I have been living with my elder brother for some years now, and he really hasn't been an easy person to live with.

He is very hot-tempered and behaves like a military man even though he is just an engineer.

He is rich anyway, and really generous. He provides everything the family needs, and he is very kind and well-behaved in the presence of outsiders. He believes that he is the best husband in the world, so he always wants everything to go his own way.


Whenever things do not go according to how he dictates them, he lashes out on everyone, both with his words and with his belt.

I don't mind the fact that he beats me, along with the children, but sometimes he canes his wife too, after caning us.

Yesterday, the woman had to go to work with whip marks all over her body, I wonder what she would say to her co-workers when she gets there.

I can't talk to my brother because although he is my brother, I really am not close to him because we didn't grow up together. He is the first child while I'm the last. He is very huge while his wife is tiny and fragile and he treats her like she is his child too.

I like my aunthy and she's always complaining to me about her husband. I've told her to do something about it, but even I don't know what she should do? We have considered involving my parents but they live in another part of the country, and they really can't be of much influence to my brother.

He doesn't go to church either. So he won't listen to a pastor.

I suggested to his wife that next time he tries it, she should lock him up at the police station, do you think this would work, I need your serious contributions please

I know you want to help but this is NOT your problem, but your sister in law's.

How can a grown woman allow herself to be abused in such a reckless manners. She should throw him in jail the next time he lays his hands on her!

It is wrong for the wife to be depending on you for a life decision on her life and that of her kids. I am sure you are much younger than she is, why would she want to push the responsibility on you? So if it goes wrong she will have you to blame for "breaking her home". My point is, she is an adult, she is a mother, she should grow up and sort her self out, stop taking on the burden of what is meant to be her decision.
Secondly, your brother is abusive to you too, that should be your concern, I believe you are an adult, report your own case and let the wife decide that she wants the beatings to stop and stop complaining to you, she should be the one protecting you and deciding what is good for her and her kids not the other way round.
Your brother is a bully, and if both of you keep treating him like a god and accepting his abuse, one day someone will annoy him and we will read about a man killing his whole family. I am not wishing you bad but that is reality, dont accept his whipping as normal, he takes care of you doesnt give him the right to abuse you, I am more worried about you, stop thinking him flogging you is normal. Stop your own abuse, let the adult wife make her own decisions.

The next time that man lays a hand on the woman, if she really wants her life to improve, she should lock him up. She is married to an abusive man and she happens to enable the abuse by not speaking up about it. I don't know of any reason why any one(man or woman) would or should remain in such a situation, let alone marriage. It just does not make sense in 2012. Better to raise more responsible kids than kids who think and believe that whipping their wives is right.

That said I have met women who feel they deserve to be abused. Women with this mindset love to throw a pity-party. If your aunt is that kind of woman, then you probably want to stop giving her advice as this could quickly lead to you being kicked out by your brother.

What you can do is take it on yourself to report your brother to the police. Even if they do nothing, at least it sends a strong message to your brother that you oppose his actions. Get your parents in, assuming your parents were not the same way. It is inhumane of you to sit and watch a man beat a woman(no matter what the relationship) while you do nothing. Unless you are waiting for him to kill her before you decide he is doing something bad, I don't see why you can't be the one to report him.

Ujujoan: I know you want to help but this is NOT your problem, but your sister in law's.

How can a grown woman allow herself to be abused in such a reckless manners. She should throw him in jail the next time he lays his hands on her!

I agree Uju, what is painful is the sister in law who is meant to protect this young lady is trying to shift responsibility of her decision on this poor girl. So if anything goes wrong there will be someone to blame. Horrible, horrible horrible. If she calls police and the family blames her, she can say it was this poor young lady's fault

Very shameful that men would treat thier wife this way. I wish there was an easy solution, it is simplistic to suggest throwing the man in Jail, then what next? she would need to live with the consequences, That sort of action is only considered when the woman knows that she is prepared to walk away from everything. Now is kids are involved, it is far more complex than we all think.

