first to comment

Come, mister you have mixed up issues here. Is it that you are NOT financially ready for marriage that is the issue or you are mad that she hasn't given you here virginity? You are obviously upset and feel played but I don't see what she's actually done wrong. You don't demand or command a girl to give you her virginity, you COULD get it but not this way you are going about it. To make this short, look to see if you really LOVE this girl or you just want to sleep with her and feel you have gotten a just payback from the relationship. I am a guy (and a sharp one, been there done that!) so no need trying to bamboozle us here with confusing stories. LOVE is something girls can feel when you show them, not by buying the whole world for them and when you make them feel "right", you will get everything practically on a platter.

If you really love her, don't waste your time with all this BS about how growing up was tough for you and want to give your kids a better life. You now live in a different country and the kids will be fine when they come, it is NOT Naija you are in. The question is will you find someone that you will love and make you happy like her? If you can answer yes confidently, move on but don't whine about if she gives herself to anyone else! It is her prerogative! If no, use your head: 24/25 is just about a good age to focus your relationship and understand who you might be marrying in 5 years time (like you said)! Or, do you want to start running helter-skelter at 29/30? The choice is yours but don't come and tell us another BS story then!

romance

SOLAAAA!!!!

Dude, i must first of all appreciate your well organised write up though with multiple spellings but you rock. I read all through and i enjoyed reading. It's possible this thread make frontpage and i hope you absorb the best of advice. *heaved* Dude, you just missed an angel. Best believe dude! Loving her starts from respecting her decisions. I think the issue here isn't whether you're ready for marriage or not, infact you called off the relationship. The urge for sex no doubt is normal and since she proclaimed to be a virgin and not interested in sex until marriage (you intend marrying her though not near) you could have given her a chance. Note that she gave you other satisfactory means that can help you pour some custard and be fine within minutes I think she's good! Again dude, i'd advise you go get her back, that's one real lass. It'l be interesting to hear people tell you "she must be sexing other guys out there" or "let her go" or even "how sure she is what she professed" but be rest assured that with the happiness and duration you both shared, if you can re-call the relationship, you'll pass. You both connected well and it's glaring. Try and respect that side of her or you'll be hunted for years because you'll always miss her.

The OP has my respects.
The write up was good and he is honest enough.
@OP you are not yet ready for marriage I get that at 24, most guys won't be too and with the way she is going, you will either force yourself to or leave her.
Sex is also an important issue, you can't stay without sex with her and instead of cheating, you decide to leave that's great.
Some people might call you selfish but that's who you are dont kick yourself

FeelStupid: Cybergy. I do love her. How else can I show and express love? I let her know that I loved her. If I did not why did she hang on till after 5 year. I decided to go because she wasn't going. During the 5 years i brought up the issue of sex and nothing changed. She said she was in love with me. I let her know I loved her too the best way I can. She said she had to feel somehow or something for her to open up. What did I not do to try to let her know I loved her. Clearly we can have sex since we have done almost every other thing. Explain to me though why she is still hanging on to a relationship for 5 years if she is not feeling that somehow or something. Maybe girls on the forum here can help me out. It is beyond me. I think letting her go is good for both of us. I just feel stupid and used though. The feeling will pass with time.

She seemed to love you from what you have said. A girl of about your age who has been with you for so long says something but I understand you want to sleep with her. Like I mentioned (and she said to you), she has to "feel it" not you demand it as a right. You have not earned such right to be candid and asking her again and again is a turn off. I will tell you personally that even for me, (and a lot of other people) if you demand or forcefully expect me to do something I could have done; that attitude would be the only reason I will NOT do it. If you come across as forceful on the issue, it would not work - just respect her wishes and let her know and feel you do! But hey, it's not by force: if you feel strongly about moving on, do just that! If you can guarantee you CAN find someone like her again, your call otherwise, you might have let a great girl who stuck with you go! Generally, most girls who are disvirgined like in this case end up disappointed and she might be wary of that. Remember you said you were class mates, and she might be reasoning even well ahead of you in this matters. Up to a certain age, a girl of the same age as a guy would have grown up faster and more mature if you understand what I mean.

romance

She has to 'feel' something? Not to poop on your feelings but there are a number of reasons why she hasn't felt the need to do the do after five years. Perhaps she'll need to be honest with you about them. Five years? That's like some 1830+ days none of which she didn't feel a thing?, come on. There is something she isn't telling you.

You are losing a good girl, and I'm glad you know this. So you cannot come and whine later about how chicks are not good. It seems the problem here is mostly the sex and then you not being ready to settle down. I can't tell you what to do, but I will tell you what several men in their 40s and older from the past generation told me:
That if they knew what they knew now then, their choices would be so different.
If I could go the past now, I'd tell 24 year old me so much! I'd be happier, but at least now I'm kind of content. I think.

