and look were they are world and Olympic champions with lots of money.
Please poster,change your ideology about training a child,cause you just started on the wrong foot.

sayso: @OP you are teaching your daughters how to learn the dating game and their mates are learning how to become Olympic Champions at the age of 15.Is it not a shame that what we consider as important to our children, are the things that ends up destroying them.Venus and Serena started playing Tennis at the age of 5 and look were they are world and Olympic champions with lots of money.
Please poster,change your ideology about training a child,cause you just started on the wrong foot.

Did you read this crap before posting?what da french are you on about?

Teaching one's daughter to be self confident means the child can't do any other thing in life?oh i bet you think she means the child won't even go to school,all she does is stay home with her mom all day taking notes on how to be self confident,damn you are way smarter than you think

Interesting, very interesting.

sweetcocoa: Did you read this crap before posting?what da french are you on about?

Teaching one's daughter to be self confident means the child can't do any other thing in life?oh i bet you think she means the child won't even go to school,all she does is stay home with her mom all day taking notes on how to be self confident,damn you are way smarter than you think

lol i was about to say this too.

afam4eva:
lol i was about to say this too.

I'm faster than you

...

Saga-pumpin...am sure hin head go dey swell.... for im mind naaa him get values


Any ways, for example, the gap between my youger brother and the last child is 3 years. and they are really close...
- He knows better than to hit her (that one is always looking for his trouble though).
- He feels Maama (that is what we call the last baby) should do everything in the house....omo by the time we the remaing sisters attacked him ehn!! he sat tight instanta.
- He know his responsiblities as a man and how to help out when it is needed and necessary
- He knows better than to use unnecessary langauge or grammar, has never gotten into a fight ever!!! he is now in the university and never fought outside.

The house chores is a neccesary lesson that needs to be taught to all the kids irrespective of gender, because we are in a world and generation where every one now is measured according to "what he/she brings to the table".
-Self confidence is another lesson that those boys need to be taught, it is a man that does not have anything upstairs that will get angry at every little thing someone does. If you know how to relate well with anybody and everybody you come across with, relating with and to your wife will not be a problem
- Teach them how to be a friend rather than a boss, they are natural bosses anyway, why rob it in at every little chance they get.

i really learnt a lot on this thread.

nice thread.

for me no need for dongo turenchi tough breed here born and raise a Marine. I will be carrying on the legacy.
Rankadede dad
Love you mom.
SemperFI

@OP

The best way to give your child self esteem and self respect is to give them a quality education. Have your child learn a new language, sports, play an instrument, or a skill that is useful, the child knowing s/he possess such skills give them a boost in confidence level.

some parents these days are only bother about their children being the best dressed in the gathering, having the latest hair do, or wearing the most skimpy dress in the party, these things makes the child shallow, and more self cautious.

just my opinion

Time for people to come here and post lies about their lives. **yawns** my father was a wicked man. Now he's changing his wicked ways because he's getting old. He's taught me that no one is perfect. Also, you are responsible for the consequences of your decisions and actions.

If u hv a evil heart, u will attract evil. So fill ur heart with love and live.

What is the essence of this topic? Does it mean you girls lack confidence? You people can go ahead and breed young girls that will grow up not willing to stay in their husbands' houses (not being able to stay in marriages). Perhaps, the very reason marriages are not working in the western world. Women are programmed and stereotyped from girlhood.

the thread and the responses are too long.

I used to have a lot of self-esteem before I dated a J,erk that used to hit me. The once confident me was gone, instead I was always looking for approval from him. Luckily after a year the relationship ended and almost immediately I met a good guy (which is why I don't believe all guys are jerks). Gradually my self esteem has been built to a all time high, and that is something nobody can ever take away from me again!

ifihearam: Shuuuuooo. Which kind lengthy writings be this na

I no fit even read everything.
I taya o....

If I ever have a daughter(which I wouldn't want to), I'll try my best to ensure that she
1. She learns to be extremely hardworking, respectable and caring.
2. Is Well educated
3. Doesn't phock around
4. Is well loved by me.


