This question is a modern day situation. I'm asking this question to get everyone's perspective whether positive or negative. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. It was a serious relationship, but when his family needed him the most (our child almost died in the hospital and my grandparent pass away) he started an affair and stopped working. I had to make the decision to be bad by myself and not let an immature individual destroy/poison our family. My baby was premature and very sick, but I went back to work, went to school, graduated and support my family. I recently started seeing a man for about 7 months, its been an amazing time, but he has a past, is a divorcee and has his own 3 kids. I just found out that I'm pregnant. Although my christian faith forbids it, I feel like I shouldn't risk the well-being of my present children with this new addition. Further more, I don't know where this man stands, one day he says he's happily single, the next he'll marry a barren woman??, then after he'll marry a woman who gets pregnant by him.

All of this to say, I am strongly considering getting an abortion. I would literally die inside if I find myself walking down the same path of my previous relationship(with my children's father). I really want to experience the feeling of welcoming a child in the world with a husband. I've been through so much heartache and tears, having to be pregnant and raise my babies by myself I don't want to risk going down the same path.

The other issue is this, every woman in my family who has had an abortion has been unable to conceive since. This scares me because I do want to get married one day, and I cannot imagine the embarrassment and shame if I cannot give my husband children, esp since I already have 2! God FORBID!

So...any piece of advice, debate anything whether its harsh or not let me know.

BTW...( I am those rare women who have tried every birth control, not just pill but IUD, patch, injection, etc but my body cannot handle it, so anything along the line of BC trust me and my doctor, we've tried)

Not trying to judge you, but reason with you here. Is sex outside marriage also not against your Christian faith? I really don't know why you should bring your Christian faith into your present predicament. I mean if you can do certain things with disregard to your faith, why on on earth can't you abort?

Yes premarital sex is not prescribed in the christian faith, its one of the things I struggle with on a regular basis. I don't do it brazenly, but I admit its a place where I ask God to help me on a daily basis. SOmetimes I win, sometimes I lose, I have come up with ways to pratically control myself. Also, my church brethren are aware of this "relationship" and do encourage us to get right. I don't think though continuing on with more sin is the answer, if that makes sense.

vivalableue: Yes premarital sex is not prescribed in the christian faith, its one of the things I struggle with on a regular basis. I don't do it brazenly, but I admit its a place where I ask God to help me on a daily basis. SOmetimes I win, sometimes I lose, I have come up with ways to pratically control myself. Also, my church brethren are aware of this "relationship" and do encourage us to get right. I don't think though continuing on with more sin is the answer, if that makes sense.

I think you've answered your abortion question then.

Viva, if you weren't so such why didn't you ask him to use protection during the act?
have you told him you are pregnant to see his reaction?

We tried protection, didn't work this time around I guess. I didn't tell him yet, I want to make my decision first, then tell him. At the end of day, perhaps because of my past exp, I need to know that I have the ability to do this on my own first. Trust me, I blame myself for this mess entirely.

Instead of aborting, give up the baby for adoption.

This type of stuff is what makes me embarrassed to say I'm Christian at times....However I'm not perfect and never will be. So @OP, please do not abort your child. There are many people out there who would love to adopt. I know an African American couple here in the US who have been trying to conceive for the past 5 years without success. If your child is black or 'mixed', please send me an email, and I will connect you with them.

you are a christian and you are strongly considering getting an abortion. Abortion is murder!!

Birth control doesn't work for you, but something called CONDOM should work. That thing called CONDOM will also protect you against STDs and HIV.

Goodluck.

Ever heard of condom?? You could have used that. People are so scared of getting pregnant and seldom worry about STDs. I don't know what advise to give but bear it in mind that keeping the baby is not a guarantee that the man would walk you down the Isle. You could as well start preparing on being a single mother of three kids, incase he disapponts you. Really hope you make the best decision.

Look I would love to get married to a man that truly loves me and not because I have a child for him. I would much rather give the child to be adopted than ever let him know there is a child involved. Where I live, as long as there's no father on the birth certificate I can give up child with no problem.

Please contact me if you are serious. They are an AA couple, committed Christians, early 40's, both educated, no children. They are like a brother and sister to me and I would love to see them with the gift for which they have fervently prayed. Children are a gift to be treasured.