FeelStupid: Cyber G. Just curious. How old are you? Are you married? She is 1 year and a couple months older. I haven't demanded forcefully at all. We only discussed about it. I have just felt time will change things but obviously it did not. I think I am losing a good girl here but like I said life is not always straightforward

Again, with respect to your feelings man. IMO having a 'good' girl is overrated man. How good will her decisions be to the relationship in the llong run? Do you not know sir, that there are married men who have sex like once in three months, who have 'good' wives? The question you should be asking yourself is, what the implications of your current relationship system on the future of that relationship. These are the kinds of things that make men stray(and don't mention irresponsibility), if youhave a high libido, you might want to check who you'd likely marry for same.

Onegai: You are losing a good girl, and I'm glad you know this. So you cannot come and whine later about how chicks are not good. It seems the problem here is mostly the sex and then you not being ready to settle down. I can't tell you what to do, but I will tell you what several men in their 40s and older from the past generation told me:
That if they knew what they knew now then, their choices would be so different.
If I could go the past now, I'd tell 24 year old me so much! I'd be happier, but at least now I'm kind of content. I think.

True. Still I've heard some say faithfulness is overrated.

@Poster

Don't mind anybody telling you that you are losing a good girl . . All na wash!! You will still meet lots of those "supposedly" good girl whenever you are ready to get married. . . . . In fact, the only thing you are losing is that you failed to pop that cherry - another sharper guy will surely do that without even marrying her.

fresh_dude: She has to 'feel' something? Not to poop on your feelings but there are a number of reasons why she hasn't felt the need to do the do after five years. Perhaps she'll need to be honest with you about them. Five years? That's like some 1830+ days none of which she didn't feel a thing?, come on. There is something she isn't telling you.

keep in mind!

in my own opinion, you did very well to leave her because you were sex starved

But in another sense, you definitely will later regret this decision, maybe not now, but later.

Also i think if you sleep with her now, you would never like her again, why? cos you really really want sex from her and i guarantee you that since you aint ready to now for marriage, its highly likely that if she allows you now, and it goes on, you may end up not liking her after all.
The best bet is to leave her, if you cant respect her wish(as far as you sure she aint sleeping with someone else sha)

@ OP

I am of the STRONG opinion that she is not a virgin...and she is very concerned about your reaction to finding out.

Richfella: @ OP

I am of the STRONG opinion that she is not a virgin...and she is very concerned about your reaction to finding out.

Seconded!!

For early momo na him I jam long post! Oboi

D-Explorer:
Dude, i must first of all appreciate your well organised write up though with multiple spellings but you rock. I read all through and i enjoyed reading. It's possible this thread make frontpage and i hope you absorb the best of advice. *heaved* Dude, you just missed an angel. Best believe dude! Loving her starts from respecting her decisions. I think the issue here isn't whether you're ready for marriage or not, infact you called off the relationship. The urge for sex no doubt is normal and since she proclaimed to be a virgin and not interested in sex until marriage (you intend marrying her though not near) you could have given her a chance. Note that she gave you other satisfactory means that can help you pour some custard and be fine within minutes I think she's good! Again dude, i'd advise you go get her back, that's one real lass. It'l be interesting to hear people tell you "she must be sexing other guys out there" or "let her go" or even "how sure she is what she professed" but be rest assured that with the happiness and duration you both shared, if you can re-call the relationship, you'll pass. You both connected well and it's glaring. Try and respect that side of her or you'll be hunted for years because you'll always miss her.

i agree wit u buh leavin her is d best

Op, ur user name has sumarized ur action!

I thought u would say 5 yrs of poundings , she is not a virgin so end the starvation and prove your manhood to the world

Your sense of clarity is good. It is always better to be honest with yourself and your partner. You cannot force her to make out with you and even if she does just because of you she will still at some point claim it was because of you. At this point of your life, you are at different stages of thinking, wants, needs and believes. My advice be free. The sad thing will be if you are breaking up with her with the hope of shocking her into having sex with you so she wont lose you.I am glad she stood her ground. Anyways If you continue with your dissatisfaction at some point you will blame her. Just that your need for sex seems to be greater than the love you profess. Maybe some where down the line you will realize what you are losing maybe you will meet another amazing woman you will be on same team and want the same things. Go have your adventure but remember though sex is important,in a marriage it makes better sense.

Richfella: @ OP

I am of the STRONG opinion that she is not a virgin...and she is very concerned about your reaction to finding out.

BS!
And wat if she‘s a virgin?
Why do pple always think there are no more virgins?
I ve dated 4 different virgins b4!
I am still dating one sef and she‘s abt 25.

@ OP, Pls re-organise ur priorities. Everything is not all abt sexx. What makes relationships/marriages work aint solely sex! I‘ll advise u to run back to her (if u can).
But all dsame 5yrs is just too much for u not to be able to decrypt her access code.

romance

Excelboi: For early momo na him I jam long post! Oboi

Jambsupport: i agree wit u buh leavin her is d best

Oh pretty good. It's been a while babe.

From what I understand. What she expects you to say to get it
is for you to tell here you are going to marry her - simple

romance

omotola1:
BS!
And wat if she‘s a virgin?
Why do pple always think there are no more virgins?
I ve dated 4 different virgins b4!
I am still dating one sef and she‘s abt 25.

And let me guess you left them virgins right? How do you know firings without having sex with them?

ok

You mean you are back together or what