I hope I don't have a daughter anyway

The greatest of women in the world are those that have been thought that there is power in calmness

@sista CC
first and foremost, nobody can teach their child self esteem and self respect if that person doesnt know or have it within themselves.....so the whole work with children starts with US parents. no matter what you want to teach children, you have to have it within and it must be your own way of life. how can a parent be trying to teach self esteem/respect when they are acting and living with complete lack of it?

also, to teach children self esteem/respect you have to be fully honest and open with them. so in your case, if you believe she is fat then openly say it to her.........and then make her understand that there is nothing wrong with that. i think the fact that you dont want anyone to tell her that she is fat (while she probably knows it fully well) is against the whole notion of teaching her self esteem/respect. you gotta teach that child to love themselves regardless of how they may look etc...... how can you do that when you yourself are not fully comfortable with how she looks?! lol

then there is the issue of we as parent.......someone said that if we fail as parents then it will be harder to teach self respect/esteem to them, i FULLY disagree with that. it's all about making that said child understand that life may not always be perfect for everyone, but that we should do our best to manage with the cards of life that we were dealt. just because we may fail in some areas does not make anyone a bad parent.....even if that person failed in their parental duties. imho, the minute anyone thinks that only success and perfection makes a person a "good" parent, then thats the moment they have failed as a parent. too many people are using children as a tool to brag or show off.........which in return will impact on that said child's life. if your child is the dumbest in school, its all good, if that child is fat ugly or perhaps not smart, its all good. sadly, ego plays a big part in how people raise their kids, and many dont believe in what they are trying to preach.

many people talk about their own parent, but we cant be doing the same old mistakes that our parents did (just because it worked then)........ or trying to raise a 21st century child with a 20th century mindset. you have to be open minded, you have to TRUST that child's instinct, you have to let that child do stuff that may not have been "cool" in your childhood. you have to get involved.

i certainly do think that there is absolutely NO DIFFERENCE with how someone should raise a son with a daughter (in the real world), because to me they are just the same. i dont see one any different than the other.......and if i did, that would be a sad thing to do. their gender is irrelevant, the only thing that matter is to make sure that they have the right outlook on life, and to view life with an open mind.

sadly again, if we look at nigerian society and way of life, it teaches women to have very little self esteem (bride price etc) and teaches men to have very little respect for themselves (unless they have money).......so its not an easy start to life, and definitely not the best environment (character wise) to be growing up in. let me not even start with the negativity of RELIGION, which teaches people to have very little respect for one another.

Personally for me, I think most of the time individuals become what they want to become in life. Even though parental upbringing matters but not as much as your personal conviction.

I have seen 2 kids from same parent same upbringing one became a prostitute/armed robber, the other became a priest/responsible person.

All those ones that people would be looking to pin their faults on their parents dont wash with me all the time.

My own father left his parents at the age of 8, and came to the South to fend for himself. he sent himself to school and did everything to where he is today.

While I was young my father used to flog me a lot but I have never ever beaten any of my siblings before. Someone else would say because my father beat me thats why I should start beating people.

We have seen people who were the exact opposite of their parents both good and bad

Every adult knows what is good and whats bad. the choice lies with them solely.

Any woman or man who allows himself to be abused should shoulder 80% of the blame maybe the parents might take 20

^^^ True dat!!!!!

teach them to be proud of themselves

This is an interesting post.

No wonder we have so many single women crying foul

chaircover:
One person I admire on this forun is sagamite. I have actually heard that he is like that in real life....superconfident. His only problem is that he has a caustic tongue to go with it Only God knows how many cretins he has met in his life time

Yeah, I am superconfident in real life but I don't have a caustic tongue in real life, otherwise I will not be as incredibly handsome as I am.

Ki won wa fi eshe for gbogbo oju mi danu (Make dem come use punches damage all my face).

You think if I had this caustic tongue in real life, I would not be engaging in fisticuffs everyday?

You know how many grown men I have humiliated and made to realise they are dumb on NL?

You think in real life, they will take such humiliation without resorting to pugilism?

The American ones would even shoot me.

I am spoiling show for them. I am showing all the women they are dumb.

Some already have a contract on my head as we speak.

...

Sagamite:

Yeah, I am superconfident in real life but I don't have a caustic tongue in real life, otherwise I will not be as incredibly handsome as I am.

Ki won wa fi eshe for gbogbo oju mi danu (Make dem come use punches damage all my face).

You think if I had this caustic tongue in real life, I would not be engaging in fisticuffs everyday?

You know how many grown men I have humiliated and made to realise they are dumb on NL?

You think in real life, they will take such humiliation without resortingg to pugilism?

The American ones would even shoot me.

I am spoiling show for them. I am showing all the women they are dumb.

Some already have a contract on my head as we speak.

Er...that remains for us to judge not you.

Now post your pic make we see.

@CC, the best way to watch a horror movie back in the days was to switch off all the lights at night. Ever watched The Exorcist??