I will keep that in mind, however the best thing to do is encourage your friends to find out the requirements for adoption from Quebec to the States. If I were to do this it's a question of protecting the interests of the child and operating in a legal stand point. I will have to get some legal counsel, understand my rights as well as operating through an approved adoption channel not an online forum.

vivalableue: This question is a modern day situation. I'm asking this question to get everyone's perspective whether positive or negative. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. It was a serious relationship, but when his family needed him the most (our child almost died in the hospital and my grandparent pass away) he started an affair and stopped working. I had to make the decision to be bad by myself and not let an immature individual destroy/poison our family. My baby was premature and very sick, but I went back to work, went to school, graduated and support my family. I recently started seeing a man for about 7 months, its been an amazing time, but he has a past, is a divorcee and has his own 3 kids. I just found out that I'm pregnant. Although my christian faith forbids it, I feel like I shouldn't risk the well-being of my present children with this new addition. Further more, I don't know where this man stands, one day he says he's happily single, the next he'll marry a barren woman??, then after he'll marry a woman who gets pregnant by him.

All of this to say, I am strongly considering getting an abortion. I would literally die inside if I find myself walking down the same path of my previous relationship(with my children's father). I really want to experience the feeling of welcoming a child in the world with a husband. I've been through so much heartache and tears, having to be pregnant and raise my babies by myself I don't want to risk going down the same path.

The other issue is this, every woman in my family who has had an abortion has been unable to conceive since. This scares me because I do want to get married one day, and I cannot imagine the embarrassment and shame if I cannot give my husband children, esp since I already have 2! God FORBID!

So...any piece of advice, debate anything whether its harsh or not let me know.

BTW...( I am those rare women who have tried every birth control, not just pill but IUD, patch, injection, etc but my body cannot handle it, so anything along the line of BC trust me and my doctor, we've tried)

@Poster, you lost me when you tried to introcude CHRISTIAN FAITH into this.

The Christian faith FORBIDS sex before marriage . . The Christian faith forbids abortion. So I don't see any sense in suggesting that this issue has anything to do with the word "CHRISTIAN". Carry your cross and leave Christianity out of this.


Now, that we have settled that, what do you mean you don't feel you should risk the well-being of your present children with this addition? Where was this concern for their "well-being" while you were having sex without protection? Pregnancies don't just happen to people . . it happens to those who engage in certain activity and you apparently have, hence the pregnancy.

You say you don't know where this man stands. You have been in a serious "relationship"(according to your post that seemed to have been the case before this) before, so why are you talking this way? I mean this is the sort of thing one expects to read from people who have maybe never been in a serious relationship or married. Not people who have experienced marriage and commitment and understand what it takes.

About women in your house, that one na una own oo o o ..

vivalableue: We tried protection, didn't work this time around I guess. I didn't tell him yet, I want to make my decision first, then tell him. At the end of day, perhaps because of my past exp, I need to know that I have the ability to do this on my own first. Trust me, I blame myself for this mess entirely.

Protection didn't work? Are you certain protection which is about 98% guaranteed is what failed here?

vivalableue: I will keep that in mind, however the best thing to do is encourage your friends to find out the requirements for adoption from Quebec to the States. If I were to do this it's a question of protecting the interests of the child and operating in a legal stand point. I will have to get some legal counsel, understand my rights as well as operating through an approved adoption channel not an online forum.

I absolutely agree! This is the US. Very few would think of adopting a child without legal protection, as sometimes parents want to change their minds or extort money from the other party. Even adoptions that take place through family use the court system to protect the interest of both sides. Unless this post is a shrouded scam to solicit sympathy, I see no reason why you would choose abortion over adoption. Please let me know if you are serious. Your baby deserves to live and be loved!!

Technically, this is your 3rd pregnancy, right?

You didn't tell us about the 2nd baby! How, when did that one happen too?

There are certain stories and situations that one outgrows and should never be caught in, this is one of them. With all you've gone through, seen and done, you should know better.

The choice is yours!

At the end of the day,no matter what everyone says here,it is going to be one of three options.....and it ois going to be your choice.
Have the baby and have a repeat of what you had with the earlier two,Abort the baby and live with the guilt for a very long time,have the baby and give it up for adoption if it won't be a very hard choice.
You made a silly mistake and you have to face the consequences.there's no short-cut out!

Nobody holy pass, but since you brought the Christian faith into it, I'll advise you based on that.

It's either you embrace your faith and therefore let it govern your actions, or you abandon your faith all together. Your issues stem from trying to be somewhere in the middle.

@OP
Although I am a strong believer and advocate and abortion, your first post strongly made me believe that you are either a storyteller or simply looking for sympathy..........

Your whole post is about whether or not to have a child because if you do, it may jeopardize the future of your kids, yet you were gladly having unprotected sex with a "stranger" (we can all conclude that you do not know this guy, so YES, he is a stranger), and possibly catching deadly disease at every occasions......... Lol, welfare of your children indeed!

