Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,194,200 members, 7,953,741 topics. Date: Friday, 20 September 2024 at 02:20 AM

Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) - Religion (3) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) (6298 Views)

Post Your 'Front Page-Worthy' TOPICS And LINKS Here / MEME ZONE: Atheists Let's Unwind / Would You Accept A Blood Transfusion Against Your Religious Belief? (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) by TerryCarr(m): 3:27pm On Jan 20, 2013
Re: Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) by OLAADEGBU(m): 3:00pm On Jan 23, 2013
truthislight:

lol
i love this if that is what makes atheist

The Scripture calls them fools. Check it out in Psalm 14:1.
Re: Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) by truthislight: 8:51pm On Jan 23, 2013
OLAADEGBU:

The Scripture calls them fools. Check it out in Psalm 14:1.

ok, seen.
Thanks a million.
Re: Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) by OLAADEGBU(m): 12:00am On Jan 24, 2013
Hey There, Delilah - Tim Hawkins


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wxy-SMSqPM
Re: Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) by answerme(f): 10:30pm On Jan 24, 2013
[quote author=MacDaddy01]Jesus was walking along one day, when He came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone."

The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a lovely little woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman.

Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom[/


Hilarious grin grin
Re: Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) by OLAADEGBU(m): 3:49pm On Feb 14, 2013
OLAADEGBU:

Was it because I mentioned the name of Jesus? Let's see whether you can crack this one:

Jesus is Watching You

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying:

"Jesus is watching you".

He nearly jumped out of his skin, switched his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself to take a break after the next big score, then flicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, as clear as a bell he heard the words:

"Jesus is watching you."

Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you just say that?"

He hissed at the parrot.

"Yes,"

the parrot confessed, then squawked,

"I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed.

"Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"

"Moses,"

Replied the bird.

"Moses?"

the burglar laughed.

"What kind of silly people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"

The bird promptly answered:

"The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'! shocked shocked shocked

You will not be able to crack this if you have a dry sense of humour.

2 Likes

Re: Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) by Missionaire: 8:16pm On Nov 20, 2022
cyrexx:
Lets unwind with some question and answers from the Bible.


Here we go:

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.

Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A. Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A. Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A. 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson; he brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home

Q. The ark was built in 3 stories and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
A. They used floodlights.

Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
A. The thought had never entered his head before?

Q. If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
A. No, he already fell for it once.

Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A. Turn right and go straight.

Q. Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?
A. Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.


Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who are the 3 shortest men in the Bible?
A. Bildad the shuhite (shoe height)
A. Nehemiah (knee-hi-miah!)
A. The man who fell asleep in his watch.

Q. Which is the first instance of tennis playing in the Bible?
A. Moses served in the courts of Pharaoh
Re: Post Your Religious Jokes Here (Let's Unwind) by cyrexx: 7:43pm On Jan 07
Bumpity bump!

(1) (2) (3) (Reply)

Buhari Signs Nigeria As An Islamic Nation / The Biblical Mary Is Not A Roman Catholic / Why Do Most Pastors' Kids Misbehave?

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 23
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.