My suggestion would be to bring your Dad into this, he probably has the best chance of talking sense into his Son. It is amazing that in 2012 people still consider it okay to treat others this way, especially someone you have declared and publicly pronounced your love for. Shocking

monkeyleg: Very shameful that men would treat thier wife this way. I wish there was an easy solution, it is simplistic to suggest throwing the man in Jail, then what next? she would need to live with the consequences, That sort of action is only considered when the woman knows that she is prepared to walk away from everything. Now is kids are involved, it is far more complex than we all think.

My suggestion would be to bring your Dad into this, he probably has the best chance of talking sense into his Son. It is amazing that in 2012 people still consider it okay to treat others this way, especially someone you have declared and publicly pronounced your love for. Shocking

What other consequences could be worse than being beaten with a belt of flogged

Just thinking about it gives me chills . . .

It's time for her to make him understand that she wont rool over anymnore and take anything he disehes out. Bullies often withdraw when confronted!

She needs to make it stop . .

debrief08:

I agree Uju, what is painful is the sister in law who is meant to protect this young lady is trying to shift responsibility of her decision on this poor girl. So if anything goes wrong there will be someone to blame. Horrible, horrible horrible. If she calls police and the family blames her, she can say it was this poor young lady's fault

That's the most annoying part . . . complaining to a little girl about her own bully husband. What does she want the poor girl to do

I bet her husband is treating her that way cos he knows he can get away with it. I just feel sorry for the kids and the poster!

Ujujoan:

What other consequences could be worse than being beaten with a belt of flogged

Just thinking about it gives me chills . . .

It's time for her to make him understand that she wont rool over anymnore and take anything he disehes out. Bullies often withdraw when confronted!

She needs to make it stop . .

You know, sometimes it is easier for us on the outside to comment,we dont understand the dynamics of their relationship. what if the consequences of him being thrown into jail means he walks out of the marriage? is she ready for that? Not saying that she should not do something about what is happening, but she should weight-up her options carefully

@OP, until your SIL decides she's had enough, I'm afraid there's nothing you or anyone can do for her.

Why have you not taken any action for your own battering?regardless of where your parents stay,you should tell them about your brothers attitude to you. If nothing comes out of it, leave and go stay with your parents.

Throw him in jail only works in Naija when one have connections or cash.

monkeyleg:

You know, sometimes it is easier for us on the outside to comment,we dont understand the dynamics of their relationship. what if the consequences of him being thrown into jail means he walks out of the marriage? is she ready for that? Not saying that she should not do something about what is happening, but she should weight-up her options carefully

If anyone ever "wondered" why people stay in abusive, violent marriages and end up dead, look no further, at least bros no add "fast and pray, stop annoying him". Well this is the response to people in violent situations, "be careful dont do anything, you may end up alone, better stay quiet and married, forget the fact that you may end up dead, but stay put and quiet, after all its till death do you part, marriage is for better for worse"
Even though Oga is a little diplomatic but believe me this is it

Tell your sister-in-law to communicate with him when he is at his best. Prepare his best meal, phuucck him good,then COMMUNICATE!!!.Your manner of approach is paramount here.Let him know how you really feel if you haven't told him. The psychological effect it is having on you and the family.

i doubt if you guys dated for a long while before you got married to him because you should have seen this trait in him. Or maybe you did and just ignored it thinking he would change.Old habits die hard.

Communicate! Communicate!! Communicate!!!

Where did that man get the heart to brutally use belt on a woman he makes love to and have kids with? Poster you and your sister-in-law needs to make noise about this to other members of your family before he kills somebody. I bet that woman must be living in great fear with a man abusing her like an animal, even animals don't get whipped with stuffs like belt anymore in this age of animal rights(PETA).

It was nice reading that you relate well as well as care for your sister -in-law, you should also worry for yourself and his children while feeling concerned for her. You don't want to lose an eye or even your life if he falls upon you or any of you with his belt while in a rage. People have killed and maimed others out of hot temper and anger even when they didn't set out to kill. He is your brother, I am sure that you don't want him wasting his life locked up forever or something because of his hot temper so you will also be doing him good in helping put him in check by telling your relations/parents about it as well as persuading his wife to put her foot down and do something about it. If nobody talks or reacts you guys will continue getting belted. Find a way to bring in somebody that can come and seriously rebuke/admonish him, why hasn't the wife thought of informing her parents so that the issue will be giving the attention it deserves? Is she bearing (getting belted and watching her kids getting belted) like a cross or something?