I appreciate all the feedback and keep it coming please. After spending the past few hours in deep thought and prayer, I have made my decision. This isn't a story or a sympathy grabber, I have loved ones for that purpose. I just needed a point of view from the individuals of the same background of the father. I'm still firm in not letting him know, I think in the moment of writing this post I forgot how incredibly strong my God is. I've made countless mistakes and he always calls me back if only I turn away from the sin that ripped me away in the first place.

I think that in order to turn away, I'll have to abandon the father from now. I won't be having sex, because it's the sin in my life. He's not a stranger, I know if I tell him he'll be chasing after me for a long time. At least this way we can move on and he'll leave me alone.

What has happened has happened. The next thing you should be asking yourself is do you want to bring a child into this mess. Different kids from different men out of wedlock. What are you teaching your kids? Why not talk to this man about the situation and if he is willing to marry you, you both do the responsible thing. If he is not willing to marry you, You need to weigh the pros and cons of having the child or aborting it. There is a chance you may never have kids again if you abort, there is also the chance that you may not get married again, there is also the chance that you may marry a man who already has kids and does not want children anymore. Do what is best for the unborn child. If this story is true i don't see your confusion.

andromida: What has happened has happened. The next thing you should be asking yourself is do you want to bring a child into this mess. Different kids from different men out of wedlock. What are you teaching your kids? Why not talk to this man about the situation and if he is willing to marry you, you both do the responsible thing. If he is not willing to marry you, You need to weigh the pros and cons of having the child or aborting it. There is a chance you may never have kids again if you abort, there is also the chance that you may not get married again, there is also the chance that you may marry a man who already has kids and does not want children anymore. Do what is best for the unborn child. If this story is true i don't see your confusion.

best advise so far!

stillwater: Not trying to judge you, but reason with you here. Is sex outside marriage also not against your Christian faith? I really don't know why you should bring your Christian faith into your present predicament. I mean if you can do certain things with disregard to your faith, why on on earth can't you abort?

Exactly my thot.

why she waited this long is what i don't understand. Anyway, it is your decision and your cross to carry dear. Follow your heart.

vivalableue: I appreciate all the feedback and keep it coming please. After spending the past few hours in deep thought and prayer, I have made my decision. This isn't a story or a sympathy grabber, I have loved ones for that purpose. I just needed a point of view from the individuals of the same background of the father. I'm still firm in not letting him know, I think in the moment of writing this post I forgot how incredibly strong my God is. I've made countless mistakes and he always calls me back if only I turn away from the sin that ripped me away in the first place.

I think that in order to turn away, I'll have to abandon the father from now. I won't be having sex, because it's the sin in my life. He's not a stranger, I know if I tell him he'll be chasing after me for a long time. At least this way we can move on and he'll leave me alone.

You may turn away from this guy now but how can you ensure that you will not be in the same situation with another guy next time. Why are you stuck in a pattern of having premarital sex and getting pregnant out of wedlock yet your 'dream' is to have a child for your husband one day? Apart from the obvious need for you to sort out your contraception issues medically, you also need to work on yourself and develop a plan to ensure you don't keep repeating your mistakes. Perhaps counseling will help you explore yourself and figure it all out because i'm not sure you're strong enough to do it on your own.

vivalableue: I appreciate all the feedback and keep it coming please. After spending the past few hours in deep thought and prayer, I have made my decision. This isn't a story or a sympathy grabber, I have loved ones for that purpose. I just needed a point of view from the individuals of the same background of the father. I'm still firm in not letting him know, I think in the moment of writing this post I forgot how incredibly strong my God is. I've made countless mistakes and he always calls me back if only I turn away from the sin that ripped me away in the first place.

I think that in order to turn away, I'll have to abandon the father from now. I won't be having sex, because it's the sin in my life. He's not a stranger, I know if I tell him he'll be chasing after me for a long time. At least this way we can move on and he'll leave me alone.

Does the law allow you to keep the knowledge of a child from the father? Even if it does, there's a big moral question mark about not telling someone that you're carrying their child.

To clarify the situation, the father is not oblivious to my inability to consume hormonal contraceptives. He's actually very aware of my life, met my kids. He was an enormous support while I was in school, both emotionally and financially. We make sure we talk to each other on a daily basis. Even though he cooks, I take at least a day a week to feed him. We laugh, cry, argue and find contentment in each other's company. That being said, he's starting some new ventures in life, I want him to succeed very badly. But if I'm going to add more stress in his life, or be the reason he goes back to his old ways, I couldn't forgive myself.
I couldn't bear to be the reason someone I care so deeply for to fail. I'll take responsibility for my mistake alone, he deserves to be happy even more than me.

So what's your decision?

This is your 3rd out of wedlock child. You are pregnant from a man you have only known for 7 months. I'm not trying to throw stones at you because I'm no saint, but please evaluate yourself and seek spiritual guidance. Just remember you are a child of God and your baby is too.