The man is a sadist and has serious ANGER issues.

The problem with leaving men like this is that he can come to kill her if she dares dump him.

1. My advice: he needs to be reported to his family and her family.....is this issue solveable.
2. If family intervention doesn't work: her family needs to have him arrested.
3. I feel bad for her children...what is she teaching her son and daughter? Very sad.

even if you report this man to his family - how sure are u they will do anything - he might even be the breadwinner for the whole family - do people cut the hand that feeds them.

i'm just so tired of reading these stories - these men that only know how to hit, bully, abuse and beat people smaller and weaker than them.

The wife needs to be creative and think outside the box. I will only suggest few ideas she can develop........ Submit totally to the beast and hope for the better, lock him up spiritually and turn him into vegetable(common the guys an animal and needs to be thought a lesson) or invite the law enforcments and let the courts decide una case........ There are many more ways to kill a bird while the feathers yet remain....... What ever you do, Understand that you alone will take responsibility for your actions........ I know it sounds extreme but am only telling you to think outta of the box cos only you understands the true nature of the problems. All the very best.

Very simple. Very very simple. You people need to make your brother to channel his energies into something else. Put salt in his car engine, he will have a week to battle with mechanics. After that week, put salt in his generator, he will battle to buy new generator. After that week, throw his ATM into toilet, let him find time to apply for another with his bank, then flush down his checkbook down the toilet. In the height of it all, he will complain to his wife about his problems that's when the game begins. Recommend a pastor for him to see for counseling and make sure you inform the pastor before hand to tell him the problems come because he abuses his wife. That's how nature plays us, you don't have to wait for nature. Take Charge of your life, by hook or by crook.

Infuriate the animal and give it more reasons to take out it's frustrations on his already abused and bruised wife?

Billyonaire: Very simple. Very very simple. You people need to make your brother to channel his energies into something else. Put salt in his car engine, he will have a week to battle with mechanics. After that week, put salt in his generator, he will battle to buy new generator. After that week, throw his ATM into toilet, let him find time to apply for another with his bank, then flush down his checkbook down the toilet. In the height of it all, he will complain to his wife about his problems that's when the game begins. Recommend a pastor for him to see for counseling and make sure you inform the pastor before hand to tell him the problems come because he abuses his wife. That's how nature plays us, you don't have to wait for nature. Take Charge of your life, by hook or by crook.

I hate to say it, but this^^^ is actually the best advice in my opinion. If you have never been in such a situation, it is difficult to give helpful advice. @OP You cannot protect your aunty. Your uncle is her husband, and she will probably stay with him despite the situation. However, if you want to save yourself, you have to keep him occupied and make him feel like his world has come crashing down around him. Only then will he attempt to seek help for his problems.

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You have to love the advise given by the kids here:

Billyonaire: Very simple. Very very simple. You people need to make your brother to channel his energies into something else. Put salt in his car engine, he will have a week to battle with mechanics. After that week, put salt in his generator, he will battle to buy new generator. After that week, throw his ATM into toilet, let him find time to apply for another with his bank, then flush down his checkbook down the toilet. In the height of it all, he will complain to his wife about his problems that's when the game begins. Recommend a pastor for him to see for counseling and make sure you inform the pastor before hand to tell him the problems come because he abuses his wife. That's how nature plays us, you don't have to wait for nature. Take Charge of your life, by hook or by crook.

Junior, this one is recipe to shoot yourself in the foot.


No one has asked why he beats the wife and the other parasites. They must have provoked him, that is why he beats "everyone" in the house at the same time.

I don`t subscribe to wife beating but the woman should really look into those things that gets the husband angry and then result to beaten.Identify this factors and learn how to manage and live with them.Let your SIL get a key to a room,immediately she sensed that the beaten is to start,she should lock herself up in the room and remain their indefinetly up until his friends or family members or neighbors or the police comes in to interfere.No matter what she should not come out from the room even if it means staying there for one month.She can always come out when he has gone to work,get food and tidy herself up and then lock herself up again.Let him take care of the children,taking them to school and caring for them for one month,while she is locked up in a room and let us see how it goes. She will only come out from the room on the condition that he will not beat her again.

proudlyafrican: I don`t subscribe to wife beating but the woman should really look into those things that gets the husband angry and then result to beaten.Identify this factors and learn how to manage and live with them.Let your SIL get a key to a room,immediately she sensed that the beaten is to start,she should lock herself up in the room and remain their indefinetly up until his friends or family members or neighbors or the police comes in to interfere.No matter what she should not come out from the room even if it means staying there for one month.She can always come out when he has gone to work,get food and tidy herself up and then lock herself up again.Let him take care of the children,taking them to school and caring for them for one month,while she is locked up in a room and let us see how it goes. She will only come out from the room on the condition that he will not beat her again.

Wow . What a great solution, turn an everlasting prisoner in her own home, yes oh, forget she has a job to go to, oit is not important, she is married, her abusive husband should take precedent. still

FlowerPower:
I hate to say it, but this^^^ is actually the best advice in my opinion. If you have never been in such a situation, it is difficult to give helpful advice. @OP You cannot protect your aunty. Your uncle is her husband, and she will probably stay with him despite the situation. However, if you want to save yourself, you have to keep him occupied and make him feel like his world has come crashing down around him. Only then will he attempt to seek help for his problems.

Hmmmm, so much scheming and games. Perharps we should all leave the family section for you, seems recently you are the one who has all the answers becuase you are "married" and have "experience".

since (as some people have suggested here) its the woman that should find out what she is doing to warrant the beatings - my advice - tell ur sister in law to remain in the marriage at least when she is buried she will be a MRS. As for you, if my brother had the gut to beat me then I would leave the house.

like i said i'm fed up of all these domestic abuse stories don't these adults know what to do when someone is beating them black and blue. JUST FREKKING FED UP

Some of those adults were themselves raised in abusive homes to believe that it is their lot to be flogged like animals by their husbands, or their right to flog their wives. This woman is today raising children in that home . . children who, if not corrected will grow up to continue this barbaric method of dealing with anger and fear.

The problem here is that a sadist needs no reason to attack or flog. As KoboJunks points out, for a sadist, its normal behavior to inflict torture and pain because they themselves experienced more or worst.

@OP: your brother's wife better go and find another husband.

Kobojunkie: Some of those adults were themselves raised in abusive homes to believe that it is their lot to be flogged like animals by their husbands, or their right to flog their wives. This woman is today raising children in that home . . children who, if not corrected will grow up to continue this barbaric method of dealing with anger and fear.

Thank you oh, I have been screaming this sentence to people who say "I am staying because of my children". All you are doing to your children is teaching them that this is tolerable and acceptable behavior and that they should pass it on to other generations. Boys beat your wives and dont think they will fight back or leave, girls, stay with a man who beats you but provides your needs

lmao@some of the ridiculous advice being given to the op on this thread..
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@op,like someone already said...it is okay that you are concerned but it is really NOT YOUR PROBLEM!!
Your aunt has chosen to remain in an abusive marriage for reasons only known to her.I'm sure she's an adult who should know the right thing to do in this case if she wills it!
Since all she does is just complain about it to you,it is safe to assume she's made up her mind to endure whatever comes to her in the marriage.
Even if you give her all the advice in the world,she might not do nothing about it.
Save yourself by getting your parents aware of your brother's abusive nature...that is if you are prepared to stop depending on him because that's likely going to happen if you report him.
Make your own decision and leave your aunt to make hers when she's ready!!

Speak out poster, this is your brother you are talking about, your family. In fact I always say, if you see anyone being abused, speak out!
Some people are so disturbed psychological that they really need people to help them or just to take that first step, that little push in the right direction

You have the chance to make a whole lot of noise, inform your family. The "ideal" thing is the police, but please let's call a spade a spade that is highly unlikely to happen so please inform your family. Just a selected few that he respects. if nothing comes out of it, fine but do so for a clear conscience.

Think of it this way, turning a blind eye, you risks having a murderer for a brother.

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very funny how we sometimes give others advice we know in ours hearts we wont follow, if we were in their shoes.